Advice pls...Separated living under 1 roof with 2 children.

[Jettison]

3 days ago by partner of 12 years told me they no longer wanted to be in a relationship with me. We have 2 beautiful sons aged 7 and 4 and as a family had been planning on going 'off the grid' for a year, home schooling and travelling Oz. I have asked my partner to see a counsellor with me but she says she is not invested and believes we will just end up back in this place.

I am not surprised that she felt like ending the relationship.I have spoken of being unhappy at times but we have gotten through it.

What I can't let go of is that we have been making plans and have told our children and family and she is ready to let all of it go without contemplating conciliation.

I am feeling sick and not eating or sleeping. I feel like our whole family is getting ripped apart and I cannot believe we will have to break our childrens hearts like this!

Atm we are still in the same house and have not told the kids anything. She wants to take it 'one day at a time' because she hopes we can stay seperated but coparent as friends....

I am heartbroken and lost and it seems like everything I suggest strengthens her resolve. I want her to commit to trying, really trying through counselling and prioritised time together for our family. But she has checked out...Please help x

[VariMas]

Hi

I don't really have any actual advice that I can give you, but I am in the same situation as you at the moment. I'm a mum of a 4 years old child and am currently living in the same house as my husband... and we agree to take it one day at a time on this separation thing 2 days ago. Reasons? as much as I hate to admit it we have became unhappy. We have lost ourselves in just living and parenting. We still love it other but not 'in love'

My parents were separated when I was young as well, but I think as long as you both can be civil toward each others and don't make them pick side things will be ok. It was not easy growing up when the people you love make you choose.

Fight for her if you are not willing to give up, find the reason as to what make you and her unhappy. For my case, we have grown apart and just not have things in common that we enjoy doing together anymore. I still hope it might work out but you got to be realistic too.

It hurt for me to even think about it now but please know you are not the only one going through this. For the better or worst, I hope you will be ok

[Jettison]

Thank you VariMas. It was actually humbling to hear from someone else going through this.

It seems like the decision for you was a mutual one? I hope your family fares well and I admire your courage x

[VariMas]

It more like we gave it a tried... But all the signs were pretty much glaring at us. I wasn't willing to give it up without a fight at first, but when the sparks was not there and we are not the couple that we once was no matters how much I tried... I couldn't ignore the truth anymore. It hurt like hell, and there are time where I felt like all the air was suck out if me and just feel so hollow.

Thanks for the fact that I have my child and we both know we have to be strong. We are good parents and will continue to be even if we split.

I had a long emotionally taxing talk with him already and had come to terms with it. I have grief for the lost of my marriage and trust me all i want is for him to never give up and let me go. But the truth hurt like a B! & %h.

Good luck to you thou. I hope you will have a happy ending.

[Jettison]

I'm so sorry VariMas. We never ask for or expect this. I hope you find peace in whatever outcome eventuates.

[VariMas]

Thank you, and as you put it...

It is rather humbling knowing that you are not alone with what you are going through.

Thanks again and best of luck

[Larli]

Hi Jettison, I am truly sorry and sad that you find yourself in this awful situation. You sound like you are truly committed to your relationship with your partner but sadly it appears that she checked out emotionally sometime ago. Sadly it took my situation to learn and be truly educated in that fact that no matter how long with live with someone or have known them and loved them, we never really know what they are thinking and when they blindside you with everything that they never took the time to discuss with you, then the pain to me is just so awful and it is the coward's way out in my opinion. There is a saying, "life is what happens, whilst we are busy making plans" ! Give it everything you have got to save your relationship Jettison and if your partner still wants out, then let her go. I truly wish you the very best and all the happiness you deserve. Take care of yourself.