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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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LeelouSydney72 Separating with a disability and no financial independence
  • replies: 7

I have been married for 13 years - I am Italian and let my Australian husband in Europe. When we met, I was very independent: had a secure job, a car, etc. We moved to Australia a few years ago with our children. In those 13 years, I have been diagno... View more

I have been married for 13 years - I am Italian and let my Australian husband in Europe. When we met, I was very independent: had a secure job, a car, etc. We moved to Australia a few years ago with our children. In those 13 years, I have been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. I increasingly had to reduce my activity to a point where I have become completely financially dependent on my husband. Following the diagnosis and because of the feeling of entrapment, isolation etc I have suffered from anxiety and depression - my husband also works long hours and I have grown apart from him and am thinking of separating. However, I am really concerned it might not be possible as I can’t afford a lawyer and have no idea how I would support myself financially and live with such disability by myself far from my Italian family. Has anyone been in the same situation or have any advice/suggestion? Thanks for your help.

Ellecat-_- Need Advice... to leave or to stay?
  • replies: 4

I’m in the process of breaking up with my partner whom I’ve been with for 6 years. I have decided to leave because he does not want children and I do. Among other reasons.. but that is the most important as I’m nearly 30 and feel like my time is runn... View more

I’m in the process of breaking up with my partner whom I’ve been with for 6 years. I have decided to leave because he does not want children and I do. Among other reasons.. but that is the most important as I’m nearly 30 and feel like my time is running out (I know it’s not) ... I have a weird feeling in my gut, I’m not sure if it’s telling me to stay or go. I just feel horrible and drained and don’t have anybody to talk too or that is in this position. My stomach feels in knots and I just feel over all down. What is my gut telling me? Am I just doing the wrong thing ...?

Cindy91 Upset over sibling breakup
  • replies: 5

I just came back from a European holiday to find out my brother had broken up with his girlfriend of eight years while I was overseas. He did not want to tell me as he thought it could ruin my holiday. I am so upset hearing about this, I cried a lot ... View more

I just came back from a European holiday to find out my brother had broken up with his girlfriend of eight years while I was overseas. He did not want to tell me as he thought it could ruin my holiday. I am so upset hearing about this, I cried a lot of the day yesterday. I have been so close to his girlfriend, she has been like a sister to me, closer to me than my own sister at times. I am so sad thinking about all the memories we shared together and the family functions she was always included in, to think it won’t be like that anymore breaks my heart. It especially breaks my heart as I have since reached out to her and I know how much she is hurting. I almost feel angry at my brother for doing this even though I know he’s been very upset and crying too, he said he did it because he wasn’t ready to settle down yet.Im not sure why I feel so terribly upset even though I wasn’t the one that was broken up with. I wish I could tell my brother that he has made a big mistake and to change things back to how they were, I want to let him know he didn’t hurt just her, he hurt our whole family including me. It makes me so upset that she won’t be included in family things anymore, I feel like I have lost something so close. is it normal to feel so upset in this scenario? I just don’t know what to do to feel better or what action to take. I feel helpless

AmyLou Feeling under valued and alone in the world
  • replies: 4

I’m feeling incredibly undervalued and unloved lately. I’ve been single for over 3 years and I’ve been trying to date and meet new people, but I literally cannot find someone who really wants to know me, and learn who I am. Ive had such terrible luck... View more

I’m feeling incredibly undervalued and unloved lately. I’ve been single for over 3 years and I’ve been trying to date and meet new people, but I literally cannot find someone who really wants to know me, and learn who I am. Ive had such terrible luck with guys. Each one of them stays interested for a few weeks, then tells me they are still involved with an ex girlfriend, or tries to pimp me out to his friends, or literally leaves me on the side of the road in the middle of the night. The way some guys have treated me in the last 12 months has really grinded me down - I feel like I’m not good enough, I feel like I’m worthless or that there is now some expiry on me appearing interesting or desireable to people. The behaviour is like clockwork. I let people talk about themselves, keeping information about myself sidelined unless they ask (and they don’t), I just try to enjoy spending time with someone and not read anything into it, but even that ends the same way. Ive stopped talking about myself, giving my opinion, and just leaving the floor open for these guys to talk about themselves and feel good. They do that, and then they leave. I can honestly say that no one has learned about the person I am in over 4 years. And that is becoming very, very lonely for me. I still feel like I’m an interesting person, and I like the person that I am, but I can feel my light starting to go out a little bit, and that makes me very sad. Does anyone have any advice on coping with being this alone? I value myself and the person that I am, but I’d love some help in accepting that I might be the only person does.

dizzy6721 10 years
  • replies: 19

Hi, I've been in an extremely loving relationship for the last 10 years, we've never had a major fight before, however in February this year, my partner woke up one morning and gave me the cold shoulder. She said that she had the feelings that we wer... View more

Hi, I've been in an extremely loving relationship for the last 10 years, we've never had a major fight before, however in February this year, my partner woke up one morning and gave me the cold shoulder. She said that she had the feelings that we weren't going anywhere and didn't have plans for the future etc. She has a blow up once a year about this issue of not having plans etc but I can usually reassure her that we will be OK as I promise I will always be here & love her wholeheartedly. She went away for the night and stayed with her friend. The next morning she came back and said she never wanted to do that again as it was horrible being away from me. Since then she has woken up one morning and said she felt "broken and didn't know how to fix herself" told me everything feels forced in our relationship, she doesn't know if she loves me anymore as she doesn't think I'm committed. As we talked this over, I went into the bedroom and pulled out the engagement ring I had been planning to give her this year - this ring took me over a year to save for & I have the perfect plan in place to propose. When she saw the ring she said "this changes everything". She says she feels "nothing for me" however when I showed her the bag with the ring in - she cried her eyes out. However she has since walked out on me, stayed in a hotel for a week, with another friend for a week & ultimately moved out of our home which she also said she "loves" & into a small 1x1 apartment on her own. She has canceled all of our ties together - bank accounts, health insurance, bills etc. and says she is "extremely happy" out on her own. She has completely blocked out my whole family who have always loved and adored her, she is best friends with my younger sister - who she now hasn't spoken to in 3 months. She has also said shes felt like this for a couple of years but has suppressed her feelings. Meanwhile I'm sat here left trying to piece everything together and figure out what went wrong or what I've done wrong? Suffering sleepless nights and a fair amount of depression. She is 34 years old - so am I crazy to think that this might be a little bit of a mini mid life crisis because she isn't married yet with kids etc and she doesn't know it? Do i just need to give her time to work herself out? Or is she completely done with me? Any comments/advice would be greatly appreciated as I'm going out of my mind and haven't a clue what to do... Thank you in advance

karinas how to deal with the impact of a narcissistic relative
  • replies: 3

I have an older sibling who has always been very controlling and dominant. However, I've always managed to deal with it until several months ago. A family issue came up and his verbal attack and accusations were a total surprise. He blatantly lied an... View more

I have an older sibling who has always been very controlling and dominant. However, I've always managed to deal with it until several months ago. A family issue came up and his verbal attack and accusations were a total surprise. He blatantly lied and accused me of doing things that were totally unfounded. I feel this was done to try to absolve himself of responsibility for the part he played in the family crisis.

belleraphonious Can't figure out why it ended, why she chose someone else when she 'cares so much about me'
  • replies: 9

She (25/f) and I (33/m) met online, went on a date. Was brilliant, made out a LOT, heaps of chemistry. Agreed to 2nd date. Few days later she said she wanted to break it off as she was feeling overwhelmed, she'd already invested heavily in me, I was ... View more

She (25/f) and I (33/m) met online, went on a date. Was brilliant, made out a LOT, heaps of chemistry. Agreed to 2nd date. Few days later she said she wanted to break it off as she was feeling overwhelmed, she'd already invested heavily in me, I was magnetic but had concerns over our different age/education etc. I accepted it. 2 weeks later she messaged, regretted her decision, could we see each other? We met, agreed to try again. Was going really well, seemed VERY into me, said whilst she still had concerns she wanted to see where it went. Next date: lots of cuddles & romantic kissing. Next we were at her place, she fell asleep and woke up in my arms. She didn't freak out per say but was very surprised, said it was very rare for her to do that. She has in the past said things like romantic songs make her sad, it's easier for her to mock love/romance than feel it, and mocked my romantic tendencies. Later she said she can suffer from anxiety. Later seemed standoffish, said her next month was really busy. Seemed to be backing off so I asked if she wanted to keep seeing each other, wasn't sure what she wanted. She said due to life stress she wanted to end it. She said she'd 'definitely' get back in touch when things calmed down. 2 weeks later we chatted online. Seemed standoffish then got back to pretty much normal. Said a few times she was still busy and stressed, no time for things without being specific. 2 weeks later we chatted, she said she didn't want anything romantically from anyone, couldn't take any relationship seriously. 2 weeks later she facebook unfriended me, said was just a trim, still fine to chat. She's now in a relationship with someone else. Before I knew that we had a chat. I accepted I was contacting her too much, had to back off. She initially just said 'all the best' ('goodbye'). I said I wasn't saying goodbye. She said I was a gem, really appreciated me, really did wish me all the best. I asked for clarity: where were we leaving it, that 'non permanent distance' worked best for me, ultimately up to her. She agreed with non permanent distance, that 'drawing a line with me' was hard because she 'cares about me so much'. We agreed she will be the one to re-initiate contact. I don't understand. When she ended it she had life stress --> didn't want to see anyone --> chose someone other than me. Why? Why say 'goodbye, but this is hard because I care about you so much'? Why say goodbye, and does she actually care?

brookeS Long distance relationship ended unexpectedly with no reason.
  • replies: 2

Hello, 3 weeks ago my long distance relationship ended. The last time I saw him was in March, I thought everything had been okay since then. Until he decided to end it with a call while he was at a bar hours from his house and when I was 2 hours away... View more

Hello, 3 weeks ago my long distance relationship ended. The last time I saw him was in March, I thought everything had been okay since then. Until he decided to end it with a call while he was at a bar hours from his house and when I was 2 hours away from training for my new job. I cannot seem to think positively and my anxiety has come back, no eating, no sleeping, waking in the middle of the night, feeling nauseous. He's a very honest man and I have asked if there is somebody else, but he continues to reassure me there isn't and I believe him. I spent all day today in bed, finally being able to sleep but I just can't stop myself from crying. I have been okay up until the last week, it's almost like a delayed realisation that everything is over. I spent the first 2 weeks asking question after question, hoping for answers, asking him for another chance (even though I apparently did nothing wrong), and I've gotten nothing. So I have ceased all contact with him and tried to stay away from viewing his social media. Friends have been supportive, but others have made me feel bad for talking about it and being so upset over it. I just feel like I'm falling down a black hole and it's getting harder and harder to get out of it. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this? (also, we were planning on closing the distance at the end of this year) Thank you, B.

AtlantaGeorgia My partners family is effecting my relationship with myself and my partner.
  • replies: 10

My partner and I have been together for over 3 years we are 18/21. My boyfriend has 4 older sisters and a very conservative mother who is very much still in the old way of living (homemaker, cooking and not paying the bills, women cant do things mind... View more

My partner and I have been together for over 3 years we are 18/21. My boyfriend has 4 older sisters and a very conservative mother who is very much still in the old way of living (homemaker, cooking and not paying the bills, women cant do things mindset). Last year his father died unexpectedly. Since then i have done months of shopping for them every weekend, cooking, laundry, lifts to and from airport, and basically lived with them for the better part of six months at 17 and my family wanted me home as well. They are clearly still hurting but now i am spending time with my family and my partner stays at mine half of the time as we have a dog together that his family calls "it" and are mean to, so now when we go to his house i feel like i cant take my dog without 4 women telling me off for our dog. They also make comments behind my back saying that i should be helping on thier property and be there more but I feel like I walk into a battlefield of judgement for people i have only ever loved and supported. I feel like they see me as "the person taking away their brother/son" but he is 21 and they are 25+. I am still in high school and work a lot and they make me feel that i am not good enough. I now feel sick whenever I go there and wait for the looks and the small comments they make about my family to what think is to deter us from leaving them. They have already lost a sister and daughter due to the mothers "disowning" of her same sex relationship, we are very close and she understands my feelings more then anyone and she has told me they will always expect more. I feel terrible for my boyfriend, I refuse to be the partner to "take" their boy away but we are in a relationship and i am only 18 and want to be with my family as well. I constanlty ask myslef and my boyfriend what could i have done better i don't feel good enough and he reassures me that i am perfect but its very hard walking into a house with all eyes on you for not being there every second of everyday.

jimmy16 Long Term Relationship Ending, Seeking Help
  • replies: 5

Hi, This is the first time i have posted on here and the first time i have really ever shared anything with anyone other than my partner. I am early 30's & have been in a long term relationship with my girlfriend for just over 6 years (lived together... View more

Hi, This is the first time i have posted on here and the first time i have really ever shared anything with anyone other than my partner. I am early 30's & have been in a long term relationship with my girlfriend for just over 6 years (lived together for 5). The time together has been better than average, hardly any fighting & we always talk about how we feel. She recently moved about 4 hours away from were we live to further her career. She has always been very career orientated so i fully understood why she had to leave.Things were good for the first few months, i would visit her on weekends and she would visit me. I have always put everything i have into making our relationship work and because she has moved and started a new job in a new place it's hard for her to reciprocate this effort. I started to put things in place to move down to her and find a new job to make it easier on us both. Then she told me the relationship was not working and she didn't want to be with me anymore because she feels it's unfair to me and her career is the most important thing at the moment. We are best friends and have decided to end it in a couple of months to work through things together and remain friends, plus our families our very close and think we would be together for ever. it has been about a month since we decided to call it off and lately i have been really struggling to deal with it all, in my mind there was no doubt she was the one i wanted to be with forever & i thought she felt the same. I fully trust her but i have been cheated on in the past and my mind keeps reverting to her being unfaithful, she is renting a room off a guy in his 30's who owns the house she is living in. When i have been down to visit her we stay in other accommodation because she says she feels uncomfortable and awkward to bring another guy to her place of rent when the other guy that lives there actually owns the house and sort of makes all the rules. This particular situation does not sit with me very well and i feel as though she's hiding me or something from me. She assures me this is not the case and she is 100% the most trust worthy person i know i just cant get this out of my head. This is just one example of how my mind spirals out of control and i constantly feel there must be more to this than she is telling me. She is a really kind, caring person and i don't want to lose her but i know i have to let her go. I have no idea where to go from here and just really need some help