Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Jadams57 Is it possible for him to change the way he reacts to situations?
  • replies: 4

My ex and I have broken up and gotten back together a few times and now we have been apart for about 3 months. I guess i realised recently that all of our problems were caused because of his depression and my misconceptions about how to help/what my ... View more

My ex and I have broken up and gotten back together a few times and now we have been apart for about 3 months. I guess i realised recently that all of our problems were caused because of his depression and my misconceptions about how to help/what my role should be as a significant other. Two of the three times we have broken up its because something got kind of blown out of proportion and he made a really bad decision. The most recent one being that I was speaking to him about something he had done that had upset me and he basically just spiraled and said that he thought we should break up because he felt like we were never going to get past a thing that had occurred in the past. I guess my major question is do you think people with depression can change the way they react to situations? I want to get back together with him but the way he reacts to issues within the relationship just leaves me feeling like he doesn't care about me and like I am nothing to him. He later regretted the decision he had made, but he had also never thought of breaking up with me before that moment and the way he just flipped and suddenly thought we should break up just made me feel so worthless. If he was able to handle situations better then I think it might be possible for us to try again. I don't know what to do. I want to be with him because the only thing I feel that is holding us apart is his depression but I also can't walk into something that is going to leave me feeling like that again.

Franklin88 Anxiety, baby and relationship breakdown
  • replies: 1

Hi there I am a long time sufferer of Generalised Anxiety and Depression. A year ago I started a relationship with a Canadian woman living in Australia on a student visa. We had some issues mostly relating to my anxiety and problems with alcohol but ... View more

Hi there I am a long time sufferer of Generalised Anxiety and Depression. A year ago I started a relationship with a Canadian woman living in Australia on a student visa. We had some issues mostly relating to my anxiety and problems with alcohol but we forged a strong and loving relationship. In January of this year we found out she was pregnant and we decided to keep the baby and either live in Australia together or Canada. This unknown caused me significant anxiety thinking she could return home whenever she chose with our unborn child and I would have few rights to see it. In time my constant worries pushed her away and she returned to Canada to finish her pregnancy and have the baby there allowing me time to work on my demons. The plan always was to sort things out and become a family. She has now been gone nearly a month and it has been very up and down. One minute she wants the world with me and then the next nothing. I gave her passwords to my social media accounts to ease the anxiety she had about what I was doing in her absence and a few nights ago she saw 2 girls appear in instagram that I had one night stands with in the past. I had looked them up for a reason relating to my anxiety and one of them potentially being pregnant but she is certain that I am cheating! I never have cheated and I never will. She has blocked me off all forms of social media, has told her family I cheated, will change her mobile number and said I will never see the child. I am innocent of what she is claiming but nothing I say can change her mind. She has done things like this previously and has calmed down later but this time feels different. This is putting my anxiety through the roof and I dont know what to do! Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated! Franklin

AllAlone81 we love each other, but I miserable in our marriag,
  • replies: 1

My husband has so much stress in his life... money, work issues, my unbearable mother who also causes me stress, and one of our children has special needs which does causes us stress; from worry and testing our limits with difficult behaviour etc. I ... View more

My husband has so much stress in his life... money, work issues, my unbearable mother who also causes me stress, and one of our children has special needs which does causes us stress; from worry and testing our limits with difficult behaviour etc. I deal with stress by talking it out, doing things for me but my husband, he bottles it in. He then explodes, treats me like crap, yells, swears (even at the kids), gets angry very quickly and often over unrealistic situations. Example gets angry over our 3 yo spilling food on floor... she is 3 and doesn't need to be yelled at, mistakes happen, but he is so quick to yell over everything. It is to the point that I've told him about his anger and how it is causing stress in myself and the kids. He says he will get help, but nothing happens. I'm miserable in my marriage. I love him but i feel so alone, scared, and helpless. I don't know how to help him and all I want to do is have the man I love back. I want my kids to not be in this situation, my son with special needs, needs patience and support and he must feel he is treading on egg shells around his dad. His life is difficult already and he is only 10. My 3 yo is showing emotional stress and has started to show sign through wetting her knickers etc. I dont believe it is due to a physical problem (muscle issue like pelvic floor etc) but im looking into it just in case. My confidence and self esteem is so shot at the moment, I'm even being paranoid that he doesn't love me. Yesterday was a first when he belittled me in front of a work mate of his. He humiliated me. I left crying and he hasn't apologised and probably won't. he never does when he hurts me. This issues at work makes him so passionate and obsessed about the going on with the stress and drama ( which is often discussed via FB,. He is continually on FB. Everytime I turn around, he is on his phone. Even at family times or even when he gets home from work and stays in his car, FBing before he gets inside. I say to him to drop FB and move away from work drama so he can focus on family and his anger issues, but he just cant help it, he is obsessed even though he agrees and sees it as an issue. Where do I go from here, what do I do? I'm also a mum of a young baby and so I'm feeling strung out and feel so alone.

Nic76nic No friends not close ones
  • replies: 2

Hi First time poster I feel as though I have no friends. I have a husband and 2 daughters who I love immensely but no close friends, dont feel like an really. I know lots of people not just online but I dont feel close to any of them. I am always anx... View more

Hi First time poster I feel as though I have no friends. I have a husband and 2 daughters who I love immensely but no close friends, dont feel like an really. I know lots of people not just online but I dont feel close to any of them. I am always anxious worrying about whether people like me. Always thinking no one does. Probably friendships dont work considering my own with my mother is non existent. sorry feel like Im talking out of my head.

BeaBeaE Partner problems! Confused about contradiction!
  • replies: 1

So it's my first time on here. I thought some of the things I read are similar to what I feel. I have never been that comfortable and good at an emotional relationship and I have a great partner we have been together for over 5 years and have a child... View more

So it's my first time on here. I thought some of the things I read are similar to what I feel. I have never been that comfortable and good at an emotional relationship and I have a great partner we have been together for over 5 years and have a child. We have been through a lot together, and the love is there! we have worked very hard at our relationship. But we still run into the same problems! It's been years and although we have managed to get passed a lot of issues, every time I think yep, we have cracked it something happens! Its hard to give examples, There is a lot of times that he suggests that I don't listen. Which is more than likely a fair comment! But it's not intentional, he mearly wants to talk when I am too tired, or he will say one thing one day and totally contradicts the very next day! So there is not much consistency in what he wants or feels! It's hard to keep up! I don't try to pass blame and I rarely have a go at him, however I can be, I guess non affectionate or at times annoyed at him ( but not feel like explaining why as I known it will be thrown back in my face) on the contrary to all I have said he is also a lovely bloke who loves me dearly I do know this!! But it can feel like I am in a relationship with 2 different guys! One who is amazing and the other very challenging and likes to pass blame. Saying things like " you can never do anything wrong" - and " this is why I can't talk to you" I find myself giving in most times, for peace! its so hard to explain because we actually have a pretty good relationship most of the time and these occasions are often but very short lived! Perhaps is pretty common and maybe I do the same to him. I can be pretty impulsive and at times unpredictable- yes moody but who isn't and also I just wonder ' alot' why it's ok for him to have mood swings but not me! I am really frustrated and wonder if anyone else has issues of a similar nature? I do not feel as though I want to leave him I am just frustrated and curious! any advise or understanding would be appreciated thanks

SaraJade My first time
  • replies: 4

My first time was great but now it feels like he doesn’t care about me at all. I didn’t want to regret it since losing my virginity was a really big deal for me. Now I’m feeling very lonely, isolated, unappreciated and I don’t know where to go from h... View more

My first time was great but now it feels like he doesn’t care about me at all. I didn’t want to regret it since losing my virginity was a really big deal for me. Now I’m feeling very lonely, isolated, unappreciated and I don’t know where to go from here.

Delilahblue22 First time poster. Marriage is falling apart
  • replies: 7

I’m in love with my husband. And he says he loves me. But the issue is he wants and an open relationship and I can’t handle this. What else can I suggest. His libido is far higher then mine, and our sex life has always been effected. After weight los... View more

I’m in love with my husband. And he says he loves me. But the issue is he wants and an open relationship and I can’t handle this. What else can I suggest. His libido is far higher then mine, and our sex life has always been effected. After weight loss surgery he said he needed to feel lusted needed and wanted. And wanted to get Into bdsm. But told me I couldn’t fulfill this. I need help.

fial Feeling like I have lost everything...
  • replies: 5

Hi I've just had a breakup with my partner of 11 years. Happened a few days after my 50th birthday, so on top of feeling old this came as a complete shock (there was no warning) Although we weren't living together, we spent every moment we could toge... View more

Hi I've just had a breakup with my partner of 11 years. Happened a few days after my 50th birthday, so on top of feeling old this came as a complete shock (there was no warning) Although we weren't living together, we spent every moment we could together when he wasn't working (he works away), and I often flew up to be with him inbetween. Plus all we had together, paperwork and such. The past few years have been difficult. I was diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis after years battling fatigue and joint pain, and this year I finally felt like I was getting on top of it all. Learning my limitations and dealing with medications. Anyway.... losing my relationship has been a really big kick in the guts. I feel completely deflated these days, no motivation to do anything, no desire for food (have lost almost 9kg in 3 weeks), no eagerness to be around any people. I sit and write endless letters that never get sent. I wait for calls that never come. I feel the loss of him so deeply that I actually ache, somewhere, everywhere. We used to talk every single day. For 11 years, he has been my best, and really my only, friend. So I have lost my best friend and my lover, all in one gigantic hit. I don't want to go speak to my gp about this because he will tell me I need medication to help get me through - and I already take so many other drugs for various conditions that I really don't want more. I know that eventually there is an 'other side' to all this pain; it's just that right now I am struggling to see it ending. After 3 failed relationships in my life - first one cheated, 2nd father of my children cheated also, and now this - I am almost convinced that there is never going to be a special someone who loves me for me. I see people all around me in loving relationships and I have to wonder what is so wrong with me that I can't seem to keep that for myself? Add to this the fact that I have always been a bit of a hermit, plus that I live in a place with very limited scope for socialising anyway, and I see nothing ahead except loneliness. Limited earning capacity so it looks like I am going to stay poor, limited social life so I will be alone and poor, limited ability to deal with my emotions -so depressed, alone and poor. I'm not sure what I hope to achieve by posting this here. In a way, I guess it might help just to get it all out instead of holding it inside. And nobody here knows me, so in another way it feels safe to vent here. Thanks for reading my ramble. Fial

nahkiaius__ Relationships with my family are falling apart
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Lately, I feel like all I do is make mistakes and do the wrong thing and can never improve my mistakes, even when my parents have told me literally millions of times what I am doing wrong and how I can fix it - I still can't manage to get better. It'... View more

Lately, I feel like all I do is make mistakes and do the wrong thing and can never improve my mistakes, even when my parents have told me literally millions of times what I am doing wrong and how I can fix it - I still can't manage to get better. It's now gotten to the point where my parents don't even want to talk to me anymore. I have had multiple breakdowns which trigger me to be motivated to get better and over the past few days I can see myself improving, but today I messed up hugely and it's back to square one. I feel like I constantly let my parents down and I feel like if I don't improve myself soon, it will be too late. My parents are getting older so this is making me motivated to help them more, I just am filled with regret about not being a better daughter to them growing up and for causing them so much stress and upset by my terrible behavior. I know this situation is entirely up to me to fix, but I'd just like any advice on how to go about fixing the relationships with my parents right now since we're not in a good place, and how to talk to them more if that even makes sense? Thanks in advance

Damian2211 Weary of new girlfriend
  • replies: 6

Hi all. Need some advice please, after a spending a year with a horrible lady who pretty much destroyed my life, i have met a new one which i have been seeing for 6 weeks. Heres the story. Hi guys, need some advice if i have reason to be concerned or... View more

Hi all. Need some advice please, after a spending a year with a horrible lady who pretty much destroyed my life, i have met a new one which i have been seeing for 6 weeks. Heres the story. Hi guys, need some advice if i have reason to be concerned or not. Been dating this chick for 6 weeks, very independant strong busty blonde. Anyway we have been getting on good, she only wants to see me on the weekends so generally stay all weekend. Well yesturday she informed me that shes going out with a girlfriend she hasnt seen for a long time and staying in the city in hotel. I wished her a good night and said dont you look too sexy lol.. she told me what she was going to wear. Then i asked if shes going to share a room. She then got real defensive by saying were not a married couple we are just dating, she doesnt have to explain herself to me. So she imposed a 24hr text ban. So i went to bed early, when i woke up for work i noticed she was online at 2am but no texts.. but she did text about 9am saying goodmorning hun. Hope your having a good day . So it seems she has a issue with me asking questions, i said i asked because we are going to bali and you said u didnt have any money. She said its none of my business.. Advice please?