Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Policeex Not coping
  • replies: 2

Hi, my ex is a police officer and I am really struggling to cope. I know things I shouldn’t know that make me feel sad about the world. When I lost my Mum he told me he hates me, he likes nothing about me, I’m nothing but a low life piece of scum and... View more

Hi, my ex is a police officer and I am really struggling to cope. I know things I shouldn’t know that make me feel sad about the world. When I lost my Mum he told me he hates me, he likes nothing about me, I’m nothing but a low life piece of scum and garbage. I’m a wretched.. I used to see him supporting everyone but me. I am trying so hard to find help or someone I can reach out to but it’s so hard to find someone who understands.

white knight Step parent families- they are different
  • replies: 2

The Brady Bunch depicted the ideal. We all wanted to be a brother or sister in that happy household, no arguments, no fighting, a maid so no chores and the best of all...a step parent that loved us unconditionally. Ok, lets get rid of that unrealisti... View more

The Brady Bunch depicted the ideal. We all wanted to be a brother or sister in that happy household, no arguments, no fighting, a maid so no chores and the best of all...a step parent that loved us unconditionally. Ok, lets get rid of that unrealistic image, it isn't going to happen! If you are in a step parent situation and its working, you are both happy, I applaud you not only for your efforts but also for your luck, for luck has a vital role in the chemistry of the step parent family. Why? Because of our "nature". Our nature has implanted things like mood, tolerance, character like laid back or volatile, our personal needs, humour and most important of all...our natural ability/inability to nurture any child. Nurturing- ok here is a scenario. You are single no kids, your new boy friend of 2 months walks hand in hand along a shopping strip and you spot a school friend of many years pushing a pram. You introduce your boyfriend to your old friend but really, you cant wait to see her new baby and give attention to her 2yo toddler hanging onto the pram. Your boyfriend is eager to leave but initially shows patience. He answers but there is no interest with those children. Now, add the fact that you have 3 kids any ages. Would you, now having realized that your boyfriend hasn't much nurturing in him, advance your relationship to a defacto one? One of the problems with step parenting is that its a balancing act. Do you do this introduction early in the relationship? Before you fall in love? After you fall in love? My concern having been a step parent in two long term relationships is that I was "falling" in love with a lady that had two teenage kids and my girls 9 and 6yo. I'm the nurturing type but I was really hoping she would endear herself to my girls after all they are perfect right? Who wouldn't love them right? I introduced them to her after only 4 weeks. They came every second weekend and I can recall sitting them on a couch and asking my girlfriend to sit in the middle so I could get a photo. I should have realise with the signal, that obvious signal...my GF wouldn't put her arms around them. This made my girls uncomfortable/unaccepted. My eldest came to live with us at 12yo. When she did something wrong my wife would say "if you do that again you'll be going back to your mother". "No way"!. It turned out in that case she was jealous. It often happens IMO. The line was drawn. Try to recognize a toxic step parent early in the relationship. Tony WK

Pomarianian Lost and alone
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Hi It's really hard to know where to start but I have been married twice and my second marriage is falling apart because of my depression. I have suffered on and off for many years and ultimately lead to my ending of my first marriage which ended aft... View more

Hi It's really hard to know where to start but I have been married twice and my second marriage is falling apart because of my depression. I have suffered on and off for many years and ultimately lead to my ending of my first marriage which ended after 26 years. I met my second wife by chance through work and we just connected on so may levels humour interests music comedy conversation just Flowed between us we could talk about nothing for hours litteratley. We recently got married which was the most amazing day. But there has always been an issue with my wife wanting another baby. A little back ground info. I am 50 had a vasectomy 23 years ago had a reversal done 18 months ago, which hasn't worked. My wife has 2 children from previous realationships. And is only 30 yrs old and her baby clock hasn't stopped ticking. With the connection we had developed I had no issues having the reversal done and then try to have a baby totgerher. This has been a major hurdle in our relationship and topped with my depression the marriage is falling apart. And that is the last thing I want i love my wife with very fibre in my body. I feel a total failure not been able to get my wife pregnant it breaks my heart every month she gets her period. We have spoken and looked into IVF but not wanting to put a monetary value to it we simply can't afford it. So we joined donar sites which didn't bring any success no one was interested. We talked about asking friends to donate but I have hesitations about this I want there to be only 2 parents involved with the baby not 3 people. My wife recently 2 nights ago actually met up with an old friend she hasn't seen in years and through conversation he offered to donate. But this is the issue my wife went to see him without telling or discussing it and seeing what my thoughts were. This guy had confessed to my wife a few years ago he was in love with her and I feel betrayed she went to see him behind my back. Or and I just over reacting to an innocent converstion.

Baker84 Marriage Breakdown
  • replies: 2

Hi Im only new on here and thought I might tell my story. I called my marriage off 4 months ago and I honestly thought it would be way easier than this. Once I did I went out drinking every night and turned up hungover too work for the first two mont... View more

Hi Im only new on here and thought I might tell my story. I called my marriage off 4 months ago and I honestly thought it would be way easier than this. Once I did I went out drinking every night and turned up hungover too work for the first two months. I then had a sudden change of heart and tried to go back, my wife wasnt sure if it was possible and now has decided its not. So now Im really starting too understand the difficulties that she had too go through. I use to smoke a lot of pot and that gets me very paranoid ie who is she seeing wheres she going which is really none of my business and knowing her she would probably be sitting at home still going through her own process. I haven't touched pot for 2 weeks now and I can slowly feel the paranoia subsiding. Anxiety is something I had heard about and thought was not a big deal, boy was I wrong it has hit me hard and I'm currently working through it. I just hope as the paranoia subsides so will the anxiety, I am currently working with a psyc on that and depession. The hardest thing I find is trying to stop thinking about all the good things we had and trying to remember some of the bad. The one good thing my psyc has told me which may help some other people is too think of it like a wound at first it really hurts but it slowly heals and you will bump it along the way hurting it again but eventually it will be a scar and will hopefully remind you not too make the same mistakes again. thanks for reading

helpmepls Move out or stay?
  • replies: 5

Hello everyone, i dont really know what to say to start this ah, but I’ll try my best to explain, bare with me please aha. Okay so in August last year my parents decided to seperate, and since day one my father decided to move out. After a week he mo... View more

Hello everyone, i dont really know what to say to start this ah, but I’ll try my best to explain, bare with me please aha. Okay so in August last year my parents decided to seperate, and since day one my father decided to move out. After a week he moved in with his new partner and has tried to introduce us from then, even till now. It all started out friendly and was obviously emotional but after two months or so, it started getting quite verbally and mentally abusive towards me, my mum and my little brother. However, roughly 8 months have passed since it first happened and my relationship with my father has completely gone away (was rocky when he was here) and my mum has not been the same. My mum and I used to be extremely close, and over the past 2-4 months it’s been quite difficult for me to be around her and in my house. Sidenote, both me and my brother suffer from depression and anxiety, both have different levels. So the separation of my parents hit my brother a lot harder than it hit me, as I’m older and saw it coming. My mum has been very focused on my brother (which is fine, I get it) but she’s comepletly lost the contact we had before all of this and it’s really effecting me a lot. I feel like I can’t talk to her anymore and when I do it turns out to be a fight. She has started to focus on him for the positive things, whereas, for me she’s focusing on the negative. I have often not done my house jobs when I need to as my brother has not done his job, and I know I could just do it but it’s just everyday. So I get yelled at for not doing mine but he just gets a ‘slap on the wrist’. It’s also not just that, he’s getting away with things that me and my older brother would never have gotten away with at his age, even if we were in the same situation. My thing right now, is that I have been offered a cheap share house to move into with my boyfriend (already live with him) instead of being at home around negativity. At this moment I can’t stand being in this house anymore as it’s all so negative, I feel like I can’t talk to my mum or my brother anymore and it’s causing my depression to excel and my anxiety to get worse. If I do move into the house I can come back to my current house on weekends and can pull out at anytime, it would be easier for uni and everything else. do I move out and see how it goes? Or do I stay at put up with everything and potentially get worse mentally?

supersadgal Does anyone ever truly care about anyone else?
  • replies: 7

I've yet to meet a person who stays loyal to me despite my depression and BPD in all my 34 years. My only friend ended our friendship yesterday and said such cruel and hurtful things, basically reinforcing all my fears. "At least I have a life you pa... View more

I've yet to meet a person who stays loyal to me despite my depression and BPD in all my 34 years. My only friend ended our friendship yesterday and said such cruel and hurtful things, basically reinforcing all my fears. "At least I have a life you pathetic loser" "just die"to name a few. Yeah we're 34 year old women... I never reacted or stooped to her level of basically high school bully behavior, but it still hurts so bad. I reached out to an old friend I lost touch with 8 years ago and she left me on 'read'. I truly believe I am am good friend, I'm always mindful of not saying or doing things that will upset the other person. I go out of my way to show them i care, Yet I just don't get the same in return and it's really getting me down. I am watching my Mum die from cancer and soon I will be an "adult orphan" with no living siblings, as I've already suffered the tragic losses of my Dad and my brother by the time I was 25. No one else I know has suffered such grief but it's like the sadder i get the more I am abandoned by so called friends. I just want one person who supports me, honestly I could die tomorrow and the electricity company would probably find me when they come to disconnect me.

Jadams57 His mental health keeps causing us problems
  • replies: 7

So my ex boyfriend and I have a long complicated story. Basically he has quite bad depression but does a lot to self manage (healthy eater and exercises lots, mindfulness practices etc.) and takes medication. He broke up with me 4 months into our rel... View more

So my ex boyfriend and I have a long complicated story. Basically he has quite bad depression but does a lot to self manage (healthy eater and exercises lots, mindfulness practices etc.) and takes medication. He broke up with me 4 months into our relationship because I was going away for 2.5 months and he didn't want to do long distance. We got back together after but about 6 week later I told him I needed a break from the relationship because I didn't feel like he had been treating me very well since I returned. We got back together. Then he broke up with me 3 months later for no reason. He had responded poorly to a question I had asked and spiralled and was convinced that we should break up even though he had no prior thought of breaking up with me. I think that all of these scenarios are linked to his mental health but I don't know what to do. He's a fantastic guy and I want to get back together with him because he is really important to me and makes me a better person but it absolutely ripped me to shreds when he broke up with me the last time. I was trying to convince him to just think on it for 3 days but he was so adamant. Of course a week later he asked me to get back together with him because he realised he had made a mistake but I couldn't do it because I was so hurt. It's been 3 months now and he has tried to convince me to get back together with him a few times but I always said no because I'm scared he is going to do it again. But I really miss him. Does anyone have any advice or has been in a similar situation? I would get back together with him in a heartbeat if I knew he wasn't going to hurt me again or if I knew we could somehow handle the situation better

Jaydad Mother of my child left me. I'm 23. Son is 1
  • replies: 4

I don't even know where to begin, it's absolutely killing me. The house we shared, it is now my responsibility to pay for everything. The dog she brought for our family Christmas present, is now my responsibility............... We went on dates, so o... View more

I don't even know where to begin, it's absolutely killing me. The house we shared, it is now my responsibility to pay for everything. The dog she brought for our family Christmas present, is now my responsibility............... We went on dates, so often that they were special, but not so often they lost relevance. We went on family getaways, sometimes for a day, sometimes for a week. We were so happy together everything was falling into place I even had an engagement lined up. I never thought of life without her. That wasn't a possibility anymore, what a silly thought. We had the perfect little family creating the perfect memories.... But not anymore. She just decided to have a break, which drove me insane. Not aggressively insane, more a lose sense of reality insane. The break went a bit too well for her I guess, she decided its best we separated. And that was a couple of months ago now. I'm not coping well at all. I'm not seeing any light in the situation. The scary thing is that when you have everything you have everything to lose. And here I am feeling lost. Useless. Self esteem non existant. Confidence disappeared. Although my son is everything to me I feel I have lost my purpose outside of him. Everything I done was for the family I created. Since the break I've lost the plot and lost her respect dimming any chance of reconnecting. I don't know what to do

SoSo Depression and long distance relationship
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, I'm new to the forum. Currently feeling quite depressed and I'm afraid of the impact it may have on my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for 18 months. We meet when he was traveling and have lived apart ever since - on ... View more

Hi everyone, I'm new to the forum. Currently feeling quite depressed and I'm afraid of the impact it may have on my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for 18 months. We meet when he was traveling and have lived apart ever since - on separate continents, in separate timezones. We have met up several times for a few weeks at a time and we are both great with communication so there has been plenty of messages, skype, etc. We have an end date planned for six months from now but we're not sure how it will really turn out. It depends on both of our work. Anyway, I've just come back from seeing him and I'm feeling very low. It seems like it gets worse every time and the separation is more difficult to handle. I've suffered from depression on and off pretty much my whole life. I've been medicated a few times but I'm not sure how much it really did for me because I was always sort of numb anyway. For the last few years I've been reengaging with my emotions, probably for the first time since childhood. I have suffered huge anxiety, self-loathing, rage, depression etc but I kept working through it. Then I met my boyfriend and the relationship made me feel so much relief. I finally felt like I had someone I could love and who loved me. The feeling was like nothing else in the world and I guess I got a bit dependent on it. Now there is so much sorrow mixed in as well, due to the constant re-separating that we do and also because as our relationship has progressed we've had arguments. Sometimes quite bad ones. I find arguments very hard to get over even though for him it seems ok to just put things in the past. I get preoccupied by hurt and a fear of everything changing. The sense of safety I had for the first year or so of our relationship was so intense and now I feel like we're as vulnerable as any other couple. Of course we are. I know nothing and nobody is perfect. Intellectually I get that. But emotionally I seem to be feeling like an abandoned child. I want to cry all the time, struggle to get out of bed, find no motivation in work and limited pleasure in things I normally love. All the classics. I seem to be holding things against him a lot and crying and being needy which I hate. He gets upset because he doesn't know how to help... I don't want to place stress on him/the relationship but I also don't want to lie about what I'm going through. Has anyone had experience with dealing with depression and a long distance relationship?

Georgiegirl Thanks and update
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I wanted to say thanks to those who supported me in the new year with my anxiety and relationship with my 15yr daughter. I did seek help reluctantly after having such bad experiences in the past and was terrified to do so. Unfortunately that didn't g... View more

I wanted to say thanks to those who supported me in the new year with my anxiety and relationship with my 15yr daughter. I did seek help reluctantly after having such bad experiences in the past and was terrified to do so. Unfortunately that didn't go well and my privacy was breached and the matter is now being heard in the tribunal. Not to mention, she didn't listen to me and had factual information incorrect. On the same day I fell down the stairs and injured my ankle very badly and was bedridden until 2 weeks ago and have now developed complex regional pain syndrome. The problems with my daughter remain unresolved after the experience with mental health treatment and my injury. I sincerely thank those for their support. Particularly demonblaster.