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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Caity_P My 'sister-in-law' is causing me so much anxiety! Help!
  • replies: 11

Hi everyone, really hope someone can offer me advice on this subject. I have been dating my boyfriend for one and a half years and I have always been super close with his younger brother, who is seventeen. Six months ago, his brother entered into a r... View more

Hi everyone, really hope someone can offer me advice on this subject. I have been dating my boyfriend for one and a half years and I have always been super close with his younger brother, who is seventeen. Six months ago, his brother entered into a relationship with a girl from his school. At first we thought she was sweet, but I realised more and more that she was actually a very manipulative and jealous person due to her own insecurities. My boyfriend and I were very worried about his brother's wellbeing because of the things she was saying/doing to him, so we approached his mum to talk about it. Unfortunately, his mum only defended the girl and did not seem too worried at all. Over time, it seems like this girl has turned her jealousy issues towards me. Whenever we are together, she is 'offended' by something I say. Except, nothing I say is ever offensive, she actually twists my words and sometimes makes things up. For example, I was discussing with my boyfriend's mum how my own brother will probably not go to uni after high-school. This was ALL that was said. Next thing I know, I hear I have 'offended' her (even though she was eavesdropping and not actually in the room) because she is not going to uni and I obviously think she is very dumb and hate her... My boyfriend's brother has expressed to me that his girlfriend is jealous of my friendship with him and would prefer it if he did not message me on social media at all, and did not talk to me as much in person. However, they then turn around and tell my boyfriend and I that we do not 'include them' enough and don't give them enough attention. For some reason, when they gossip about me, my boyfriend's younger brother always tells my boyfriend. For example, he told my boyfriend that his girlfriend thinks it is very wrong that I am friends with my ex-boyfriend and I am disrespecting my current one. She has now messaged me to ask whether I have a problem with her?! I am gobsmacked. My boyfriend and I have done nothing but be nice to her. I feel like she is manipulating the situation to gain more attention and play the victim. This is causing me so much anxiety I don't want to go to my boyfriend's house. Please help!

Selena09 Need legal advice
  • replies: 3

I would like to leave my partner of about 2 years because things are not the same anymore. Sounds easy to just up and leave, only thing is we have a 5 month old son together and he says if I leave I’m not taking our son. Being a first time mum, I hat... View more

I would like to leave my partner of about 2 years because things are not the same anymore. Sounds easy to just up and leave, only thing is we have a 5 month old son together and he says if I leave I’m not taking our son. Being a first time mum, I hate letting my baby out of my sight so it would kill me leaving him altogether. I don’t get a say in what happens with baby although he is in my care 100%, my partner barely sees him because he works night shift then sleeps all day while I am being a mum, cooking and cleaning all day. So I need some advice on legal advice because I wouldn’t have a clue where to start and how to go about it. Things like finding a lawyer, what are the costs, how long does it go on for.. since I am the stay at home mum, I don’t have the steady solid income my partner has so money is a big problem for me. Also I don’t have a licence so getting to a lawyer is an issue because I live in a small town with hardly anything here. I am desperate to get out of here so any helpful response is appreciated.

IsabelAM Trying to help my partner but tired....
  • replies: 1

This is so hard to post and a long story. For the short term advice I'm looking for though is how to encourage my anxious and depressed partner (& father of our three young kids) to cut back/stop drinking. His new anti depressants seem to enable him ... View more

This is so hard to post and a long story. For the short term advice I'm looking for though is how to encourage my anxious and depressed partner (& father of our three young kids) to cut back/stop drinking. His new anti depressants seem to enable him to tolerate more alcohol than before - is that common? When we fight and he realises he should not have yelled at me the way he did, and saying the kids and i deserve he then gets really low, does not try and make things better, resorts to more drinking and stops talking and appears angry with me when I know he is angry at himself. We have been in a vicious cycle of ups and downs for years, so I am confident we will get through this as well but I always worry if this will be the time we can't overcome the black dog...

CKH Where to get support
  • replies: 1

Hi, I am really struggling to cope with an allegation that has been made to me within the family. I don't want to explain in extensive detail but the oversimplified version is that apparently my dad sexual abused this relative as a teenager and my mu... View more

Hi, I am really struggling to cope with an allegation that has been made to me within the family. I don't want to explain in extensive detail but the oversimplified version is that apparently my dad sexual abused this relative as a teenager and my mum apparently allowed/tried to justify it. All three people are grown adults so it is not a current thing. All three I would consider crucial in my growing up and development of my identity (for better or worse) so this has really completely knocked me and just everything about my family and myself. I am looking for any suggestions on what support groups there are for immediate family members of alleged sex offenders and also, if people think using such groups (if any) would be helpful or more detrimental right now.. I have some close friends I have talked to about it and a psychologist but I am feeling really alone in this specific situation and I am just struggling to get through each day.

Onepa Im moving with my husband and my mum wants to come
  • replies: 5

Ok. Long story short, my partner and I get married in three months. After our honeymoon we are moving to a very small town (1000 people) as he has taken a transfer. I'm really excited for the challenge of establishing ourselves as adults and for ours... View more

Ok. Long story short, my partner and I get married in three months. After our honeymoon we are moving to a very small town (1000 people) as he has taken a transfer. I'm really excited for the challenge of establishing ourselves as adults and for ourselves. However. After we told our family my mum has decided she was thinking about applying for a job in the same town. Basically. I don't want her too. I'm really excited about us being out of our comfort zone and having some time to ourselves. Establishing ourselves without our families etc. I don't know how to say to her I don't want her to apply. We are looking forward to it being just us. She takes everything to heart so I don't know how to approach the situation. Help?

Tearsfall Life is killing me and i dont have energyorstrength to fight
  • replies: 8

My partner doesnt drink all the time but when he does he drinks way too much. i keep it all to myself , but have talked to his mum about it i love him with all my heart and i know he loves me. But he told his mum im possessive ot obsessive and try to... View more

My partner doesnt drink all the time but when he does he drinks way too much. i keep it all to myself , but have talked to his mum about it i love him with all my heart and i know he loves me. But he told his mum im possessive ot obsessive and try to control him . She says he needs his space. Well he does what he damn well likes , goes where he wants and if we do anything together he will ask what i want to do . I reply i really dont mind . He makes all the decisions . He controls the money or should i say keeps his money to himself . But i share mine . I apparently have insecurities and issues. But i told his mum that "my only insecurity or issues" is that when he drinks he drives and that iv given up everything i had to be with him. Of course i worry about his drinking . If thats controlling him ? Im just easy going and relaxed but am offended that this is being said. I just want a good future with him . Is this his way of having control because his mum will always defend him? When i spoke to him about this he said he knows im not obsessive or posessive. I broke down at work the other day and was sent home. I feel embarrassed and like a fool im too shy to be a controller and i was just happy to have him in my life am i just being blamed cause he cant accept he is doing the wrong thing this stuff about me came up when his mum try to talk to him about his drinking ... it all got turned around on me . I was told along time ago when people cant accept what they do is wrong they shift focus and place blame on others close to them? im so exhausted i feel im slowly dying inside and dont have the energy to fight

lalatray How can I let go, move on, find peace
  • replies: 3

I've been feeling this way for more than 6 months. I've been obsessed with someone I cannot be with. I am in a long term relationship and it is good and something I need to hold on too. I love my partner but I'm also in love with this other person. K... View more

I've been feeling this way for more than 6 months. I've been obsessed with someone I cannot be with. I am in a long term relationship and it is good and something I need to hold on too. I love my partner but I'm also in love with this other person. Knowing the other person is dating makes me extremely jealous and crushed. I try my best to avoid this person and I think I am gradually distancing myself and it may be working. It is so hard though. I need to move on because I do not want to be with this other person in reality. I feel like I'm splitting into 2. So much so that I often feel lonely and physically disconnected from reality. I was stressed and unmotivated at work, so I quit with a game plan to advance my career and I'm currently looking for work. It is looking positive but change is hard. I feel like am forcing change on myself and I will find new problems and adventures to keep me occupied eventually. Sometimes all I want is peace and an end to these obsessive thoughts of an unattainable person. What can I do?

Daydreamer67 To stay or to leave engagement.
  • replies: 10

Hey I’m new to posting and well I could really do with advice. ive been in a 4 year relationship 2 in which I have been engaged. we’ve had a lot of ups and downs ranging from online cheating. After every time I stayed because I loved him and that I b... View more

Hey I’m new to posting and well I could really do with advice. ive been in a 4 year relationship 2 in which I have been engaged. we’ve had a lot of ups and downs ranging from online cheating. After every time I stayed because I loved him and that I believed he’d change. The last time he did it was just after we got engaged. I left but took him back not long after afraid I’d be alone. the last year has been different I see and notice things I didn’t before he tells me he loves me but I fear he only says it and doesn’t truly mean it. He doesn’t want to talk to me, do things with me. It’s like he’s cast me aside. I’ve tried to make plans to encourage him but I’m shut down every time. We fight and he tells me I’m small minded that I’m not smart enough to understand it or remember it. That he’s boss and I should do as he says. He wanted to move with his family but that meant giving up all my hopes and dreams for my career. I told him I didn’t. He honestly didn’t care what I wanted because he said we where moving and that was it. He’s finally agreed to stay but now I want to post pone the wedding as it’s 4 months away and I don’t know if getting married is the right thing? I’m a hopeless romantic I need spontaneous and affection though I crave the small gestures nothing to elaborate. A simple I love you no matter what. Kind of thing. Though I don’t even get that. He sits on his PlayStation and I feel like I’m jut apart of the furniture. I leve to do things and he gets cranky I love exercise and he hates me doing it in fear someone would try to chat me up at the gym. Hes refusing to postpone the wedding even though I said I’m not ready. Not only because I’m not sure about our relationship but because I no longer see myself when I look in the mirror I no longer know who I am. I want so many things but I feel like they are out of reach . That or he doesn’t approve of them. what should I do? Stay, leave, find myself , accept it and deal with what I have?

Jud Family not in sync
  • replies: 1

This is the first time I've asked anyone, other than my husband, for help. I really don't know what I want to say, so bear with me while I try to put some words down. I have struggled with anxiety, I'm fairly certain, for most of my life. It wasn't u... View more

This is the first time I've asked anyone, other than my husband, for help. I really don't know what I want to say, so bear with me while I try to put some words down. I have struggled with anxiety, I'm fairly certain, for most of my life. It wasn't until my beautiful son was around 6 years old and I started doing some research, that I learned what anxiety was all about. I see so much of myself in him, which really scares me. I am a good person and I always aim to do the right thing by others, but at my core, I cannot say with 100% honesty that I have ever been truly happy with myself. I have done so much work on myself over the last 3-4 years that has greatly benefited me and my family, but some days I feel like I have a long way to go. I have read so many books by psychologist, parenting experts, life coaches etc. and attended many seminars and work shops on parenting that I feel have been so helpful. I try to discuss it all with my husband but I feel as though I am wasting my energy. I feel like we are on totally different pages when it comes to life and parenting our 2 children. We agree on a lot of subjects when we discuss them, but I feel like he just agrees with me at times so I'll just stop talking. I have always felt less of myself because I never attended university, but at the same time, I would be totally happy if my kids decided not to take that path. All I want is for my kids to be happy, helpful, curious, courageous and kind. I want them to find their passion in life. Something that drives them. Something that lights them up. I feel like my husband doesn't have that. We have been married almost 13 years and I feel as though he is just going through each day with no spark or determination. I try to speak to him about it, but he is so dismissive. He used to be so affectionate. We hardly ever spend time together due to his work hours, which he says he is trying to change, though I'm not so sure. We have sex less than once a month these days. It's like we're just going through the motions. I don't believe he is attracted to me anymore or that he finds me interesting. I'm not sure what advice I'm expecting, but some days I feel as though I'm getting everything wrong. I have the most important job in the world in being a parent and I feel so much pressure to get it right. I know that it's pressure I put on myself. Thanks.

cookyboy12 Grief just keeps visiting and triggering my anxiety/depression
  • replies: 6

Okay, so here goes...my dear brother-in-law died from cancer Jan 2016. That was the first of five family deaths that year. Fast forward this year...my great uncle passes away in April, my mother-in-law in May. There are ongoing issues with my nephew'... View more

Okay, so here goes...my dear brother-in-law died from cancer Jan 2016. That was the first of five family deaths that year. Fast forward this year...my great uncle passes away in April, my mother-in-law in May. There are ongoing issues with my nephew's high school who seems to be inept in the psychology of teenagers, and a dear cousin who I'm close to (I've posted on a different thread regarding that one) I had a fight with in September. And now my great-aunt, the last of her siblings and her generation, passed away on Monday (4.12) and the funeral was on Thursday. The funeral I had to help arrange. It was a beautiful service. Oh, and did I say I had a car accident early last month and a CT scan showed a congenital arterial and veinous malformation on my brain, for which my neurosurgeon has referred me to get an angiogram done? Where for every year of my life there's a 3% increased risk of a bleed/seizure, but because I'm at the prime of my life and the risk of surgery may mean the loss of my arm and face. Where does it stop? I really can't take much more. I'm fed up. All I want is my family, and everything to be normal again. I just want my cousin back. Yes he did stupid stuff but how I handled it could've been better (but I'm human so I've forgiven myself - I think. I find it easier to forgive him than myself). How much more will life throw at me? I have regrets and wish to God I could wind the clock back. But I've so much to live for. But this latest loss has again triggered all the previous griefs, hurts and rejections all over again and I cry at the drop of a hat. All I want is for the earth to stop so that life can give me a breather, a break, for just a little bit, before getting back on its merry-go-round. I'm trying to look after myself and it's hard because I have so many commitments. But if it weren't for my husband and kids I shudder to think where I might (or might not) be.