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I broke up with my (long distance) girlfriend today, I feel extremely guilty.

needhelpplease1
Community Member

Hey guys, a little background. I was in a (very) long distance relationship with my girlfriend for almost a year. We've had our ups and downs. I come from a very good family while she is quite the opposite and is stuck in an extremely difficult situation. I have tried my best (and have done so) to help her through that and comfort her as best as i can with her extremely unpleasant and difficult life.

Lately, I've felt extremely unhappy with our relationship (as has she). It feels very unfulfilling for both of us. I don't have much relationship experience, so that may contribute to her feeling unfulfilled. She has extreme depression and anxiety and I feel like that has affected me a lot throughout the relationship. I'm starting to feel depressed and I just feel stuck in life.

I've helped her so much in her life and I understand that it's not my mission to do, but it's definitely the right thing. But anyways, today, after some argument we had, I decided to end things. I feel EXTREMELY guilty and i feel like i'm completely abandoning her. Truthfully (from her), she doesn't really have much in her life besides me. I'm her only source of happiness (she has said that to me before), which I understand is not healthy, and have tried helping her with before, although it is a key factor in me feeling so guilty.

I'm not really good with breakups and I just don't know what to do. Try to help her through it? Just go no contact? I've tried my best to do it in the nicest way possible but I realised that isn't really possible. I feel like i've completely broken her and just left her to deal with all of her shit on her own.

I'm not the best at writing (obviously) but I hope someone can read this and give me an insight or some advice on what to do. Thank you so much!

3 Replies 3

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Needhelpplease, thanks for posting your comment and a warm welcome to you.

Sometimes when your family upbringing is different, then depression from her is likely to rub off onto you, no matter how hard you try to avoid it.

If you are her only source of happiness then there are both good and bad repercussions, the good is obvious and with the bad we maybe waiting for something magical to happen, unfortunately at times this may not happen, but it may do so with help starting with her doctor.

Coming from different families could mean that your values, progression in life and ideas maybe completely different and especially how to achieve them, so that may cause conflict and loss of understanding.

Long distance relationships are not the easiest and come with a lot of challenges but when you are together it's magic.

If you love her then definitely help her but if you feel guilty then it maybe a feeling that she doesn't want to accept what you have suggested.

Mention that it would be best for her to see her doctor on a 'mental health plan', this will entitle her to 10 free visits, then if you want stay in touch and the way to do this is to listen and offer the help needed.

It would be advisable for you to book an appointment with your doctor where they may suggest medication and also refer you onto a psychologist or the other option is to go together.

Best Wishes.

Geoff.

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Needhelpplease, a warm welcome to you, I'm really sorry because I've spent 30 min replying back to you but my pc didn't let it go through, so I lost it.

Give me time and I will reply again.

Geoff.

whitemagnolia
Community Member

Hi needhelpplease.

I feel your pain and guilt. I too feel the guilt of ending my relationship when he needed me most. I ended it 1 week ago and I'm doing alot of research about depression and alot of things are coming to light. Which doesnt help my guilt.
6 months ago my bf told me that he didnt feel the same about me anymore and he didnt knot if he wanted this rship. This is a guy who wanted to do everything with me and told me he loved multiple times a day. I was heartbroken and devastated. When i would ask him, he would blame everything on our rship and how I was never happy and how he had tried and still couldnt make me happy.(I was depressed due do an IUD which i realised and took out) but he said it really affected him. And so I would go and find help cos i thought it was all my fault. I ruined a rship. I started to feel sad and although my mum passed away 5 years ago I started grieving again. So i seeked professional help. It helped me a little but my everyday practices of meditation and positive outlook started to lift me. I stopped blaming myself, but our rship was up and down. He had bad shifts at work and had accepted a job in a different state which we had planned as our future. But he felt unsure and was told that it would be bad there by peers (he was to move in 5 months). When i tried to talk to him about the move, he would tell me that i was pressuring him. I gave him space, and he slept in the guest bedroom. he would come back but then always go back to the room saying it was just easier there. He would never talk to me about our future and or talk aout me joining him. but would mention it to other ppl if they asked.. that i would join him after he would sus it out. We went on holidays and I thought things had picked up. But he felt like he needed his own space. He left immediately after. He would still message me everyone morning and throughout the day and we would chat before sleep. But if id ask him about his surroundings he would get angry at me and hang up. But then call me back 20mins later to check if i was ok. All this time I'm thinking why is this so hard. And if he wants all this space and time why doesnt he just end it. I was drained. It just felt like i was a chore or a burden who kept pressuring him everyday and i was the problem. He was horrible in the last 6 months and i felt so unloved and not a priority. When i ended it he told me how miserable hes been and its reaffirmed that he needs help. I dont know if he has though