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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Deniseisascorpio How Can I Help My Mother in Law?
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, I'm a newbie. My 85 mother in law (MIL) became an amputee (above leg) ten years ago. She’s never recovered, physically or emotionally. She lives with hubby, 83 (FIL) in a 3 bedroom townhouse high on a hill. She doesn’t drive and he won’t... View more

Hi everyone, I'm a newbie. My 85 mother in law (MIL) became an amputee (above leg) ten years ago. She’s never recovered, physically or emotionally. She lives with hubby, 83 (FIL) in a 3 bedroom townhouse high on a hill. She doesn’t drive and he won’t for long. She walks with a cane (rarely) or uses a wheelchair and is housebound due to the hill. Recently I found a 1.5 bedroom unit in an independent living situation, five minutes from where they currently live. It is immaculate and highly regarded. It is north facing with a beautiful garden outlook, on the ground floor, with flat access from the unit less than 50 metres to the dining room, library, and more. Every person I watched or talked to there told me how much they love living there, and staff greeted residents by name. The grounds are extensive, with beautiful gardens, lots of activities and places to be outside. Her best friend lives 5 minutes away and is allowed to dine with them any time. A deposit has been made at the request of FIL, who changed his mind the following day. He said he’s “not ready to move yet” because he wants to watch his potted pansies flower and listen to the races without headphones. We have about six weeks to decide and want to proceed. The quality of life for my MIL, particularly when she is a widow, will not present itself again. Alternative options require two-year waiting lists and cannot compare to the safety, security and happiness that this arrangement will provide to a severely incapacitated person. We have tried every gentle way we can to help them to see what great advantages there would be living in this place. I said they would only need a full fridge and overnight bags and I would do the rest. They also have six months grace in case they change their mind and can get all their money back, except the rent used to date. The MIL won’t say anything, and does what FIL says. He is quite brash and overbearing and has not taken her needs into account at all, or maybe is just unable to. Ongoing ACAT care has been arranged, so life will be comfortable and easy with many benefits they don’t currently have. They can do as much or little as they like, fully supported. They can even take a bus to visit their well-loved shops to do their errands, no driving required. How do we convince them (FIL)to take the chance, without browbeating them? Thanks in advance for your helpful suggestions xoxo

Blue_mountains Lost and lonely
  • replies: 1

I have suffered from anxiety for years & depression so far back into my teenage years that I don’t remember a time without it. I’ve struggled my entire adult life, with trying to find my purpose. What makes me happy. What I truly love. i walked away ... View more

I have suffered from anxiety for years & depression so far back into my teenage years that I don’t remember a time without it. I’ve struggled my entire adult life, with trying to find my purpose. What makes me happy. What I truly love. i walked away from a serious relationship w few years ago, because I was unhappy and I wasn’t sure if it was what I wanted. But now I look back and Wonder if I had of put more effort into working on the relationship and finding myself would it have worked? I have been in a relationship since with a man, who I now know was a selfish person. In whom was ignorant and unwilling to try and understand my anxiety. He left me when my anxiety was chronic, suffering from panic attack daily. I haven’t heard from him since. i feel lonely and lost. I don’t know what my purpose on this earth is. And how to find it. What do others do? To overcome anxiety and find there purpose in Life?

YasmineI1993 Expecting a baby and finances
  • replies: 4

Hiya, expecting my first bub next month in April. Currently on mat leave an opted for a year off to raise and be with my baby. We have recently moved into my partners parents rental house. My partner works full time aa a physio. I only have 18weeka p... View more

Hiya, expecting my first bub next month in April. Currently on mat leave an opted for a year off to raise and be with my baby. We have recently moved into my partners parents rental house. My partner works full time aa a physio. I only have 18weeka paid maternity leave and that’s it. I don’ t have a lot of savings, but i have personal loans to repay and credit cards and i am still expected to pay rent etc while not really hving an income. Is this normal? Should my partner be covering these types of costs for the time being? I am finding finances a hard topic to bring up. It’s really getting me down the thought of outgoing expenses and no incoming, not as much as i was earning working full time. Any advice of help will go along way, feeling very heavy and emotional everyday about this.

Lozzzz Depression/anxiety cycle of my ex boyfriend
  • replies: 4

We were together for close to 2 years, only recently just broke up in the last week. During the time we were together he would go through these 6 month cycles of change in behaviour, his moods would be up and down, his way of escaping would be to not... View more

We were together for close to 2 years, only recently just broke up in the last week. During the time we were together he would go through these 6 month cycles of change in behaviour, his moods would be up and down, his way of escaping would be to not come home at all or just not talk about anything at all. We broke up three times on three different occasions that these “episodes” would occur over the two years, each being around the six month stage. He was the one that would end it every time, it’s like he couldn’t deal anymore and there was too much pressure on him or he wasn’t sure what he wanted but he “still loved me”. Then a few weeks later he’d be messaging and trying to “take things slow” because it’s like he knew how good I am for him. I’d take him back and think we would be okay again, something in me just can’t give up on him because I know he was going through something and after all I love him. It was only the other day he admitted he was the way he was because of severe depression and anxiety and that was the day we broke up, I haven’t heard from him since but I still told him I would be there for him. His excuse was that I didn’t deserve to be treated the way I was and I need to move on and be happy. But it’s not that simple when you love that person. I’m starting to understand these cycles a bit more since the break up and thought maybe I did put too much pressure on him because I was unaware of what he was going through. I still want to help him but the balls really in his court now to make that contact. I still worry about him and the way he is feeling.

Guest_423 Can anyone else relate to this ?
  • replies: 12

I am grateful for many things - there is no violence in my life, I am not living in poverty, I do not do drugs (not even cigarettes), drink excess alcohol or gamble, I can afford to pay the bills and I do have friends. I have had problems with depres... View more

I am grateful for many things - there is no violence in my life, I am not living in poverty, I do not do drugs (not even cigarettes), drink excess alcohol or gamble, I can afford to pay the bills and I do have friends. I have had problems with depression and anxiety for a long time and it’s mostly due to my upbringing in a very dysfunctional family, and now there is not even one family member left, and I do not have a special man in my life either. I live by myself and as we all do I want to love and be loved. I want to feel that deep intensity for loving and being loved with at least one person. But that is not my situation and I am absolutely lost in my life because of it. I don’t know how to cope at the moment. I’ve been through this before and will get over it, but I also know it will come back.

CHAINreaction Boyfriend caught sending messages on Craiglist
  • replies: 6

Hi, About me. I'm 35, with two kids to a previous relationship. My ex cheated on me with someone at his work. I left him two years ago and eventually fell into a relationship with my old highschool sweetheart. It's been a tough two years. We have had... View more

Hi, About me. I'm 35, with two kids to a previous relationship. My ex cheated on me with someone at his work. I left him two years ago and eventually fell into a relationship with my old highschool sweetheart. It's been a tough two years. We have had issues with him gambling. I have trust issues for good reason and recently found out my new partner over our two years was frequenting Craigslist M4m (men for men) ads and sending messages to men about him being a first time curious man. I first caught him out in October last year while naughtily looking in his phone. We had a blow up about it to which he stated it only happened once and he doesn't know why, he is not gay, never followed through with it, not attracted to men at all etc etc. I forgave him and swept it under the carpet. 2 days ago I went through his google account to find although he hasn't looked at any more ads from what I can tell, his history of Craigslist actually goes back throughout our entire relationship with him not once truing to hook up but on about 10 occasions. To spice things up last year I sent him a pic of me nude. I requested he send one back and he did. But when I went through his Craigslist messages I see he didn't just send the nude to me he sent the same one to some guy on Craig list. He looks up porn about 6 times a day and it's all male on female. So nothing to state he is gay. I guess I feel betrayed anyway and hurt he can't and won't tell me why he did this. Feels like our entire relationship has been a lie. I dont know what to do. I love him so much but I can't get past being lied to. Even if he never followed through the fact he can't tell me why he did what he did and wants to just move on like nothing happened..... It makes me feel so anxious and hurt. I mean why message men if you're not into them and how can it not be heating even if he didn't follow through. I'm an open person and dont care too much about porn but when he is visiting it six times a day and our sex life has dwindled to near non existent I the last month it hurts. I don't want to lose him because I love him but I don't want to be a woman who just let's her man get away with being deceitful. How do I move on. Should I pull the pin on our relationship, have a time out. Me him get counselling so he can find a way to really tell me what's going on. HHe said the past is the past and I should just move forward but I don't know how

Tasa83 Clingy
  • replies: 14

So I have this problem that I feel many have. I have been left by so many people because of my Bipolar that I have developed abandonment issues. Because of this I hold people at arms length and trust few. But when I meet someone I click with, someone... View more

So I have this problem that I feel many have. I have been left by so many people because of my Bipolar that I have developed abandonment issues. Because of this I hold people at arms length and trust few. But when I meet someone I click with, someone I think gets me, I grab on tight and wont let go so as not to lose them like the others, however this results in them freaking out and leaving anyway. ahhhh the irony! anyone else?

Denny23 Need to be free
  • replies: 4

I have finally left my emotionally abusive relationship after many failed attempts. Unfortunately my ex husband can still not accept it is over. He is still under the impression we are getting back together and I am simply taking a break. He was angr... View more

I have finally left my emotionally abusive relationship after many failed attempts. Unfortunately my ex husband can still not accept it is over. He is still under the impression we are getting back together and I am simply taking a break. He was angry I told my friends I had moved out and responded by messaging them and saying it was only temporary. I really really need to start moving forward but he wants to still work on things. I am done.He is all very nice and amicable if I agree to behave how he believes I should, but once I start to cross his lines or do not do what he asks he turns nasty again. Any suggestions on making him realize it’s truly over? I have 4 kids with him so no contact is not really an option.

FrankieRose Feeling lost 😔😔😔Is AA the answer
  • replies: 2

I met my x at a pub we had great chemistry took as awhile to get together him being a alcoholic player that he was..We tried to be together for three months but he wouldn't quit the piss! I left him -6 months later he quit for me we tried again-Three... View more

I met my x at a pub we had great chemistry took as awhile to get together him being a alcoholic player that he was..We tried to be together for three months but he wouldn't quit the piss! I left him -6 months later he quit for me we tried again-Three years on wards we've lived together for a year, but we fight a lot over nothing somedays- I feel he antagonises me and I'm always in trouble. He started this thing of spying on my phone- then drugs got involved more fight more drama- then he would go out on pingers or ice- while I was home alone drinking. He started lying So much over last 4 months a lot mostly about not doing drugs-or being on them - We both tried stopping together but a fight would have him at the door on drugs Tried again-I slipped first couple months. Then I went to AA 4 us 2 get clean & he kept going back to dugs. AA lasted a month for me.!He said if we have a fight he would com home by 12 he didn't stick 2that promise. Infact every promise he made he broke.!Over a period of 3-4months I got lies all the time.! In the end I woke up with him sat on top of me with a knife holding phone in my face saying'who is this guy did u sleep with him-!! I certainly had not..The guy online had him thinking we had another crack head!I kicked him out after that my x from that night well he then inturn went on a two week bender. Came to our unit broke down at our unit crying two weeks later admitting to his mum on the phone he needs help.. And now for the last 3 wks his been staying with his mum and dad in Tassie. Doing a rehab program and AA---!! Doin well fishing eating well- he has a good heart and does love me and I also need to be doing AA as well as I need help I'm lost right now and drinking- smoking the pipe- lied couple time to him about it. He wants me to stay down in Tassie and start fresh -!We shared such a beautiful love connection when it's ON--!*But When we are fighting thou we can be both mean ..! Name call threats - takes me of FB, every couple wks-I still love him and he wants us to both try again do AA and be together, but I feel we both lack real maturity the drugs didn't help our relationship-YES- but are we just hopeless tit for tat ppl.! We both do it-! Does AA help the person to mature ?I still need to find it in my heart to forgive him for the shitty things his done.~TO add to itThe lying - going out at 3AM in the morning being on drugs. Inviting ppl to my home to hang while I'm sleeping. His trying now but is it to late ?

Beckyo Lost and hurt
  • replies: 4

Hay everyone Writing on here is hard it means I really have to start dealing with my problems I've been with my partner now for over 17 years we have 3 children together and have work through many ups and downs and always managed to stick things out ... View more

Hay everyone Writing on here is hard it means I really have to start dealing with my problems I've been with my partner now for over 17 years we have 3 children together and have work through many ups and downs and always managed to stick things out But things are getting harder to deal with and I'm finding it harder to hold myself together I'm getting agitated at my children,and upset at anything that gets thrown at me My partner threw a lot at me last year from drug abuse to chatting with other women with the intent of scoring to lying about everything it would seam we would work through one battle only to have another days latter I feel like I can't do the right or evan say the right thing to make any of this just go away 2 years ago we uprooted our family and moved and its been hard on everyone I have to leave my children now 9,10,14 to get them selfs to school and I am so proud of the job they do but on days when its pissing with rain and they have to walk in it to school or they just don't feel well and I'm not there I beat myself up over it becouse I can't afford not to work and I'm not there to help,to support them My partner also works and he does work very hard for his family but he's never happy and always comes home to winge and wine over his day I find it hard to listen to when there is never anything positive and the wholehouse gets in a tiss But the thing that really keeps getting me is trust I can't trust my partner I'm always waiting for the next lot of lies wondering what crap they will be over now itbugs me so much I can't stop going over it in my mind I lie there unable to sleep and spend my time at work mulling over everything and when he does lie evan over the little things its like dealing with every little issue over again Today was much the same court in another lie unable to trust the one I love feeling like I'm not good enough for him to trust me so tired so sick of being hurt Today I'm sitting on my own in a motel room with no where to go no one to talk to because once again I could not take the lie and the hurt that comes with it Please o please am I over reacting or is this how my life is gonna be