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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Just_coping coping after infidelity
  • replies: 2

My life wasn't perfect but i had a wonderful, caring husband of 12 years, 2 young children and a close-knit extended family. Like most marriages there were ups and downs but together we were always supportive of each other and strong. The past year h... View more

My life wasn't perfect but i had a wonderful, caring husband of 12 years, 2 young children and a close-knit extended family. Like most marriages there were ups and downs but together we were always supportive of each other and strong. The past year had been particularly strained due to injury, financial difficulties, etc. but we still got by.My world fell apart a few months ago when my husband's moods became erratic and he said he need a break 'to think' ; he could no longer deal with the guilt he felt and revealed he had been having an affair.My heart broke and i fell to pieces. My pain was amplified when i found out this had been going on for much longer than i was originally told and with someone very close to me. I had been completely unaware and had thought that at that time of our lives we were a strong unit. The pain was unimaginable and the effects far -reaching in my family. Even through my own pain i had to be strong for my kids and family and pushed aside my own hurt to be supportive of my husband who was now also in deep pain realising how his selfish actions had affected those around him. He has opened up and revealed that a traumatic event a few years earlier which we had both survived had brought back memories of earlier trauma in his life and he had felt unable to discuss this with me. He said his affair was initially just about emotional support at the time, and got out of control. He desperately wants to make things right. I have chosen to give it another chance because i can't imagine my life without him, even though the pain is still raw. he is being supportive and listens to my feelings and has made changes in his life to address my concerns. my family are not as supportive and i feel as though i have lost a huge part of my life, my hopes and dreams... i hope that in time things will work out for everyone. I have major trust issues and trouble sleeping at night. I have been treated for anxiety but i find that when i am alone in my thoughts i keep reliving the details, the timeline, the events, etc. and can't seem to get past this... i had shied away from telling friends because it is humiliating and too difficult to speak about.

JC777 husband abandoned me after meeting a women on a website.
  • replies: 4

Im in so much turmoil ATM because my husband of 7 years has moved onto another relationship after I was diagnosed with border line personality disorder and I have this severely.I spent a week in hospital in psyche unit and came home and after promisi... View more

Im in so much turmoil ATM because my husband of 7 years has moved onto another relationship after I was diagnosed with border line personality disorder and I have this severely.I spent a week in hospital in psyche unit and came home and after promising hme that he would stick with me told me that I was disgusting becaue I went and got some pot to smoke to calm me down after my ordeal in hospital.My husband was loving and supportive unitl he recently joined a website and met with other women who obviosly were kind to him and he has since moved on and hates my guts.To the extreme where he no longer wants anything to do with myself or my 10 year old daughter who he was her father for 8 years.Docs are involved.I drove myself to the police station drunk to get help and have High range drink driving court and then was admitted to hospital.But my biggest and worst failure is my marriage and the rejection and abandonment from the man that I still love despite his fornication with many other women. I was unduly unkind to him from the BPD and he has moved on.My heart is broken .I saw him in my local shopping centre and he treated me withno respect and no love which killed me.

Girl_Anachronism Loneliness vs. being alone
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I separated from my husband 6 weeks ago (in a mental hospital 2 days after a suicide attempt no less). If you want the full story of my pain, anxiety and all that jazz, see my thread Rocket Science under the Depression forum.I guess just want... View more

Hi all, I separated from my husband 6 weeks ago (in a mental hospital 2 days after a suicide attempt no less). If you want the full story of my pain, anxiety and all that jazz, see my thread Rocket Science under the Depression forum.I guess just wanted to ask if its possible to be lonely but not want to be with people. Romantically I am not even interested, but I can be in a house full of people and be lonely. I don't want my partner back, I know that. I guess I just miss that special connection of you and someone else. That loss of creating something greater than yourself. I don't want to be around people, it makes my anxiety shakes start. At the same time I am just so alone, so adrift in this new world of solitude. I chose this, but it doesn't mean I enjoy it. I find myself trying to fill the hole in my chest where my heart used to be with things - clothes, books, food. But it doesn't stop the pain. I look at happy couples and remember what that felt like. I remember that I don't have it and look down, at the hole in my chest where my heart used to be. I don't know if this is even making any sense. Is this what the end of a relationship is meant to feel like? Or am I alone in this? Do you try and fill that hole inside your chest, or do you just build around it?GA

In_need_of A Bit Lost
  • replies: 4

I was diagnosed in December 2013 with depression. No real surprise I guess, having been through a turbulent 2 year period with my wife and her family. We were fortunate to become first time parents 2.5 years ago and what should have been a happy time... View more

I was diagnosed in December 2013 with depression. No real surprise I guess, having been through a turbulent 2 year period with my wife and her family. We were fortunate to become first time parents 2.5 years ago and what should have been a happy time quickly turned into a period of anger, anxiety and a feeling of hopelessness. In laws who wouldn't give us 5 minutes of peace and a father in law who is a nasty piece of work. Maybe i handled it wrong over the years. I know i blamed my wife for not putting a stop to it. Now I am paying the price. My wife has said she wants out of the marriage and it has hit me hard. I try to speak to her about it but she isn't one to communicate with me. I still love her and love our precious daughter and don't want to lose my family. I know I have made mistakes, as any human does and I am ready to face up to my faults and get professional help. I have been fighting depression on my own as my wife is more focused on what I do wrong than trying to help me do right. My family are interstate and aren't the type to have an in depth talk about my battle with depression. I am looking for guidance, tips and any kind of help so that I can work on my depression and my marriage. I am really lost and lonely.

prodicalxxi End of a relationship and now I feel lost
  • replies: 2

Hi all, First time poster here. Late last year I separated from my fiance of 2.5 years in a some what ugly scenario. The relationship only ran for 3 years but the level of the relationship was a huge step in my life. She helped me gain the confidence... View more

Hi all, First time poster here. Late last year I separated from my fiance of 2.5 years in a some what ugly scenario. The relationship only ran for 3 years but the level of the relationship was a huge step in my life. She helped me gain the confidence to try and meet my father for the first time, the meeting of which he stood me up at. After that failed meeting I felt I didnt have confidence in anything anymore, didnt want to work, didn't want to go out and it put a huge strain on our relationship. I could see the cracks happening and decided I needed to step away because the way I was cracking was toxic to both of us. I said I needed to move home with my nan for a month or two just to work myself out. During that period I was admitted to hospital to get myself medicated correctly and on the right track. The day after I was admitted she proceeded to tell me she couldn't do it and turned her back on me and started basically a hate campaign against me at my old jobs and with my old friends saying I abused her and cheated on her. The problem I have to do this day, I still struggle with everything and can't let go completely. Everyday I wake up and hate the fact I wake up alone and dont have her by my side. I honestly have no idea what I'm doing anymore with work, friends, family. Everything is up in the air and its killing me

Girl_Anachronism Rocket Science
  • replies: 190

It feels like rocket science would be simpler than life at the moment. No song lyrics, no quotes, just melancholy for you all. It feels like life is so hard. It has been a week since the separation from my husband. It feels like it has been two weeks... View more

It feels like rocket science would be simpler than life at the moment. No song lyrics, no quotes, just melancholy for you all. It feels like life is so hard. It has been a week since the separation from my husband. It feels like it has been two weeks, if not longer. Every day goes at different speeds, fast when I am anxious, or actually accomplishing things and then out of nowhere a great big wave of depression will come. It will hit me and i will stand there, unable to move. everything feels like pain. I'll go from cooing, if a little manic and shaking uncontrollably to crying. Why does it have to hurt so much, at the end of a relationship? I don't even want to be with him, I don't even want to go back to him. Yet it hurts and another part of me says I still love him. Just waking up this morning, thinking about what to do, reminds me of the things we use to do to fill our weekends. It reminds me that relationship, that time, is over. I won't be doing those things again, with that same feeling of creating something bigger than the two of us. I guess I grieve not for him, but for what we had, what it could have been. When does it stop hurting? How can I get there now? I don't like existing right now, the pain comes in these inconsolable waves that paralyse me. Seven years of my life. Gone. GA "So tired of the straight line/ And everywhere you turn there's vultures and thieves at your back/ Don't make no difference/ Escaping one last time/ it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh/ This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees" Angel, Sarah Mclachlan

Rox 33 years and its over, he's the love of my life
  • replies: 13

he left me june last year, I cry every day, I miss him so much, I'm alone, no friends, no family, just my dogs and a cat, I don't have a job, I struggle to sleep and when I do, I'm pulled awake and then clarity, I feel panic because he's not here, I ... View more

he left me june last year, I cry every day, I miss him so much, I'm alone, no friends, no family, just my dogs and a cat, I don't have a job, I struggle to sleep and when I do, I'm pulled awake and then clarity, I feel panic because he's not here, I love him, I'm 53 and he has my heart, nothing will help and I can't take drugs to help me because I don't trust myself, I'm trying to write him a letter but I can't make any sense of it, it's 2:30am ...

BlueEyedVirgo Hurting. Psych Ward Friendship Terminated by Husband.
  • replies: 4

It’s been four weeks since I last saw him and I still just want to hold him. Know if he’s okay. I get angry, upset, devastated and dwell on one thing to another and am so very teary. I feel my husband has just given me one more thing to hurt about. T... View more

It’s been four weeks since I last saw him and I still just want to hold him. Know if he’s okay. I get angry, upset, devastated and dwell on one thing to another and am so very teary. I feel my husband has just given me one more thing to hurt about. There was/is already so much in my past and present to work through. As did this other person, so I also feel it was VERY cruel for husband to do that to someone he knows nothing about and is already suffering and battling to find positives in life. But then I think maybe he did him a favour in ridding him of me, I didn’t want to drag him down or distract him when he needs to look forward. This is the third (and only) male friendship my husband has not approved of since we’ve been together but the first time he has interfered by contacting him from my phone to warn him off. I worked it out through intuiton and confronted him, he’d deleted the message. He says it was because he was afraid of losing me and didn’t trust him. We both have past relationships ruined by cheating – mine, I was the cheater, his – he was the one cheated upon. I have been completely faithful to my husband. If he was to lose me, he should have known it was coming seeing as we are technically separated. Waiting for him to commit to relationship counselling. I admit that perhaps there was a risk of an emotional affair on my part but thought I was handling things with certain boundaries. There was a connection, but not a neediness, we’d hoped to continue outside of hospital – and I’m not talking more than contact once or twice a week in public place. I feel it is egotistical to think my friend thought of me as anything more than just that, and there were signs he didn’t need me, or was even attracted to me, but it was a nice friendship to have. Husband destroyed a mutually beneficial friendship where there was non-judgemental understanding. A little ray of sunshine risen from the dark place of being hospitalised under the Mental Health Act and the events that brought us there. Which is why I am here I guess, to vent and look for local groups. I felt less alone having him in my life. This week is my first without antidepressants for over 14 years so I’m sure that is not helping my episodes of crying and frustration. Thanks for reading.

cole845 hes gone for good
  • replies: 1

i posted a thread a few weeks ago detailing my situation. so yesterday was court day for the avo,he didnt contest it, only not wanting the children on it i felt i had to agree.the judge granted it and added the children also. i could feel him staring... View more

i posted a thread a few weeks ago detailing my situation. so yesterday was court day for the avo,he didnt contest it, only not wanting the children on it i felt i had to agree.the judge granted it and added the children also. i could feel him staring at me all day and it made me feel nervous. he didnt seem himself, was very flighty and somewhat proud at the same time. he isnt allowed to contact me, only in writing, email, text and only regarding the kids. its been 5 weeks since he moved out and 3 since he texted me it was over. he has been so horrible since that day. the worst part is all i want to do is call him,see him, hold him, i miss him so much and cant stop crying. he has hurt me so much in the last 14 years, and i cant understand why the hell i feel like this. i dont feel like i am the victim, he is. his whole family has disowned me and are supporting what he has done. i cant even pack up and go away either, i cant sell the house without his signature. i feel trapped. i have started the process for mediation, which im told could drag out for months and he dosnt have to agree to go. which means regular court and very expensive fees.

MattJ Going Through The Motions
  • replies: 5

Hello. Not sure how/if I should post this, but I can't do anything else right, so what the hell. Let's give it a shot. Since I posted in November, things have just become steadily worse. Professional help has been next to useless. Advice given for my... View more

Hello. Not sure how/if I should post this, but I can't do anything else right, so what the hell. Let's give it a shot. Since I posted in November, things have just become steadily worse. Professional help has been next to useless. Advice given for my wife leaving was to join internet dating sites and some medication. Not what I was expecting. I've got no friends to talk to, family are on the other side of the country, and are so dysfunctional would not be of any assistance if they were local. Spent today working through my accounts and other administrative functions, and also started planning a pre-paid funeral. Making sure that which ever organisation that has to clean up the mess if I fall off the perch has an easy time of it. I'm only now just starting to recognise some of my symptoms as anxiety, which I'd never thought I'd had. Thought I was more "socially awkward" than anxious, but looks like I was wrong - again. Still having quite dark thoughts, but they're so common I just laugh at them. Don't think that means I'm accepting them, and not planning on acting on them - unless estate planning counts? Started exercising, but lost motivation quite quickly. Nothing really seems to have any meaning. Don't like meeting new people, and I can tell that those I do meet have no interest in forming any sort of relationship (as evidenced by the fact I generally don't have any further contact after initial meetings/coffee/whatever). So, just going through the motions, and trying to find reasons to get out of bed. At the moment, pretty sure there aren't any.