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nassasistic break up i need help

Community Member


This is my first time. 

it's late, as usual cannot sleep.

too much heartache, hurt, confusion and worthlessness to get to sleep. 

I have so much to say, but the thought of starting from the start overwhelms me...

in short... (can fill in blanks after you have an idea) 

after an earlier relationship break up following my 2 fantastic children (now 8 and 10) 

 I met *andrew* after 5 years of being a single mum

 we took it slowly but fell in love some time after. things were great we were happy, he had a lot of time for my kids, we did things together, he was full of praise he was mature, had a job etc. 

after a year, we started talking about the next stage. prior to this relationship i didnt want any more children in fear of breaking up again. but he didn't have children we talked about it for some time. but eventually I loved him so much that I loved the idea

 I talked to my kids subtly about it and they have the idea they would love a brother or sister

after trying/planning... i fell pregnant in march/April 2013 everything was fine. however after 12 weeks, and announcing it he started to act a little distant, he seemed frustrated a lot. we'd argue more out of no where, he was picking fights. deliberately booking things on days he knew I couldn't go then getting angry bc I couldn't.  but making out it was my fault we dont do anything because I would be limited (I still liked to spend weekends with my children) then another 2 months later (in short) i found out he was going on a holiday overseas

 he told me only 6 days before leaving

 i was devestated he hid it

he told me it was all for work etc. once I tried to get over that he then said we decided we would have 3 days relaxing too so now we going to Thailand as well and leaving earlier. I was devestated

i couldnt understand why he hid this and made me out to look crazy for being upset. 

I was very suspicious.

he left.. i tried to be supportive and hope to deal with it. he called when he arrived. but after that only time I'd hear from him is hours after I'd message. if that. then one morning I called to suprise him and say I loved him

 he was angry that I "woke him up" and that I still got upset. he hung up eventually

I was a mess i felt as though he was up to no good. thinking it was pregnancy hormones i spent the next week emotionally ruined. 


2 Replies 2

Community Member

Hi "will never love again",

I see this is your first post so welcome to the forum. I hope you feel better for finding the courage to reach out and share your story. Being betrayed in the way you have described must have been a great blow to your confidence.

What you have written here seems like it is from the recent past. How are you doing now? Please continue your story.



Hi will never love again,

If your partner is leading along like your post suggest being nice to you for a bit then blaming you for his bad behavior, guilt tripping and generally treating you with disrespect this sounds like what is termed in domestic violence as the "cycle of violence". It might be in your interest to let him move on and find someone else.

Domestic violence can be a physical assault but it can also be emotional and psychological. If this relationship has really destroyed your confidence and made you miserable it might be time to think about walking away from it. Especially as you are moving house. If he has access rights to your son it is possible to arrange for his visits without you having to see him. Having a third party also would be a witness if as you suggest he may not be doing enough to look after your son's needs.

If you need help in working out what your rights are you can call the Domestic Violence Hotline on 1800 656 463.

I hope you do find away to love again when you meet someone who values and respects you.