Relationship and family issues

I’ve done it his time

replies: 2

My wife and I have been married for 5 years. Overall we’ve created a happy and loving life together for us and our two young boys 3.5 and 1.5. I have a habit though of leaving the family house when things don’t go the way I think they should. I’m not... View more

My wife and I have been married for 5 years. Overall we’ve created a happy and loving life together for us and our two young boys 3.5 and 1.5. I have a habit though of leaving the family house when things don’t go the way I think they should. I’m not talking about just to cool down either. I have done it 3 times for about a week at a time. I don’t want to and I regret it nearly instantly and it’s not because I don’t love my wife or the kids. I was brought up by my father and he had alcohol and aggression issues but I do not share those patterns with my family. The previous two times were around the time my second boy was born. One involved a purely plutonic relationship I had struck up with a woman overseas that I now realise was an act of cheating on my wife even though I didn’t at the time. The second time was when we found out my wife was pregnant again right after I got the snip. I knew it would be hard for us and I didn’t want to go through that financially etc at the time. Of course now I know she was right and he is the most awesome little baby. Both times I came back and we worked on things. I thought successfully but these have building up in her and she sent me an email outlining her feelings. Once again I ‘freaked out’ and left. This time though she has said it’s the end. I know it is my actions that have brought us here but just when everything is going so well (just got on top of finances, boys are letting us sleep 7 hours a night etc) I have lost the only thing that means anything to me and I don’t know how to handle the feelings I am having. Any advice would be appreciated..

Long term friendship help - scared to confront her

replies: 4

How would you approach a friend in this situation? Last Christmas my best mate presented me with the opportunity to heal from an ongoing stressful situation where I was at my lowest point mentally, taking the highest dosage of meds and trying to hold... View more

How would you approach a friend in this situation? Last Christmas my best mate presented me with the opportunity to heal from an ongoing stressful situation where I was at my lowest point mentally, taking the highest dosage of meds and trying to hold everything together by single parenting my 2 kids, studying part-time and working full time. When I and the kids came up north to holiday last year (she lives here; happily married etc), she was very concerned about my mental health and when I said, at my lowest point, ‘I don’t think I can face going back home’ (looking back rationally, I feel it was a panic attack) she said ‘so don’t’ and long story short I stayed here. She helped me tie up loose ends at home with the house etc. My daughter stayed with me but my son – who is in year 10 – begged me to let him go back home and live with my folks and keep going to his high school. I let him and it’s the hardest thing I’ve done. Even though he’s doing well at school and life, he has asked me numerous times to please come home - my parents aren't enough for him (in terms of parenting and support). He is a very mature kid and understands the reasons I made such a knee jerk reaction but now that the dust is settling, I don’t know how much longer I can continue to live here. Its isolated and ts not for me long term. But. I’ve healed. I’ve sought counselling, am completely off meds and have really landed on my feet. The downside is I miss my son terribly and now that I am doing a lot of self-reflecting I am starting to miss home. I and my daughter want to return. My mate, unfortunately, has said on 2 occasions she does not support this and if I went back she would never forgive me or speak to me again. And now, I find myself where I always seem to find myself – forgoing what I want to make others happy/to not rock the boat. Apparently, my going back home is going ‘backwards’. I actually got a ‘don’t be stupid!’ when I mentioned it the other day. Apparently, I’ll be back to my anxiety and what I was before - riddled with mental health issues. I’m seriously looking for any kind of advice – does my friend have a point? Of course, I want to do what is right by my kids and me as a family but I also need to factor in my mental health. How on earth do I approach her – and risk losing 20 plus years of friendship!? I get where shes coming from - shes concerned I'll end up in the state I was before but I feel like I'm being manipulated. Thanks for getting this far

Living with a physical dissability and no support

replies: 4

So, I know I'm fed up with how much pain I'm in on a regular basis, and I'm fed up with long it took a health care professionals to advise of my broken spine. I feel not only do doctors not take me seriously, but neither does my husband. I should not... View more

So, I know I'm fed up with how much pain I'm in on a regular basis, and I'm fed up with long it took a health care professionals to advise of my broken spine. I feel not only do doctors not take me seriously, but neither does my husband. I should not be lifting or bending or sitting, I can stand or lay down that's it. I have explained my symptoms to my husband millions of times, but he fails to have foresight in regards to my well being. I'll ask him to put away my laundry, hell cut me off and say its mine so I should do it, I have to verbally fight back to remind him of how much pain I'm in. And he will go and hide in the computer room,or crack it at me and ignore me for 24 hours and pretend it never happened, but I want to talk about it with him for the sake of our relationship, he will repeat the above again. so if I need anything I have to msg him online and text, wait a few minutes, and call him. He won't hear me calling out because he "needs his noise cancelling headphones on ". Is anyone experiencing anything like this? I'm feeling so sad and isolated by everything I'm going threw and I have literally no one to talk to about this except my psychologist. Again, I can't talk to my husband because he takes offence and ignores me. I'll be getting surgery soon, I'll loose the ability to walk temporarily, I am so scared for my well being whilst under recovery because I truly feel I don't have any one to help me. The only positive I have is once I've recovered I won't need to rely on him and he'll be much happier.

Monogamy is it societies Achilles heal?

replies: 17

So I like most men an unhappy with the intimacy in our relationship. its been going on and getting worse as the years drag on. Too tired, tto stressed, I don't feel sexy (She is hot as a bikini model) But if im really honest, its not just the sex, it... View more

So I like most men an unhappy with the intimacy in our relationship. its been going on and getting worse as the years drag on. Too tired, tto stressed, I don't feel sexy (She is hot as a bikini model) But if im really honest, its not just the sex, its total lack of intimacy. It's stuff like I can't sit on the lounge and hug my wife, if we go for a walk it's only her walk, not where I want to go? If i put something on TV I want to watch, she leaves the room. But its the sex thats the killer. I only feel whole, when we make love. Bit that doesnt happen any more. So then i question my self, am I good enough, is she into me, is this how the rest of my life will be, just a constant hollow existence of empty self doubt? Now I don't think my wife should have to be intimate, if she doesn't want to be. It's her body and her choice, I don't want her to do me favors. Infact for a while I began to think I was becoming impotent? I knew she wasn't into it, so I blamed myself. I started buying toys, i thought I was inadequate, I thought I didn't please her. How could I think anything but that, she would always be tired or stressed, yet would stay up watching tv hours after i went to bed?? I suggest she come to bed early and would be snapped at. We went on a holiday and nothing changed.......... but I thought it was the stress, the tiredness? yet 2 weeks on a tropical island made no difference? When we got home after being away I touched her and was snapped at again. I broke, i told her Im leaving before I end up cheating and am labeled that bastard! She freaked out, best sex ever that night, next day, beautiful texts exchanged between us, we were back. I come home on cloud 9 just wanting to sit with her, watch TV, cuddle, stroke her hair. But she won't sit with me? Im not allowed to hug her? I go to bed two hours early and she stays up and watches tv? 5 days later, its the same. Nothing will change, she just isn't into sex. But Im am, we see a councillor in a few days, my doing, last ditch effort. I love her but I can't live like this. This is an empty life. I'll never meet anyone as hot as her, I know that, she truly is stunning, but she kills my soul. Im tied up in knots I'm so strung out. I wonder if an open relationship is the answer, she shouldn't have to be intimate, but I shouldn't have to be devoid of affection? Am I wrong? I believe this is the problem with todays society. Men and women are just different. When will we accept that?

Unsolved relationship issues

replies: 4

Hi, mother 2 and 1 on the way. I'm having difficulty trying to get the father of my kids to support the idea of having time to spend with the kids while we are seperated. We've tried to make the relationship work, for us, then for the kids. But it ne... View more

Hi, mother 2 and 1 on the way. I'm having difficulty trying to get the father of my kids to support the idea of having time to spend with the kids while we are seperated. We've tried to make the relationship work, for us, then for the kids. But it never seems to get any better. I've come to the realisation that we would never work, but the kids father just can't live with the idea that he just gets "visits" with the kids. He has literally told me, he would rather die then just get visits with his kids. I am in no way stopping him from seeing the kids or having any time with them. I've asked him to get help and speak to some professionally, but he brushes it off. How does one deal with this situation? I don't even know what I do. On one hand I don't want him to hurt himself and shut himself out of the kids lives because I know he loves them, but then I don't want to have to sacrifice my happiness to diffuse the situation.

New Partner with depression

replies: 2

Hi all, first time posting My partner of 3 months has gone through a couple past relationships in the last 10 years, one being a victim of shocking manipulation and physical abuse with whilst giving birth to her 2nd child. followed on by another rela... View more

Hi all, first time posting My partner of 3 months has gone through a couple past relationships in the last 10 years, one being a victim of shocking manipulation and physical abuse with whilst giving birth to her 2nd child. followed on by another relationship of 4ys to a male who cheated on her a couple of times before she ended it. Soon after that breakup she was prescribed strong anti- depressants and has now been on them for 16 months. She is a beutiful and an amazing partner and mother and because of her abuse and trust in males in the past it feels like she has brought those issues into our relationship. I struggle at times to understand the way she treats me, when all i have done in this relationship is as she describes me is kind, caring and amazing.one little hickup with us, i get pushed away and made distant from her, i try so hard to be patient and understanding but i feel lonely at times but i wont give up on her cause i know some at time ill get her trust of me and can see a future with her, thats what i hold on too. I know i can easily cut ties and move on because it may just be too hard, i didnt say this before, we were together 24 years ago for 3 years .i was 24, she was 18. But previously being together that reasuures me to stay.. im a confident and strong as a person and i feel my being is a positive thing for her but it hurts me so much but i know its not about me. If anything thats what makes her distance herself is because a couple of times ive been negative out of frustration, she wont let me go and i dont understand why she wants me around. Is it because she sees me as a positive thing and am i what she needs?. its hard too read her alot of times, Trying very hard to be strong for her, but i feel i dont get much back. Hope it makes sense

Depressed Partner Has Broken Up With Me

replies: 4

I have been with my partner for a year on Saturday. We’re 30 years old. During this time, he has suffered from severe depression, thoughts of suicide at points in time. He started seeking the help he needs a few months ago and making changes for hims... View more

I have been with my partner for a year on Saturday. We’re 30 years old. During this time, he has suffered from severe depression, thoughts of suicide at points in time. He started seeking the help he needs a few months ago and making changes for himself to move forward. I have also started seeing a psychologist to look after myself too. I was starting to take his attacks on me personally so have overcome that with the help I need. Our relationship has been very up and down, regular arguments about small things which sometimes result in him withdrawing from me for days at a time. It seems like a constant cycle. He has recently said that he is the best he has ever felt and does not want to go back to where he was. He has stopped taking medication and seeing his psychologist as he feels he doesn’t need either anymore. Last night he broke up with me. He said he can’t love me like I need to be loved and can’t force himself to. He also said that he has never been in love with someone before. He’s had previous relationships before me. This is hard for me to accept due to our age. Despite the bad times, he is perfect for me. I have been patient to wait for the bad times to pass but understand they will arise from time to time. I have never felt so ‘right’ about someone before and really think/thought he was the one for me. Everything about him is perfect. I have begged for him to stay with me before, and he has. But I need to be strong this time and have him learn what he wants without my influence. I guess I’m just wanting to know if despite him saying he’s feeling the best he ever has, is it his depression that has made this decision or actually how he feels? He said he fears going back to how to was feeling and I can understand that woukd be a horrible feeling.

Letting go of someone but keep connected thru the process.

replies: 6

Hi Peeps. Hopefully I've put this in the right forum. I'll be straight up and be to the point. For the last couple of years I've been in an extramarital affair. The 2 of us had been good friends for many years before it started as we have shared many... View more

Hi Peeps. Hopefully I've put this in the right forum. I'll be straight up and be to the point. For the last couple of years I've been in an extramarital affair. The 2 of us had been good friends for many years before it started as we have shared many common interests and friends (we still do due to group gathering/Kids etc). It all started because we admitted our feelings (we both had feelings for a while but kept to ourselves) and since that day we have had this emotional and physical connection. I would say we discover more, it has been very intense connection and multiple levels of chemistry. During these times we have always knew that this would have to end due to our commitments and obligations, we promised each other we would leave this together, get us thru the low down and become friends again. We have tried this multiple times and we come running back to each other. We have come to a point now we're we both know it's becoming too toxic and its causing us lots of guilt, stress and anxiety. We are both going to therapy to sort out own lives and not lean on each other. During this period we were having a transparent talk on ceasing all communication for a while so we can try to let each other go, grieve and one day able to be friends. 1 point which was bought up and discussed was if we kept communicating (But no meet ups, no emotional chatting, keep it all straight and legit with less frequency/intensity) so we can support each other in the let go phase and become friends. This was discussed because we have been supportive, transparent and understanding during our friendship and the affair, this includes all the good times and bad times. We always had a strong foundation. My question is had anyone been thru or tried breakup/let go phase in this communicative scernio, still able to have restricted communication and able to get thru it and become friends? If so how did it all go and the feelings generated within yourself. Was it successful or was it a mistake? I know you majority would say cease all connection for a while, but for both of us this has been so intense that that 1 big cut is just to harsh for us as we been our lean to's for many things. We are very committed to become friends again and be strong enough to know not to cross the line and go back to our lives we are committed to before it all started. Thanks you in advance :-)

Seeking advice on how I should handle a rekindled connection with an ex.

replies: 2

Hello, and thank you for visiting this post. This is my first time using this message board so I apologise if anything I write breaches the site's terms and conditions. I've recently started talking with my high-school ex-girlfriend again whom I have... View more

Hello, and thank you for visiting this post. This is my first time using this message board so I apologise if anything I write breaches the site's terms and conditions. I've recently started talking with my high-school ex-girlfriend again whom I haven't spoken with in five years after she contacted me over social media. For years she'd suffered with depression and anxiety, and had even physically harmed herself on occasion, so it's been so wonderful to discover just how much she's improved mentally and emotionally. She's so much more confident and secure now, and I am so proud of her and all the progress she's made. We've discussed possibly getting back together, even though we both live in different states now (South Australia and Victoria, respectively). Although we agreed that we'd wait until we reunited in person before we made a decision, we've since come to the agreement that a long-distance would be very difficult for us. We've decided that it's best for us to just be friends. But I'm concerned if even that's possible now. Because of intensifying physical and emotional symptoms, I've recently been prescribed medication again to cope with the stress and pressure. It's pathetic just how severely this has been affecting me, honestly. I really care about her, and now that she's back in my life I don't want to lose her again, even if we are to just be friends. I want us to be friends. Nothing could give me greater joy than to be someone she can depend upon for trust and support, because that's exactly what she is to me. But I fear it might be too late for that, that we've already become too attached to one another again too quickly. We've both expressed disappointment that we can't be together, so I wonder if it's even right for us to continue to stay in contact. I don't want either of us to be hurt, especially not her. She's already been through enough and she's still struggling even now. I disappointed her once and I don't want a repeat. Is it possible for me to make peace with my affections and accept that we're just to be friends, or should I cease pursuing this before one of is hurt? We've established we don't want to cut each other out of our lives again, but I dread that outcome might come to fruition. Is it better to cut out that which we can't accept or learn to accept it? Any and all advice, guidance or support is greatly appreciated, and I won't mind elaborating further if there are any questions or concerns. Thank you.

Help - Is it his depression talking?

replies: 3

Hi Everyone, I’ll try to keep this as structured as possible without too much jumping around. Also apologies if I’m providing too much detail and it sounds life I’m waffling on. I’m just hoping all the information can help make it easier to understan... View more

Hi Everyone, I’ll try to keep this as structured as possible without too much jumping around. Also apologies if I’m providing too much detail and it sounds life I’m waffling on. I’m just hoping all the information can help make it easier to understand how our relationship is and perhaps aid in the advice provided. Long story short my boyfriend is currently severely depressed whilst also experiencing really bad anxiety with this. He has been having constant anxiety panic attacks and often they will come in a wave. To provide some background, he had been on antidepressants for probably around 15 years up until about a 1 year ago. He had taken these since he lost his sister to cancer when he was a teenager. They were very close and only 18 months apart in age and he took it upon himself to care for her at every stage – which I can’t imagine how traumatic that must have been. Throughout his life he has struggled with acceptance and ever since this he would avoid pain and conflict and try to always make others happy. He had told me about some of the pain he had experienced in his past but had always hidden his antidepressants since the beginning of our relationship. One day I found them and at first he said they were his dads (they were no longer in the original prescription box), which I believed. Then when I found another packet and asked again, at first he denied them but then a few days later opened up to me and said he felt ashamed and that’s why he had hidden them. I told him I didn’t judge him and he shouldn’t feel ashamed, he had gone through difficult times in his life and whatever he needed to get through this I was willing to support him all the way. He said he no longer wanted to rely on them but he feared by coming off them he would be a different person and people including myself would no longer like him. Eventually he came off them, which at first was a struggle but eventually he managed. However I believe because he didn’t ever deal with the underlying mental issues of why he was using them, his past has come back to haunt him now. The reason I am seeking advice or people’s thought is because of our relationship. Without providing all the details and missing too mainly, I’ll try to give as much info as possible.

Pinned discussions

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

replies: 0

All discussions

I’ve done it his time

replies: 2

Long term friendship help - scared to confront her

replies: 4

Living with a physical dissability and no support

replies: 4

Monogamy is it societies Achilles heal?

replies: 17

Unsolved relationship issues

replies: 4

New Partner with depression

replies: 2

Depressed Partner Has Broken Up With Me

replies: 4

Letting go of someone but keep connected thru the process.

replies: 6

Seeking advice on how I should handle a rekindled connection with an ex.

replies: 2

Help - Is it his depression talking?

replies: 3

Relationship and family issues

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about replies: 0

I’ve done it his time replies: 2

Long term friendship help - scared to confront her replies: 4

Living with a physical dissability and no support replies: 4

Monogamy is it societies Achilles heal? replies: 17

Unsolved relationship issues replies: 4

New Partner with depression replies: 2

Depressed Partner Has Broken Up With Me replies: 4

Letting go of someone but keep connected thru the process. replies: 6

Seeking advice on how I should handle a rekindled connection with an ex. replies: 2

Help - Is it his depression talking? replies: 3

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

replies: 0

I’ve done it his time

replies: 2

Long term friendship help - scared to confront her

replies: 4

Living with a physical dissability and no support

replies: 4

Monogamy is it societies Achilles heal?

replies: 17

Unsolved relationship issues

replies: 4

New Partner with depression

replies: 2

Depressed Partner Has Broken Up With Me

replies: 4

Letting go of someone but keep connected thru the process.

replies: 6

Seeking advice on how I should handle a rekindled connection with an ex.

replies: 2

Help - Is it his depression talking?

replies: 3