In Love With My Kid's Teacher?
So I have 2 disabled children that attend primary school and one of their teachers is not only beautiful, but very friendly, sweet and incredible at what she does.
I am have been married for 10 years and the romance and intimacy is dead. We are working on our marriage but I am doubtful of the future because I don't find her attractive anymore.
What I see in the teacher is someone that attracts me but understands my disabled children and when she looks and talks to me she is always smiling and very friendly.
Is the grass greener on the other side? I feel desperate for intimacy and affection that I am not getting with my wife.
I am no expert in the matter, but from the other side of the equation, have you spoken with your wife to why she may not feel the desire to be intimate with you?
You said you were working on the relationship but your doubtful on a future because you don't find her attractive anymore? Is this physical attraction or emotional attraction. If it's purely physical attraction then I think you also need to be realistic and realise that people change age we age and that a relationship should not only be based on the outside beauty, but the beauty within, their attitudes, beliefs, and the soul that lives within them.
From other people's information and knowledge they have passed on over the years it is not always greener on the other side. The teacher needs to be professional and caring that is her job, so away from work they can be a very different person and if you have not experienced this, then I would be thinking long and hard before you resign to the other side.
Thanks for the reply.
My wife and I have spoken about our physical relationship and a few of the issues are her own self esteem, how tired she is from her work and a bit of resentment on me not being able to hold down full time work because of my mental health issues.
The teacher that I speak of, looks at me in the same way my wife looked at me when we first started dating. Because I am desperate for intimacy and for feeling wanted and loved, I can see some of this when the teacher is talking to me. She isn't this way with other fathers.
Anyway, I am hoping things will become more clear as we go through therapy together - either strengthen our marriage with the tools to keep us moving forward or realise that there isn't anything there other than the kids anymore and to then either call it a day or to keep things how they are for the kids sake and live together as friends.
Half tagging, half responding.
We each have our own path to travel on. And you said that you are going through therapy together, so in this space if you want to think out loud, I can respond. And while you have your own mental health issue to deal with, you also mentioned your wife having own issues, and some resentment, plus young children, all of which complicates matters further. So if you need sounding boards to be able to work through a problem or issue...
Perhaps your therapist will give you some tools or exercises to do to help recreate whatever is missing, that allows for the intimacy you are seeking.
If I was allowed to ask one question.... What do _really_ want (to do)?
I'm wondering if your wife would look more attractive if she was not working and did not have children to look after? Can you place the teacher in the same position your wife is currently in and imagine how the teacher may or may not cope after 10 years of the same environment?
The teacher has the children for a day, 5 days a week, you and your wife have them all the time.
Is there someone who could look after the children so you could take your wife out on a date?
Sometimes the grass is a lot greener on the other side of the fence and a change works really well for one person in the relationship and sometimes for all involved.
Everyone deserves to be happy, sometimes that is hard to achieve without hurting someone.
Do you know if the teacher is in a relationship or not or if she is looking for one?
Having someone pay us some attention when we are not receiving it at home can be very flattering, welcome, make our hormones tick over and cause us to feel excited about possible prospects.
Hope you and your wife can talk this through and come up with ideas and a solution one way or another.
Cheers from Dools
you certainly nailed it! the attention I get from teacher has me excited and nervous like a teenager!
How I feel (at the moment) about teacher is that she ticks all the boxes, smoking hot, understands my kids disabilities and is lovely to talk to.
As far as I know she is single, no idea if she is looking but I do feel that she is a major distraction for me while the chips are down with my wife. Hoping to get some clarity through therapy to see if wife and I can get back the spark.
If we are honest with ourselves, I am sure there are many of us who often wish we were with someone else or wish the person we are with was someone different.
One of the problems with relationships is that we all grow older, we have responsibilities with-in a relationship. A fling, or even throwing out the old for the new can feel so darn exciting and thrilling!
It can be very difficult to commit to the person we are with when a relation goes sour for some reason.
Maybe change needs to take place in both you and your wife. Only you know which way to go in all of this.
Yer, the teacher ticks all the boxes. She sounds very tempting. Did your wife tick the boxes once upon a time?
It is tough when you want something that might not be yours to have. I well understand your desires and feelings, needing and wanting what the teacher has to offer. We all desire to feel that way.
Hope yo can find some answers and decide on which direction you need to go.
Cheers from Dools
I have decided that I need to ignore any feelings I have for teacher. It's been driving me crazy how much I want to be with her (even though I don't know her really).
The idea of leaving my wife and kids kills me with guilt, my Dad left when I was young and it's been very hard for me even now to deal with. I can't be the man to leave for selfish reasons. I need to fight to save my marriage and hope I can be happy with the result.
That must have been tough having your Dad leave the family. Have you spoken to anyone about how that has made you feel? It can help to get all that hurt, sorrow, grief and possible anger out.
As children it is really hard to understand and comprehend why different things happen in your life. It must have been a difficult time for you all.
There are different sites on the internet with suggestions on how to make relationships work. Google something like "50 ways to save my marriage". I tried some of the ideas with my husband, in the end I just went out and did the ideas and suggestions by myself as it was a lot more enjoyable and less hassle!
Hope you both find ways to reconnect again. Relationships can never be the same as they were in the past, they keep evolving.
Cheers from Dools