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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Kathleen_ I need my son
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone. I have a son 20 years old, who I love dearly. I have tried to be so many people for him and I cannot get it right. I want so badly for him to know I love him but everything I say is wrong. I muck up all the time. He is so angry at me and... View more

Hi everyone. I have a son 20 years old, who I love dearly. I have tried to be so many people for him and I cannot get it right. I want so badly for him to know I love him but everything I say is wrong. I muck up all the time. He is so angry at me and says such terrible things. He keeps losing his job for anger towards women and I feel like I am to blame. He talks about how much I have let him down and it is unbrearable for me. I try so hard and my 3 girls seem to think I have done ok by them. Please can some young men help me understand why I have failed him so badly.

Toosmile Loneliness
  • replies: 4

Hello. I haven't been in forums since high school, that was ten years ago. Without getting into everything, I realise I need help again. I haven't experienced this type of loneliness before. I have a husband and some family but I really can't share m... View more

Hello. I haven't been in forums since high school, that was ten years ago. Without getting into everything, I realise I need help again. I haven't experienced this type of loneliness before. I have a husband and some family but I really can't share my problems with them. They just don't understand. I've come here as my marriage isn't strong right now, my family are distant and I don't have friends to talk with. I feel empty, sad and alone. I don't know how to open up to others and I guess that's because I always feel judgement from others. I thought maybe coming here and talking with like minded people, I could get some help. I'm tired of feeling lonely, it's horrible and it's not helping my anxiety or depression. Apologies if this isn't the right thread or I haven't given enough information. To be honest is was hard enough to sign up Thank you

Singleat30wchild Separation involving a child
  • replies: 1

So I’ve been with my partner 7 years. I’ve been unhappy most of it because I think he is a bit emotionally and verbally abusive but after a while you just get used to it really. He’s in a high income high stresss job and is an alcoholic with a decent... View more

So I’ve been with my partner 7 years. I’ve been unhappy most of it because I think he is a bit emotionally and verbally abusive but after a while you just get used to it really. He’s in a high income high stresss job and is an alcoholic with a decent bad back injury which is adding to the alcoholism. I recently found out he’s been caught cheating on me .. again... yes I have forgiven the last 3 times because he had a great story which I was stupid enough to believe and now this time is different because someone has physically seen him cheating on me. They are with brothels not with like a girl with an emotional attachment but still... i believe it’s time to leave but I feel like it’s going to be a horrible legal fight because he will say I don’t deserve anything and I am assuming he will want almost 50% custody of our son of which I’m going to truly struggle with as I’m usually primary parent should I stay? I know so many supportive friends who I will probably lose because they all think I’m losing myself staying with him. Alternatively though I am going to have to change my life and it will be a tough year ahead... i work full time in a high stress decent income job as well. My son is in day care full time from 8-6 of which we will I assume, split the cost of... i have zero family living in nsw as well... i feel lost and helpless and I have anxiety and can’t sleep. I cry most nights and days too but I’m becoming numb because I haven’t told him and I’m biting my tongue every day and just feeling miserable. I want to tell him and confront him but I fear if I’m not prepared he will drag me through litigation or catch me off guard because he has more money and experience with lawyers... i just don’t know anymore

Marlet Survivor of NPD Abuse and OCD Mother
  • replies: 1

I consider myself to be a survivor of two complicated family relationships - an abusive sister with NPD (who I'm not estranged from) and a mother with severe OCD (and likely other illnesses) who I have a complicated relationship with. As a result I h... View more

I consider myself to be a survivor of two complicated family relationships - an abusive sister with NPD (who I'm not estranged from) and a mother with severe OCD (and likely other illnesses) who I have a complicated relationship with. As a result I have complex anxiety, occasional panic attacks and probably some anger issues. But I'm working on managing myself and making my life & other relationships healthy. I am wondering if there are any others in a similar situation? I can't find anything about survivors of Narcissistic Personality Disorder abuse on here. I'd love to chat to others about how they cope with things like maintaining a relationship with a parent with extreme and untreated OCD? And how they cope with the fallout of having a close family member with NPD. Thanks, Marlet

Sezmua being cheated on and the affects its having on me as a person
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, this is the first time i really know of that im suffering from depression. I'm 32 years old and i've had 4 serious relationships all of which i've been cheated on. The last 2 relationships have hit the hardest. The father of my kids chea... View more

Hi everyone, this is the first time i really know of that im suffering from depression. I'm 32 years old and i've had 4 serious relationships all of which i've been cheated on. The last 2 relationships have hit the hardest. The father of my kids cheated and then left me for the same woman.. and the relationship im in now, my partner keot leaving me for 3 or 4 days every 6 months atleast until october last year it was like every couple of weeks or days until i found out he was having an affair with another woman who didnt even know i existed. i caught him a month and a half into it... we've been trying to make it work ever since. Hes remorseful and sorry but i cant help but feel insecure, stupid, nervous, stressed and sad. I'm at war with myself. My brain hates him and wants to leave but my heart says otherwise. I'm scared of him leaving or me leaving him and then he moves on with someone else again..it makes my physically sick..when im away form him im a mess, when he's near me im ok. I'm scared of moving on with out him. It gives me extreme anxiety. Makes me feel weak and sick. I want to be strong enough to leave and be happy but i can't. I feel like im drowning. I see a psychologist and my doctor has prescribed me anti depressants but im terrified to take them as he said it'll make me worse before i'm better. I dont want to feel worse then i already do. It scares me. I am a jumble of a mess

ChrissyStar Why isn't anybody proud of me - why do they put me down instead?
  • replies: 2

Growing up, I often dealt with my mother interrogating me about topics I was offended at. She would start by passing the blame to my father & open the conversation up, with: "Your Father thinks that you...." and out with the shocking accusation. An e... View more

Growing up, I often dealt with my mother interrogating me about topics I was offended at. She would start by passing the blame to my father & open the conversation up, with: "Your Father thinks that you...." and out with the shocking accusation. An example of what would follow is: "...are a prostitute?" (before I had even had sex - at that very delicate time in a young lady's life). I'd be hurt because they were always massive put downs. I'd have to beg and plead my case, that I wasn't the horrible thing I was being accused of being or doing. Finally my mother would go "ok, I believe you" (as if she had been convinced of what Dad said and I had to then convince her of my innocence). It was tiring and emotionally damaging. As an adult - I am angry that my mother would even pass on such things & even worse, think maybe she was just being manipulative in some way. My teenage years were actually super hard and I became a major rebel (something which saw my life destroyed through drug addiction & the wrong kind of choices). I often consider the effect of these questions on my very early, formative years - did I believe that I was the bad, horrible monster I had always been told I was (that I had to beg and plead I was not).....did I finally give in and be the person I was painted as - or as close to this person as I could get? That would actually explain it all! Deep down, I have a really bad feeling = that this is the truth. After all, they were my parents - they are a major factor in who I become (what they want me to be = or who I am to them.) Now, as an adult - I fear I am repeating my childhood by attracting non-supportive people. I just think "Why can't anyone be proud of me?" & say something positive about my achievements? I've fought me whole life to never need others' supportive or appreciation (so that I can stand on my own 2 feet) - but sometimes I need it to get me through. And if I don't get it, I don't get through. How can I devise new ways of getting this support when my family fail me? Any suggestions or comments to help are greatly appreciated. Thanks.

oooverthinker :( boyfriend / porn
  • replies: 5

I get really sad and anxious over the thought of my boyfriend watching porn. Whenever he is home alone, all I can do is think about it. To set a context we have a healthy sex life and have only been together 7 months. We spend a lotttt of time togeth... View more

I get really sad and anxious over the thought of my boyfriend watching porn. Whenever he is home alone, all I can do is think about it. To set a context we have a healthy sex life and have only been together 7 months. We spend a lotttt of time together but I've found whenever I am not with him he will look at porn. I don't really have many insecurities (that I'm aware of) nor have I been single for more than a month in the past 8 years (I'm 24). I have talked to him about it and he said he will stop watching porn but I feel like I'm going crazy. I don't want to keep something from him that he must enjoy. I get really down about it daily, I've even been having nightmares and broken sleeps because of it. I try and make sure we spend as much time together as possible or try avid him being home alone (I am aware this is not healthy behaviour). I just want to stop thinking about this and feeling the way I do. If anybody has any advice on this please reach out.

Tia12 Lonely, family estrangement, few friends
  • replies: 5

It's been a tough week. I realise I don't have many friends and it seems definite my siblings do not wish for me to be a part of their life. I'm not sure if I want to continue my friendship with my closest friend. It feels scary as we share everythin... View more

It's been a tough week. I realise I don't have many friends and it seems definite my siblings do not wish for me to be a part of their life. I'm not sure if I want to continue my friendship with my closest friend. It feels scary as we share everything but I feel like he doesn't respect me. He never apologies when he has made an error but actually blames me - I said or did the wrong thing to cause him to react the way he did and therefore it's my fault. We have the same sense of humour, share everything and most times things are good. However in the past couple of weeks he has openly abused me in front of our work colleagues (yes we work together as well) and failed to turn up on a lunch date that was pre organised. I feel like he is trying to control me. If I do something that doesn't meet his standards or doesn't comply with his moral beliefs, then I'm a hypocrite or a fraud or he just gets angry with me. I haven't spoke to him since he swore at me at work 4 days ago even though we were suppose to go out yesterday. I'm sick of making the first move all the time to reconciliate the friendship. I feel if he doesn't make the effort this time, then we will no longer be friends. I'm just not sure if I can make a clean break. The other issue is that today my mum invited me to brunch with two of my siblings. My siblings organised to have brunch with mum and then mum later invited me without forewarning my siblings. I actually didn't think it was an issue as I thought my relationship with my sister and brother was ok even though we aren't close anymore. It turns out my sister told my mother she doesn't want me there, when she saw me she didn't say hello but told me we are going out, and then my mum sided with her. It was very hurtful. I really don't know why she felt that way and I don't know what I've done. We had coffee together in November and I invited her to play board games with us on Christmas Day. It now feels like my three siblings have all sided together against me. My relationship with my siblings has been good and bad over the years but it has gotten worse since my Dad passed away 6 years ago and Mum now has moved into a nursing home. I actually was trying not feel stressed and tense when I'm around them but this has just made it worse. It's obvious that most people close to me don't treat me with respect (including my teenage daughter). I'm not sure how to turn this around.

Leslee I've hated my mother for as long as I can remember. Please help.
  • replies: 1

My parents split when I was a kid. My younger sibling and I ended up with our mother. We don't see our father anymore, probably because of our mother. She is Negative, Stubborn and a wannabe Authoritarian (I say wannabe because my sibling and I are n... View more

My parents split when I was a kid. My younger sibling and I ended up with our mother. We don't see our father anymore, probably because of our mother. She is Negative, Stubborn and a wannabe Authoritarian (I say wannabe because my sibling and I are now both adults so though our mother may still try to control our personal preferences, she rarely succeeds, but it remains annoying nonetheless). I moved out from home not long after I turned 18 and could support myself. I used to visit once a week/fortnight but I haven't been back in months after the last visit. We had an argument over the amount of food she gave me. This may sound trivial but I've asked her literally thousands of times, in a serious tone, not to force so much food into my bowl (this has been ongoing at least since I moved out over 10 years ago). It upsets me because it demonstrates how stubborn she is and how controlling she wants to be, even though I am a perfectly healthy weight for my height. When we were young, she used to hit my sister when she didn't finish her meals. My sister got fat and she then had to buy her a bicycle. I did some online research which recommended counseling so I went and saw my GP who referred me to a psychologist. Explaining the situation to him actually made me feel worse as it seemed to justify my reasons for hating my mother (telling my friends I was never home when I was, going through my mail, and just the way she raised me in general). I ran out of things to talk about after a few sessions so I stopped seeing him. I appreciate my mother may have had a tough life but I don't think it's right to take one's pain out on others, let alone your own children. While it wouldn't be the end of the world if I never saw her again, I know that all this hatred will probably turn into guilt once she passes away because as stubborn as she is, she probably means well sometimes.

sodapopx Finding people to date
  • replies: 4

Hello everyone, I'd just like to share an experience that i've been having which is really frustrating me a lot. After dating a few people non-seriously and finally being done with them this past year, these past few months i've been wanting to meet ... View more

Hello everyone, I'd just like to share an experience that i've been having which is really frustrating me a lot. After dating a few people non-seriously and finally being done with them this past year, these past few months i've been wanting to meet someone new to date and hopefully become more serious with. The thing is I don't really meet any new guys in real life often, and if I do they're usually already in a relationship or they're already part of my social circle and we're just friends (one of my girl friends likes them, etc). For the past year i've tried a few dating apps and other apps for more specified interests, but the only people i've met on there that I really like live in other cities. There has been a couple that live here and that I am interested in and we have just started talking, but they don't seem to be interested in anything very serious or building a relationship. After going through some awful experiences with dating/guys i've liked in the past, I do want to take it a bit slower and know someone a fair bit and establish a basic sense of trust before meeting up. After my experiences i've also built some strong boundaries for myself, but I don't feel like anyone fits into these boundaries and it's becoming a disadvantage in really connecting with anyone. I've also never been in a proper serious relationship before and I feel like sometimes I don't know how this is suppose to form. I do want to experience and have this with another person but I also don't know where to meet guys in real life. (my uni course and hobbies are quite female-oriented and don't meet a lot of guys there.) I've been told by guys that i'm very attractive, but I don't feel like guys really approach me often in real life to talk in general, so I sometimes find it hard to believe. I can be quite shy with people when first meeting them, but I've been getting a lot better with this and most times when I do meet new people and they're friendly I feel quite comfortable to have a conversation with them. Any tips to meet new people will be much appreciated:)