Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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ChunkyTom An extremely difficult break up
  • replies: 12

My depression caused me to lose someone extremely important to me. In June 2017 I met who I consider to be the love of my life. She was a newly single woman who had just separated from her long term husband. She was tall, blonde, career driven and ab... View more

My depression caused me to lose someone extremely important to me. In June 2017 I met who I consider to be the love of my life. She was a newly single woman who had just separated from her long term husband. She was tall, blonde, career driven and absolutely stunning. She was unlike any one I had ever met before. She was intelligent, witty and so incredibly sexy. She was special. Our relationship continued for the best part of a year. It was full of love, indulging and laughs but also a lot of heartache. We grew extremely dependent on each other for everything. We broke up so frequently only to apologise and go back to exactly the same behaviors the next day and pretend everything was fine. This was mostly due to our unresolved personal issues projected onto each other. This was mostly because we threw ourselves in the deep end by living in each others pockets almost instantly. I grew jealous and insecure like I always did. I craved her validation. She was snowed in with the pressure her divorce was having over her. Her ex partner was a nasty human who wanted to ruin her financially. I was so fixated on keeping this relationship together I forgot to look after myself and the other aspects of my life that I cared about. She talked about breaking up with me to focus on settling her divorce but I resisted. I couldn’t even begin to imagine a world without her. I resorted to behaviors I am not proud of. I would threaten suicide or I would hint to leaking secrets that could threaten the outcome of her divorce and career. I had become worse to her than her ex husband. She loved me with all her heart and she cared about me, but she knew what we were doing to each other wasn’t healthy. On top of all that she was now scared what I would do to myself or her. We remained in our toxic relationship. To cut a long story short she eventually decided enough was enough and asked for space. I unfortunately was unable to give it to her and pushed her away to a point where she now wont speak to me. I have used the time (1 month) to focus on my mental health. I have become extremely self aware of my underlying issues and have started to rewrite some of my core beliefs. Unfortunately I still feel a lot of pain towards losing her. Not a day goes past when I don't think about her or want to call her to apologise for just how bad I was. I know it is still too soon. I also know its possible we may never get back in contact again. What do I do?

LeeA18 Feeling exhausted
  • replies: 3

Hi I left an extremely stressful job over a month ago and my relationship broke up a month before that, but ended ambicably because of his mental health (or so I thought). Fast forward to now, I still feel absolutely heartbroken, depressed and anxiou... View more

Hi I left an extremely stressful job over a month ago and my relationship broke up a month before that, but ended ambicably because of his mental health (or so I thought). Fast forward to now, I still feel absolutely heartbroken, depressed and anxious and just soooo extremely burnt out. I have been talking to a psych and have just changed to a new one. I went overseas on a holiday, which I thought would help me relax and it did to some degree. My ex has been hurtful, don't know if he realises that he has been or not. We were pretty good friends and then it just became a one way relationship where he only contacted me when he wanted something. He has now completely removed me from his life, which is hard to take. He has also lied to me about stuff and has been useless when it comes to communicating to me about problems and so I don't have much closure. I am someone that would rather be told the truth then to be told a lie to protect my feelings and then I find out that it is a lie. I also think he played with my head quite a bit after the break up, which just really wore me down and still plays with my mind quite a bit. I can't seem to stop thinking. I just don't know what to do anymore. I have been doing a little bit of work to try and get my mind off things but the job is so mundane that I get tired before lunch time and I just want to sleep and I have no motivation to ask for more work. I just feel like this dark cloud is hovering over me and will not lift. I know it all takes time but I am becoming more and more frustrated with how I am feeling. I want to be happy again but it just seems like so much effort. Truthfully, I don't think I ever want to be in a relationship again. It is worse now because of the burn out from my old job that I am trying to recover from. My health is not good at all. I have a disease that has started to flare up. My entire body aches. I have lost weight. I have little motivation to actually do anything including cooking. I feel neuseas. All I want to do is sleep. I am actually thinking that I might need to go to the hospital this weekend if I continue being like this. I am seeing a psych tomorrow. Hopefully he will be able to help me further. I have anti-depressants prescribed to me but I have been trying to do it on my own but I just don't think I can anymore so I started those this morning. Thank you for letting me vent again lol.

unicornprincess29 How often is too often?
  • replies: 7

Hey all, just curious on people’s thoughts as to how often is too often to think about what life would be like/if you’d be happier without your partner? (Not necessarily because you have someone else you want to be with). I understand it’s natural fo... View more

Hey all, just curious on people’s thoughts as to how often is too often to think about what life would be like/if you’d be happier without your partner? (Not necessarily because you have someone else you want to be with). I understand it’s natural for some people to have these sorts of thoughts every so often, but how often does it have to be before it becomes attributed to an obvious issue in the relationship?

Washappyonce Lost..
  • replies: 3

On mother’s day I found out my ex had been cheating on me for 4 years with his best friend from school. We have been together 24 years 3 children. I am still struggling. He told me he never loved me our life was a mistake she’s his soulmate and he sh... View more

On mother’s day I found out my ex had been cheating on me for 4 years with his best friend from school. We have been together 24 years 3 children. I am still struggling. He told me he never loved me our life was a mistake she’s his soulmate and he should have always been with her he said we weren’t in the same social class he’s a private school kid I was public, my family isn’t wealthy his is well off. After I found out and kicked him out my younger girls told me that he had been secretly meeting up with her and her children whilst taking my kids out. Then my eldest son informed me he has been bad mouthing me to him for years. I was completely blindsided my children don’t want anything to do with him. I am trying to hold it together barely as he’s all I’ve known he was my first and only love and to be told it was all a lie and a mistake is hurtful. Im trying to cope keep a smile on my face but it is extremely hard. He has told everyone we mutually agreed to seperate as it wasn’t working out and I’m sick of having to explain the truth. I have a good day then I have a lot of really bad days. I feel so alone and I’m trying my hardest to put on that brave face for my kids sake. I know everyone says time heals but he’s all I’ve known my whole life we have grown up together I don’t want to see my friends because I can’t bear going out without him I feel so stupid and embarrassed and ashamed that people know he’s never loved me and he’s left for me for his so called soul mate. What hurts more is there was no signs our sex life was great our life was great or so I thought. I just want to feel normal and not so insecure I feel like I don’t trust anyone anymore that anything anyone says to me is a lie after what he’s done when do these feelings go away. My children have a lot of anger and hate towards him as well and I’m struggling to try and make them try and see him because part of me knows it’s not right he’s still their dad but part of me is angry that he has used my children as a cover to cheat it’s all a big mess

Spring2016 Much needed advice to move on
  • replies: 4

Thanks in advance for any advice given. To make a long story short, early this year I commenced an affair with my “childhood sweetheart” sorry couldn’t think of another term that is not so cliché….. Anyway, I ended the affair a month ago, (we have no... View more

Thanks in advance for any advice given. To make a long story short, early this year I commenced an affair with my “childhood sweetheart” sorry couldn’t think of another term that is not so cliché….. Anyway, I ended the affair a month ago, (we have not been in contact) as much as I desperately wanted to end my marriage and be with this man, I decided to be realistic and do the right thing by my husband and child, and not get all romantic comedy about it. My husband does not know – and as much as I want to tell him – I won’t subject myself to the judgement and ridicule of our family and friends – if I knew that I could tell my husband and it would remain between him and I then I would not hesitate in telling him. What I need help with please is, I still think about this man everyday, I am still very much in love with him, and I still want to be with him. How do I get over him and move on with my husband….? thanks again for any advice.

Lass Hello to all.
  • replies: 3

Hello to those who care. I've had the most hellish past years. Son with chromosomal disorde, I've beat a rare form of cancer, ex cheating on me; and exiting the family; offering no support. My beloved father has just passed away. I truly wonder what ... View more

Hello to those who care. I've had the most hellish past years. Son with chromosomal disorde, I've beat a rare form of cancer, ex cheating on me; and exiting the family; offering no support. My beloved father has just passed away. I truly wonder what I did to be dealt this treatment!!

Marah11 Tired
  • replies: 3

I feel miserable and lost. I want someone to talk too, but I don’t have any friends. I want friends but then when I have friends I just feel like it’s all a competition, and I can never win. I don’t feel good enough, and I can never act myself. My pa... View more

I feel miserable and lost. I want someone to talk too, but I don’t have any friends. I want friends but then when I have friends I just feel like it’s all a competition, and I can never win. I don’t feel good enough, and I can never act myself. My partner just left and all I wanted was some help. I want someone to care for me for a change. I feel so bitter and jaded, I always push people away. I feel so tired all the time, I just wana crawl into a ball for a week and hope I feel better. I can’t ofcourse.

Sims9287 Guilt
  • replies: 2

Hi. First time to this forum so pls be kind. I feel like i'm in a weird spot in my life. A few years ago i cheated on my boyfriend and, even though I told him, I feel guilty. I just want to move on...he has but I can't quite forgive myself

Hi. First time to this forum so pls be kind. I feel like i'm in a weird spot in my life. A few years ago i cheated on my boyfriend and, even though I told him, I feel guilty. I just want to move on...he has but I can't quite forgive myself

BoomJun28 Feel like world's worst mother.
  • replies: 2

Hi all. I have two children ages 2.5 + 8 months. They are beautiful. I have recently gone through family things where I actually have no family members left, I do not speak to a single one of my family members and both of my parents are deceased. My ... View more

Hi all. I have two children ages 2.5 + 8 months. They are beautiful. I have recently gone through family things where I actually have no family members left, I do not speak to a single one of my family members and both of my parents are deceased. My family chose not to show much interest in my first born and then couldn't even visit or a phone call for my second born, hence the cut off. Day to day now though, I now feel anxious and stressed. Lonely and isolated. I don't have many friends anymore either S we moved away. I seem to have little to no patience with my children. I am the mother I said I would never be. The yelly type and I have even given my eldest some taps on the hand recently as behaviour has been out of control and I feel like a complete failure. Today they were both taking ages to fall asleep and I yelled at them and they both cried because I yelled loudly. They don't deserve this, they deserve someone so much better than me. I am horrible at the moment. I have no help day to day as my partner is gone for 12 hours a day. His mother visits one a week or fortnight for an hour or two and that's it. I am going insane. I feel like I am not coping. The issues with my family are never going to be fixed as that's just the kind of people they are. I love my kids more than anything but they are getting the worst me everyday at the moment. I am embarrassed that I am like this. I honestly hate myself. Any advice or suggestions on how to improve myself are welcome.

Fiki Am i the toxic one in the relationship?
  • replies: 4

Hi this is the first time I’m posting on this forum. I’ve been married for 14 years and today I told my husband that I think we should separate. We have 3 kids and I’ve been struggling with depression for the past 6 months. I have episodes which last... View more

Hi this is the first time I’m posting on this forum. I’ve been married for 14 years and today I told my husband that I think we should separate. We have 3 kids and I’ve been struggling with depression for the past 6 months. I have episodes which last a couple of days where I can’t eat I want to stay in bed all day with a book and I can’t even get myself to smile at my children. It’s been really hard and I’ve been trying to fight these episodes by eating healthier, doing exercise and I’ve even joined martial arts classes. But Sometimes I feel I wouldn’t have these down moments if I wasn’t with my husband. We can never agree on anything and everything is a battle to decide on. I have problems with his family as I feel my husband always puts them first. They live overseas. He sends money to them every month, talks to them on the phone 4-5 times a week, they come and stay at our house for 3 Months at a time and my husband goes there every year for 3 weeks by himself. I first started having my episodes after his father came to stay with us for 3 months in which time my husband and I had a lot of problems as I felt neglected. I feel complete trapped where I can’t be free to do what I want and wear what I want. I feel like I have to do the right thing so my husband doesn’t get upset and then he’ll ignore me even more. Whenever I talk to him about my problems he tells me it’s always him that is doing something wrong. When I ask him to tell me something about me that upsets him he says he’s very happy with me and the only thing he can say is that he wants me to be Happy whenever he goes to see his family. He says I should be thankful for everything I have and I shouldn’t be moping around. He is very helpful at home and does a lot of housework and he loves our kids. He has a good heart and he is honest. I feel like maybe I’m the one causing the toxicity in our relationship. I love him and it’s so hard to work past these feelings that I have. I hate feeling unhappy all the time that’s the reason I suggested the separation. I want to be able to be happy with my kids and for them to have a normal Mum who isn’t always trying to escape reality. My husband told me I have to stop thinking about me and think about the kids will they be happier with only me or with both parents. I feel like I’m going crazy I don’t know what to do or how to fix myself... I just want to be alone and for this feeling to go away.