Should I leave?
I cant advise on way or the other. We are peer advisers to mental health. A relationship counselor is more appropriate.
However, you can weigh up your values, your tolerance in him lying and other issues. I think by reminding yourself -
" I feel like he'll never change and I've invested nearly 20 years into this relationship"
You might be better off saying
"20 years wasted...do I stay and make it 60 years wasted or find enjoyment with the next 40 years"?
I dont doubt he loves you. Usually live isnt enough for partners. Trust, values, boundaries and emjoying life together....just as a start.
I hope you find peace. In the very least I'd attend a relationship counselor...alone if I had to.
Hello Bluefire, and a warm welcome to the forums.
I'm sorry for what has been happening as it's very disappointing as trust can outweigh the love we have for someone.
I can't say what you should do but as you have finances and properties together still doesn't mean that you can't leave him, because your trust has been broken.
When he has been drinking alcohol, he will say what he thinks he should be doing, but the next day it's all forgotten, sometimes this is true, otherwise, it's still remembered, but as you have caught him doing other 'activities' and him denying this, is a problem.
To answer your question, this concern won't go away and I would be going to see a solicitor for your own health.
I'm sorry to be so straight forward but have known problems like this are difficult to resolve.