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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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BDSA I'm cheating on my husband online with the possibility of doing it in person
  • replies: 9

I need help and advice on how to handle this situation. I've been married for 7.5 years. We've had issues in the beginning that we overcame and I'll even say that we are at our best at the moment. There are some small things that I'm not happy with b... View more

I need help and advice on how to handle this situation. I've been married for 7.5 years. We've had issues in the beginning that we overcame and I'll even say that we are at our best at the moment. There are some small things that I'm not happy with but we are good. Then 6 months ago, I was at a friend's bday celebration that hubby couldn't go, which is fine. As I was there by myself and didn't know anyone else, sometime after, the bday girl introduced me to this guy, bf of her friend, as he's a marathon runner and I was training for my first half marathon. We got talking about all things running, he gave me a few tips and I added on him on Instagram. I didn't meet the gf as she was playing video games (party was at an arcade games bar). A couple of months later he msgd me asking how did my run go and we talked a bit and that was it. And then a couple of months he msgd me (replying to one of my stories) sort of asking if I was really married and stuff and started showing signs of interest. They were broken up. And from then on we started talking heaps, he was flirting constantly and I was enjoying the attention, to be honest. And I started having "feelings" for him, very strong sexual feelings. One day he asked me what did I think of him and I was a bit rude, he got angry, rightly so and stopped following me. I apologised but no more contact. I then msgd him a day later with a proper apology as I felt like I needed to say more. And that led to us talking again. This was last Tuesday. We were having a very open honest conversation about what feelings we provoked in each other and we were talking 4h straight. Since then, conversation is very sexual, sending provoking/revealing photos and the rush that this gives me is incredible. We even did a video call. He's now asking to meet in person as he wants to have sex with me and the thing is: I want to. The desire is almost unbearable and I don't know how to handle it but I don't want to go ahead with it as I love my hubby very much and I know this is wrong. But the feelings and arousal that I get from this guy is something that I have never felt before. I even had a moderate anxiety attack last week as I simply couldn't deal with all of this and he wasn't msging much that day. Sorry for the long post but I guess I needed to add as much as possible so hopefully someone has some advice on how to handle this. Thank you!

The_Woodman My wife has no interest in sex
  • replies: 7

I have now been married for 32 years and our sex life is virtually non existent. When we first met everything about our relationship was terrific. I suppose I should have seen the warning sign when she told me that once the honeymoon period was over ... View more

I have now been married for 32 years and our sex life is virtually non existent. When we first met everything about our relationship was terrific. I suppose I should have seen the warning sign when she told me that once the honeymoon period was over I was not to expect the same frequency of sexual activity. The warning came to fruitition shortly after we married and since then it has declined to the stage that we do not make love for up to a year. I understand that when she put on a lot of weight after the birth of our children that she felt ashamed of her body, but I still felt desire for her. A few years ago she had a stomach band opperation shortly followed by a tummy tuck.She now has her sexy figure back but still has no interest in sex.I feel so depressed/frustrated/angry that after going through the operations to look and feel better that she still has no interest in sex.It seems that the only time that she is interested is if we go on holiday or spend a night away in a hotel.As much as I love my wife I do not know how much longer I can stay in a marriage that has no intimacy. All our children are adults and have moved on and into good relationships.She has now purchased a few animals who she shows emended amount of affection to which is also making it more depressing. I have told her how I feel and she tells me that if I feel like making love she will try to get into the mood. 50% of the time she still knocks me back as she is either not in the mood or feels tired.I am now so depressed about our relationship and lack of intimacy that I now don’t approach her anymore intimately. To top it all off I now have Peyronies disease and have asked her if she could help me relieve/ cure the problem. She has only done it once which I felt was more out of interest than anything else. We both suffer from stress at work which I accept adds to the problem. I have no idea where to go from here.

Dave1980 Wife took everything from me and cut me off from my kids
  • replies: 2

I don’t really know who to talk to about this so so thought I would just post it here to try to get it off my chest for a while. My ex/wife and I went through a tough time in a few years back after my father died. I inherited some cash and basically ... View more

I don’t really know who to talk to about this so so thought I would just post it here to try to get it off my chest for a while. My ex/wife and I went through a tough time in a few years back after my father died. I inherited some cash and basically had a midlife crisis as I had lost my father who was the only person in the world who gave me a sense of belonging and family. During this time she took my kids on a “holiday” to her parents overseas and then returned to her full time public service job but left the kids overseas. She said she had to because she couldn’t cope with them here in Australia. However I insisted that as their Dad I could cope and that if she wanted to work out our problems she needed to bring them back. Long story short she refused, I suspect knowing how child support works and has now left Australia to live with the kids overseas. I have seen my kids once in three years because with the child support she leeches out of me I have no savings to travel. She put an ultimatum that if I go there twice a year, she will bring them here at my expense. Clearly that’s impossible. So I am screwed. After settlement she took all of my inheritance (which I was told was not supposed to happen) and left me with nearly $1M in debt. My new partner with whom I have a new daughter has decided that I don’t have enough money to support her and has turned to prostitution. She does this in Sydney. We live 3 hours from Sydney, and to try to make ends meet, I already work 5 days a week full time and run a business selling at markets on the weekends. However her money making means she can’t help me run the markets anymore so I am left doing that with my baby daughter. im not sure what I did to end up in this situation. I seem to meet women who are obsessed with money and successful at working the system. I hope my daughters will not become like this when they grow up.

Anne29 Feeling overwhelmed
  • replies: 1

Hi, Sorry for long post haven’t posted in a long while. I’m concerned about my husband who suffered a spinal cord injury almost 10 years ago. I have great concern for his mental well-being over the last year. Last week we had a fight regarding our re... View more

Hi, Sorry for long post haven’t posted in a long while. I’m concerned about my husband who suffered a spinal cord injury almost 10 years ago. I have great concern for his mental well-being over the last year. Last week we had a fight regarding our relationship and how he is feeling. He mentioned that he was feeling very empty. He asked me top stop getting at 5.45 in the morning to work out at the gym because I am always tired. I am exhausted most night by the time I go to bed but I work Five days a week part time and have two very active children who have adhd who I also I have to run after. All children are challenging at time but my husband lashes out st my youngest son. Earlier this week my husband was yelling at our son. He hasn’t actually hurt anyone I think it is just all the frustration builds up. By the time I get to sit down at night I watch a little tv and then I am in bed by 9.30 at the latest. This leaves my husband sitting up by himself. In our fight he mentioned that he has no one to talk to at work and nothing outside of work. Just recently he had a fall after attending the afl grand final and falling backwards and hitting his head landing him in hospital in Melbourne and needing stitches in the back of his head. This is not the first time he has fallen when being intoxicating. I have had to help him up from off the floor when he has fallen over after drinking. His left side of his body was affected during the accident and when he drinks too much he loses function on this side. He want go and talk to anyone. I am feeling overwhelmed and scared.

Natalia123 Complicated Relationship
  • replies: 6

I have been with my husband for 6 years and married for a total of 3 years. We have no children. Im at a point in my life over the age of 30 questioning what love is? The marriage was dysfunctional and ended in a separation for 3 months recently we r... View more

I have been with my husband for 6 years and married for a total of 3 years. We have no children. Im at a point in my life over the age of 30 questioning what love is? The marriage was dysfunctional and ended in a separation for 3 months recently we reconciled. In the three months off my thoughts disappeared and all I felt was Iove for him in my heart. I returned because of the love I felt. I wonder is love enough? I didn’t feel pressured or compelled. There is a conversation every night about the relationship and my husband is feeling overwhelmed. I think it is my way of trying to connect emotionally.

Chicflutterby feeling numb and disconnected
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I have never really been depressed or suffered from anxiety etc. Lately, however, I feel completely numb. If my husband and stepdaughter walked out of my life, I don't think I would feel anything. I love them but I feel separate from them. I ... View more

Hi all, I have never really been depressed or suffered from anxiety etc. Lately, however, I feel completely numb. If my husband and stepdaughter walked out of my life, I don't think I would feel anything. I love them but I feel separate from them. I recently got married. I was stressed out by the wedding. Things were going wrong. We got a notice to leave just before the wedding which caused stress. Husband-to-be got into a fight with his adult son. He and his girlfriend decided to not come to our wedding and sent some disgusting messages to me saying husband was living a double life, felt trapped into marrying me etc. I asked my husband if he loved me and wanted to get married. His response was that he shouldn't have to tell me. But I really needed to hear it. The wedding was a disaster (I didn't feel loved or wanted and to this day wish I had not gotten married). Then after the wedding we had to move. Husband is now smoking weed inside our new house and has all his mates coming over all the time to smoke with him. I hate my home. I hate coming home to the smoking in my house. Husband only works a few hours a day and I have to work 10 to 12hrs a day to pay our bills. Husbands income doesn't cover his bills. I don't know what he does in the 1/2 day each day he doesn't work. Husband says he loves me but I don't really believe him. Since the wedding we not only moved, but I resigned from my job and have a new one to move to. We bought a new home (which my money paid the deposit on) so we have to move again. Husband and I fight all the time. He doesn't care if we are fighting, if he wants sex he thinks he should get it and will put a lot of pressure on me. I give in, I feel nothing. 4 months after the wedding I feel like I am not living my life but a bystander. I don't really feel anything. I don't really care what happens anymore. I feel like if he wants things that bad he can just have them. whether that's my body or my money or using me to babysit his daughter so he can do what he wants or using my body. I feel disassociated and not connected to anyone or my life. I think its just all the stress. Moving, getting married, buying a home and changing jobs. but I also just feel like I want to walk out of my life and never look back. Is there anyway to fix the numbness?

Maryelle Emotional abuse
  • replies: 3

So I have social anxiety, which I am managing with cbt and medication for my cranial sweating. My problem - and has been for a number of years is that I actually think that my husband is emotionally abusing me. For instance, today he told me that if ... View more

So I have social anxiety, which I am managing with cbt and medication for my cranial sweating. My problem - and has been for a number of years is that I actually think that my husband is emotionally abusing me. For instance, today he told me that if I don't get a job by next week he didn't care what I did and that I should be licking the toilet owl. Then he lies straight to my face and said he didn't mean it literally. This is a cycle. Unfortunately our children are here when he says this and he convinces them it's all my fault and he's right. His brother got out of jail after serving 5 years and child protective services are involved with us now due to the charges. He tried to convince dhs that his brother is innocent even after they repeatedly told him what he was charged with. The area manager for dhs came over and told him that he was intimidating and threatening and that he went from a 0 to 100 very quickly. He has turned the kids against me. I have no friends for support. I'm actually thinking of disappearing from his life and the kids lives and the latter breaks my heart but I feel that I have no chance with them now. I feel so lonely, isolated and broken. Please help.

lost6 Blindsided ending to my relationship
  • replies: 12

Hey, This is my first post here. I guess I'm just incredibly confused, lost and overwhelmed at the moment so trying to get support here and see if someone else is going through the same thing and how they're coping. My boyfriend of almost a year brok... View more

Hey, This is my first post here. I guess I'm just incredibly confused, lost and overwhelmed at the moment so trying to get support here and see if someone else is going through the same thing and how they're coping. My boyfriend of almost a year broke up with me completely out of the blue. I had rang up to simply see how his day was on my way home from work and it ended with him asking to come around for a chat and, after staying for only 15 minutes, told me it was over. No compromise, no discussion but worst of all no explanation. We had spent the weekend together just before this happened and there were no signs. He told me I was his soul mate and we talked about our future together only the day before he broke up with me. Only a week before we broke up we booked flights for a weekend away next month. Our relationship was full of happiness and love. We had travelled overseas together, our parents had met and became friends and we were planning on moving in together in a few months time. He has since asked for space and has told me that he wont be able to give me an explanation for a very long time which has left me battling with myself about what has happened. Looking at our relationship I thought it was perfect. However, I do see now that maybe it was 'too' perfect. We hadn't had one fight in the year together, there was never conflict between us and he would always reassure me he was ok and shut down whenever I tried to encourage him to speak what was on his mind. After reading different articles I see now these are red flags about communication problems. I guess I just wish that he had opened up to me, maybe we wouldn't be in this situation. I am absolutely heart broken and feel like I have lost half of my world and had my future ripped away from me. I'm struggling to socialise only seeing my closest friends at the moment. I feel like I'm just surviving through each day at the moment just waiting for the pain to slightly get better.

Libby81 Bullying my daughter
  • replies: 2

I have a 4 year old daughter, and she gets bullied a lot by my niece, i look after my niece in the afternoons so my sister can work.i get a used a lot by my sister cause im to soft and wont say no to her. Ive tried to get my niece to stop bullying my... View more

I have a 4 year old daughter, and she gets bullied a lot by my niece, i look after my niece in the afternoons so my sister can work.i get a used a lot by my sister cause im to soft and wont say no to her. Ive tried to get my niece to stop bullying my daughter my niece has a lot of emotional problems. Now my daughter loves my other niece as shes gentle and plays with her. But when my two nieces get together they are 7 and 8, they both bully my daughter they tell her to go away, they wont play with her and its really nasty. Like on Saturday just gone i actually witnessed my niece pick my daughter up and take her out of the bedroom and my daughter was saying i wanna play with you. My daughter ends up in tears in the end and i do too as its cruel and i dont know how to stop it. I have spoken to my sisters about it i told one of my sisters that if they are together i wont be going over there im not putting my daughter through it anymore her response was ok your choice so in other words she dont care.. I suffer from depression and anxiety. It really makes me so mad cause its not fair and not right and nothing gets done to stop it. Any advice please its to the point i wanna pack our bags and disappear so noone knows where we are.

Humblemind I’m new to this step-mum thing ... paying extra child support?
  • replies: 1

Step mum help... Advice... Something!? My partner and I have been together for just over 12 months. He has 4 kids (2 from each previous marriage - 15, 12, 5, 2yrs). We see the 2 youngest kids half of each school holidays and FaceTime 3x week. We have... View more

Step mum help... Advice... Something!? My partner and I have been together for just over 12 months. He has 4 kids (2 from each previous marriage - 15, 12, 5, 2yrs). We see the 2 youngest kids half of each school holidays and FaceTime 3x week. We have the 2 older kids 2-3 nights per week. In the circumstances, my partner currently pays the highest rate of child support to each ex (both have full-time employment in good jobs), and then of his own free will he pays half of all extra curricular activities the kids participate in, including half of daycare and preschool for the 2 youngest ones. We have a joint account, and with all other payments, mortgage, bills on top of this, we live off a small amount each fortnight. I have expressed that I want to have a child of our own Which he is open to. Ive been working crazy amounts of overtime to put extra into a savings account for this). The problem is though, that no matter how much I try, I just can’t get over the extra that we are paying on top of the court order child support (the most recent ex doesn’t claim the additional as child support payments from us, and she got a near three-figure settlement payout when she left) sometimes it’s an extra $500+ per fortnight to the most recent ex. She also lives with her parents on a property so she doesn’t have a mortgage etc I’ve tried time and time again to explain this to my partner, that we go without to give his ex’s the extra money. It’s a difficult conversation to initiate, particularly when he won’t budge from the current position and says he “needs to do it”, we end up arguing and then not speaking. I’m also not allowed to talk to the youngest kids on FaceTime (they live 1200km away) and im not allowed to attend the changeovers (I have to get out of the car at a different location and wait until I get picked up) as the mother goes off if I have any involvement. I feel like I’m just throwing part of my hard earned money at the ex wife. I understand child support is a great thing for single parents with kids, im not against it at all. I am however, an anxious mess wondering what the future might bring, and I may never be able to enjoy motherhood on my own accord. The thought of having this conversation with my partner again makes me want to be physically sick. Could anyone please afford me some humbling advice or am I being too over the top about it? Thank you