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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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QueenElizabeth42 Partner Has Pushed Me Away and I Don't Know What to Do
  • replies: 4

My ex and I were together for a year before breaking up. Throughout this time, though he loved me would push me away with these comments usually during an argument. Once for example he said “well we are not that serious”. Never mind that he just drop... View more

My ex and I were together for a year before breaking up. Throughout this time, though he loved me would push me away with these comments usually during an argument. Once for example he said “well we are not that serious”. Never mind that he just dropped $1500 on my birthday and met each other’s families and he told me I was the One. I knew on some level it was insecurity speaking (he has had depression, doesn’t talk to his mom, doesn’t feel adequate, feels like he’s not good enough) but I would in the moment get upset and we would argue. When I mentioned going to therapy, he said “what if it doesn’t work? Are you still going to be there for the long haul?” I assured him I was. Post-breakup, he cried and told me he was just a loner and had to be alone. He told me he would love me forever, that he hates that he is such a loser, that he can’t stop crying, that he hates himself for hurting me, etc. We talked a few weeks later and he mentioned that he felt like I could easily get rid of him for another man. I felt terrible and tried to reassure him that wasn’t the case, but he just stood his ground and said he’s a loner. But he also said he still loved me. We both still care for each other and I would like to somehow make this work. I know I can’t change him but how do I get past his wall? How can I be there for someone who wants to keep me arms length? I feel like if I love him enough and show him I won’t go anywhere he will let me in, but I don’t know if that’s just a fantasy. We are still on speaking terms. Any thoughts?

R_R_R Partner vs. Parents - I can't handle it anymore
  • replies: 3

Hi all, Newbie here I am having relationship issues. My partner and I have been togeyher for about 2 and a half years. My parents do not like him, and he does not like my parents. This has been the cause of mant fights between my parents and I, as we... View more

Hi all, Newbie here I am having relationship issues. My partner and I have been togeyher for about 2 and a half years. My parents do not like him, and he does not like my parents. This has been the cause of mant fights between my parents and I, as well as my partner and I. He blames everything wrong with our relationship on this issue. My father has become very distant from me since this all began. I live in a different town to my parents and my partner, so when both parties are angry with me it makes me feel very alone and isolated. I have tried reasoning with everyone and attempted to have them see my position in this, but they refuse to reconsider their feelings. I don't want to have to choose between them, but it feels like this situation is impacting my own health in an unsustainable way. I love them all dearly. I would just appreciate some advice from a neutral third party, because I don't know what to do. Thanks for listening.

Sgmg I pushed my wife
  • replies: 2

I was tending to my 2 1/2 yr old girl that was crying, my wife came in and we said something to each other as she took my daughter away from me crying ( I honestly can't remember) I have been feeling overwhelmed for the last few weeks...I don't know ... View more

I was tending to my 2 1/2 yr old girl that was crying, my wife came in and we said something to each other as she took my daughter away from me crying ( I honestly can't remember) I have been feeling overwhelmed for the last few weeks...I don't know why I pushed her away but it turned out to be more of a open blow to the back of the shoulder...I scarred of myself at that moment with the anger that is creaping in, how can I do this to the woman I truely love...how can I ever expect her to move past it, it scares me

Mistwraith93 She left and took who I was with her
  • replies: 6

Fiancée of twelve years left a couple months back for another guy she met on a contkiki. A continuing i was asked to to attend. She lied and cheated so many times and me being dumb and in love forgave her several times. she finished her degree and le... View more

Fiancée of twelve years left a couple months back for another guy she met on a contkiki. A continuing i was asked to to attend. She lied and cheated so many times and me being dumb and in love forgave her several times. she finished her degree and left me because I “wasn’t getting better”. I was being treated for insomnia depression and anxiety. I was trying everything I could but that wasn’t enough for her. id supported her with everything I had. Through her abusive parents and our financial struggles, I did what I could to keep her smiling. It clearly wasn’t enough. Or she wasn’t the person I thought she was. I thought I knew her after twelve years but who knows. i want this loneliness to be over. I’m so scared of being alone for the rest of my life. I consider myself a realist in that I know I’m a person deserveing of love, and I’m not unattractive, but in a world where average isn’t enough I’m so afraid of being alone for a long time. I’ve barely coped with the last two months, how am I going to be in a year. Two. Ten? how do you keep your head up? I’m doing all the things your “supposed to do” I’m seeing a psych, I’m getting out and being social, I’m trying to distract myself with work. What else can I do? I feel so worthless and unwanted. I smile for my friends but there has barely been a night where I havnt cried myself to sleep. I feel ridiculous, I just want this to be over, but I don’t know who I am without her. i don’t want a rebound. I don’t want casual sex, I want a partner. Someone who I can share everything with and at this point it’s looking like I might not be able to find that any time soon. If ever. how do you keep your head up. Please, I’m drowning.

Ausa Need help untangling this mess of my marriage
  • replies: 5

I need serious help in untangling the mess of my marriage some background 1. I am not born and brought up in Australia but migrated here after I got married. But I am a proud Australian now. We have been married for more than 20 years and in Australi... View more

I need serious help in untangling the mess of my marriage some background 1. I am not born and brought up in Australia but migrated here after I got married. But I am a proud Australian now. We have been married for more than 20 years and in Australia for 18 years. We have 2 kids (15, 9) both born in Australia 2. My husband and I both come from a strict society where sex before marriage is completely against the rules. My husband was inexperienced when we got married. I was always rebel so I had one previous sexual experience but kept quite about it 3. We did spend time together before marriage to get to know each other but we didn’t test our sexual chemistry before marriage 4. As it turns out we are compatible in many ways except in the bedroom. I have high sex drive. I will have sex every day if that’s possible but I know it’s not practical but I do need it at least once a week. My husband however has a low libido and I suspect he might be asexual. Because a) He doesn’t feel need for sex, b) He feels disgusted towards some natural sexual acts 5. Even when we were newly married I instigated sex more number of times than him. 6. For the past few years any action in the bedroom happened solely because I literally begged for it. Even then he gave such a minimal input that I was left frustrated at the end 7. I asked him for separation and gave him explicit reasons but when we discussed separation with the kids they were devastated. I decided to put their welfare ahead of my needs 8. Unfortunately the need didn’t go away. I cheated on him. However after a month of deception I broke down and confessed everything. I also stated that I won’t stop doing what I am doing 9. But it’s sort of like he either doesn’t care or wants me to cheat. In fact after my confession he has become more affectionate towards me giving me hugs and kisses. We still sleep together and he cuddles me like always 10: I know I cannot continue doing what I am doing indefinitely Please help me untangle this mess

Strengththroughadversity End of 6 year relationship
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I'm a first time poster here. As you can tell by the title, my 6 year relationship ended. He pulled the plug, I think although we loved each other deeply and were very bonded, but in the end we drifted apart and grew in different directi... View more

Hi everyone, I'm a first time poster here. As you can tell by the title, my 6 year relationship ended. He pulled the plug, I think although we loved each other deeply and were very bonded, but in the end we drifted apart and grew in different directions. Two weeks ago he said he loved me so much, however, a week ago I flared up my old issues of insecurity which I think pushed him away and pushed him to end the relationship because he felt he couldn't take it anymore. Now after the breakup, he said he still wants to be friends, and still values me in his life so much, but he only sees me as a friend. My question is how do those feelings turn of so quick? I go in and out, some days I'm neutral and work on myself. Some days I'm a wreck and I grieve the end of the relationship. He's been nothing but kind and supportive, always helping me when I need it and he tells me how strong I am and how he's always here to support me. How do guys turn off their feelings like that? Or is he in denial? I know once upon a time he loved me so dearly. I just can't comprehend how one can switch from romantic to platonic love so fast. I just want to get better but right now I just don't know how to move forward. I miss him so much but I know we both have to move on and work on our flaws so that we can grow and flourish. How do I get my heart to listen to my brain? Any advice on how to move forward and move past this heartbreak of losing a first love would please be appreciated. Thank you very much.

manoody92 Struggling with work and parenting.
  • replies: 24

Hi Everyone, This is going to be a long post as I'm at my wits end, I have no one to vent to and I need outsiders opinions. Ok, so I have a 22 month old gorgeous girl. My husband insists I continue to work 2 days per week even though this means sendi... View more

Hi Everyone, This is going to be a long post as I'm at my wits end, I have no one to vent to and I need outsiders opinions. Ok, so I have a 22 month old gorgeous girl. My husband insists I continue to work 2 days per week even though this means sending our daughter to childcare where she continues to get very ill and has had to be hospitalised 3 times in the last month due to different illnesses. Because I only work part time I am then having to take the time off to look after her, which is now threatening my employment as I've had so much time off over the last 6 months. This of course is taking a toll on my mental health and I am reaching breaking point knowing I am unable to work and look after our baby to my full potential. After several discussions with my husband, he still insists I continue to work, and put our daughter in childcare. This is simply just not working. We are in a position where I know it isn't essential for me to work. In his eyes if I am not contributing financially, I am not doing anything at all. He thinks I'll just sit at home all the time and do nothing (and yes, he has actually said that to me). Yesterday, my daughter was so sick with fever she has a febrile seizure. I called an ambulance, and I have never felt so sick in my life, my poor baby. This was the final straw for me. How do I get through to my husband that this arrangement isn't working? And that I am contributing by being a full time mother to our gorgeous daughter? That I am not coping with working and sending her to childcare, and that it causes me horrendous anxiety? I barely earn anything in my industry, and he earns excellent money. I know we are financially ok, otherwise I wouldn't even consider this. I just feel helpless, and like I am going to have to choose between my daughter or my job. Advice/opinions would be much appreciated, I truly don't know what to do from here.

If_itsover Struggling with having 2 young kids and fulltime work
  • replies: 5

I know this topic is all too familiar. i have a 3 yrs and a 1 yr old. My husband doesn’t make enough income in warehousing/hospitality jobs so I have to work fulltime (as a senior accountant) and my husband stays at home fulltime. these days I can’t ... View more

I know this topic is all too familiar. i have a 3 yrs and a 1 yr old. My husband doesn’t make enough income in warehousing/hospitality jobs so I have to work fulltime (as a senior accountant) and my husband stays at home fulltime. these days I can’t get enough sleep, it’s a part of my routine. I can’t switch off. each nights 4-5 hrs of sleep is normal, too lucky to get 6. When I’m very busy 3 hrs or stay up all night. I used to neglect my sleep because I thought I can make up the sleep when I’m not too busy or I can get a rest when I feel tired. But constant pushing myself and lack of sleep became a pattern and its really affecting my immune system, happiness and energy level to do everythjng. these days I also feel happier working on my spreadsheets than looking after my 3yo son. I get home the earliest at 6pm and he has to go to sleep by 9:30. In that time frame I set up dinner, feed, bath, washing dishes, clean up house, laundry, nappies for kids, play & read etc ... my son doesn’t understand why running the tricycle on mummy’s toes is so funny yet Mum cries in frustration. He doesn’t know why I scream when he touches my scented candles because I rely on it to calm myself down to get a better sleep yet I’m scared he might burn down the house so I have to put it away. Same to everything else that I enjoy, I put them away. i haven’t have time alone and relax in 2.5 years, not even in the toilet. not so funny, it’s depressing. I tried to exercise and go to the gym. (I went twice in the last month, once at 1am-3am and 2nd time 9:30pm-11pm. Before this, I haven’t been exercise nor take care of myself in 4 yrs, since I first found out I was pregnant with my first child). After that my husband bought me some dumb bells so I can exercise at home, we also have a treadmill at home. So again, no excuse for me to get out of the house nor being away from kids. I feel like it’s pathetic to complain about such selfish things like not having any time to go out or not having enough patience for my own children. However I feel like I’m borderlining depression and I don’t have any friend nor family that I can talk to. I don’t want to Facebook my problems even though I constantly think about it. I’m hope this forum allows me to type away my depression, tiredness and parenting fails.

DadForever Is there really support out there?
  • replies: 1

My son is suffering ADHD & ODD. He expresses anger and aggression, breaks stuff and refuses to seek help. I have access to free help and counselling for him, but his refusal to help himself is really causing both my wife and I severe anxiety and depr... View more

My son is suffering ADHD & ODD. He expresses anger and aggression, breaks stuff and refuses to seek help. I have access to free help and counselling for him, but his refusal to help himself is really causing both my wife and I severe anxiety and depression. I refuse to kick him out and let him go down on his own, but he keeps getting in more trouble. The authorities are useless and I am at my wits end trying to help and unable to deal with the A&D it is causing me. Just putting him in jail will only make things worse for him and will not help his situation.

Min_ I don't know how to change my consistently uneventful and depressing life that I have barely any control over.
  • replies: 3

Hi, I'm Min. Each day passes by like a blur. I'm a young student, so I spend a considerable amount of time studying. But it's nearing the end of the school holidays and it dawns on me that my days are always the same. I have spent every single school... View more

Hi, I'm Min. Each day passes by like a blur. I'm a young student, so I spend a considerable amount of time studying. But it's nearing the end of the school holidays and it dawns on me that my days are always the same. I have spent every single school break staying at home, wasting time watching movies or reading. I have friends at school, but going to a private, all girls school, all of us have strict parents so none of them are ever available or allowed to hang out. I have trouble sleeping because I haven't used up any energy throughout the day, so I always sleep late and wake up feeling terrible. I look terrible too. My parents don't take me out anywhere and they don't even acknowledge my boredom or depression. I spend too much of my time self-loathing or crying and I'm just so sick of it all. My life is never exhilarating or exciting, and I do the same boring, mundane things over and over again. I'm a teenager and I want to have fun, but I just have nothing to do and nobody to talk to. I feel like the loneliness has completely overcome me.