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Loneliness and Work Problems Causing Major Anxiety

Community Member

Hello, I'm not sure if my problem belongs here or on a different board, but I'll post it here and see how we go.

A few months ago I posted in the new forums after a really awful break up. I was forced to make a quick decision with moving, I had just started a new job so my financial situation was a problem, forcing me to rely on a credit card. It was all really horrible and up until a few days ago I was still terribly affected by the break up. But after a turning point I can finally see the bad and feel less awful about it.

However now new problems in my life have started. While I had friends support me after the break up, each one who supported me had disappeared. One was there for me the first month but once they stayed over at my new place, they've sort of been less available to talk to. The second friend that was there for me is no longer my friend. They ended up moving in after a month of me being here but past trauma (He was a guy btw) affected me and I avoided being in my own home. My friend caught on, forced me to tell him whether I wanted him here, got violent and ended up leaving.

I feel super lonely quite often and I hate it as it turns me into a needy person. I have tried to make new friends but I am not very good at being friends with girls as I am not into make up or clothes and stuff like that so I feel it deters them away from me. And I really don't want to make friends with anymore guys. I honestly think I'm not ready friendship. Is there another way to counter act loneliness?

The other issue I have is my job. Its been absolutely awful. I'm on a years contract covering maternity leave at a small company. I was immediately thrown into the job but there a lot of different things to learn and I have a lot of trouble grasping it so I ask a lot of questions. Even though this was okay in the beginning, my bosses have started to get snappy. What I am allowed to do and not do also keeps changing. Also I have to talk to our reps, and one is very rude to me. It got to a point where I was at my desk and had to call him. I sat there trying to stop myself from hyperventilating. One of my bosses also attacked me personally for my writing at a meeting in front of everyone.

I want to leave but I feel guilty because then they are really screwed. My family tell me its okay but I just panic at the thought. I wouldn't leave till I have another job and that time may be very soon. But the more I think about it, The more I panic. I don't know what to do.

1 Reply 1

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Dear NeOcats

I am sorry to learn of the pickle you are in. I think I answered your other post. I take it that situation has now been resolved.

Moving home can be frustrating as friends are not always accessible.

I have found that making friends happens when two people meet over a common interest. I don't know what activities or hobbies you have or maybe some you would like to have. This is often the way you meet people and where friendships flourish. Trying specifically to make friends is hard. You can come across as being needy which is off-putting. When you are self confident and meet people there is a huge difference.

Friends can and do offer a lot of support but this is not their main function. Friendship is built on enjoyment of the company of others or the good relationship with those who have common interests. It is good to have these relationships to stop the constant thinking about how your life is not good. Allowing yourself enjoyment and being immersed in new activities and routines can a positive effect on other problems and helps to keep them in proportion.

I know at the moment you are hurting and need a friendly face and that my comments seem to hard to manage. And it is hard to start a new life and make friends. Can you find organisations or groups that offer the kind of activities you enjoy or would like to try? Immediate thoughts are the gym, book clubs, walking groups, arts and crafts, volunteering and so on. I have made friends while volunteering and I value that friendship. What interests you? There are all sorts of options out there.

If your job is too stressful and you feel unable to manage then finding another job is probably your best option. However I suggest you make sure it is the job that is distressing you and not your need to belong somewhere. This is a powerful drive and can cause you to look for solutions in the wrong place. Perhaps write a pros and cons list for staying/leaving your job and see what comes up.

Keep posting.