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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Code_Blue How to make people understand mental illness?
  • replies: 4

This thought has been bugging me for decades, having had so many traumatic experiences when dealing with people and relationships. For the most part, I have kept my illness to myself having lost "most" of my friends (even family) after divulging my m... View more

This thought has been bugging me for decades, having had so many traumatic experiences when dealing with people and relationships. For the most part, I have kept my illness to myself having lost "most" of my friends (even family) after divulging my mental condition to them. I can't for the life of me understand why people shunned me when i needed them the most. I cant understand why my church community, specially the priest, mock mentally ill people, saying that depression is an illness of the spoiled and elite who use mental illness as an excuse to blame things on, and that if one truly believed in God then one can't be mentaly ill? That said, what do you guys do? I've been trying to explain myself but all I've ever said has fallen on deaf ears or worse. I'm trying to reach out, and the response i get is persecution. What gives?

kiwihelenm Step daughter / partner's ex wife
  • replies: 5

Really this is an pretty appalling post as my 22 year old son, Sean, committed suicide in Cairns in 2016, and since then my elder son (now 28) has been diagnosed with whatever the mental health professionals can come up with(bi-polar, borderline pers... View more

Really this is an pretty appalling post as my 22 year old son, Sean, committed suicide in Cairns in 2016, and since then my elder son (now 28) has been diagnosed with whatever the mental health professionals can come up with(bi-polar, borderline personality disaffective disorder etc).Sam has spent many months in hospital. He is very, very, very, ill one day, and just blooming with positivity the next. He made an attempt on in his life in 2017 and despite surviving is crippled for life with numerous rods and so forth enabling him to walk. Yes, I am grateful he is alive and thankfully can walk but not so grateful for the constant 24 hour burden his mental ills take on me. I feel like I am trying to rescue a drowning person and being dragged under. Constantly suffocated. I feel relief when I hear from him; then panic and fear that I am about to take on another crisis. His illness seems to drag him into law and order disputes ie his flat just got trashed and everything I bought him destroyed (mattress slashed, hateful graffitti all over flat) because he trusted someone to paint his flat whilst away and he spent Xmas with me. On top of this, which now sounds petty and ridiculous, but to me is straw that breaks camels back is my partner's daughter. 21. She lives in Brisbane, so do we. It's still 30 clicks away but in 5 years this now 21 year old still lives with her mother(in a stunning home with Mum's new partner) and has never visited us. Not once. (In 5 years...plenty of visits from us for birthdays etc) She rang my partner the other day to say we 'had to provide her with a new car for driving lessons as Mum's car was 'too powerful' and we have 'lavish' holidays. And if we can afford to buy a home we 'can afford' her a new car! And if not, we can get stuffed etc. We haven't taken on board but just adds up to dismay and despair. This has torn my partner up as it is such rubbish, where do you start? I am so so bummed by all of this and really what can you to stop all the hateful stuff on top of trying to cope?

Celoo123 I don't know what to do
  • replies: 5

Last night my boyfriend went out. This is pretty usual for him because he likes to drink, a lot... But when I asked him what he did last night (regarding what he did with his friend at the pub) he just said drank and danced. I laughed and said oh you... View more

Last night my boyfriend went out. This is pretty usual for him because he likes to drink, a lot... But when I asked him what he did last night (regarding what he did with his friend at the pub) he just said drank and danced. I laughed and said oh you danced with your friend? And he said yeah danced with L (what we'll call his friend) and stuff. The 'and stuff' at the end threw me off a bit, so I said "oh and stuff"? ...To which he then had a complete melt down over me apparently 'overreacting' to him saying "and stuff", when I only asked once in a confused way, as in I thought it was only him and L that went out and that maybe someone else went with them too? But no, he had a full go at me saying I'm "putting him under surveillance" and "asking too many questions". He even went on to bring up that I use to get worried when he went out drinking and clubbing when we first got together (a year &three months ago) because I had a fear of him cheating on me. I tried to explain I'm not like that now, I trust him & I wasn't insinuating anything I was just thrown off by the "and stuff", I apologised if it came across that way. But apparently I'm 'annoying' and 'wasn't listening' to him when he kept saying that I'm controlling him. I have absolutely no intention to control him. He says this stuff A LOT. For example, he'll say "I'm going out with a friend later" and I'll reply "Oh cool where are you going?" to which he replies "Don't know". He will then go out and not tell me where he's going until either later that night or the next morning, to which I then ask again "So where did you guys end up?" and he will go on again and again that I'm putting him under surveillance. Please, do let me know if I'm wrong. But is there any harm in wanting to know where your partner is going when they go out drinking/clubbing? I never ask him to update me thru the night, just to simply let me know beforehand... is that really surveillance? He always asks me where I'm going when I go out and I always tell him because that's just the normal thing to do? And he usually messages me all throughout my nights out asking what I'm doing or where I am. I tell him because I want him to know I care about him and want him to know I'm safe and having fun. If I don't reply he calls me. My number one fear is leaving him because I do love him. But I really don't know what to do, and I'm really starting to think "Is wanting him to let me know where he's going really being controlling?"...

Zenman123 Insane sister tearing my family apart
  • replies: 1

Hi beyondblue My sister is currently trying to tear my family apart. Some backstory, around 5 years ago she met a boy who became her boyfriend, I didn't like the guy as I could see he was trouble. The two have been constantly lying and stealing from ... View more

Hi beyondblue My sister is currently trying to tear my family apart. Some backstory, around 5 years ago she met a boy who became her boyfriend, I didn't like the guy as I could see he was trouble. The two have been constantly lying and stealing from my parents since they met, they constantly ask my dad for money (who of course gives it to them) and never make an effort to repay him. Ever since my sister met this boy she has been insane, she actively looks for things to argue about and she thinks she is entitled to everything, one common phrase when she is arguing is "everybody hates me, you never say nice things about me" stuff like that, for a few months I would come home to my sister and my mum arguing over tiny things that my sister deemed worthy to argue over, one argument that I remember was that my mum said good morning to me and not my sister. So 6 months ago there was a particularly bad argument, I can't remember what it was over but it ended with the boyfriend strangling my mum, the police got involved and my mum decided to not press charges and the boyfriend got away with a slap on the wrist and a stern talking to by the police. 3 Days ago was another bad argument, I dont know how it started but I came out of my room to defuse the situation and tell her to go back to her home, which somehow made it worse. She threw an empty weatbix box at me and then she charged my mum, I could see from the look in her eyes that she wanted to hurt my mother, so I grabbed her arm and put her to the ground, not in a very violent way I believe more in defence of my mum. I let her go and she ran into the kitchen and said she was going to kill herself then and there, at which point I barricaded myself in my room and called the police, who came and took her to the hospital for an evaluation. Fast forward to last night and I find out from my dad who still talks to her that she wants to take out an DVO order on me and my mother, I don't understand why and I can't see it having any legal footing. But I am scared for my life, she has shown herself to be very unpredictable in the past and her boyfriend has many violent tendencies to I am worried they will try and harm or even try and kill me and my mother, either by coming into the house or burning it down. I don't know what to do, she is completely irrational and won't listen to anyone, not even her grandmother who is becoming increasingly worried. What should I do?

ABoot Separation looming? Lost, Upset and Confused
  • replies: 15

Hi all At this point in time I have been battling the last 24hrs with a range of emotions that have me thinking rationally one minute and devastated the next. My wife of 2 years (been together 8.5 years) has said to me that she can no longer let her ... View more

Hi all At this point in time I have been battling the last 24hrs with a range of emotions that have me thinking rationally one minute and devastated the next. My wife of 2 years (been together 8.5 years) has said to me that she can no longer let her guilt of not loving me like she should get to her causing her anxiety and stress and has said that she has had enough and wants to separate. As you can imagine I am extremely distraught and we also have an 8 week old baby girl which I get even more emotional about due to the fact that more than anything else in this world I love her so much and cant stand the thought of not having her in my life every day. Our relationship has been dull since about April this year when she spoke about the same things to me, more about some behavioural traits I had and how she was not 100% convinced I would good when our baby was born. I took this pretty hard and went on the hard road of seeking help and acknowledging I had some issues. Since then have made huge improvements and she has even said that I am the perfect person that I needed to become, however Its not about that its about the fact that she has lost all spark in life and says that she is "numb" and when she looks at me she feels nothing. Which is upsetting. she has agreed to couples counseling but I am afraid her outlook is set and it may be in vain. I can not let my family go and its tearing me apart. I love both my wife and baby more than anything else and can't see why she isnt trying the same way I am. Any help would be appreciated.

Ms_Hattie Stuck in a sexless relationship
  • replies: 8

I have been with my partner for 14 years and we have 2 children together under 10. For the last few years we have had sex so little, maybe once or twice every few months. This is where it gets really hard to write about because it is my partner who d... View more

I have been with my partner for 14 years and we have 2 children together under 10. For the last few years we have had sex so little, maybe once or twice every few months. This is where it gets really hard to write about because it is my partner who doesn’t want sex. As a female it is so hard to accept the rejection as for me anyway, I feel that sex is usually withheld by the woman in the relationship. We have talked about this, he tells me he will seek help, he doesn’t, we go round in circles. A few weeks ago I spoke to him again to tell him that I couldn’t go on and he saw a doctor who has sent him for tests and also prescribed anti depressants. I know my partner has been feeling low and stressed at work. We are still not having sex. I don’t initiate it and haven’t for a long time as the rejection is so devastating and I also wonder if when he does agree to have sex whether he really wants to or is just going through the motions, which doesn’t do much for my self esteem. I don’t know what to do. This is a major isssue for me and makes me feel angry, hurt, resentful. I do still have love for him but at the same time the thought of going with little to no sex for the rest of my life is unbearable. I also don’t want to break up the family as I can’t face doing that to my children. He is a good father. I have been seeing another man for a few weeks. It started out just sex but I have been developing feelings for him. I know that this is completely the wrong thing to do but I am so low and craving the affection. I am so confused and don’t know what to do.

ihen seeking for help
  • replies: 2

I no longer feel interests in anything anymore. I would like to smile again. I would like to feel the same passion as before. I feel like I am dead inside. How can I come back to life? I have no energy to do simple things.

I no longer feel interests in anything anymore. I would like to smile again. I would like to feel the same passion as before. I feel like I am dead inside. How can I come back to life? I have no energy to do simple things.

RandomBloke Stuck with inlaws, feeling alone, wife choosing the comfy family nest over a building a new family.
  • replies: 2

Hi and thanks in advance for reading,first timer on this forum. In short I feel alone and stuck in a place I dont want to be, im struggling. Both sides are of a european background,I was brought up by my mother after my dad left and she grew up with ... View more

Hi and thanks in advance for reading,first timer on this forum. In short I feel alone and stuck in a place I dont want to be, im struggling. Both sides are of a european background,I was brought up by my mother after my dad left and she grew up with her parents as they migrated over. We have been together for 15 years now,got married a few years back and, got a house and put it up for rent moving in with her parents to get ahead. By all means not a desperate move,but a choice. We all thought we could make it work. My wife and her mother made the decision over the financials, I didnt get an invite which does not sit well with me from the beginning,considering the original arrangement was we are moving in, we pay the difference ontop of the bills they usually get. They have a VERY conservative way of living to say the least and very good with saving, id call it an obsession. Anyways, they have schooled us etc how to get ahead and we have found our own balance that is suited to a realistic way of living,not in a tacky cave. But I do respect what they have and what they have done. They went over sea's(back home) last year chasing the sun and came back this year, as they did the year before that. This time around, retired. In that time the arrangement suddenly changed to us paying for every bill even when they are here.That is literally everything including council rates.Originally was told they will buy food, now its magically changed to only dinner and "we should be happy because we are still saving". In short my wife and I are paying for everything while per parents are living a well calculated retiree dream. I dont feel a single bit of gratitude for my contibution. While they buy the cheapest food and make zero effort in the kitchen I enjoy cooking and the kitchen and still buy food they would never pay for and cook when I get time without a second through. I dont feel a single bit of gratitude. I dont want praise but why do I bother to please? I look after the garden, when they are away I take care of their house, mow the lawn, go work etc. Old man in law does nothing but watch TV. Wife is very happy living with her parents and is unapproachable in regards to me coming to her with anything that weighs me down, expects me to change for her yet wont make any changes for me, deflects everything turns it around blaming me for anything I bring up. Moving out to save us is not an option for her because money is more important than happiness. Im stuck.......

Yayeet lost
  • replies: 1

hi everyone has their story so here is mine, two years ago, i found this celebrity online. this might sound really weird but we had so much in common, if we were living in the same space we might even be together. I couldn’t believe how someone could... View more

hi everyone has their story so here is mine, two years ago, i found this celebrity online. this might sound really weird but we had so much in common, if we were living in the same space we might even be together. I couldn’t believe how someone could be so alike, however, after i knew about him, i had trouble relying on myself as mentally i felt like there were two of me and i didn’t know what to do, i tried talking to my parents and friends but i felt like it was something that no one would believe. i had a little insomnia and my social skills were completely different from before, i felt devastated at times but i didn’t want to process the emotions, the situation still kind of affects me, but i don’t know what to do in a lost state.

Mlasho Inlaw struggle
  • replies: 6

How do people deal with inlaw? I love my husband dearly and i want to be able to handle his family but i really struggle. They left me in tears for several of the last few times we have had family things. They have now got me to a point where its bor... View more

How do people deal with inlaw? I love my husband dearly and i want to be able to handle his family but i really struggle. They left me in tears for several of the last few times we have had family things. They have now got me to a point where its bordering onto hate. I dont want to make life difficult for my husband who tells me to not worry about it as their opinion doesnt mean squat. Its really not that easy for me. I dont know how to even try with them anymore. I just avoid them as much as possible. My husband is well aware why and i know he feels torn as he feels he owes his father for raising him when his mother left. How do people deal with their own mentality, mine can be a total mess, while trying to make life less difficult on their partners.