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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Mandyjb Mother In Law Causing Tremendous Strain
  • replies: 2

Hi there, I know that I am not alone in experiencing issues with their in-laws, but I feel as though things have hit a crescendo of late. Issues with my MIL started to surface just before I was married. We were visiting her house for the weekend and ... View more

Hi there, I know that I am not alone in experiencing issues with their in-laws, but I feel as though things have hit a crescendo of late. Issues with my MIL started to surface just before I was married. We were visiting her house for the weekend and her partner inquired about my husband's employment situation as he had recently lost his job. I told him that my hubby had been exploring applications to the police force. My MIL overheard our conversation and came into the lounge room and pulled a face at me. I followed her to see what was going on and she walked over to me and hurt me. She had a couple of drinks at that point, but I later found out that I wasn't supposed to talk to her partner about my husband's interest in the police until it 'actually happened'. My hubby had just forgotten to inform me. As the years have gone on and we have kids, things have continued to go sour. I am British and she has a strong jealousy of the relationship we have with my parents, despite them being in England. A few of the issues we have had over the years; she blanked my parents at the wedding as she felt we had sat them on a more superior table (which wasn't the case), she has refused to have celebratory drinks with us on the birth of our son because my parents were there and we hadn't invited her in the 'right' way. The most recent issue we have had was over the name of our baby daughter. We told her the name whilst I was pregnant and she was very vocal about her dislike of it. We thought this would change once she was born but it didn't. Instead, she starting calling her 'B', her initial. Both my hubby and I were offended by this and so he raised it with her which resulted in a row. She later text him to say for us to not contact them again to which he followed up with a kind, but focused email the next day. She replied with a list of issues she has with me and the time spent with my family . She denied her nicknaming of our daughter as being anything other than affectionate but later states that my hubby's father was just as disappointed in our baby's name as she was. We suggested group counselling which she ignored. She has since blanked my husband for 9 months, ignoring texts and emails. And now she wants contact again, but we want this limited which has angered her into silence again. I suffer anxiety and cannot bear to be in the same room as her. Can I justifiably put some space between her and I? I feel like I am suffocating.

Ringarosie When is an affair an affair?
  • replies: 6

Several years ago I discovered my husband was seeing his ex girlfriend, he had ask me to check something on his computer and I found their emails, they had been meeting for lunch and this had occurred at least 4 times. I confronted him with the infor... View more

Several years ago I discovered my husband was seeing his ex girlfriend, he had ask me to check something on his computer and I found their emails, they had been meeting for lunch and this had occurred at least 4 times. I confronted him with the information and he told me I was overreacting, that they were just old friends and nothing had happened. I was gutted, my husbands first wife had an affair and broke up their marriage, I thought my husband would never ever do anything like this because he felt so betrayed by his first wife that he would never be able to put me or anyone through the same pain. He was never able to apologise about the secret meetings sufficiently to me, he always said “ I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, BUT I didn’t do anything wrong!! i know that I began to withdraw and withhold my affection afterwards because I felt so betrayed. Fast forward 6 years , I was getting something off his phone yesterday and I see he is still communicating with her, she has moved back to Melbourne and has suggested they catch up. I know nothing physical has occured, but still I feel so betrayed, am I overreacting? Should I just let him go and have lunches with her? We have 3 children, the youngest is doing vce this year I am reluctant to cause the upheaval of a separation til the end of the year, but I am so distraught and disappointed in my husband I’m not sure I can last the year

pop1999 I say I cannot put up with him anymore...so why do I?
  • replies: 5

For the last few months I've been thinking that I really don't know what to do in terms of our relationship. We've been going out for a little over a year now and it's never been fantastic. I don't like aggressive conflict (I shut down and have troub... View more

For the last few months I've been thinking that I really don't know what to do in terms of our relationship. We've been going out for a little over a year now and it's never been fantastic. I don't like aggressive conflict (I shut down and have trouble voicing my opinions when in arguments with him and him only) and he constantly starts conflict. He also constantly calls me names when arguing with me, which I have time and time again told him that it's unacceptable to do and he says "Well that's just me, that's just how I deal with stupid arguments" and I say again and again that it's not healthy and he cannot treat me like that but he always comes back with that. Honestly, I use to just put up with it because I use to have very bad anxiety. Now, however, I fight back but he just laughs at me and brushes me off as 'emotional'. I do love him but it's hard to feel the love in it's entirety. He does other things that completely turns me off him too, like when he drinks he cannot control himself at all and drinks until he's toppling over. He constantly talks about himself and he's very egotistical. For example, my friend's new boyfriend met him for the first time and my friend's boyfriend said he gave a terrible first impression because he non stop talked about himself and how he's going overseas soon, how much he makes at work, how he went to a private school, how he's to 'only one' that actually works hard in his advanced degree... and it embarrassed the crap out of me. It's one thing to talk about yourself and your accomplishments but he just met the guy literally that night. I know he is boasting because sometimes he'll meet people and he will literally say he's better than them and it turns me off COMPLETELY. I'm so sick of him but at the same time I can't find the courage in me to leave him, which I can't understand considering I like being alone and doing things alone and he's my first boyfriend so before him I was completely alone. I feel guilty because I keep thinking about how easy single life was when I didn't have to worry about someone else. I'm just not happy anymore BUT I cannot leave him and it frustrates me that I find myself in such a stupid dilemma. He's actually good to me when he's good mood, he's nice and caring but really I'm starting to feel like everything else outweighs that unfortunately. Am I just being really unreasonable about this? Am I only focusing on the negatives? I'm so utterly frustrated that I feel so hopeless...

Alien1927 Hard to cope all at once
  • replies: 4

Recently saw a psychologist for my anxiety needs and depression, right now my family situation is changing real fast. i live with my 2 older sisters and mum and her boyfriend, found out that my mum and her boyfriend are moving out and I'll be with my... View more

Recently saw a psychologist for my anxiety needs and depression, right now my family situation is changing real fast. i live with my 2 older sisters and mum and her boyfriend, found out that my mum and her boyfriend are moving out and I'll be with my sisters. my sisters both have jobs, me I'm 24 and never had a job because I let my anxiety hold me back for to long. I'm trying to find a job but my mums boyfriend doesn't want me living with them and my sisters telling me to get a job or I'm out on the street. It's a lot to deal with all at once and I'm scared I'll be kicked out on the street and all I see there for me is death. I don't know what to do and I guess I'm looking for any advice or tip about keeping ur self motivated or determined? I feel that I'm 24 with no experience, who would hire me anyway.

aesjhin I don't know where im going in life anymore.
  • replies: 2

Everyone always tells me "the only people you can trust is your family" but to me, that isnt true. Everyday it feels like im a stranger in my own home, my parents treat me like absolute garbage, and they dont even consider me as a son. and thats not ... View more

Everyone always tells me "the only people you can trust is your family" but to me, that isnt true. Everyday it feels like im a stranger in my own home, my parents treat me like absolute garbage, and they dont even consider me as a son. and thats not even the worst part. its like im a ghost, and the way its making me feel is affecting everything else around me, and its raising my anxiety onto a whole new level. I can't even talk to my siblings about it because most of the time, we're always fighting, and that gets pretty dangerous. I don't even feel like i can talk to my friends cause i hate feeling like a burden, and i hate wasting peoples time. Also because of the way its making me feel, I quit my job, and contemplating dropping out of uni and just running off to a new country never to return again, not that it would make me feel any different but at least that way, id be free from feeling like crap from my own family. I do want to leave home, but i cant afford living on my own, i cant trust random strangers, and my friends arent even considering moving out. I feel stuck and I'm on the verge of giving up.

white knight The best step parent
  • replies: 3

Ive been in a step parent situation 3 times out of my 4 long term relationships and now my wife of 8 years is a step parent to my daughter. She didn't have children. In the first case, in my twenties I was step dad to a boy 2-8yo so for 6 years I had... View more

Ive been in a step parent situation 3 times out of my 4 long term relationships and now my wife of 8 years is a step parent to my daughter. She didn't have children. In the first case, in my twenties I was step dad to a boy 2-8yo so for 6 years I had him nearly 24/7. I was young, jealous and frankly he irritated me. We ended up splitting up for other reasons but, the abrasiveness between myself and that child was a factor. By the time I reached my 40's I commenced a defacto relationship and she had two teenagers. I got on well with both but my partner did not get on with my children so for years I pondered why. I came to the conclusion that a nurturing factor was missing. Also she was jealous of my children as I had 20 years earlier to my first step parent life. Ive noticed this lack of nurturing and possessiveness in many other step parent families. But if the nurturing is there or the step parent is genuinely interested in the child then it can work well. There are tell-tale signs of a possessive partner with limited interest in your children. He/she might not include your childten on holidays and excuses given "not until they behave themselves". They might resent any money you give your kids "you already pay child support". They might not pitch into help eg I couldnt drive due to a broken leg but she wouldnt pick up my kids for any reason. This resentment isnt good and will erode an otherwise sound relationship. My children grew up with some psychological issues due to their step mothers rigid and cold attitude. Me hanging onto hope she'd eventually like my daughters was an unwise thought, it doesnt happen. Meeting a potential partner has its problems compounded when children are involved. Take it slow, perhaps test out his/her attitude in basic short camping trips or holidays. Seek out if nurturing or friendship is present in them before solidifying the relationship. Feel free to get counseling. That chemistry must be there between step parent and children ...must. TonyWK

Confused10101 Getting married to a man who denies he is gay/bi am trapped
  • replies: 6

I am a hiv+ve straight female. This is the second time I have had a partner live a double life on me. The first time my partner came out or rather finally admitted he was sleeping with men after years of calling me crazy. Then we found out he gave me... View more

I am a hiv+ve straight female. This is the second time I have had a partner live a double life on me. The first time my partner came out or rather finally admitted he was sleeping with men after years of calling me crazy. Then we found out he gave me HIV. Jump ahead 15 years and through dating a positive man who vehemently swore he was not bi/gay, my worse fear has come back. I have emails and text messages but he won't admit it. I would cope and stay if he could sit and talk to me. We are getting married soon. He won't move out or let me call it off. I don't have anymore strength to call police or make him leave. I have children and it's my place. I almost hate how he would prefer to lie and make my life hell. Why can't he love me enough to be honest. He knows the hell I suffered years ago. I would support anything if he was honest. I'm just so tired.

Jay_C Good day for Codependants
  • replies: 13

I just want to say, today was a really good day for me. I had a feeling i was watched over when i seen that it was windy and cloudy this morning. I cant stand the heat. I had a centrelink reassessment interview, she was very friendly and understandin... View more

I just want to say, today was a really good day for me. I had a feeling i was watched over when i seen that it was windy and cloudy this morning. I cant stand the heat. I had a centrelink reassessment interview, she was very friendly and understanding. It made me feel valued as opposed to a codependant adult child of narcissism. She validated some of thoughts and i felt like i was moving forward. There are good ppl in this world when you step out of your comfort zone/the narcissists environment. Even though i had a good feeling about today, i still took a drink right before the interview just incase. Which put a dent in my money to eat for the week. What happened later im still coming to terms with.. I met 2 ppl down the street, one which Ive seen now and then. He was friendly and introduced himself, the other one i had a friendly talk with and he handed out $100 to split between us... like wth? He walked off and i feel like i lost genuine person to be friends with and want to pay back

MT1 Sad for my little boy
  • replies: 4

Hello I am so sad for my little boy. I am a single parent experiencing anxiety and depression. I am compliant with medication but have very little support. My little boy (9yo) started back at school two weeks ago. He gave his best friend, S, a hug bu... View more

Hello I am so sad for my little boy. I am a single parent experiencing anxiety and depression. I am compliant with medication but have very little support. My little boy (9yo) started back at school two weeks ago. He gave his best friend, S, a hug but S told him he no longer wants to be his friend. S also told him that S’s parents hate him because they are ‘not a match’. They do have different personalities but I am so sad for my little boy. He is terribly hurt and it has broken my heart to see him experience this I just wanted to share really, just to chat I guess. I hope you are all taking care of yourselves. regards M

australian Need advice to help my wife
  • replies: 3

first time user. ill keep this short. I virtually have no idea about what sort of help is out there. my wife suffers from depression, anxiety that I know of. is unhappy with her self, and unsatisfied with her life since she can remember.. we are both... View more

first time user. ill keep this short. I virtually have no idea about what sort of help is out there. my wife suffers from depression, anxiety that I know of. is unhappy with her self, and unsatisfied with her life since she can remember.. we are both 26 been together since we were about 16, we had both joint goals we built a big home ready to make a family of our own and my wife found out she is "not" able to have children naturally. that has make her feel terrible, really has messed with her head, has made her feel like everything we have worked towards is wasted and she has lost her self and what we have worked for. I love her to bits but I feel like life as we knew it could be over feel like she's after bigger and better things now not interested in our married committed life... she agrees she should talk to someone that could help her / help us both. thank you