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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Chookie91 Regret leaving my loving husband
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, I have been with my husband for 8 years, married for 5 years and when I realised it wasn't working for me about a year ago, I officially moved out of our family home. My husband helped me move, supported me, told me to take all the time ... View more

Hi everyone, I have been with my husband for 8 years, married for 5 years and when I realised it wasn't working for me about a year ago, I officially moved out of our family home. My husband helped me move, supported me, told me to take all the time I need and he will be here waiting for me, we need each other, do better as a team and we'll get through it. My parents begged me to get counselling, make it work with him because they adore him, he is their son. My mum tells me everyday...he loves you, go home. I just didn't feel in love and disinterested, marriage is hard work and I felt exhausted. I constantly felt lonely with him doing shift work, I was tired begging him to help around the house and to make time for us, the intimacy was 3 years long gone but he loves me, I am his world, we had each other, he worked himself to the bone to ensure we had what we needed and wanted, I could say jump and he would say 'how high'...I regret taking advantage of his kind heartedness and now realise he was probably depressed too. I think we were too young, no idea how to communicate, motivate, encourage each other, maybe we should of grown together before getting married. A few months ago, I met a new man and we moved in together. Everything has been bliss, he is everything I wanted in my husband. He always wants to make plans with me, weekends away, hiking, kayaking, he is someone who encourages me, I am doing better at work and I am loosing weight because I have confidence and motivation but he's not my husband who I have been missing a lot lately... I feel confused and tired from constantly crying. Do I just miss what is familiar? someone I have known nearly a decade, who knows me like the back of his hand, who respected and loved me or do I want to have a future with a man I just met, that I click with and love every minute of my time with.

Jane1234 Emotional affair were both so lost
  • replies: 12

brief description, been together 12 years great until 3 years ago, my daughter from a previous relationship started highschool, lots of trouble, police came around every few months, every fortnight a different drama. Me and my partner were very dista... View more

brief description, been together 12 years great until 3 years ago, my daughter from a previous relationship started highschool, lots of trouble, police came around every few months, every fortnight a different drama. Me and my partner were very distant. I never realised this at the time....... he told me it was over, I thought there was more, so I kept asking him if there was someone else, a week later he admitted there was she was 26 he's 41.They meet when he was away at work, four months ago, she made him happy. I told him to get out. I was so broken cried all the time it wasn't until this that I realised that I still loved him. He still came around every second day or so just to check on things. I kept crying and telling him i wanted to try to work things out and that I forgot I was inlove with him. He kept saying he loved me but wasn't inlove with me and he wasn't comming back to this relationship too many dramas he wasn't being unhappy anymore and he had found someone who made him happy. Two weeks after he went to he's mothers he rang me up crying hysterically telling me he was still inlove with me but doesn't understand how we could fix this and that he had called things off with the other woman. He moved back in and everytime we tried to talk to each other, either the other woman or my daughter was brought up. We were totally upfront and honest with each other lots of tears, emotions and awkwardness both ways, this happened for four weeks. We were sleeping in the same bed, every night we'd cuddle and wake up kissing. He told me he was scared to try again, asked how could I still love him after what he did, told me he didn't realise I loved him, I wanted him to unpack boxes and change motels which he never did. last week he went back to the same motel I was cranky and emotional, had an argument with him telling him we needed a break. I sent him a message the next day saying sorry I didn't want to go anywhere. he came home three days later, told me that he wasn't sure how he felt about me and thought me going away for a few days would be a good idea. He asked me if I would sleep in the same bed as him I said no if you want me to go I'll go but I can't do both. I never left but started sleeping in a different room. Its been a week, he's still saying he's unsure of how he feels, he just needs time to make up he's mind. How much time do I give him, How can he go from loving me to not loving me. I feel so lost, distant and hurt at the moment.

unsure44 Partner acting strange - think he may have cheated. Anxious.
  • replies: 4

Hi. I am a very anxious person, and my partner has recently been acting strange and I am reading very much into it. He recently went away for the weekend with some friends, and got very drunk and went out. All night he was texting me things such as '... View more

Hi. I am a very anxious person, and my partner has recently been acting strange and I am reading very much into it. He recently went away for the weekend with some friends, and got very drunk and went out. All night he was texting me things such as 'I love you', 'I'm going to marry you', 'I promise I won't hurt you', 'Don't get worried and cheat on me'. This was him being very over affectionate which he usually doesn't do. Mind you, he has not been out drunk without me yet, so this may just be drunk texting. He got home but stopped replying as soon as he did. I noticed on his Uber receipt he split the Uber with two girls whom I know are friends with the person he was staying with. He never mentioned this to me though, possibly due to my anxiety. However, the next day he acted quite normal until that night. He began being over affectionate again, constantly calling me baby, telling me he would marry me again, saying 'just keep remembering I love you and I won't hurt you', 'don't be worried, I'll treat you the way you deserve', 'I'm doing everything I can to make you feel better and loved'. This might be too much detail, but he asked me twice (and I did twice) if I could send some pictures so he could .... because he missed me. This was also unusual to do it twice on his behalf. The next day I said I felt quite uneasy and nervous and he just got very defensive saying he has told me he would never do anything and I need to stop bringing it up. He also said to me "if you're hiding something, tell me", which is accusing me of cheating - which he has never done before. To me this is all signs of him being guilty, but I may be overthinking it. I cannot see him for a couple of weeks as he is away but this one night is really playing with my anxiety and I just need advice on whether this is normal behaviour because he misses me or if it is possibly guilt. He has never cheated on me that I know of, and I cannot bring it up with him or he will get angry. I just need to ease my mind for now until I can see him. This is the first time we've been away from each other and I just am feeling so uneasy. Thanks in advance.

4Cats So now I'm just totally selfish
  • replies: 6

I've been on depression meds for years. On top of that I'm an alcoholic. I'm trying to quit but it's a rocky road. I have just about lost all my friends and half the family hate me. Our mum passed away last year and there were issues. I tried to be t... View more

I've been on depression meds for years. On top of that I'm an alcoholic. I'm trying to quit but it's a rocky road. I have just about lost all my friends and half the family hate me. Our mum passed away last year and there were issues. I tried to be there for mum as much as possible. The only person who has stuck with me is my husband but tonight I have basically been told to be greatful for what I've got. See, I thought people would support you when you're struggling but everyone has run away. I blame myself and know I'm a selfish person. I hate me. So when my husband asks what's wrong and I tell him it's not nice when you know everyone dislikes you, I don't appreciate being told "You have more than some other people". So now you can add ungrateful to the rest of my millions of faults. How does anyone survive life knowing you're just a horrible human being? (Apart from drinking that is).

Rose52 Alienated
  • replies: 7

My daughter joined a local church about five years ago which she loves. She is getting married in one week and has not included me in anything such as shopping for her dress, shoes, flowers etc. She rarely contacts me and I miss the close relationshi... View more

My daughter joined a local church about five years ago which she loves. She is getting married in one week and has not included me in anything such as shopping for her dress, shoes, flowers etc. She rarely contacts me and I miss the close relationship her and I once had. She seems to have distanced herself from her father and her brothers also. If I mention the church to anyone I get told that it’s a cult and they have taken over my daughters life. Any advice would be appreciated

KKing Can't shake someone I've never met!
  • replies: 8

I'll try and keep this short. I am very happily married etc, I love my wife to pieces. Just over a year ago I came across a plus size model on line and well pretty much fell in love with her. She lives in NY and well if you knew me, you'd realise thi... View more

I'll try and keep this short. I am very happily married etc, I love my wife to pieces. Just over a year ago I came across a plus size model on line and well pretty much fell in love with her. She lives in NY and well if you knew me, you'd realise this is so unlike me it's not funny. She has about 200,000 followers and men pay to see her post erotic videos of herself. I've tried to shake thinking about this woman but whenever I do think about her I feel jealous of men with her and it feels like she should be with me. I've done on line counselling and nothing has helped. I've tried to stop looking her up on line and gone several weeks but I can't stop thinking about her, even a year on! It's making me incredibly down and no one else on line makes me feel like this..........I have so many questions of why and I would never 'pay' to see her erotic content etc She travels a lot, her erotic videos etc pay for her travels and she makes a fortune from men, sometimes $16k a month! So she has no shortage of admirers but I can't shake her......... She says she's travelling to Aus this year and I am fighting with myself not to see her.....she doesn't know I exist, we've exchanged messages but nothing erotic I came very close to quitting my job and Aus and breaking my wife's heart and traveling to NY to see her.......even just for coffee and having some dumb idea she'd fall for me........ God this really does my head in !!! I need to know how to eliminate her from my head, it feels like I'm looking up an ex

mkgd_84 insecure and hurt after my partner has lied AGAIN
  • replies: 3

I have no one to speak to so hopefully can get support here while I wait for my therapist to get back from leave. Long story short - I have been with my partner for 2.5 years and throughout the whole relationship he has lied to me about dating other ... View more

I have no one to speak to so hopefully can get support here while I wait for my therapist to get back from leave. Long story short - I have been with my partner for 2.5 years and throughout the whole relationship he has lied to me about dating other women and chasing women on dating sites while being in the relationship. And although i know of one women he has had sex with while we have been together i have the biggest gut feeling he has slept with many others. Most recently I found out that he signed up for a casual sex dating site about 2 weeks ago. I confronted him and he flat out lied to my face saying he never signed on (even after showing him the profile with his face and display pics, two of which he had me cropped out of). And after he begged me to stay with him on the promise that he would organise couples counselling for us, I have now discovered that just last weekend he signed up for Zoosk dating site. Again I confronted him and he simply said "i don't have an account". I feel so wrecked and damaged emotionally. I have given this relationship 200% supporting him while he went off to study at the police academy for 8 months. I paid for his laptop, fed him when he was back from the academy, treated is son like my own. And still that wasn't good enough. I just feel so used and it is not a good feeling. Even now he says so convincingly "I love you so much. You are all I want" and it's as if he is not seeing the damage he is doing to me and it is also now affecting my son. I just needed to vent right now. Feeling so alone.

Guest_039 My wife is a perfectionist and is never happy with me
  • replies: 11

I dont know what to do. My wife and I have been together for 11 years and have a 3 year old and a 1 year old. My wife picks on me about everything almost every single day. She is always unhappy, very short tempered. She always finds a reason to argue... View more

I dont know what to do. My wife and I have been together for 11 years and have a 3 year old and a 1 year old. My wife picks on me about everything almost every single day. She is always unhappy, very short tempered. She always finds a reason to argue. All I want to do is enjoy life work together and have a happy family. I don't want my kids to grow up around her screaming at me. She says I dismiss her for everything and I never listen to her. I know I am not the best listener but I always try my best. I feel like she isn't happy with herself and that she takes it out on me and the kids. She says I dont show her I care about her which I do. She is always bringing up arguments from the past like from 5+ years ago over small things.. She doesnt like to move on from an argument she wants to deal with the argument before moving on or she holds a grudge for good. How can I fix my listening skills? The list goes on... Any advice appreciated.

Jessbot When to tell
  • replies: 7

Hi, I’ve been with my husband 20 years and married 14! I have decided to leave him Ive been unhappy for the last couple of years but he has no idea! He is FIFO and has just been made redundant, coming home next week! We have a 3 night interstate trip... View more

Hi, I’ve been with my husband 20 years and married 14! I have decided to leave him Ive been unhappy for the last couple of years but he has no idea! He is FIFO and has just been made redundant, coming home next week! We have a 3 night interstate trip booked for end of July. So my question is do I tell him before we go or when we get back?

BJ5 Newly diagnosed Bipolar husband with a toxic "friendship" Help!!
  • replies: 2

Hi all, My husband is currently in hospital and has just been diagnosed with bipolar after the last few years of "strange" behaviour and now depression stage. In this time after a hurtful situation directed at me I myself shutdown (didn't know he had... View more

Hi all, My husband is currently in hospital and has just been diagnosed with bipolar after the last few years of "strange" behaviour and now depression stage. In this time after a hurtful situation directed at me I myself shutdown (didn't know he had bipolar at the time) to heal and focus on myself and our family and developing trust again. In this time he started a friendship with another lady and soon turned into something more. This other lady is dealing with her own marriage breakdown due to a partner with mental illness and was confiding in my husband. While she is not a friend of mine she has admitted to me that she is in love with my husband. My husband is now confused as he says he still loves me but is not in love with me and he doesn't want to hurt me anymore ,We Have been together almost 20 years (married young). I know this is a feeling many bipolar sufferers feel. He also says he is not giving up this friendship with this person and gets very defensive even when I bring up compromises of public catch ups and not behind close doors to still respect our marriage and our relationship. What do I do? I am doing everything I can to help his new diagnoses with research, professional help etc etc but I cant seem to move on from this as I see this is hindering his recovery and he feels like a hero I guess to her. Will he see the grass isn't greener? I love him so very much.