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Not sure how to get over a lost partner. It's been months but it still hurts so much that he doesn't care. And I lost motivation for everything.

Community Member

Hi there. I look like a normal, well-adjusted, marginally attractive woman who is pursuing her dreams. But the reality is I am incredibly lost, lonely, and struggle with keeping positive and motivated to make my life amazing. I've moved aboard from SEA to be an entrepreneur, with no idea what to expect and a large mission on hand.

Fast forward quite a fair bit, I met this guy. He seemed like everything I was looking for in terms of the simple things : He had some innocence and look of hope and happiness that was in his eyes every time he looked at me. But the relationship struggled - he was a divorce and seemed like communication wasn't the norm for him.

I guess the content doesn't matter. He dumped me a few days before my birthday - it was a year later and we had moved in. It was serious. The plan was for me to fly first and run errands in my home country, and he was supposed to meet me a few days later. Since then he kept scolding and hurting me when I shared my thoughts.

But I had one goal in mind - to make sure we'd get a chance to forget all that. So i tried really, really hard to show him i cared. and it worked. we spent time together. And after awhie, smiled, and laughed and hugged, and hung out, and did things together, and cooked, and stared into each other's eyes...as long as he got to do it on a free pass. and as long as i didn't tell him about how i felt. the moment i told him, he'd shun me, tell me to screw off, and tell me i'm too much.

I don't understand, it's so painful. we have the best time together, and it's so intense, yet at the smallest thing he's happy not to care how i feel. And it breaks me inside, because i care so much, that all i wanted was for him to be around, and he sure looked like he was having fun, but then all he remembers when confronted is that he's unhappy around me. He doesn't consider everything else. I love the way he looks back at me, hugging him, just seeing him. Even him brushing his teeth. And knowing i love all the little things...it hurts me every time to think about it, that I mean nothing, all that meant nothing, and i've been trying to get over it for months but it keeps coming back, and i feel like I need his validation, i just want so bad for him to look at me and tell me I'm worth it too and treat me well. To have my love not mean nothing. He reciprocates, and then nothing. I'm so torn up about how real it felt, and how easily its discarded. It doesn't help that I'm always working on my own.

1 Reply 1

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Sarinas and welcome to Beyond Blue

I can truly imagine how torn up you feel. From the story you shared it sounds like he's sending you some very mixed messages and that is always so hard. Communication is such a key to all relationships isn't it?

Getting over the loss of someone is always hard. Letting go of a bad relationship can be complicated. That’s because the end of a relationship is like experiencing a death, of sorts. It takes time and there are phases that you go through (in no particular order) - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.

I've always found talking with someone when I'm feeling like this is really good. Is there anyone you have to talk with, e.g. family member or trusted friend?

Maybe living in another country also is hard. There are phone counselling services that you can call or chat to online -

  • Griefline Counselling - Phone 1300 845 745 Midday to 3 am or https://griefline.org.au/online-counselling-service/
  • Lifeline Phone 13 11 14 or www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/On-lineServices/Crisis_Chat
  • Beyond Blue Support Services 1300 224 636 or chat 3pm-12pm https://online.beyondblue.org.au

Hope some of this helps Sarinas

Kind regards