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Retroactive Jealously

Community Member
My partner and I have been in a relationship for 7 months now we get along really well, deeply in love. If we have a problem between us we always discuss and found a solution so we never have a fight. One day we had a conversation about our past relationship and sexual experiences and I had discovered that that she had slept with a old close friend of mine. I have never blamed or verbally abused her for her because she was just living her life and I was not in the picture during that time period of her life however I find this topic come up within my conscious on a day to day basis and I can't seem to let go. I've read multiple forums about retroactive jealously, become healthier and more fit in attempt to combat the vulnerability and insecurity I have but I found all of this is just temporary relief for the consistent pain I undergo. My partner is aware of how feel and is miserable about it because she knows its a topic she can't fix. I continually assure her that none of this is her fault or problem it's completely me. Would love to hear if anyone is in or was in the same boat I am in and how you overcame this issue as I love my partner to death has she helped me grow and become a better person
1 Reply 1

Community Member

Hello Jon.

Welcome to the forums ☺️ I’m very sorry that you’re feeling this level of distress. Jealousy can be a tricky emotion to deal with because it often doesn’t align with logic or our values. It sounds like you’re being very proactive in figuring this out, which is admirable. I was wondering if you’d be willing to talk it over with a psychologist? They’d be able to help you find some insight into what you’re feeling and where it’s coming from. Also, they can help you to develop skills that will reduce the ruminating you’re experiencing.

Having an issue go around and round in your head without relief is exhausting and can feel like it’ll never end. I want to encourage you to try to be compassionate towards yourself- you are human and this doesn’t sound like something you’re causing to happen. Your willingness to find answers shows that you’re doing your best. Please don’t give up.

Take care