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Too scared to leave a long-term relationship.

Community Member

I've been with my partner for 4 years and we've lived together for 2 years. For a while I've found myself being unhappy more than being happy, Don't get me wrong, we have really good times together, but there's many moments which leave me wanting to be by myself.

My partner isn't physically abusive at all, but I do feel like sometimes the way he says things isn't the best for my mental health. He often tells me I'm playing the victim card e.g. if I say I didn't like the way he spoke to me, he often tells me I'm just overreacting & playing the victim card. He also has a really short temper which he denies (I also have a short temper, but I'll be the first to admit it). So often a simple opinion or discussion will end up in him raising his voice & getting either argumentative or defensive for no reason.

I also think that we're growing apart. When we started dating, I had the impression that he was quite ambitious, but over the years I've realised he's unbelievably lazy (to the point where he does nothing around the house, and if I don't do everything, nothing will get done). Sometimes he'll see me vacuuming & offer to do it (and then won't actually do it until several hours later), but I don't understand why he doesn't just take the initiative. Like, if he knows the vacuuming needs to be done, why can't he just do it without me having to prompt him or give him permission. He lives here too, so why not just do things. Sometimes I feel like a slave, and it gets extremely stressful when I also work full time & study. Speaking of which, I have a lot of life goals I plan on achieving, whereas my partner's goals are nowhere near as high as mine... and sometimes I feel he's taken this really relaxed, no stress approach to life because he knows I'll be earning a very good amount. I also find him somewhat demotivational as well. He's very supportive of me and my goals, but I guess I was hoping for a life partner who wanted to achieve as much as me.

My partner also has a severe lack of intimacy towards me & sex often feels like he's just doing it because he has to, not because he wants to.

I've thought about leaving on several occassions, and at one point I thought I couldn't do it because I still saw good things in our relationship (which I still do;, but now I think it's more because I like the freedom of living out of home, and I know that if we break up, and I move back in with my parents, I won't have the same level of freedom.

1 Reply 1

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello SL, welcome to the site.

From what you have told us, why do you have to move back in with your parents, because when you live away from that environment, it's not so easy to go back to it, simply because your freedom changes just as your circumstances change, so is there anyone else who can live with you.

I'm saying this because if your current partner isn't pulling his weight after 2 years I can't see it improving as time progresses.

Your expectations are high and that's terrific and I really hope you are able to achieve them, but if you have to carry someone else who isn't motivated, then this is going to make your job so much harder, especially when he has a lack of intimacy.

Sorry for saying this but know from experience.

Please get back to me.