Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

C74 I HATE my father.
  • replies: 3

I hate him. I hate him so badly. And that mother believes everything he says. Everyone at school thinks I'm that good, caring, quiet, diligent girl. They'd be shocked if they knew I was writing this post, but I don't truly believe I'm a good person. ... View more

I hate him. I hate him so badly. And that mother believes everything he says. Everyone at school thinks I'm that good, caring, quiet, diligent girl. They'd be shocked if they knew I was writing this post, but I don't truly believe I'm a good person. I honestly feel like I'm going insane. I'm not saying my hate towards my dad is not justified. He's gone ahead with many violent acts towards me, everything. He has horrific temper issues that he can't control, and as a result, I want to inflict the same pain towards him. The only reason I don't is because I truly don't want to hurt anyone, but lately I can't stop thinking about it. I want to see him beg for mercy in front of me, sobbing, telling me that he's sorry. I want him to feel pain, and I hate that about myself. I've been having a rough time already; my school grades haven't been great despite the fact that i've stayed up past 4am studying, and my parents won't believe me when I say i've been working hard. They keep accusing me of playing games instead of working. I really don't, but they don't care. They hurt me. I truthfully tell them I'm working, I beg them to listen, but they threaten me. They tell me I'll get in more trouble if I keep 'lying'. I'm left to the point where I live no choice but to lie and pretend I was playing games. It's not fair. They don't understand me, they never will. Sometimes I feel so much rage that i can't contain myself, I clench my fists and the rage builds to the point where I feel as if my head will explode. I've been hurt so much over these years, and I just want someone to understand how I feel. My parents won't ever understand unless they feel it themselves. I hate life, I hate everything. I just want this to be over. Someone, please help me... I'm so scared and I need someone so badly. Why doesn't anyone care about me? Why won't anyone just listen to me? Why don't I have anyone? I've done everything I could, i've been there for people when they've needed me... why is it that once I need someone, I find myself all alone? I was honestly mad when I began writing this, but now I feel as if I can't crying. What's happening to me?

Vamps007 Overprotective parents
  • replies: 2

hi my name isNarelle and my parents won’t let me do anything that I want all I wanted to do is to send some one money for the orphanage somewhere and they are stopping me from doing this what should I do as I have got depression really really bad and... View more

hi my name isNarelle and my parents won’t let me do anything that I want all I wanted to do is to send some one money for the orphanage somewhere and they are stopping me from doing this what should I do as I have got depression really really bad and my doctor is sending me to a psychiatrist and I don’t want to go and I just want to be rid of my parents on my case all the time what should I do

Fashion_Dash Controlling parents
  • replies: 4

I'm currently 16 and my parents are controlling me. My dad in particular dosent let me walk out the house wearing shorts, crop tops or anything revealing.i can't go to parties or have a boyfriend. I just wanna move out. How do I deal with this? View more

I'm currently 16 and my parents are controlling me. My dad in particular dosent let me walk out the house wearing shorts, crop tops or anything revealing.i can't go to parties or have a boyfriend. I just wanna move out. How do I deal with this?

broc husband smokes pot daily - dont like it
  • replies: 5

Hi please no judgement I just need some helpful advice Please. i have been with my partner for over 20 years and he use to smoke pot daily and stopped about 2 years ago, he started smoking a joint once a week now it’s bongs every day after work and e... View more

Hi please no judgement I just need some helpful advice Please. i have been with my partner for over 20 years and he use to smoke pot daily and stopped about 2 years ago, he started smoking a joint once a week now it’s bongs every day after work and earlier on weekends. he says he smokes pot to relax and calm down as he is very stressed. He recently took time off work due to a mini break down and he was looking for reasons that caused it from too much sugar to a nose spray he was using- the truth is his pot use increased and in my heart I feel it was a big contributor to the breakdown as he won’t deal with things as weed fixes everything. I sent him to dr and he was given antidepressants- I was fortunate enough to speak with his dr as he asked if I was concerned about his mental health state and I said yes and told him about my husband smoking pot my hubby never mentioned that to the dr. today I asked him to please cut back on pot and it was like I asked him to chop off his leg his response was oh so u wAnt me to stop the only thing I have, stop the only thing that relaxes me and oh it’s all about you... I only asked him to cut back but lately when I ask anything he twists my words causes an argument and blames it on me. And he says nasty things about my mental health to me things like he couldn’t be with me if I wasn’t on meds (I have PTSD) and have been proactive about my condition. And to top it off today he said I can’t waitvto have a room in the house where I can sit in my comfy chair and smoke weed instead of you sending me to the shed ( I won’t allow it near my daughter who is 11) so today he made sure I knew he wanted in bed all day sulking about me questioning his pot he had none and he isn’t nice to be around so it’s like he has become over defensive about his pot habit he changes words around and is becoming more hurtful when he isn’t stoned but when he is stoned he is nice I’m stuck I don’t want my daughter to grow up thinking daily pot smoking is the way you deal with stress and I’m a very loyal person and find it hard to leave - I would like to help hubby get better but just not sure how to go about it

Zonnekp Feeling Lonely And Isolated
  • replies: 3

I am married to a very good man and we have an adult daughter. My husband works long hours, sometimes also over the weekend to support us as I have been unemployed for the last 18 months. Our daughter still lives with us, but is busy with her studies... View more

I am married to a very good man and we have an adult daughter. My husband works long hours, sometimes also over the weekend to support us as I have been unemployed for the last 18 months. Our daughter still lives with us, but is busy with her studies and boyfriend. I look after the household. I am feeling lonely and isolated and do not have many friends, maybe because I am a quiet person. I recently tried getting into volunteering, but even that is not working out. I have a few Whatsapp friends who I message often and know that friendships take time to develop, but I crave actual friends.

Jaygray Estranged from daughter and grandkids since new boyfriend on the scene
  • replies: 1

Has anybody helped supported and had a great relationship with their daughter only to have their daughter estrange them for the sake of their new boyfriend? My daughter has done this twice and with grandchildren involved. It has broken my heart to bi... View more

Has anybody helped supported and had a great relationship with their daughter only to have their daughter estrange them for the sake of their new boyfriend? My daughter has done this twice and with grandchildren involved. It has broken my heart to bits. I feel used betrayed and shocked that she would treat me so nastily after all I have done for her and the kids My emotions are up and down and I’m sick of feeling so hurt It has effected my partner and my other daughter, and although they have been supportive, there are times when they get angry with the situation and I feel the repercussions My first point of discussion and advice I need is how to deal with Xmas next week. I presume my estranged daughter won’t come over for Xmas day but go to her new boyfriends for Xmas Should I still send her an invite to Xmas or stay silent How can I even invite her as it is only condoning her bad behaviour? I feel I am wrong no matter which way I act It is also her sons 3rd birthday on the 27th December and I am fearful of jeopardising any opportunity to get an invite to it ps I have only seen my grandchildren once in the last 6 months (2 weeks ago) as she was desperate for a babysitter so she could have mediation with her ex partner and father of her kids Any comments and feedback appreciated

happysky7311 Controlling parents and feeling imprisoned in my own home
  • replies: 5

I've recently finished Year 12 and confessed to my parents recently that I've been dating a guy since April. My mental health issues have stemmed from pressure from parents, feeling imprisoned at home and not being given independence. Both my bf and ... View more

I've recently finished Year 12 and confessed to my parents recently that I've been dating a guy since April. My mental health issues have stemmed from pressure from parents, feeling imprisoned at home and not being given independence. Both my bf and I want to go interstate for uni and his parents allow that, but mine insist I stay with them until I'm older. I'm 18, i want to gain independence, i want to explore the world for myself. More importantly, i don't know how much longer i can stay at home without relapsing into my old habits and how much I'm going to suffer being stuck at a uni i don't want to be and living somewhere that is so triggering for me. My parents don't understand this, and if i tell them this i know they'll think i'm ridiculous and tell me to suck it up (their Asian mentality). I dont trust my parents, they hurt me unintentionally constantly and don't understand me, I've never felt comfortable asking them for help and I've had to seek help from friends (they won't let me out hence i couldn't go to a psych or gp). My bf's parents are fine with him going interstate. Worst case scenario is that i'm stuck here while he goes, and i know we both won't be able to deal with the separation in a healthy way. Being soft-spoken and submissive my whole life I feel hopeless, i can't disobey or overrule what my parents say, but at the same time i'm being tortured by their words. I understand they may think i'm too young, they may think i'm inexperienced in the big world, they don't want to let me go. I understand this. But they're affecting my mental health by locking me in. And they don't know this. I don't know what to do.

bmacca64 The ones you love being the ones who hurt you the most.
  • replies: 2

I have been wondering why is it that the ones that you love the most are the ones capable of hurting you the most. My wife who I have been with for nine years and married for three was diagnosed with what she calls "depression on the cusp of bipolar"... View more

I have been wondering why is it that the ones that you love the most are the ones capable of hurting you the most. My wife who I have been with for nine years and married for three was diagnosed with what she calls "depression on the cusp of bipolar". This was before we met after she had numerous relationship issues and fortunately unsuccessful attempts to take her own life. I absolutely love and cherish this woman but six weeks ago she sat down and said a couple of time honoured phrases "you are my best friend and I love you dearly but I am not in love with you","I'm 44 and have nothing of my own, why did you marry me anyway?" and the old "but you'll still be my friend won't you because I want you in my life" also one that stung "I love our bunny more than I love you." From what was an idyllic relationship she moved out and has been couch surfing at friends homes since. After going through shock, anger and resentment I contacted many of her old friends as well as her mother and they all agreed that it appeared to be an episode similar to those she has had in the past. I have never seen her like this since we met and it scared me. She is medicated but hasn't had a psychiatric review for about six or seven years. She made a doctors appointment to get a script repeat and he fortunately gave her a psychiatrist referral. She came around for dinner tonight, it was great to be around her and she has booked tickets for us to go to the movies on Sunday night. I told her I love her and am always here for her and her reply was "I'm trying. I came around didn't I?" When I asked if she had contacted the psychiatrist her reply was "I will but I don't think I'm depressed any more." It made me think why do the ones you love the most have the capacity to hurt you the most?

Rjade Not sure what to do
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone. Over the last month or so, I have developed feelings for a co-worker and feel pretty annoyed at myself. I understand that you have no control over who you fall in love with but I can’t help but feel guilty and a little ashamed. I recentl... View more

Hi everyone. Over the last month or so, I have developed feelings for a co-worker and feel pretty annoyed at myself. I understand that you have no control over who you fall in love with but I can’t help but feel guilty and a little ashamed. I recently turned 22 and have been engaged for nearly a year and a half. I kind of rushed into the relationship but I do have genuine feelings of love and admiration for my fiance. We fight quite a lot though and we’re dealing with some pretty major things at the moment. I suffer from severe depression and anxiety as well as a crippling physical illness and I find it hard to see the light each day, even with my fiance by my side. However, when I’m around my co-worker, all of the pain and suffering seems to somewhat subside and I feel all of these positive emotions I haven’t experienced in a long, long time. I know my co-worker cares about me and he allows me to vent my frustrations to him, and I have a slight suspicion that he may have feelings for me too. I don’t know whether I should stay put in a relationship that has some love still left to give but that exhausts the hell out of me most of the time, or if I should bite the bullet and tell my co-worker how I feel. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Knicky Failing relationship, job loss and coping with children
  • replies: 3

I feel like I'm coming undone. I have 2 wonderful children, whom I love with all my heart and soul. But at the moment everything, especially parenting seems like such an effort even though I feel like Im functioning at the bare minimum. Feed, bathe, ... View more

I feel like I'm coming undone. I have 2 wonderful children, whom I love with all my heart and soul. But at the moment everything, especially parenting seems like such an effort even though I feel like Im functioning at the bare minimum. Feed, bathe, school runs, repeat. And Im becoming an angry Mumma, which I hate. Its not who I want to be for them. They deserve better! I lost a second job through no fault of my own, and am struggling to obtain another, so sitting at home over thinking is driving me up the wall. And struggling to find work to apply for to meet my centrelink requirements is causing me mayjor anxiety. My "friend" or lover, (what ever he feels like at the time) of over a year is also a huge point of anxiety, giving attention to another woman who we both know is totally in love with him, he fails to compromise on spending time with her because Im insecure and he wont be told who he can and cant spend time with, saying Im pushing them together and possibly would follow through with her out of spite. Yet he says he wants give "us" a real shot, and we have discussed and argued at length ways to self help and attempt to fix the relationship. I love him so so much and have tried my hardest to make it work, but I feel like Im fighting a losing battle as it always feels as though he will never commit to me and has one foot out the door at every point even though his words tell a different story. My heart so badly want to believe his words because once upon a time there was such a beautiful and amazing connection there. However at the moment he is constantly pointing out my many flaws and crappy coping mechanisms and instead of being constructive, I feel Im always under attack for my personality and who I am. I dont have a strong support network, I only have my Mum that I dont have a close bond with, and of the 3 friends I do have they are not strong friendships either, and I have exhausted them to the point of feeling uncomfortable in reaching out anymore. I feel so sad, lonely and lost. Im at my wits end on how I can please my kids, keep the man I love, and just simply be happy. I feel like life was just meant to be hard for me. Its never easy. I feel like Im always to blame. I dont know whats wrong with me and how I can never have that happy life I desire and try so hard for and keep failing at. What is it about me? I feel like I just want to give up!