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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Wildflower123 Feeling embarrassed and regretful
  • replies: 1

I recently had a "thing" with a girl who I met through our mutual best friend for about 2 months. The whole time she was very hard to read and would send me snap chats about being single or tell me her ex was staying the night but only told me so I k... View more

I recently had a "thing" with a girl who I met through our mutual best friend for about 2 months. The whole time she was very hard to read and would send me snap chats about being single or tell me her ex was staying the night but only told me so I knew she wasn't interested in sleeping with anyone else. After she told me that she asked if I was angry and that there's nothing to be angry about. The whole time I never said anything about these things she would do because I hate confrontation. It got to a point where I was sobbing and extremely upset so our mutual best friend told me to just delete her off Facebook, and so I did against my own wishes. The girl got really mad at me and when I explained how she was making me feel she didn't really acknowledge it and just made me feel like the bad one who ruined everything. After this conversation I didn't want to talk to her again because I was sure she hated me and she had said well we are just friends now I guess. The next day she was asking me how my day was and acting as if nothing happened so I was extremely confused because she had made it seem like I hurt her really bad and the conversation went back to normal. After a few weeks of this I asked her if we were genuinely just friends because I still like her, and she told me yes just friends. I accepted this and stopped talking to her so much so I could distance myself and try and get over her, but sometimes she would do or say things that made me feel like she still liked me. She would send me snap chats in her bra, and gave me her number to call her when I was out one night if I needed a lift home. I understand these are things you may do for someone who is just a friend, but when you like someone and you've recently been in an intimate relationship with them it can feel like more. A few nights ago I told her sometimes it feels like she is sending me mixed signals and I told her I understand you don't do it intentionally but that's just how I feel because I still like you and I'm obviously reading into it too much. She got really defensive and told me she has done nothing to make me feel that way and she sends pictures like that to other people too. I feel extremely embarrassed & ashamed and think I've ruined the friendship I did have with this girl and maybe even my best friend. I wish I never said anything and I can't shake this feeling of regret and embarrassment and constantly overthinking things. I don't know how to stop feeling this way.

Hugoosey I'm being involuntarily written out of existence
  • replies: 18

Helloo? you dont have to read the whole thing(no pressure) I'm 23 and don't know where to start and the only reason I'm doing the whole beyond blue thingy is because lately I feel so terrible, well to be honest its up and down, kinda like being flipp... View more

Helloo? you dont have to read the whole thing(no pressure) I'm 23 and don't know where to start and the only reason I'm doing the whole beyond blue thingy is because lately I feel so terrible, well to be honest its up and down, kinda like being flipped about. Well I've always kinda felt I had something wrong with my brain or something like I might be mildly aspergers or just kinda stupid but i find it near impossible to connect or relate to people anymore, even reading the forums briefly I couldn't really relate to anything. Its so hard writing this stuff because words are so limited when it comes to true expression, but yeah I barely feel like a full person anymore, mainly due to my life not playing out like many peoples, for example I've never been to any parties in high school or even had any partners and people never ever seem take an interest in me or my life when I usually go out of my way to ask them about theirs..this is all too whiny but sometimes I get annoyed at how people have all this stuff like friends, romances and opportunities that fall into their laps and it honestly seems like they arent even trying to get these things, its kinda like I'm not allowed to be a full human being and the rest of you are able to have these things. Its just irritating and its starting to look as if there might not be any hope, I mean people don't even acknowledge my presence anymore which might not make sense to you but its true, oh yeah the point I almost forgot which is funny cause its the a main reason and that is this decade(the 2010's) sucks arse and is totally boring and makes me want to give up on hope. People are strange in this era we live in with the smartphones and technology I find super boring, I just want the good old nokia days back(I still use a nokia) everyone seems really depresso nowadays I mean even my university lecturer asked the class why they looked so glum...I mean whats up with that? I have a sneaking suspicion this era is making everyone lonely/sad(not the whole reason obviously), I'm just stating the truth of this crap era with live in...I hate it and its taking all the atmosphere away that used to be plentiful in the past. doubt you've read this far, people dont usually take me seriously or think I feel this bad but honestly most of the time I wish there was a big red button I could hit and it would just erase me instantly. wow that was fun right? Look forward to your reply(wanted to say a bit more but the dang word limit)

MissMc WORKPLACE ISSUE!
  • replies: 1

I have worked at my workplace for 6yrs now and have formed many friendships over the yrs, but one female collegue is causing great issues We have the same birth date and were born in the same hospital in the same small country town and we formed a bo... View more

I have worked at my workplace for 6yrs now and have formed many friendships over the yrs, but one female collegue is causing great issues We have the same birth date and were born in the same hospital in the same small country town and we formed a bond together because of this and we both call each other sister's, but not blood sisters ….. on a number of times through Facebook messenger she has repeatedly personally attacked me over minor stuff with work and on facebook but never to my face ( coward?) I have had a gutfull of her doing this, Ive even customed my FB page that she doesn,t see my posts etc and nxt step is to BLOCK HER! last message she sent me was - on Monday night saying I never said hello to her when she came into work that Monday ( as she has Mondays off ) never seen her come into work! …. then attacking me over who I comment and like on FB and that I don't like and comment on any of her posts? like what the hell! Am I so wrong to think she is just all about wanting ATTENTION? …… she has NEVER apologize for any of her behaviour in the past and present and I continue to ignore her messagers and ignore her inperson cause I don't think I should have to justify my actions to her or anyone# But she seems to think she is entitled to treat a person and as close as we were like she does. She always plays the victim in her personal life and at work, shes a hypercondriact and lier and have I ever questioned her about all this NO As I just turn a deaf ear to all that as she will NEVER change. I totally just walk away from people like this as I think there very toxic people who just drain you! I am really considering tranfering out of my current position as I,ve just had it! Just need some help understanding about her behaviour …… thanks.

rainbowballongirl lonely and struggling with fertility treatment
  • replies: 1

i am feeling very lonely after about 18 months of doing IVF. i have told a few family and friends, all were supportive initially but most seem to be too busy to take much of an interest really. one friend told me last week that she thinks i ought to ... View more

i am feeling very lonely after about 18 months of doing IVF. i have told a few family and friends, all were supportive initially but most seem to be too busy to take much of an interest really. one friend told me last week that she thinks i ought to give up and accept that i will never be a mum. i found this very hurtful and she hasn't apologised so i may have to leave that friendship as i'm continuing to try for a baby. i feel really tired and lonely and i'm worried about becoming depressed as i've been there before. have made an appointment to see my Dr on thursday but that is 5 days away and i'm feeling a little aggitated today. any advice appreciated!

Belle32 Really tough break up
  • replies: 2

Hi all, As I write this I’m sitting alone in my apartment on a beautiful sunny evening. I was meant to be spending this weekend with the love of my life but he broke up with me on Friday night. Sone background: we’ve been together for almost four yea... View more

Hi all, As I write this I’m sitting alone in my apartment on a beautiful sunny evening. I was meant to be spending this weekend with the love of my life but he broke up with me on Friday night. Sone background: we’ve been together for almost four years and we’re due to be married in October. I thought we were really happy but a few months out from the wedding he started having anxiety attacks and crying and having doubts. When he saw a counsellor he came home and broke up with me telling me he couldn’t do it anymore and realised he hadn’t been happy. He moved out. We ended up deciding to take a long break because we loved each other and wanted it to work. About a month later he asked me to go out to dinner and told me he loved me and had been feeling better through counselling, that I wasn’t the cause of his anxiety. So we started seeing each other again, which made me really happy. Slow at first, then up to 5 times a week, sleepovers, spending whole weekends together etc. things seemed back on track. He was telling me he loved me and wanted to get married, that he was happy. Then on Friday out of the blue, after a counselling session, he came over and broke up with me again saying he loves me but he’s messed up, doesn’t know who he is anymore and is dwelling on minor things in the past. i feel so despairing. He won’t respond to any of my messages or calls. I’m feeling really depressed and lonely and don’t know what to do to make myself feel better.

muggins Rocky relationship with my Sister
  • replies: 3

Hi guys, I have a sister who is just 13 months older than me and we are both in our early twenties, we are both still living at home with our Mum. My sister has Asperger's which makes it really hard for me to get along with her and live in the same h... View more

Hi guys, I have a sister who is just 13 months older than me and we are both in our early twenties, we are both still living at home with our Mum. My sister has Asperger's which makes it really hard for me to get along with her and live in the same house as her. Ever since I can remember we have been at odds with each other, and being so close in age, and with her Asperger's I've always felt like the older sister. I always used to tell her what to do and felt like I was responsible for her because of the way she is. Now that we're older, I still feel like the older sister, she's currently unemployed and just hangs around the house a lot and gets money from our parents. I still order her around a bit, and pick on her for leaving messes everywhere that Mum has to clean up, not trying to get a job and being irresponsible with the money that she gets from our parents etc. This has caused her to really dislike me as a person; ever since we were little I've done the same thing, trying to look after her by constantly critiquing her, but this just makes our relationship worse and we get into fights and we can barely stand to be in the same room as each other. I also have anxiety and I think her behaviours because of Asperger's flare up my anxiety and I really want to keep control of the situation. I have really tried to change my behaviour towards her a few times, but I always fail, I think because its been such a long time that our relationship has been like this. So, I wanted to ask for any tips on how I might change my behaviour? If there's any strategies any of you can suggest, please let me know, I really want to change and have a good relationship with her. She's my sister after all, and we love eachother.

Jen18 High functioning, overworked, alcoholic husband now smoking pot & fights becoming more aggressive/physical
  • replies: 3

When I met my husband 13 yrs ago he was fit and enjoyed his scotch. I started to realise that he had a bit of a problem (he managed to hide it very well), now its major. He works very hard and has progressed to a point where he may be promoted to a d... View more

When I met my husband 13 yrs ago he was fit and enjoyed his scotch. I started to realise that he had a bit of a problem (he managed to hide it very well), now its major. He works very hard and has progressed to a point where he may be promoted to a directors role. We have a 5 yo and a 18 from my previous relationship (with a person who was a daily pot user). Some very big cracks have appeared over the years and im feeling like ive failed everyone. Credit card statements showed he was visiting bottle shop every 2nd day, now he visits every day & spends around $40 + (full bottle of scotch). Arguments have been escalating and i cant help but call him out sometimes calling him a drunk during our arguments. He has this way of justifying why he deserves to be angry for instance .."you said this earlier or you had a melt down yesterday and now its my turn, or you started a fight this morning" (despite everything being fine or settled for hours in between). Fights snowball, instead of just discussing the disagreement, he brings all sorts of hurtful things into it. Lately if he has to go away for work or has a big meeting, the w'end is ruined because he starts dreading from Sat or Sun. Its "do you have to get on a flight tomorrow...or do you have a meeting with the boss tomorrow...who do you have to report to?"). Ive been starting my own business up over the last year and while my income is not as high as his, i do most of the house work, finances and running kids around. He's been threatening me a lot with cutting off finances and evertime i try to leave the house during an argument he tries to stop me taking our 5 yo then becomes really distraught. He now smokes cigarettes and pot (everytime i am preoccupied he runs out and smokes, its like he gets a thrill out of sneaking around). He says his wage covers his spending yet gets depressed and jealous of others who appear to be well off financially. He has had an anxiety problem which is just getting worse. I've tried to ask his family for help. His sister has bipolar and his brother had alcohol & gambling problems. They lost their dad 18 yrs ago and my husband has always been seen as the most together. I drove to them on the w'end after an outburst, asking the brother to check on my husband (he was throwing things from the garage when i left). Instead my brother in law begged me to leave my son with him & tried to make out i was insane...he was like "are you really ok ...one minute you are laughing etc"

Sykes_78 Failed
  • replies: 3

Just turned 40 and have 3 foster kids to take care of. Working nearly 7 days a week trying to make ends meet. Wife wants time just for us. But i just want to be by myself for a while when i get home, coz getting up at 5am and leaving by 6, only to ge... View more

Just turned 40 and have 3 foster kids to take care of. Working nearly 7 days a week trying to make ends meet. Wife wants time just for us. But i just want to be by myself for a while when i get home, coz getting up at 5am and leaving by 6, only to get home at 5ish takes its toll every day. Recently ive been told how bad i am at this father thing, and how she regrets everything. Everyone is fed, clothed, healthy and has everything they need. Why do i feel like a failure. Money is tight but iwealways have just enough to pull through for everyone except me. I make sacrifices, and plan to make more, for the good of my family. Being told iv pretty much failed hasnt sat well with me and is constantly nawing in my head. Why am i here, what am i doing wrong, what am i doing right. Ive grown up with a lot of childhood trauma that was never treated, my brother was killed in an accidental shooting by another brother. Pain, animosity, hate, rage, disgust were the emotions i had as a 13 yyr old kid. The way i see it is i failed to be there for my deceased brother, then only to fail for not being the brother i needed to be for my living brother, how has he not killed him self yet, he had just as much treatment as me, not much. Now im in my last set of failures. Times are tough. Im new to this, i dont even know if iv layed everything out on the table, i feel badt, i look around and i see happiness. But what is happiness if my wife regrets everything. All the pain and suffering in my life only to pass it on. Rather not be here, there or anywhere

April2328 Being away from family is hard
  • replies: 3

All my I have been depending on my parents. My decisions are made depends on what they tell me. I have been away with my family three times but now will be the longest that I will be away with them. Being an independent person in a foreign country is... View more

All my I have been depending on my parents. My decisions are made depends on what they tell me. I have been away with my family three times but now will be the longest that I will be away with them. Being an independent person in a foreign country is hard, I sometimes feel a sudden sadness within my heart. Yes, I do have friends here but it is really different when you come home and your parents are there to greet you. I sometimes feel like going home but thinking about my future scares me. My parents will not be there always for me so I have to act now. I always call them on social sites so I won't really feel sadness and longing for them will. For people like me whose been away from their family how do you cope up with the longing for them?

BOC64 Scared of dating and putting myself out there
  • replies: 5

Hi I think I would like to meet someone but I am scared to get out there again as it has been about 7 years I dated last and 14 years since I had a long term relationship. I am fairly aware of the things I should do but I find online dating so subjec... View more

Hi I think I would like to meet someone but I am scared to get out there again as it has been about 7 years I dated last and 14 years since I had a long term relationship. I am fairly aware of the things I should do but I find online dating so subjective and often demoralising particularly now I am mid 50's. I have very few friends that live in the same city and my other friends live far away so my social circle is limited. My best mate is 24 years younger so although we have many things in common the women he knows are far to young. I do find it hard to connect with other people and due to the medications I take that helps but my desires are almost none existent now. That and the fear of rejection is holding me back. I unfortunately I also find myself rarely physically attracted to women of the same age and I just do not understand why. What to do I often ask myself. JC