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Feeling like the outsider

Community Member

I have always felt like the outsider in the family while my mother's son is the golden child that can't do a single thing wrong. Yet mother keeps making me feel guilty for "not keeping in contact with him and going to see him" Yet not once in the last 7 years has he been home to visit us.

Last Christmas was the first time he had been back in the same state as the rest of his family yet he couldn't make it home for Christmas because he rather does his own thing and has christmas with friends.

I am so over feeling like the outsider, I can't turn to my mother as her response is always"don't want to know about it, not my problem" or " you know what your brother is like"

2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Dear Blahish

Welcome to the beyond blue forum. I hope you will supported here and perhaps some answers.

I am not certain what it is that upsets you. I gather it is being ignored by your mother in favour of your brother even though he no longer lives at home. What confuses me is how your brother's absence contributes to you feeling like an outsider. Do you miss him or did he look after you? I'm sorry to be a bit dense and I hope you can clarify what is happening for you.

It is unpleasant to feel you are not a full member of the family and being unable to talk to your mother about this. Has this been happening all your life? I wonder how much older your brother is than you. I get the impression it must be a large gap.

I've just looked again at your post and I wonder if your brother is your half brother or step brother as you refer to him as "my mother's son". It makes sense if this is the case as there can be some rivalry between half or step siblings.

Can you post in again and explain a bit more.


white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

Parents can play favourites. Or we as their child can feel they favour the other sibling. I could never convince my younger daughter I loved her as much as her older sister, never. But I have. Such was the competition between those two girls.

I think your point about him not visiting you is a very valid one and a tell tale of his attitude. I have always, throughout my life had the same issue with relatives in Tasmania. They always had the view that as it is a tourist state- "you come here to visit us", not the reverse. They would come to the mainland but never drop in. Odd really. So when ever I visited Tassy I had no guilt feelings about not turning up at their place.

And the guilt your mother is imposing upon you isn't fair. I think in that regard you need to stand your ground and tell her firmly to butt out of the relationship that is not hers. Furthermore if she continues and it interferes with the harmony between her and you, I would be issuing a clam warning, that your contact with her will reduce- based on the pressure that you don't need to live a happy life. Click on this thread-


Beyondblue topic guilt the tormentor

Beyondblue topic fortress of survival part 2

Good luck, repost anytime to comment