Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Tj_tj What to do..
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Hey all, appreciate the site and forum, sometimes it’s a lonely place out there despite being completely surrounded by amazing people, have been with my partner for over 10 years, we are amazing together, have an incredible life, in the last 12 month... View more

Hey all, appreciate the site and forum, sometimes it’s a lonely place out there despite being completely surrounded by amazing people, have been with my partner for over 10 years, we are amazing together, have an incredible life, in the last 12 months, she’s had an affair, I’ve found out / caught her on so many occasions, each time it’ ends in tears, apologies and we work on it over and over, it’s reallly taken a toll on me, self confidence, trust, general heatlh, But I just can’t seem to end it, I don’t know if that’s considered weak, or love, or what! When is enough enough?

ashley5 After the affair
  • replies: 2

Hi So a year ago my husband had a emotional affair, I knew he was texting a woman & had ask him to stop & he said he did but it turns out this was not the case. I confronted him & he broke up with me & we separated for 6 months, went to consulting be... View more

Hi So a year ago my husband had a emotional affair, I knew he was texting a woman & had ask him to stop & he said he did but it turns out this was not the case. I confronted him & he broke up with me & we separated for 6 months, went to consulting before deciding to make ago of it again. I have anxiety which on top of this means my brain has over analyze the hell out of the situation but my biggest issue right now is it’s a year on & I feel so insecure in our marriage like I can’t relax Incase i get crushed again. I feel like I’m losing my mind & im scared I’ll always feel this way. But I really want to make our marriage work. Will it ever get easier? My husband knows I feel this way & he’s starting to feel like I’ll never move pass this.

cantcope had a affair
  • replies: 20

hi, I have been married for 22 yrs, 2 wonderful kids, 22 and 17,. when I met my wife she was only 19, I was 26,. marriage has been good but over the last 7 or 8 years things have gotten stale, while I still have great affection for her I have found m... View more

hi, I have been married for 22 yrs, 2 wonderful kids, 22 and 17,. when I met my wife she was only 19, I was 26,. marriage has been good but over the last 7 or 8 years things have gotten stale, while I still have great affection for her I have found myself wanting,. I spend most of my time working and at night alone while shes doing her own stuff,, our sex life is non existent,. to the point im not interested anymore..5 yrs ago I meet the most wonderful beautiful women., I fell for right away, after a very short time she called it off as she had a partner,. it hurt me very much , but I got over it .went back to my normall life,. then 2 months ago, after 5 long years with no contact she emailed me again, she had broken up with her partner 6 months before and wanted to see me. I thought about it long and hard but couldn't resist her,. we phone each other several times a day and meet up in the city quite a few times., she was and is still trying to get over her relationship and is always talking about it,i told her I was there for her to vent etc.then she invited me to her apartment, I was nervous and scared but I went,.we sleept together,.then all within 3 days she told me she didn't want to see me anymore as her head isnt in the right space and its bad timing on her part. I have fallen for her and love her but she dosnt want me to contact her,. now I am not in a good place,. I feel very loney, empty feeling, always breaking up crying while trying to hide it from my wife,. im not happy and not in a good head space,. I think a lot why bother going on,. .....lost all interest in life. no appetite, no interest in my home life., I just don't know how long I can take this,. im so sad,. sorry for this and what has happened,. I don't know if I want to be here anymore,.

Sammiipants Tough situation, emotional abuse.. Don't know what to do!
  • replies: 3

Hi All, So for the past almost 12 months I have been with a man who I thought was perfect. We fell for each other quite quickly and soon after, fell pregnant. Throughout pregnancy he was so supportive in regards to anything to do with the baby. A few... View more

Hi All, So for the past almost 12 months I have been with a man who I thought was perfect. We fell for each other quite quickly and soon after, fell pregnant. Throughout pregnancy he was so supportive in regards to anything to do with the baby. A few issues did arise in other areas of our relationship though, such as jealousy, he would get upset if I didn't call him 'babe', accused me of inviting my ex to our home while he was at work, would ignore me for hours or after a small argument would take off and be uncontactable for hours.. It was all so emotionally draining. I never ever did anything wrong by him or to intentionally upset him, unless I needed to address something of course. When we would argue it would turn into a massive game of he said, she said. He would constantly tell me "No, I didn't say that! Of course you don't remember, you always focus on other stuff instead of our relationship" Always made me question my recollection of events and conversations even though I was certain in what I remembered. These situations were few and far between so even though I saw them as red flags, we got through. When it was good, it was great. Towards the end of pregnancy, however, these situations started to occur more frequently. When our son was born he had some feeding complications. Was a very stressful time for us both. When he was 5 weeks old, we had a rough night. This resulted in an argument the following morning where I was called names, he told me he was over my moods, over our relationship and then he threatened to take our son. I called the police to stop him, long story short he has been living with his mother ever since. I have met up with him on average maybe once a week since then so he could see his son, mainly because we have a strict routine with feeding and expressing that I need to be at home for. I have another son from a previous relationship that I would rather was kept out of this negativity and I am on the other side of the country from any family so I have no support. I have appointments and general errands I need to run on a weekly basis. I'm exhausted. He has told me he wants to go to mediation. Legal aid won't get back to me. If I'm busy at a time when he wants to see his son then I'm "not letting him see his son". He told my neighbours I have Post Natal Depression - I don't, I was tested and came back clear! I swear he is trying to break me! I am doing the best job I can for my two children. I don't know what to do.

StressedMrs Have I broken my husband?
  • replies: 9

I feel i have broken my husband. In 2016 he found out I was having an online affair. I was talking to another man using fake pictures. I never physically cheated on him not that it makes what I did any less disgusting. We were going good and I slippe... View more

I feel i have broken my husband. In 2016 he found out I was having an online affair. I was talking to another man using fake pictures. I never physically cheated on him not that it makes what I did any less disgusting. We were going good and I slipped and starting talking to the same man again (i also again was pretending to be someone else). He once again found out and since that time he has been depressed, having anxiety attacks, raging out of control and most recently verbally abused his boss. He says he doesnt trust me on the phone (which I can understand) and constantly says he is alone in the world, worthless and not important to anyone. He has been to counsellors along with couple counselling and been medicated but it hasn't stopped his rage outbursts. My greatest fear is that he is only with me for the kids and that he isn't able to move past this and start healing together as a couple.

Needsunshine Supporting SO with mental illness in long distance relationship
  • replies: 1

Hi there! I’ve been on these forums for a while reading and wanted to reach out for thoughts from the community. I’ve been dating my SO for almost 3 years, predominantly doing long distance with only living together for a year. He is currently undert... View more

Hi there! I’ve been on these forums for a while reading and wanted to reach out for thoughts from the community. I’ve been dating my SO for almost 3 years, predominantly doing long distance with only living together for a year. He is currently undertaking studies outside of Aus. Before he moved, I was aware he had anxiety but it wasn’t until the last few months, it became apparent he was also suffering from depression. The year we lived together was relatively relaxed for him and he said that was why he seemed okay. He notes that he is going through an existential crisis - his degree deals with the inevitable destruction of our environments. He really cares and has made it his mission in life to do something purposeful, to make an impact. This makes it difficult with me in the picture as he feels as if he’s just dragging me through his journey, making him feel guilty. We met overseas, and our homes are on two different continents, and he has now moved to a third continent. There are essentially then two things pulling him in different directions (three if you count his family - which do not live in the same country I do either). I love him dearly and I think he does love me too - he however finds himself wrestling with his own thoughts in struggling to find a deep purpose in life but also with the difficulty of us maintaining a relationship while he is so anxious and stressed. He has never been great at communicating and this has made it even harder to connect. I do not feel equipped to support him but I want to do what I can. I’m prepared to move overseas to be with him, maybe to remind him that we do have something good and can bring him some sort of stability. This is however taking a burden on my mental wellbeing as I don’t feel like my needs are being met but I cannot be upset at him for this. Would love some advice, both from people with mental illness and also their SOs and how they manage/support their loved one.

Notanurse Time to leave?
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, I recently gained employment in the career I aimed for. Im happy where I am and just really enjoying it. Im a casual employee, I have a performance review in January to see how im going and to talk about where to go from there, I have th... View more

Hi everyone, I recently gained employment in the career I aimed for. Im happy where I am and just really enjoying it. Im a casual employee, I have a performance review in January to see how im going and to talk about where to go from there, I have the option to move onto part-time or full-time work, something more permanent. Theres also a position through my work that im hoping to gain, itll mean I finish up my 3 month probation and move straight onto the new position which is full time. My issue now is that my mums beginning to pressure me about moving out, which I honestly really want to do. Ive even found the perfect place for my son and I, they've even dropped the price of the rent sine we viewed it on Wednesday, its almost as though its a sign! Im a strong believer in we wont learn anything until we try. I feel that if I don't move out now, itll only make it harder to adjust to moving out later on. I also don't think its fair on my son, we need out own space. I don't even have my own room here with my mum, weve turned the lounge room into a bed room for me while my son has the third bedroom. I feel im ready and financially I should be able to do it, after paying for everything I need to id have between $300 and $800 left over each fortnight, depends on how many shifts I get which has been quite a few, almost full time hours. Im just not sure if I should really take the risk on this or not.. the only thing holding me back is what if something happens financially and I cant pay the rent? Im a huge worrier, I get so anxious about the smallest things in life and this seems to be one of them! I have all the paperwork ready to go for this rental but its just that little voice telling me "what if?". Advise?

Guest_294 Feeling like second best
  • replies: 2

Hi all, So the situation is this: I’ve been with my boyfriend (M) now for a few months (coming on 3 months together) and it’s been going really well. I am so happy and he seems really happy and it was just going perfectly. Until Saturday. On Saturday... View more

Hi all, So the situation is this: I’ve been with my boyfriend (M) now for a few months (coming on 3 months together) and it’s been going really well. I am so happy and he seems really happy and it was just going perfectly. Until Saturday. On Saturday, he comes out with the following: “I really wanted to kiss you on law camp (where we met) but there was another girl I was also interested in. She moved overseas and then when she moved back we decided we were better as friends” I don’t think he meant anything by it but as a result I’ve been feeling a little like second best. Like the first girl didn’t work out so he settled. Is that insane? I mean we’ve been friends for a while before we dated and in that time I had another boyfriend (AN) so he’s not the only one that had other interests. It just feels a little like he had two options and when one didn’t work out, he went for what was left. With AN, that was an experiment that went south. I think the difference for me is at the time I dated AN, I wasn’t interested in M - I saw him as a friend. it wasn’t like I saw AN and M and thought yep AN is my first choice and if that doesn’t work I’ll settle for M. it kind of feels like he did that with me. i don’t know ignore I should try talking to him about this but I don’t want to sound crazy/hypocritical. Any advice is appreciated as always. A

Saz86 8 year old daughter with behaviour issues
  • replies: 4

Hi, I’m at my wits end with my 8 year old daughter. I feel like I am failing as a parent. She’s always been a full on child from the day she was born. Once she started school she got better, there was a definite improvement in her behaviour. She has ... View more

Hi, I’m at my wits end with my 8 year old daughter. I feel like I am failing as a parent. She’s always been a full on child from the day she was born. Once she started school she got better, there was a definite improvement in her behaviour. She has severe allergies, to wheat eggs and nuts as well as eczema. She’s always feeling left out (never being able to eat the food at parties or at a restaurant, or when kids bring cupcakes to school for their bday etc). I’ve always tried hard to make her things to take where ever we go so that she can eat her version of what everyone else is eating. She cant be told no to anything without screaming and yelling. She’s impatient, angry, and selfish. I don’t know how to deal with her anymore. I separated from my husband about 12 months ago and initially she wasn’t handling it well but then she turned a corner and was great. I spend as much one on one time with her as I can. I also have a younger daughter who is totally opposite to her. She is often really mean to her sister which breaks my heart. The school never has any complaints about her, they say she is fantastic at school. Which makes me think it’s not a condition that needs to be diagnosed. I don’t have any help or support in disciplining her as her father doesn’t spend a lot of time with her and when he does he has no authority and she won’t listen to him at all. Shes very impulsive in her behavior. Eg she will get a soccer ball and kick it across the car park in front of a car, or grab a grape at the supermarket, throw it on the floor and step on it. She’s draw on the walls in her sisters bedroom. I try and give her as much positive attention as I can and praise her whenever she does good things or helps around the house. Whenever she gets in trouble or put in her room she says I hate her and only love her sister and that she has no friends and hates her life. I’ve tried taking to her to see if something is bothering her but she says there is nothing. She struggles with friendships a lot. I think because she only wants to play what she wants and won’t compromise with friends. I’m at a loss. I don’t know what to do about her behavior. But it’s making me so unhappy. I’ve lost friends and feel like she has drained me of any life I have left. I can’t be bothered, or have the energy to do much. It’s so emotionally draining. I love her and just want her to be happy. Anyone have any tips for me to deal with it. I’m so worried about the teenage years. help!

Sunshine79 Husband says I am an extremely negative person
  • replies: 5

Hi All, I just joined the forum but have been thinking about it for a while. Today, we received an invite to a friends bbq, but unfortunately it clashes with something else we have on and so we had to decline. Our friend seemed disappointed and said ... View more

Hi All, I just joined the forum but have been thinking about it for a while. Today, we received an invite to a friends bbq, but unfortunately it clashes with something else we have on and so we had to decline. Our friend seemed disappointed and said ‘can’t you do a quick stop at ours first’. For reasons that I do not understand, this irritated me, I mentioned it to my partner who ignored me, so I said it again. His response to me was ‘there isn’t a single thing or person that doesn’t irritate you’. This line is something he is starting to use more often, I could make a comment about a tv program and he’d say that to me. Tonight, he also told me that I am an extremely negative person, the only one he knows. He also told me that I need to be in control of my mood swings. This weekend was his first weekend back with us after traveling extensively for the last 5 weeks, while I have been home with our 2 kids. We have no family nearby and so it was just me, juggling kids, the house, my business etc. I did vent to him a few times, about how hard things are when he is away. Hes not wrong that I can be negative, it true. I’m cynical and I don’t trust easily. I have low self esteem, I constantly worry about what people will think/say. I get nervous/anxious if I am excluded from things by people ie school mums. I don’t have a great relationship with my in laws, though I know I am not entirely to blame for the deterioration of the relationship, however I still stress about it/them and do vent to my husband. what is wrong with me? Should I be seeing a doctor? Is this anxiety? Depression? Bipolar?