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Feeling disconnected with my partner.

Community Member

I have been living with my partner for almost 2 years now and we have been together for about more than 4 years.
When I met him he did made me aware that he is an avid video gamer and at first I thought it wasn't really a big deal.
We are each other's first serious relationship and so for the first 2 years before living together video games did not bother me.

1 year in when we moved in, I was already complaining about the playing time he does at home. I feel left out and find myself begging for his attention. I tried to immerse myself in his gaming scene, but I find him getting bored because I'm not doing any good. He told me several times that I have to hang out with friends or find a hobby to do so I don't feel bored when he's playing. The problem is I don't have much friends here that I connect with. I try to make an effort to connect with his friends and their partners too but they love to drink and stay out late at night and I am just not into that scene.

I am from overseas and in the 5 years that I've lived in Australia, the people I still confide with are friends from abroad. I don't have many friends here since I struggle a lot meeting new people due to social anxiety. I find myself very dependent to him when it comes to unwinding especially on my days off. But latlet I have been irritated because during the limited time off we have with each other most of it he spends in gaming.

A couple of days ago we fought because I told him I felt alone and we haven't had an 'us' time in awhile. The next day he came home and did not play. But then the last weekend, he spent the entire night solid 4 hours playing with friends since I got home from work and spent maybe 1 hour with me. I got angry and spoke badly of him which later on I regret until this day. This was when he told me he will never change but he thought we were great together and okay and he never thought I would say all the bad things about him. But then impulse got into me and I thought we were going to break up.
2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi KC007,

Thanks for sharing your story here. It is a shame your partner was not able to encourage you when you did try to join in with his gaming.

My husband watches a lot of sport on T.V. and he does not like me to talk to him when he is watching it. I sit in the room with him and do craft sometimes or read, go out into the garden or do things on the computer if it is in the evening.

It can be hard and make you feel lonely and unwanted. My husband can see nothing wrong with watching sport hours on end. I just put up with it. Sometimes it makes me angry and sad and makes me feel like I am alone and we just share a house not really have a relationship.

You may need to decide if that is the kind of relationship you want or not. I don't know if he will ever change. Gaming is obviously something he enjoys and finds to be an important part of his life.

If you were to leave him, do you have somewhere safe you can go?

It is not easy to make new friends. Are there clubs or groups you could join to meet new people?

Hope you are able to find a solution one way or another. Could he at least have one or two nights a week games free?

Not sure what else to suggest. Cheers from Dools

Community Member
Hi Doolhof,

Thanks for responding. Even though we decided to work on our relationship, we did say to each other it's going to be a rought few days. I find myself crying because he isn't the same after the fight. Everything seem forced.

Honestly if we break up, I don't know where I'm going to end up. I'm really bad with coping. When I had a tough time at work and had suicidal ideations it was him who helped me out of it. And now I see myself with no one to personally talk to.

I have messaged a friend a from school last night to get me started to hit the gym this week. I'm hoping to see myself with something else to do.

I just don't know how to deal with his coldness right now. I know it takes time but it's really driving me crazy and paranoid he's just going to end it.