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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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shining Fright or flight
  • replies: 9

Hi, newbie to this so here goes. 11 April found out that my husband had been visiting dodgy massage parlours and getting "happy endings" for over a year. On top of that I found that he also "felt sorry" for one of these girls and to get her "off the ... View more

Hi, newbie to this so here goes. 11 April found out that my husband had been visiting dodgy massage parlours and getting "happy endings" for over a year. On top of that I found that he also "felt sorry" for one of these girls and to get her "off the job" , he employed her without telling me what her background was. He would take her grocery shopping because he said that she could not afford to shop. He also had her to the odd cleaning job on his work sites and one day he brought her home to meet me. A few times we went out for a casual meal after work he asked me if it was ok to bring her to eat with us and I said of course, she is lonely here being a student from Japan on a casual work visa etc. After I found out about how they met I immediately confronted hubby and fired the girl on the spot. 3 weeks later was when i discovered his year long behavior with all the girls and massage parlors. Needless to say I was gutted and devastated. Have been to counselling together and have been working towards recovery but I am struggling big time with different emotions/aspects of the problem. Right now (10 weeks on) I have not moved forward as much as I thought. Don't even know if I made the right decision to stay. It was very hard to get him to see that his behavior with both aspects was and is INFIDELITY!!! He is very good at deflecting away from any discussion I might want to have and has the attitude of "we decided to move forward so what is your problem?" I feel so angry toward him now and don't know which way to turn. The story is a lot longer than what I can write here. A bit about myself: been married for 33 years, have a son and a daughter and 4 grandchildren. I have a history of medication controlled depression but this has hardly impeded my life. Have had menopause and all the stuff that goes with that and husband keeps referring to both of the issues as the reason why he did what he did. If I refer to his behavior over the last 12 months, the first thing that comes out of his mouth is " I have told you why I did it, you were depressed and had menopause". I have been asking myself if it is a good idea to take myself off for a week alone to try to help sort out my thoughts and feelings. My mood had been erratically shifting from sadness to anger to despair and several other emotions over very short periods of time. Any thoughts??

kaylaG Loneliness
  • replies: 3

Hi.. I'm 24 and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. He is my main and probably my only source of support when it comes to my anxiety and depression. I turn to him whenever I'm feeling anxious, upset or need to talk about... View more

Hi.. I'm 24 and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. He is my main and probably my only source of support when it comes to my anxiety and depression. I turn to him whenever I'm feeling anxious, upset or need to talk about my feelings. Lately, he has been making me feel very lonely and rejected as he doesn't like listening to my problems anymore. It comes off as annoying or seeking attention.. and it is really difficult for me as I'm just trying to get it off my chest. He doesn't understand that just because my problems seem small to him they feel really big for me and affect how I go about my day. He makes me feel as though my feelings are invalid.. making me feel rejected and isolated. I don't know what to do and when I tell him I'm just communicating how I feel he just makes me feel stupid for even having these emotions that I can't help..

justintime Confused about wanting friends but not wanting them
  • replies: 13

Hi, I'm new to Beyond Blue & wanted to start my own thread in the hope that I can get some support. Lately I've been feeling a bit down, I'm getting some professional help but feel that what I also need is to chat to others who may be going through s... View more

Hi, I'm new to Beyond Blue & wanted to start my own thread in the hope that I can get some support. Lately I've been feeling a bit down, I'm getting some professional help but feel that what I also need is to chat to others who may be going through something similar so that I don't feel so alone. What I find hard is friendships & I don't quite know why. I easily meet people, make lots of acquaintances & get offers to meet up & go out. I also have no problem (as in fear or lack confidence) to ask other potential friends out but what's a bit confusing is that when I get invited out I don't want to go & for the life of me I don't understand why. I want friendships, I need them & I'm terribly lonely at times so I just don't get why I don't take up these invitations. Yesterday I was asked to go for coffee with a new potential male friend & today I was invited to dinner on the weekend from a female longer term friend. Both people are still waiting for my reply & I'm avoiding answering because I don't want to go. Is this what depressions does? Is it the lack of motivation part of depression that does this? Has anyone else ever felt this way & developed some understanding about why this happens? For the life of me I don't get it. I want & need friendships yet don't make it happen when the opportunity arrives.

25yearsshattered Lost & confused after 26 years together
  • replies: 5

After 26 years together my husband has walked out. He says he loves me but not in love with me. This has just ripped the rug out from under me as I love him very much. He's being influenced by anotger woman who he says he has no physical attraction t... View more

After 26 years together my husband has walked out. He says he loves me but not in love with me. This has just ripped the rug out from under me as I love him very much. He's being influenced by anotger woman who he says he has no physical attraction to, but she's trying everything to get him in her bed & is very manipulative. To make things even harder is she works for the local womens crisis centre so as I have no family here I feel I have where I can turn for support. He suffers clinical depression and has had a down turn since his fathers passing, yet apart from talking to her & being turned inside out, he refuses to get professional help. I just feel lost & heartbroken.

Romy No friends
  • replies: 2

I'm 20 years old, in my second year of uni. I feel like I have lots of acquaintances, I can always talk to people at uni easily. However I feel like I don't really have anyone I would actually hang out with outside of uni or work. I don't have a grou... View more

I'm 20 years old, in my second year of uni. I feel like I have lots of acquaintances, I can always talk to people at uni easily. However I feel like I don't really have anyone I would actually hang out with outside of uni or work. I don't have a group of people I can go out and party with, I only have about 3 seperate friends I could think of, and even then I don't hang out with them often and it feels so hard to organise things when people have different schedules. I just want to know if this is normal. I feel like a loser and I don't want to be the girl who only hangs out with her boyfriend. I want some gal pals!

Ms_Weeza Heart crushing moment.
  • replies: 3

HEART CRUSHING MOMENT You've been really supportive to your mate, through everything, so you send them a love song "truly, madly deeply" by savage garden. Real soul tapping love stuff. They play it, as they are next to you and....nothing. Then they g... View more

HEART CRUSHING MOMENT You've been really supportive to your mate, through everything, so you send them a love song "truly, madly deeply" by savage garden. Real soul tapping love stuff. They play it, as they are next to you and....nothing. Then they go off to play a game with their bestie and have fun. I burst into tears. The more I try to connect it seems the further away we get. He wants so badly to have all this magical spiritual work happen and yet puts a wall up between us. My opinions are bounced in his tone of voice. I often feel smaller and smaller. My inner child shrinking when it wants to expand and grow with him. How does a person explain that a lot of what he seeks is right in front of him?? I'd be scoffed at. No, that's not it. That's not my life's purpose....and yet, he doesn't know what to do or feel. He just knows that outside influences are at work, pushing him down and stopping him from doing his spiritual work. Maybe he's just not listening? Slow down. Relax. The answers you seek are closer then you realise. I'm not that strong anymore. I don't know if I can survive this quest. Interstellar higher mantra crap. Next life, I'll tend to a garden. A small peaceful garden. Solitary. Maybe some animals. And butterflies. And fireflies. That way I can enjoy day and night Just keep your twin flaming souls away from me. Standard love and families are bad enough. Even friends suck. Humans suck. Higher beings Pffft give me a break. You're all full of it. Honestly. I'm hurting so much and yet I still can't leave. Thanks. Thanks for the umpteenth experience.

ImplodedSoul Unappreciated impacts
  • replies: 6

She came home from a trip, and the next night told me she hadn't loved me for 2 years and was leaving that night. The kids are to stay with me. 3 days later she had a boyfriend. I week later she had our young children at his house. I said I did not w... View more

She came home from a trip, and the next night told me she hadn't loved me for 2 years and was leaving that night. The kids are to stay with me. 3 days later she had a boyfriend. I week later she had our young children at his house. I said I did not want them near him for the moment. We have been trying to communicate but she is resistant, although sends very mixed messages. We agreed that the kids could see him for short periods (15-20 minutes, no family outings, he's not to stay the night) every now and then. Last night he was with them for 4+ hours. I broke, in my mind she has lied about the agreement after acknowledging it that day and I wanted my girls safe so I went there to get them. A dumb move but she is ignoring my feelings all together, even when I've been trying to be there if she needs support. I needed to tell her that. She didn't understand. The kids ended up staying. I love her, I want her back. Even though I've likely destroyed any chance. This is but a part of the story, but it's eating at me. Why couldn't she just wait a little to introduce him. Saying good night to our kids, they could only talk about playing with him. She was meant to be spending time with them! Lost and broken now. No one to talk to, nowhere to go. She and the kids are my life.

Ardenrose Someone hear me..
  • replies: 10

Hello everyone, It would mean a lot to get a response but I'm writing to get all these feelings off my chest... What is worse than feeling worthless and not loved at all? My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years now and have been through a lot... View more

Hello everyone, It would mean a lot to get a response but I'm writing to get all these feelings off my chest... What is worse than feeling worthless and not loved at all? My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years now and have been through a lot but it saddens me how I still feel unrecognized and not worth it at all. Sometimes, I dont know anymore who to hate. Is it me, for being so sensitive and emotional? That I give way too much for him? Is it me that I always want him around. That the thought of losing him scares me.. It hurts me so much that I cannot be honest with him at all without being judge or him attacking me with his own words. So I try, I try to live with those "short-happy moments" because thats when I'm happy. And I would rather that than him getting angry at me and leaving me. I do know he loves me, but only in certain levels. Only when i'm okay. When its easy to love me. when its convinient for him.. Yet, I still choose to stay because I am hoping, hoping he would one day see how Ive been there through it all. That i never left. My anxiety is getting worse.. My depression is slowly coming back. Im not sure how long I can hold it all together and convince myself that it is going to be okay.. soon.. My heart is crying. I want to rest for months. I want to sleep for months maybe he would then miss me and see my worth. Im extremely tired.

Ms_Weeza Enjoy your life and loved ones.
  • replies: 4

Enjoy your life and loved ones. ❣ Some people don't appreciate what they have until it's gone or their life is altered in some way. Apart from my own life alterations and voids, I am reminded everyday how precious people are in our lives. Some more t... View more

Enjoy your life and loved ones. ❣ Some people don't appreciate what they have until it's gone or their life is altered in some way. Apart from my own life alterations and voids, I am reminded everyday how precious people are in our lives. Some more then others because some people treat family and friends like objects. Throw away objects. Sometimes the only protection from hurt we have is to walk away from those toxic people. But when I see posts of loved ones dying, in pain or dealing with their own voids from the past it makes me think, what the hell is wrong with these insensitive, materialistic jerks? We can't always repair the rifts in our families or friendships, but those that are aware of how precious life is....hold those loved ones close to you. Time is limited. For some more then others. My heart sympathises with those that have lost loved ones permanently. And for those that have tossed others aside like trash I would love to smack upside your head, but it won't do any good. You won't know until your heart is ripped from you how it feels. I shed tears everyday for my voids. I shed tears for others. But for those insensitive materialistic toxic jerks, I do not. Everyday that you allow that void open because of your pride, shows how small and petty you are. After this rant, I shall release your negative vibes to the universe, may you never hurt anyone I care about ever again and one day, may your actions haunt you in your sleep. Everyone else, hold your precious love in your heart and share with those deserving. Keep your loved ones close and your circle in trust, hope and faith. May the future be better for those deserving or in need. Love, light and pixie dust sprinkled on your rainbows. Celebrate love and laughter. Make everyday count. ❣

Solique Supporting a Loved One with Addiction
  • replies: 1

I don’t know where to begin — the beginning would be appropriate, but I only have 2,500 words (less than now) to tell my story; to tell my story from the very beginning would be next to impossible, so I’ll tell my story the best I can. July 22, 2017 ... View more

I don’t know where to begin — the beginning would be appropriate, but I only have 2,500 words (less than now) to tell my story; to tell my story from the very beginning would be next to impossible, so I’ll tell my story the best I can. July 22, 2017 my life changed. My partner was assaulted. He suffered a brain haemorrhage and a seizure while in hospital for 7 days. A week or two after he was discharged from hospital, his father died unexpectedly. While overcoming his trauma from the assault, he now had to overcome grief, trauma, depression and anxiety due to the death of his father. On Christmas Eve of last year, my partner had a self-induced medical emergency. He was unresponsive but thankfully he pulled through. But his mental health has worsened since. (His GP and Psychiatric team have restricted medication from him due to this) He does see a Psychologist and his local GP every week to every two weeks—he has good support from his mum, as well as myself. Due to his mental illnesses, he has engaged in a lot of self-destructive behaviours such as gambling, abusing prescription medication (as mentioned earlier, he is not allowed to be prescribed them so he buys them “from the street”) and he cheated on me too. Prior to the 22nd of July my partner would not engage in any of these behaviours. He was loyal to me and to himself. He was intelligent, caring and loving. He’s not who he is now. Basically, I don’t know what to do anymore. We did separate for a week once, where I stayed at my parents, but we worked on our relationship. Last night, I found out he was still trying to buy drugs and I was so angry, I had to walk away and this time I thought it was the end. We discussed it again today and he said he wants to get help and he admits his addiction to prescription medication. And he wants me to support him too. How can I support him when I find it hard to trust him? I want to be there for him, and I will, but I need advice on what to do next. How to help someone with an addiction and how to teach myself into thinking that he’s not doing it to hurt me—he’s doing it because he is in pain. I should add, I do also see a Psychologist and will be seeing a Psychiatrist for an assessment for potentially having Borderline Personality Disorder. Any advice and support port would be appreciated—I’d even love to read stories of similiar situations.