Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Start a discussion

Reallyrosie123 Unhappy relationship, stressed, anxious. Need to talk.
  • replies: 1

Hi all, this is my first time posting here so please be kind. My partner & I have been through some very tough times the last year or two, his mental health and my own mental health have declined a lot. We live together with two daughters, and I’ve b... View more

Hi all, this is my first time posting here so please be kind. My partner & I have been through some very tough times the last year or two, his mental health and my own mental health have declined a lot. We live together with two daughters, and I’ve been thinking more & more lately that I want to leave. I suffer extreme anxiety as well as psychosis but this is managed ok with medication. I am so so scared & anxious about leaving, I’m scared of breaking out of my comfort zone & scared about the whole thing to the point where I’ve worked myself up into an absolute state. I don’t want to stay here for the rest of my life but I feel like he will take the news so badly & he won’t cope well at all. This is just eating me alive, pretending all is ok when inside it’s not & I want to run away I can’t eat much, sleep or have any happiness. I just haven’t left as it seems such a big hurdle, especially with all the catastrophizing I do. I just need someone to talk to and perhaps just some kind words or advice. Thank you for reading.

OldFashioned Both people in relationship with mental illness
  • replies: 12

Hello, Some background, my SO and I have been together for almost 2 years but we were friends long before this. I have (high functioning) autism and depression, she has generalised anxiety disorder, but we both knew about and accepted it before we go... View more

Hello, Some background, my SO and I have been together for almost 2 years but we were friends long before this. I have (high functioning) autism and depression, she has generalised anxiety disorder, but we both knew about and accepted it before we got together. For many reasons we don't live together but we will move in and get married eventually. For both of us it is our first serious relationship. I have a stressful and unstimulating 9-5 office job which I am trying to quit, and my SO works in hospitality, normally the 6-12 shift. As well as this her passion is running. She spends hours and hours training, and often volunteers as a running/fitness coach for friends, family, members of her running group's kids....etc etc. Running is her passion but before any marathon or race of any kind, she goes into this anxiety where she doesn't talk to me about it. Sometimes it lasts for weeks leading up to it, but she never shares any of it with me, she just sort of disconnects from me and all I can do is watch her suffer in silence and wait for it to end. A marathon is coming up and she's back at the silent anxiety again. My company has an awful management team and my work is getting more and more stressful, which has pushed my normally mild depression into overdrive. I'm struggling to hold on while I look for new work, but my girlfriend who's my rock is so distant right now. I grew up well into my 20s with a totally controlling and overbearing mother and my natural instinct is to push people away the moment I feel rejected/neglected. I love my girlfriend so much but I can't handle this at the moment. Has anyone else been through something similar? Oldie

HeartSing Unlucky In Love and no more trust left
  • replies: 7

For the last 5 years I have been hurt by so many people I let into my life, let me start with my Husband. Story 1: 5 years ago my Husband left me and our children just because he was having a text message affair with an acquaintance of ours who I did... View more

For the last 5 years I have been hurt by so many people I let into my life, let me start with my Husband. Story 1: 5 years ago my Husband left me and our children just because he was having a text message affair with an acquaintance of ours who I did not like one bit as she was very conniving and discreet about what she was doing as she too had a partner. She not only prayed on my husband she also prayed on other female friend’s partners and husbands. She would text inappropriate content to my husband and make him feel those butterflies you get when you first flirt and form a connection with the opposite sex. My husband waited months for her after he left me, just waiting for her to leave her partner and when she did they moved in together. Low and behold though she ended up cheating on him with a number of other guys and they split. Story 2: During the demise of my marriage, I met a guy online who had been married twice before and has 2 children to those women, this should have been a red flag to begin with but at the time I was feeling lonely and very naive as I only ever known my husband since I was 20 years old. This guy at first gave me the attention I never received from my husband and was very sexually active, he did make me feel sexy and wanted but only for his own benefits. We moved in together and upon discovering my bi sexuality he then thought it was his duty to invite other females into our bedroom and that it was his duty to then Dominate me and tell me what was happening. You might be saying to yourselves “Why did you put yourself in this position?” Good question! After months of seeing a psychologist regarding this woeful relationship it was determined that he was actually a Psychopath with deeper issues than me. He doesn’t know he is one but all the signs pointed to that diagnosis! He knew exactly how to manipulate me and even other people and when I pulled him up on things he would make me feel bad about it. As time progressed in the relationship, things were not feeling right and I found out that he had cheated on me with one of his male relative’s wife and got her pregnant. This devastated me but didn’t surprise me as I felt that all this time this was the sort of person he was all along. I was mentally scarred by everything that occurred which led me to seeing a psychologist and a councillor after that. Story 3: As I said in Story 1, Hubby and the other woman split up and because we were not on good terms we didn’t talk favourably about or too each other throughout the duration of our separation. I was hurt by his actions in our split and very angry so he was not at all my favourite person, anyway Hubby contacted me one day and apologised for everything that had happened and that he went about it all wrong and it should never have happened blah bla bla. I was still with the Psychotic boyfriend at this point and I accepted my husband’s apologies and left it at that. A couple of weeks later I then split with the Psycho, I told my husband what happened and he started to pursue me. I didn’t want to get back with him just then because of everything that happened to me however after a few months of talking and getting to know each other I let him back in to my life. Now because I suffered such horrendous mental breakdowns I couldn’t give him 100% of me and then I discovered the text messages AGAIN! He was conversing with 2 women this time, one of who I knew and is married and the other I don’t know. He said he never met up with them and I do believe him as he is always at home with the kids and I and works at my work too. He said they made him feel worth it and feel good and I said no more this is exactly what happened last time and you know what I endured back then and just recently! My Husband is on notice at the moment and if he pulls this crap on me again it will end in divorce because my trust is non-existent right now however our kids seeing us back together makes them so happy. I have had him, the psycho guy and even close ex friends of mine take me for all I am and treat me like an idiot, the humiliation is rife and I hate myself for who I have become because of these people. I have had moments where I wish I would just not wake up and be done with this world. My heart is full of hatred and distrust and I don’t trust anyone anymore. My life consists of working and going home to my children and it appears I have no life, no confidence and no drive to strive anymore. I’ve had my days in therapy sessions but I still feel the same. There is so much more that has happened in the last 5 years that I can not divulge, as it would give away who I am so this is the very short version.

Barraboy What to do?
  • replies: 5

My wife/partner of 15 years is in full depression and rejects doctors advice to see a counsellor as she doesn't believe they can help. She has medication daily. She hates everyone and every thing and drinks & smokes to manage her afternoons. Our rela... View more

My wife/partner of 15 years is in full depression and rejects doctors advice to see a counsellor as she doesn't believe they can help. She has medication daily. She hates everyone and every thing and drinks & smokes to manage her afternoons. Our relationship is distant, not hostile. We have 2 teenage children. For the past 12 months I have been waiting for her to hit the bottom and have an epiphany about different wellbeing approaches and possible changes - this hasn't happened and things seem to be getting worst. I have suggested, nicely, about cutting down drinking & smoking, about other possible wellbeing approaches, counsellors etc all to no avail. I am wondering where to go as I am worried for her wellbeing and trajectory but do not seem to be able to talk with her - any suggestions?

Lily M Its complicated
  • replies: 2

Hi, My husband of 19years being complaining of boredom and lack of motivation in life on and off ...we often have this episode of anger burst and Im the one to be blamed all times! he works hard and travels a lot, I work 4-5 day a week too, I have be... View more

Hi, My husband of 19years being complaining of boredom and lack of motivation in life on and off ...we often have this episode of anger burst and Im the one to be blamed all times! he works hard and travels a lot, I work 4-5 day a week too, I have been trying to keep positive vibe at home, I took him out just the two of us a few times just in last 2 weeks, for dinners and walks and I would text him and call him at work to check on him, he would come back from work say hi then takes his laptop and go to the bedroom.... on Friday he complained that he feels being neglected by me and he is just an ATM for the family.... nothing in his life is for him... He said that after I mentioned our little daughter has her friend’s birthday party on Saturday morning... I tried to remind him that we are having dinner out together that Saturday... he got angry at me and stormed off for saying basically ( you shouldn’t feel that way because we are going out)... I felt what I said wasn’t in the right time for his mental status... I shouldn’t dismiss or ignore his feelings.... so I texted him acknowledging and I apologised for my reaction.... then tried to talk to him, he then started to swear at me for every time i try to speak, he would say f off.. like 5-6 times I said its ok take your time and he kept on repeating it... I said please don’t speak to me like this and I left the bedroom... he texted me saying that its my right to not accept his way of speaking to me, he will find another woman to accept his swearing at her and to take care of him by giving everything he needs, love, wild entertainment that he has being waiting for, but he will stay at home for our kids only and he won’t talk to me or deal with me anymore! He kept on saying that I don’t deserve anything and he hates me, I’m stupid and uncultured, coming from the middle east, he is never being happy and satisfied with me and Im always a disappointment for him. And he will find another woman to love and respect and give everything to! What did I do wrong ? How can I live with him under the same roof from now on... can anyone one share if they live under the same circumstances as me please? what are the rules and boundaries? I don’t want him to show his disrespect to me in front of our girls. Sorry for the long post and thank you toget the time to read my post. Lily

BritGirl Husband is leaving me because I don’t want a baby
  • replies: 3

Hi All, I just found this forum. My husband of 4 years latter for 8 suddenly has a burning desire for a baby and I don’t, I have always said I don’t think I want kids unless some weird instinct kicks in and who knows it may still kick in one day I am... View more

Hi All, I just found this forum. My husband of 4 years latter for 8 suddenly has a burning desire for a baby and I don’t, I have always said I don’t think I want kids unless some weird instinct kicks in and who knows it may still kick in one day I am only 30, my husband says he can’t wait any longer though as he wants to be a young parent. I do completely understand his desire and respect his decision. It is just utterly heartbreaking for me. A lot of our friends have started to have babies so I think that is what sparked this. My husband also has depression which he has suffered with for many years and refuses to seek help. He also is emotionally abusive towards me and tries to isolate me and when I do go out with friends he won’t talk to me for an entire day after or gets verbally abusive towards me. I realise that perhaps we would be better off to part ways as we are no longer on the same path. I just feel completely alone as I am originally from the UK and have limited friends here. I have been feeling lovely in my relationship when my partner is in his depressive ways as he is emotionally abusive to me and blames me for his depression. I just don’t know what to do now and don’t feel I have anybody to turn to for advice. My partner hasn’t spoken to me for two days now since I went out with friends after he told me he no longer wanted to be with me if I didn’t want a child now. So I feel stuck, he won’t talk through our problems and I am lonely because I don’t have anybody to talk to about my situation.

Guest_598 Husband wants kids, I don't
  • replies: 6

Hello All, my husband and I have been together for nearly ten years. Before we got married, we had several conversations to clarify two major questions in life - a) kids and b) living and working overseas. I was always clear that I would never want k... View more

Hello All, my husband and I have been together for nearly ten years. Before we got married, we had several conversations to clarify two major questions in life - a) kids and b) living and working overseas. I was always clear that I would never want kids (unless my biological clock would magically start ticking which I always highly doubted). Also, I always wanted to move overseas to live for a while. I do not come from here and have always been a bit of a nomad, so it was possible that I would eventually like to get closer to home again, yet not necessarily to my home country. When we had these discussions, my husband was happy not having kids and was interested in moving overseas as he saw it as a career growth opportunity. Fast forward, we have been married for nearly five years and since July last year, he all of a sudden has a very strong desire to have kids. Although, at the same time, he is not sure about it. He also said that the thought of moving overseas and all the risks that may entail terrify him and he is no longer sure whether he wants to go. We have had a really hard couple of months for several reasons and my husband is currently very depressed. He is depression-prone but usually he could find a way out after a while. At the moment, that seems impossible. I try my best to be positive but we have had a lot of sad conversations. I suggested to separate so he can explore kids with another person but he says he cannot imagine his life without me and he is all hung up on the risks of separating from me and in the end it will turn out for the worse. I feel we are in limbo and he is not getting out of the rut. He is seeing a psychologist but he doesn't want to tell her that he is sometimes thinking of killing himself. I am not sure how serious he is but he says he doesn't want to discuss these dark thoughts with anyone because he doesn't want to be reminded of them but rather become happy again. I don't know how to help him and it's tearing me apart. I feel I have nothing left to give, empty. We are going to counselling together for our marriage but I wonder if there is any hope or if I should just leave, hence making the tough decision for him. It's obvious that kids are a huge desire for him that hurts him deeply. He is so torn because he constantly wonders what to do. I told him to focus on getting better first but he cannot let go of the circle of thought. What should I do? Should I go so he can get better? What if he harms himself if I do?

JAERose what should i do
  • replies: 1

I have moved a lot in life and have never really settled down anywhere I haven't had a friend over two years and my family doesn't take my mental health issues well im afraid to talk to anyone because I feel like there is no reason for me to feel the... View more

I have moved a lot in life and have never really settled down anywhere I haven't had a friend over two years and my family doesn't take my mental health issues well im afraid to talk to anyone because I feel like there is no reason for me to feel the way I do

whitechocolate relationship issues because I am a complicated person, and my boyfriend has had enough.
  • replies: 2

Hi. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 7 months. We both love each other very much. He is my first serious boyfriend, and he claims I am the first girl he has loved. Were both in our mid twenties. The problem is that with my boyfrien... View more

Hi. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 7 months. We both love each other very much. He is my first serious boyfriend, and he claims I am the first girl he has loved. Were both in our mid twenties. The problem is that with my boyfriend ( and parents in the past!), I have an anger management issue. Whenever I feel anger/resentment with him, I yell. I raise my voice, because otherwise I don't feel heard. I feel horrible about this, and really want to change. This does not occur with other people. It has only happened with my boyfriend, parents, and my closest friend. Another problem is that I am bad at hiding it if I do not like something. Since I have never had large friend groups and always kept to myself growing up, I may be lacking social exposure (I did have some close individual friends, though). The times I have gone out partying with my boyfriend and his friends, and I was intoxicated, I said it very clearly if I did not like something, to my boyfriend, in everyone's presence. As a result, 2 of his friends have a very bad opinion of me, and warned them for me - without knowing me. They claim that I am too dominant and could hurt him. He told me this in an argument, when he felt angry. It was horrible to hear that some if the people who know him think I am a bad influence for him and that I would hurt him. I know that I have yelling issues, as well as a strong personality (and therefore cannot hide it if I don't like something easily), but I am definitely not a spiteful or mean person. I have always seen myself as a sweet and loving, kind person. However, I feel like my worst sides have been exposed since having had my first boyfriend. I am not as easygoing and adapting as some people may be, but I never had bad intentions. After my boyfriend told me this in a fight, I have been feeling confused about who I am as a person. I doubt myself now, and think maybe subconsciously am doing it on purpose. But, I have no intention of other people to dislike me, and definitely not my boyfriend. Ive always felt like Im different than other people. I was always the one to take the blame for family issues, because of my "strong" personality. My parents have treated me horribly as a child and teenager and because of this I have been depressed from 16 y/o onwards with 0 self esteem. Luckily, I met my 2 best friends who appreciated me, as well as good psychotherapist, and developed a reasonably confident personality as I matured.

mmx My best friend treats me like a psychologist
  • replies: 2

I have a small group of friends who I hang with daily at school. There are only 5 of us. Two of them are boys, who I’m really close to. They are both really nice and usually easy to talk to. The other two are girls, one of them I was in most all of m... View more

I have a small group of friends who I hang with daily at school. There are only 5 of us. Two of them are boys, who I’m really close to. They are both really nice and usually easy to talk to. The other two are girls, one of them I was in most all of my classes with last year so we became very close. The last one I met at the start of high school. At first, our friendship was incredible. We spent every minute we could together, discussing the latest gossip and plans for the weekend. We were virtually inseparable. It was early into the school year last year, that I began to feel ‘heavy’, like something was constantly using up all of my energy. I ignored it, believing it was a phase. Half way though the year, I saw that the problem was persisting. I was becoming exhausted and couldn’t understand why. That’s when I began to notice some patterns, every night I would feel relieved to be on that bus ride home from school. Every morning I would worry on the commute to school. As soon as I would arrive at my locker, every morning, without fail, the girl who I’d really hit it off with for the past year and a half would sprint over to me and vent, usually about the same topics. Family problems were always popular. Every morning it would be the same thing. I’d grab my books and drag myself to class, still listening to her telling me about herself. Up until that last moment, getting onto the bus and feel that relief, would I feel calm again. Over the Christmas break, for the first time in a while, I felt good. There wasn’t the daily routine of stressing anymore. I talked about the weather and dogs and food with my family. In a way, I sort of missed the daily bark into my ears about how my best friend’s personal life was going. The start of this year came. And so did that same daily routine. Only this time, I also had the 3 other people in my new friend group telling me about themselves too. I thought it would settle down after the excitement of the holidays went away, maybe after week or two, but here we are, nearing the end of the 6th week of Term 1. And I’m still facing the same problems. I feel very drained. I’m constantly lethargic and find it hard to concentrate on school work. My marks aren’t doing too well, either. It has been slightly better this year as I only have one friend in our group that I share any elective classes with, so break times are the only times to hang with these friends. But the tiredness and morning anxiety is still there.