Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Husband is leaving me because I don’t want a baby

Community Member

Hi All,

I just found this forum. My husband of 4 years latter for 8 suddenly has a burning desire for a baby and I don’t, I have always said I don’t think I want kids unless some weird instinct kicks in and who knows it may still kick in one day I am only 30, my husband says he can’t wait any longer though as he wants to be a young parent. I do completely understand his desire and respect his decision. It is just utterly heartbreaking for me. A lot of our friends have started to have babies so I think that is what sparked this. My husband also has depression which he has suffered with for many years and refuses to seek help. He also is emotionally abusive towards me and tries to isolate me and when I do go out with friends he won’t talk to me for an entire day after or gets verbally abusive towards me. I realise that perhaps we would be better off to part ways as we are no longer on the same path. I just feel completely alone as I am originally from the UK and have limited friends here. I have been feeling lovely in my relationship when my partner is in his depressive ways as he is emotionally abusive to me and blames me for his depression. I just don’t know what to do now and don’t feel I have anybody to turn to for advice. My partner hasn’t spoken to me for two days now since I went out with friends after he told me he no longer wanted to be with me if I didn’t want a child now. So I feel stuck, he won’t talk through our problems and I am lonely because I don’t have anybody to talk to about my situation.

3 Replies 3

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

We meet someone and make it vlear to him/her, what we want and dont want. All seems fine and we continue on, oblivious to one crutial detail- we tend to change over time.

In your case his maternal side has risen to the top. Not uncommon and you not only have lack of the same drive, you also have relationsjip issues. He is oblivious to the abuse, because he is the abuser.

I survived 11 years of silence being the prime piece if arsenal my wife used against me, it horrifies me to recall the weeks with her using it as a weapon.

I think your chances of a resolution are too low to measure - that just my view. I therefore think its time to face single life and thats what I'd like you to be prepared for.

Yes it will be hard for several weeks. In that time you'll need to plan for a new direction. For me it was building my own home. For you maybe a trip back jome. Whatever it is, it must be an effective distraction.

If you feel you want to try one last time then I suggest ringing Relationsjips Australia.

Also google the following and read the first post of each.

beyondblue Topic relationship strife, the peace pipe

Beyondblue Topic the definition of abuse

I hope that helps. Repost as you wish


Community Member
As you are already discovering, living with a depressed person is hard. I can assure you it only gets harder as time goes by - especially if they don't get treatment. I also know that babies rock the dynamic of any relationship and if things are already strained, it won't help. Perhaps your reluctance to have children is actually inner wisdom at work - keeping things simple to spare you later on. I know you're heartbroken but maybe his leaving is a gift you should accept .

Community Member

Hi BritGirl,

Welcome to the forum. It sounds like you are going through a tough time at the moment and are faced with some really big decisions. Living with someone with depression can be really tough especially when they don't have insight to their symptoms. It is a concern about his abusive behaviour towards you.

I would suggest that you take some time for yourself and see a counsellor. You might realise you want to progress with the relationship and suggest to your husband to go to some relationship counselling where you can both work together on the issues you are facing. Or you may come to realise that you want to exit the relationship and then can start taking the steps required to start a separation.

In any case, having an person to talk with that is just for you can be very therapeutic and supportive especially you have mentioned that you don't have too many close friends or family in Australia. Getting support can be done in a number of ways. I will list a few means to achieve this.

Go to your GP and gain a mental health care plan so you can then get a referral to a psychologist.

Visit the Relationships Australia website where you will find information and support options http://www.relationships.org.au

Ask your human resources department or your supervisor if there is an Employee Support Program and if there are free counselling sessions provided by your workplace (many employers have this as an option for employees). Sometimes these sessions can be done over the phone which can be more convenient.

NewAccess - developed by beyondblue, is a free coaching service for people and you don't need a GP referral. This is available in some parts of Australia and you can find the program here to see if it is available in your state and community.


Using the forum is also a great idea to gain insight from people who have had experience with these type of issues in their relationship but the only person who can make these hard decisions, is you. It is not uncommon to be at different stages in a marriage in terms of wanting to have children however the abuse that you have mentioned is a concern and suggest that getting support for yourself be a priority.

Wishing you the best possible outcome,

Nurse Jenn