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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Teagen Boyfriend told to leave me after 2 sessions.
  • replies: 4

My boyfriend and I have been together for over eight years. During this time he has cheated repeatedly but I love him so I have stayed. Over Christmas I found out he had cheated again but decided to try work through it. Then on New Years he cheated a... View more

My boyfriend and I have been together for over eight years. During this time he has cheated repeatedly but I love him so I have stayed. Over Christmas I found out he had cheated again but decided to try work through it. Then on New Years he cheated again and I ended the relationship. We have recently built and moved into a house together and got a dog. I still love him and know that he has some big mental health stuff going on and I want to be with him so I suggested an open relationship with a couple of boundaries which he agreed too. We have been more open and honest with each other than ever. It has not been easy as I am learning a new way of loving him and have become emotional about it a couple of times. My boyfriend also began seeking help for his mental health. He had his second session with a psych yesterday and told me that she said, she thinks he should break up with me or even take a six month break from me because he can't grow if he's worried about me. I am really shocked by this and feel like there is no way this psych could know my boyfriend or our situation properly in two sessions. Is this normal? I know we have our stuff to work through but I don't think it's a toxic situation. Has anyone else experienced anything like this?

Wokka Please help me
  • replies: 1

My ex and I were together for 3 1/2 years and living together for just over 2 years. We have always had a really good relationship, he got on really well with both my kids. My 24 yo daughter was in hospital 2 weeks ago for a serious brain disease and... View more

My ex and I were together for 3 1/2 years and living together for just over 2 years. We have always had a really good relationship, he got on really well with both my kids. My 24 yo daughter was in hospital 2 weeks ago for a serious brain disease and it was a stressful time. My ex is really stressed at work as well. The day started off as normal and then in the afternoon he came home and told me it’s over. He can’t be in a relationship cause he doesn’t need the responsibility. He wants to be single for life. He said he loves me and the kids but just needs to be single. The next day he said he loves me but this is what he does, he gets so far into relationships and then his heart isn’t in it anymore. The next day was he loves me more than anything but he’s not in love with me. So everyday was a new story. He told me he thinks he has bipolar like his mum but I believe he’s suffering from chronic stress or burnout. A few days later he came over to grab some more clothes cause all his stuff is still here. And he sits and has a chat telling me all about work and his weekend. We were laughing and chatting like normal. He then asked how I was coping and I just shrimp shoulders. I asked him how he was coping and he put his head down and started to get teary. I asked him if he ever was going to sit down and explain to me what’s happened and he said yes. But then said he had to go and left in tears. I haven’t heard from him since but he has been talking to my son and they are meeting up this week. I’m so hurt and crushed and I still don’t know what’s going on. I just want him to come home. Has anyone been through anything like this??

Pinky20 Dating a guy with issues and doubts about himself. He’s depressed and needs more time before he talks to me again.
  • replies: 13

Hi all, I’m new to this and I signed up desperately looking for answers. So my story is I’ve been seeing this lovely guy for 6 months and I think is safe to say that I’ve fallen for him. We’ve been seeing each other consistently but suddenly things w... View more

Hi all, I’m new to this and I signed up desperately looking for answers. So my story is I’ve been seeing this lovely guy for 6 months and I think is safe to say that I’ve fallen for him. We’ve been seeing each other consistently but suddenly things went downhill during our weekend together. Admittedly we had arguments during the time we’ll It’s actually kind of petty but something happened the night before he turned cold turkey. Previously, he’s always brought up about his “bad” past and last relationship where his ex cheated on him with his cousin. However for the first time that night he revealed that he was so close to killing himself when he found out about his ex and his cousin and I felt that was the catalyst. Out of the blue he said he just wanted to be friends with no more intimacy but contradicted himself multiple times telling me that he likes me a lot and doesn’t want me to leave. I tried to walk away from him but he wouldn’t let me go. He kept trying to force “don’t decide yet, use time to think” on me when I was very adamant to leave solely because I have feelings for him and is hard to be friends. In the past he’s said that he likes me but just can’t do relationships. Never gave reasons why. The problem is, we are practically in a relationship without the actual label. He would say negative things like, “I will die alone”, “If it makes you feel any better, I will never be in a relationship”, “Don’t let stupid old me be in your way”, etc. He’s really insecure and just not happy with himself. Eventually he admitted that he needs space and time to think before he talks to me again. I agreed to give him space because I needed it too. I broke the no-contact rule because I was ready and realised how much I actually love him and wanted to tell him but then I discovered he spiraled out of control during our short break. He started smoking again (he quit for more than 10 years), got high and drank (when he planned to stop drinking for at least 6 months). I asked him if he’s ok and he said, “I don’t care anymore. I’m losing my mind. I haven’t slept for more than 2 days”. I managed to get him to sleep but he’s still pushing me away telling me he needs more time and for me to not worry about him but concentrate on myself. He assured me we will talk again after I told him that I’m worried and I miss talking to him. He wants another week of space and I really want to give him space but I can’t help but feel hopeless. What should I do?

Pinky20 I rashly confronted the guy I’ve been dating and wanting space and he confessed about his depression. How do I handle this from today?
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I previously posted about dating this guy for 6 months then suddenly he wanted to be friends then needed space. He’s been rather confusing and contradicting with his feelings. He can’t seem to let me go and is leaving me in a dead-end. With a... View more

Hi all, I previously posted about dating this guy for 6 months then suddenly he wanted to be friends then needed space. He’s been rather confusing and contradicting with his feelings. He can’t seem to let me go and is leaving me in a dead-end. With all the replies I got from my last post, it’s been inferred that I may have triggered him about his past and that he has a fear of abandonment. He’s very negative of himself, thinks he’s not worthy enough to be loved. The break has put an emotional toll on me because I miss him and hate not being able to talk to him. During the first week of no-contact, he spiralled out of control and relied on smoking, drugs and alcohol as his coping techniques. He admitted to losing his mind. I became very worried and would message him to see if he was ok. Over the days he would tell me he is not ready to talk to me yet. He needs more time. Unfortunately I couldn’t control myself and confronted him and gave him an ultimatum because I can’t be sitting around waiting for him when he’s never given me a reason why he needs space. I told him that he has til the end of this week to be ready or at least tell me why he needs space or else I will cut all ties because is not fair for me to be left in the dark. As expected, he took it very harshly and became defensive saying he feels pressured everytime I message him when he said he needed space. Fair point. He went on to deny the relationship and said he didn’t need to give me a reason then said he can’t deal with me anymore. He wants to go our separate ways. So things got heated. I was more angry than upset so I told him the hard truth about himself and that was, “I don’t want to stick around waiting if the old (his name) I’ve known won’t come back because you haven’t been yourself. You’re a having a relapse”. The word ‘relapse’ was what got him to finally admit that he has issues. So he admitted that he hasn’t been himself. He doesn’t want to talk to me because he doesn’t want to drag me down with him. He doesn’t like reaching out to people. He wants to isolate himself from everyone. My anger turned into guilt and sorrow. Earlier in the heat of the moment he said making him talk made him angry and he wanted to tell me to leave him alone and he “cbf anymore” but after he opened up about his depression, he begged me to just give him time and reassured me that he will chat to me when he is ready. I feel bad for making him open up and I don’t know what will happen after this?

Catta Painful relationship
  • replies: 2

I really love this man. We've been dating for a year now and at first he seemed to have it all. I still to an extent think he does. He was charming, confident, funny and honest. It soon became apparent however that he had a serious drinking problem a... View more

I really love this man. We've been dating for a year now and at first he seemed to have it all. I still to an extent think he does. He was charming, confident, funny and honest. It soon became apparent however that he had a serious drinking problem and occasionally dabbled in gambling and substance abuse. Soon enough, he would take out his frustration on me and bring up relationship issues only while he was drunk, calling me horrible names, putting me down in ways he knew would affect my self esteem. I may have failed to mention, I am only 19 and he is 27, so this kind of behavior was relatively unexpected. Anyway, he goes from joking around with me, showering me with gifts and being all cute, to commenting on my appearance and calling me things such as selfish, stupid, useless ... always when hes been drinking. I stay because I have this hope that if he quits the drinking and gets help for his anxiety and depression (amongst other health issues) we can be happy again like we used to be. I dont want to give up yet because I feel like there's still love there for both of us. The pain of waiting and being disappointed though is hurting a lot. What should I do?

JessicaY Cheated, pregnant and fell in love
  • replies: 1

I’ve never cheated before & have been loyal my entire marriage. I’ve been with my DH since 04 & generally been a good marriage.We had our first child in 2016.Long story short, he cheated on me with his family friend who came here from overseas whom I... View more

I’ve never cheated before & have been loyal my entire marriage. I’ve been with my DH since 04 & generally been a good marriage.We had our first child in 2016.Long story short, he cheated on me with his family friend who came here from overseas whom I did a lot for.It felt like the ultimate betrayal & bub was only 4mnths old. Things were rocky for a while & it still comes up when we have a huge fight. For the last 6mnths its felt like our marriage is hard.we argue & I prefer being out with others. 3mnths ago , I reconnected with a guy I had worked with. We hit it off, went for dinner & started seeing each other a lot. For the first time in a while, I felt vry happy, loved & totally mesmerised.I realised this was very wrong but my feelings were so strong & we ended up sleeping together. Even the sex is something that I’ve never felt with anyone else. This is horrible. He is married with 4 kids. 3 which are still very young & 1 who‘S a teen (from his first wife.) When I first found out that he had the 2 babies, I wantd to end it. He told me his marriage has been rocky for a long time, isn’t happy, planning on leaving etc. I never thought I’d be that person who‘d cheat, let alone with a person thats married with children. He treats me like no other man has & we have this insane connection in every way. We make each other happy. My plans were to leave my DH, as was his.. eventually. I never expected to fall this deep with anyone & I don’t think he did either. I recently found out I’m pregnant. Theres a small chance that it could be my DHs. I don’t want to have an abortion. It makes me sad but I don’t feel like I have a choice. I can’t tell my DH it may not be his. Someone told me to have it without telling him & wait until I get a DNA to confirm. I am at 8wks & although it’s the size of a blueberry, is tiny, I feel like it’s a life. I don’t know if I can live with that guilt of killing something. He OM said that he wants to have kids with me but not in this situation.That by having it now, it will break both families. I realise we should’ve thought of this before. I’ve said to him that he doesn’t need to have any involvement or tell his wife. I am so confused to & I’m going crazy at the thought of what to do. I feel like it’ll break both families apart if j keep it. It really dawned on me that I’m such a horrible human being for having an affair with someone that has kids.His poor wife. His poor kids. My poor unborn child. My poor daughter &DH. I am a mess.

disposable To let go
  • replies: 1

I will start with my husband of nearly 10 years had been asking for us to separate. He had asked for separation three times now since October last year, and last one being last week, to which, I finally agree. Previously I had been begging him not to... View more

I will start with my husband of nearly 10 years had been asking for us to separate. He had asked for separation three times now since October last year, and last one being last week, to which, I finally agree. Previously I had been begging him not to (as we have a 5 years old together) and been making compromises. And this last one I can see that I have exhausted all my effort to keep us together, and that he’s made up his mind. He wasn’t angry. He was pretty calm and mature, and explained his proposed arrangement in regards to our kid, and he’s telling me to start finding a place. He initially said that we had grown apart, and that we are now two different people. That I am an independent woman and that he is fine with it, it’s just that us as a couple, just wouldn’t work anymore. He doesn’t feel he can deal with my years long bulimia/depression problem. That we both deserve to be happy, although that means not being with each other. The list goes on, but the point is that he hopes we will find our own happiness in our separate ways. He helped me find a place and will help me move (as he will be moving back with his parents) and have been very flexible with our son arrangement and our work hours. He intends to keep things amicable as we do not want our son to be affected by this. I intend to do the same although it somehow pains me to see us dissolving. I want him to be happy. He deserves that. He has been a great dad although I can’t say we were the best as a couple. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough, maybe he didn’t. Maybe we both did but it just wasn’t working. I don’t know. The thing is, that I will be moving out early next month as arranged and sometimes I still find it inside me it’s hard to believe that it had came to this. I’m not too sure how to properly let go. I don’t know how to tell myself that we’ve both done our best (which I find I don’t) and that it’s time to let go. I’m not too sure about anything at all. We have been together for a long time for now to be separated although we’re doing it slowly (no door slamming or gone awol), it’s still very difficult to accept. Please advise what I should do. Thank you.

Seekparadise I fell in love and it gave me hope- now it’s over
  • replies: 1

4 months ago I broke up with my ex, my Nanna passed away, I moved back home from interstate & travelled to Europe for a month. The change rattled me. Europe was incredible but mentally I struggled more than I ever have in my life. I started seeing so... View more

4 months ago I broke up with my ex, my Nanna passed away, I moved back home from interstate & travelled to Europe for a month. The change rattled me. Europe was incredible but mentally I struggled more than I ever have in my life. I started seeing someone new. We bonded so strongly. He’d just come out of two traumatic relationships and struggles with ptsd. We supported each other through so many emotional breakdowns and lifted each other up when we needed it. He was there for me when I was self harming, checking in with me after doctors appts, researching my medication for me. He became my rock, the person I went to for everything. I hold so much compassion in my heart for what he’s been through and I care for him so deeply. I fell in love. It wasn’t as simple for him. He has trust issues, I was supposed to be moving to Melbourne, he’s too broken to fall in love back. The situation does my head in but I can’t let go. It made my mental health worse. So we did the dance of getting close and then me falling down a hole as soon as I left his house and agreeing to create distance, then the cycle repeating. I know it’s unhealthy. He finally has come to a decision that we should stop seeing each other, because he can’t give me what I want (a proper relationship) and it’s hurting me too much. I feel broken. He has all the qualities of what I was looking for in a life partner and I’ve never said that about anybody. In the beginning, I felt so hopeful, he understood me in a way no one has before, cared for me in a way I could really FEEL, we could’ve been great for each other. Now my hope has drained cold. I’ve already done this before- loving someone I can’t be with and who can’t love me back, and it almost destroyed me, and it took me five years to get over. I can’t go through this again. I still feel I can’t let him go. I’m so attached to him. Without him, I’m worried how I’ll cope. Everyone feels so far away and I don’t want to be close to anyone else. I have a psych appt next Wed and my GP has me on medications, so I’ve gotten help. I just don’t feel I can get through this again. All I see is hellish months coming up for me. All I do is drink, get sadder and more desperate, nurse a hangover, lay in bed and cry. I’m so tired of feeling so full of hope and having it ripped away from me and being left with yet another huge disappointment.

lifepurpose Uncoupling a marriage
  • replies: 3

Hi. Has anyone uncoupled their marriage by living in separate houses and sharing the custody of the kids? I have been thinking of leaving my 14 year marriage on and off for a couple of years. Their has been no affair or abuse but I keep thinking that... View more

Hi. Has anyone uncoupled their marriage by living in separate houses and sharing the custody of the kids? I have been thinking of leaving my 14 year marriage on and off for a couple of years. Their has been no affair or abuse but I keep thinking that we are holding each other back from what we really want from life ans being truly happy. We are just 2 people living in the same house looking after some kids. We have developed into 2 different people (introvert vs extrovert, active vs inactive). We have tried counselling years ago and I have been to counselling recently but is it ok to say 'well we gave it a go but lets just do our own thing'? I am happy to give my kids financial support and have them half the time. My main concern is the reaction of my wife as she can be very proud, selfish and get very angry. I think deep down should would eventually be ok with it. Thanks.