Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Start a discussion

Mumsie123 I have lost control of my 10year old son
  • replies: 2

I am in a really low place atm and I haven’t been this low before. I walk into my home from work and I hate my house and my life, I feel like the walls are coming in on me. I can’t smile, I’m emotionless, I’m numb, I can’t concentrate, I’m snappy, I ... View more

I am in a really low place atm and I haven’t been this low before. I walk into my home from work and I hate my house and my life, I feel like the walls are coming in on me. I can’t smile, I’m emotionless, I’m numb, I can’t concentrate, I’m snappy, I have restless legs, I’m uncomfortable and most of all I am full of guilt. Guilty that I am not friendly to my two boys anymore or my husband or mum or dad. I’m crying all day and night. This has been made worse with the night behaviour or my 10 year old son. I dread nights and I am already feeling broken this adds to my breakdown. here are my notes from Saturday night it has happened every single night and we are on night 5 of this. Saturday - At 2am mr 10 comes into our room and asks to put the pedistal fan on in his room he is hot. He has the overhead fan on high it’s a cool night and is raining. We tell him to go to sleep. He cry’s and go to bed. 10mins later he comes back into our room he can’t sleep we tell him to go to bed and there will be no games in the morning as this behaviour can’t continue. He has a meltdown. The house is now fully awake. He turns all lights on. He comes into our room another 10mins later he is still hot and can’t sleep. I am yelling and screaming now, My husband is yelling and screaming also. I give in and turn the pedistal fan on. We all go to bed upset. 15mijs later he comes back in he can’t sleep can he read. We are all upset I’m crying asking why he is doing this to us. he then says he will sleep in his brothers room. He comes back in 10 mins later saying he can’t sleep. I go into the room demanding why he is doing this to us crying and very over tired and upset. I ask if he thinks it’s a game: my son then takes the sheet off his body and puts it on the floor and then asks me to please get his blanket from his room to put on him. I loose my mind and make him go back into his own room. We all go back to bed. Yet again he comes in and says his hot, my husband looses it and throws his pedistal fan in the backyard we are all crying and yelling we put him in his bed and we now can’t go back to sleep we are to upset, I feel like My son has won and we have been held hostage in our house. Once again 15mins later he comes out and says he can’t sleep. It’s now 4.16am we are broken. I have given him a phenergon so we can try get some sleep it is now 4.45am what should I do to get out of this bad place and help my once happy home?

bon7989 hurt a friend, apologised, now what?
  • replies: 1

I recently hurt one of my closest friends. something i apologised for straight away when i realised what i had done and the hurt i caused. i gave it a few days before i messaged her asking to meet up for coffee so i could properly apologise. she decl... View more

I recently hurt one of my closest friends. something i apologised for straight away when i realised what i had done and the hurt i caused. i gave it a few days before i messaged her asking to meet up for coffee so i could properly apologise. she declined saying she needs time, is still hurt and cant forgive me just yet. i'm very understanding of this. i guess now im unsure of what to do. if we have group events coming up is it better i don't go so she doesn't feel i'm ruining her night. or if i go how should i interact with her. i feel not saying anything will seem like i'm ignoring her but if i'm too full on will seem. i dont want to lose her as a friend.

Drew_W Falling out with an Old Old Friend
  • replies: 2

In the past month I have been through the very upsetting experience of falling out with one my best friends for nearly 30 years. We had planned go rafting for our other best friends 40th. L lives overseas and had with great expense paid to come home ... View more

In the past month I have been through the very upsetting experience of falling out with one my best friends for nearly 30 years. We had planned go rafting for our other best friends 40th. L lives overseas and had with great expense paid to come home for this adventure. About 2 weeks before the trip a couple of other people had to pull out and all of sudden we didn't have enough people for the tour operator. Both my other friend C and I tried very hard to find some other people, as L was very annoyed and kept mentioning he wouldn't come if the trip was cancelled which none of us wanted. I then found another company that could take us but by then the weather had been so dry the river wasn't running and we couldn't go anyway. L wasn't accepting of any of this and angrily blamed both me and C for the cancelled trip even though it wasn't our fault. We didn't pull out and we can't control the weather. We even suggested to do something else, as there were many other things we could have done. The whole adventure was for C's birthday, and an opportunity for us to all be together for the first time in several years, but L wasn't interested, that was all secondary to him, he was fixated on going rafting or nothing else. The words L used to us had both C and I in tears, two 40 year old men. L eventually decided to come anyway and go on a bushwalk by himself, we weren't invited. C decided to meet with him as it was easier to do that than explain to his kids why they couldn't see Uncle L. L wanted to see me also, but I had strong mixed feelings as at that point every message from L would cause strong fear and anxiety in me due to his relentless anger. I told him this but said we could meet if he wanted to. His response was to say he wasn't angry in one sentence and in the next that my comments were highly offensive. A few weeks have past now and I am struggling with what to do. I don't want to lose my friend but I can't pretend it didn't happen and I can't apologise for something I didn't do. I wan't L to apologise for the hurt he's caused but he hasn't yet and I can't see him doing so. And if I confront him he'll just get angry and say it was my fault and become more angry. I have reached out once to him and had no response, he's shutting me out. I think he is angry at me because I have stood up to him, but in the end I am the one left feeling outcast. Now I see posts online of him with our other friends having fun and I feel sad. What should I do?

Mrsbiggiemaan How can I teach her not to feel guilty for her mother's sadness?
  • replies: 4

I have been with my partner since 3 years. I met him and his little girl (A.) when she was only 8 months old,now 4 years old We live up the far north Queensland on a beautiful cattle farm, mother lives in the Brisbane On the beginning when I met we h... View more

I have been with my partner since 3 years. I met him and his little girl (A.) when she was only 8 months old,now 4 years old We live up the far north Queensland on a beautiful cattle farm, mother lives in the Brisbane On the beginning when I met we had her pretty much 70% of the time, 4-6 weeks living with us, approx. 3 weeks living with mum. Her mum was quite neglective on the beginning, loved to go out, so we had A. For longer at a time then she had her. This went along for 2.5 years. In the past 5 months, mum has been a bit more persistent in having her equally (3 weeks us, 3 weeks her). The little one was always excited to come up here, she absolutely love sher dad and they have an unusual close bond. Mum in the CBD spends her time more in shopping centers and buys her an abnormal amount of gifts. Every week. When a. Is up here, mum shows her via video chat all those gifts she bought in the meantime. However we have noticed that the little one seems to get upset when her mum tells her that it makes her sad because she misses a. So the last visit, she was with her mum for two months. Little a. Arrived and she seemed like a changed person. We had her toilet trained, no dummy, no comforter. This visit, She is peeing her pants on several occasions and doesn't sleep without nappies, mother also gives her a dummy every night again and a. Will not go anywhere without her comforter. She is behaving like a tiny baby, wants to be fed and carried. She also is scared of everything. She won't stay in her room to play if we exit the room for 10 seconds.She follows us everywhere always asking where we are going. I would call it almost anxious. When we say no to little things, she cries and cries and cries. Two days ago she was upset all day after calling her mum via video chat. She kept on syaing she wants to go home. Mum is sad and that makes her sad and she needs to go back so mum is happy again. I can't make her happy with anything unless I give her something in exchange (like a lolly or such) and her mood will pick up. But that can't be the right thing to do? She still loves going to the creek but she is even scared of the animals now. At night, she won't sleep in her bed, says their is a ghost and a scary man. Saying windows and doors need to be locked so no one can come in. So we tried to comfort her in our bed. As soon as one of us gets up for a pee, she is sitting straight up asking where we are going as if she is not even sleep. What happened to her?

Jacinta__0 My mum is having an innaprorate relationship with my ex husband
  • replies: 2

Im just wondering if anyone here has ever been in a situation where there parent sides with the ex. I got divorced a few years ago and am estranged from my mother due to the fact she still see's my ex husband several times a week. There have been peo... View more

Im just wondering if anyone here has ever been in a situation where there parent sides with the ex. I got divorced a few years ago and am estranged from my mother due to the fact she still see's my ex husband several times a week. There have been people comming down 2 my dads workshop saying that she is having an affair with my ex husband . Dad says she is not, and is only making it look that way to spite me her daughter. Anybody else had this kind of betrayal?

hushwolf99 can men and women be friends? what should i do?
  • replies: 2

I'm 19 years old and ive been with my boyfriend for 5 years. everything's been great but i find it hard to make friends. I was the quiet girl at school who had a few friends but never felt good enough. I recently met a boy at my work, and our bond wa... View more

I'm 19 years old and ive been with my boyfriend for 5 years. everything's been great but i find it hard to make friends. I was the quiet girl at school who had a few friends but never felt good enough. I recently met a boy at my work, and our bond was instant, it was a great feeling having a really close friend. I was not attracted to him at all, I only saw him as a friend. I was so over the moon, we would talk after work till 1 am. we talked so much i basically forgot about my own family and boyfriend. He would also write me funny letters at work and sent one to my home address. My friend was going though a lot at the time after losing a close friend, I would walk to his place to comfort him and make sure he was ok, at times he would storm out and drive away with out saying a word. He also had a fear of being lonely so we became very attached to each other but in a friendship way. My boyfriend was out of town one day so i went to my friends place to watch tv, and it was all innocent. I kept this from my boyfriend cause i knew he wouldn't let me and i shouldn't have done it in the first place, my boyfriend eventually found out and got very angry. our friendship continued and we would shop on our days off, he really knew how to make me feel happy and special. After 2 month of hanging out my friend told me he has feelings for me but it didn't really bother me. After we finished our shifts together he would get really sad and tell me he doesn't want me to go so i would stay cause i felt bad, but he would still leave up set which made me upset. there would be days where he makes me so happy then really sad and it really effected my emotions at home. he started buying me really expensive gifts like handbags, sunglasses and watches because he knew i liked to get spoilt and knew my boyfriend didn't spoil me. He then started saying how much he loves me and is really jealous of my boyfriend which makes me feel terrible cause there is nothing i can do to help him. he would then tell me that its to much for him and that he will have to push me away and change his number which made me heart broken. I guess i did have some feelings for him but i couldn't see my self in a relationship with him. My boyfriend forced me to stop talking to him out side of work because he believes he is messing with my head but i didn't take this to well. is my boyfriend right? i'm scared to lose my best friend or my boyfriend. Is my boyfriend just over thinking? what do i do?

PalmTree24 Supporting a husband with depression- or a bad attitude?
  • replies: 6

Hi all, My husband has always struggled to be happy. He has always been moody, can be quite aggressive (verbally, not physically) and almost slightly delusional at times (constantly insinuates that I’m cheating on him, that I over-exaggerate stories,... View more

Hi all, My husband has always struggled to be happy. He has always been moody, can be quite aggressive (verbally, not physically) and almost slightly delusional at times (constantly insinuates that I’m cheating on him, that I over-exaggerate stories, that I make up things that he has said). He says I have no idea about real problems that people face (given what he has seen in his job as a police officer). He has his toys (2 motorbikes, 5 bicycles, water-skis, PlayStations, a $35000 car that we had to borrow money off his parents for, two bbqs), but I had to force him to agree to buy the kids some play equipment and take a family holiday. He dislikes doing the mundane chores that come with owning a house and having kids, will rarely pitch in, or when he does he acts like he has hung the moon. He has told me before that he disliked being a parent- not the kids, but the actual tasks associated with being a parent and has very little patience for the kids. He acknowledges that he does not do much, but does nothing to change this. He is on antidepressants for a depression diagnosis, which I forced him to go and get with threats, but is always able to get himself motivated to hang out and drink with his friends, or exercise- just not when it comes to his responsibilities as a parent. When I point this out, he denies it and claims that I’m unsupportive and should be thinking of him more. He complains about me not being affectionate and not having a sex life, when for three- four years of our marriage he had no sex drive at all- I never made him feel bad about this. I was completely understanding but now it’s my fault it never happens. He makes snide comments about it, even though I’m so busy acting as a working, single parent that I am not sure where I’m meant to find the time or the inclination- also points I have brought up with him. He can turn any argument in his favour even when he is in the wrong and rarely takes fault or blame in any situation. We have been through marriage counselling, and it got better for a while, but now it has just gone back to how we were. He also does not believe that he requires any psychological intervention. I am just wondering- when does a depression diagnosis simply act as an excuse for bad behaviour? The thought of not being with him now fills me with a sense of weightlessness, but I’m racked with guilt at the thought of abandoning someone who might have some real problems. Any advice would be so greatly appreciated!

Acto Breakup
  • replies: 3

Hello, I am going through an extremely emotional breakup with my boyfriend of 2 and a half years. It hurts to breathe, I can't eat, sleep is fleeting. I don't know how to act, what to do or say, how to stop crying. I feel numb, yet the heartbreak is ... View more

Hello, I am going through an extremely emotional breakup with my boyfriend of 2 and a half years. It hurts to breathe, I can't eat, sleep is fleeting. I don't know how to act, what to do or say, how to stop crying. I feel numb, yet the heartbreak is coursing through my body. I feel like I have lost a part of myself. I suffer from extreme anxiety. I push people away to protect myself from the inevitable. Its easier to be alone so I self sabotage. When all I really want is to be hugged and told everything is going to be alright. I overthink everything. It is crippling and exhausting and makes me doubt everything. It makes me question everything. My anxiety tells me tgat I'm not good enough, not worthy. That I don't deserve to be loved. He is a head chef. Long days and nights spent by myself, with my thoughts. He gave up. He stopped trying. He let me do all the housework, do all the cooking. He let me put in all the effort and then told me he wasn't sure he loved me anymore. Thats why I put the walls up. Now I don't think I can ever let them down again. I am broken. Destroyed. He was my end game. I never wanted to have kids, he changed that. I wanted it all. The wedding, the house, the kids. But he gave up, he showed me that I wasn't worth trying for.

Puppies Father who drinks and my anxiety
  • replies: 21

Hi , So for as long as I can remember, my dad has been a drinker. I’ve never really wanted to admit any of this so I’ve never written it down or spoken about it (except to my partner), so this is hard for me to do. My dad works a stressful job, and h... View more

Hi , So for as long as I can remember, my dad has been a drinker. I’ve never really wanted to admit any of this so I’ve never written it down or spoken about it (except to my partner), so this is hard for me to do. My dad works a stressful job, and he drinks basically every night. I would say he drinks a lot (bottles at a time). Sometimes he becomes quite happy, but other times he gets angry about things that happened years ago and he seems to go on and on and yells and it just makes my anxiety skyrocket, to the point where I have what I think are panic attacks. He mostly takes his anger out on my mum. He can be a not nice person when he’s been drinking, and often the next day won’t remember things that have happened or been said. My partner and I are still long distance and I’ve been finding that when I’m at my partners house I get anxiety of a night time because I’m not sure whether my dad is angry or has been drinking etc and is taking it out on my mum. I find that I often (every night) text my mum asking if things are ok with her and my dad. Ironically I had a catch up talk with my dad in the last day when I came back from visiting my partner. I actually mentioned to him about how I noticed I get anxious around people who are drinking, and I specifically mentioned a recent time where I was at a concert with my partners sister. He asked me if I get anxious in those situations (where people are drinking and getting loud) because of his drinking and his yelling. So he’s obviously aware, yet doesn’t seem to do anything about it. There have been multiple times where he’d say he’d quit drinking or that it’ll be his last drink (I believe he can stop because he has been able to for a few periods of time), but it doesn’t seem to be long lasting because then he gets stressed again. I don’t like the way he treats my mum (when drinking), regardless of the situation in their relationship. If I was treated that way in a relationship then I would not be happy. I just get confused because in the past my partner and I went through difficult times and my dad had some things to say about me deserving better, yet I don’t see that happening for my mum. I’m lost and confused and anxious right no because another argument occurred tonight. I don’t know if I have the right to tell my dad that I don’t agree with how things are brought up, or if I should deal with it and just let them sort it (even though it occurs often).

Shellyem Need advice 😓
  • replies: 4

Hi, I’m just wanting outside opinions on a situation I am currently involved in. A close friend of mine has recently become engaged and has honored me by asking me to be a bridesmaid. I was over whelmed and excited and of course said yes, I mean it’s... View more

Hi, I’m just wanting outside opinions on a situation I am currently involved in. A close friend of mine has recently become engaged and has honored me by asking me to be a bridesmaid. I was over whelmed and excited and of course said yes, I mean it’s an amazing thing to be a part of. But here is the issue. This friend and I met through my sister, they were best friends in highschool and I would hang around with them at sleep overs etc.. they’ve had a rocky relationship and we’re constantly on and off but me wanting to keep the peace I stayed in contact with both. I’m close with my sister and I’m also close with this friend. This Friend has helped me in many ways emotionally and Mentally. I don’t want to upset anyone with my decision on saying yes or having to decline being a bridesmaid but I asked my mum for her opinion and felt judged and lectured. She thinks it’s wrong I was asked in the first place and basically told me I needed to chose a relationship over the matter at hand and said if it were her and this was her decision no way would she accept.I asked her how do I bring this up with my sister and what’s the right way to go about it then? She couldn’t answer. I in no way want to disrespect my sister, but I do feel this will probably hurt her. My anxiety has been sky high with thinking about the right path to take, i don’t know what’s right or wrong in this situation and it’s really keeping me up at night. How do I talk to my sister about this? Do I bring this up with my friend and explain my concerns? I’m feeling confused and scared as to what the outcomes will be because either way I feel like my relationship with my sister or with my friend won’t be the same. I would love a strangers point of view on this. Please any advice is greatly appreciated! Thank you.