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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Dante2k My girlfiriend is depressed, through a complicated relationship
  • replies: 1

Hey guys, ive experienced a tumultuous relations over the past year. We did long distance for the better part of 8 months of our relationship from the beginning, the spark at the beginning was something that I’ve never felt even though I’ve been thro... View more

Hey guys, ive experienced a tumultuous relations over the past year. We did long distance for the better part of 8 months of our relationship from the beginning, the spark at the beginning was something that I’ve never felt even though I’ve been through HEAPS of relationships with women in the past, it felt amazing. Slowly things began to surface between us.. insecurities due to past relationships, lack of trust, lack of support.. even though all the while I was being my best self and all I could ever be as a partner and supportive and loving and kind. Towards the end of the year it begun to be really hard. I continued to try and be supportive and everything but I found I’d built a certain resentment toward the relationship, even though all I want is to be with this person, how do I move past such things that have affected my life so greatly? to begin with due to her past experiences she hated relationships because she’s had some very bad ones. So is it up to me to cure these? As much as I tell her I love her, she will never believe me. And now that I have lost that love.. I’m getting blamed for falling out? I feel as if I’m stuck in a very hard place, and grated I have gotten very frustrated and angry at times when I have merely tried to help and it’s backfired in a very bad way.. like suggesting help or talking with her mother who which she completely cast out of her life after her and I spoke... unsure on what to do as she has also through the very down periods suggested very dark comments which puts me in a very difficult position. It really does hurt as you put so much energy into a relationship and love someone, and after so many hurtful relationships with people you really think you find someone who you connect with and find passion. Through it all, I feel exhausted and out of what I can possibly do to get through. I ask to put her in my mind and only if she could see what I truly and actually feel, then it’d finally be ok! What do I do! Do I leave the relationship? Do I stick by? Please bear in mind that I’ve been blamed for most of the relationship failing, also her study failing, her metal health, her relationship with her Mum, and know that HONESTLY I feel I’ve tried to be nothing but supportive. Bar the last couple of months when things have been very, very hard. I’m doing my best, cheers.

VariMas Going through divorce, need advice
  • replies: 1

Divorse suck.... Especially when you are the one that didn't want it happen... My husband of nearly 5 years (thou we have been together for 9 years) have came to a face the sad truth that he is not happy anymore, we have nothing in common and not enj... View more

Divorse suck.... Especially when you are the one that didn't want it happen... My husband of nearly 5 years (thou we have been together for 9 years) have came to a face the sad truth that he is not happy anymore, we have nothing in common and not enjoying life... The only thing we have in common is our 'child' we are just coexisting as he put it....he said he love me still just not romantically anymore, he just not happy and want out. We tried to give it a try but it just seems worst... There are no intimacy, everything just point to the fact that our path had comes to an end. But why is it so freaking hard for me to accept it? Im ok one minute and then im an emotional mess the next.... It not helping that we still have to live together because of financial situations... In top of it, my in-laws live with us as well. I feel like i cant escape anyway and have no one to talk too. I dont want to burden my parents as mum suffering from depression and I just lost my grandma a month ago so I really dont want to pile this on them as well.... All my close friends are either live oversea or in another state... I feel I have no one at all... Right now i just dont know what to do..

Aak Relationship anxiety??
  • replies: 1

23 years old Currently been in a relationship for 9 months. My boyfriend knows I suffer anxiety and depression due to the passing of my sister a few years ago. He re assures me that he loves me, he will be there whenever I need him and he will never ... View more

23 years old Currently been in a relationship for 9 months. My boyfriend knows I suffer anxiety and depression due to the passing of my sister a few years ago. He re assures me that he loves me, he will be there whenever I need him and he will never leave my side although, Every time i feel down, I’m afraid to pick up the phone and call or message him telling him how I’m feeling and to reach out for help because I feel like, as much as he re assures me, he will eventually get sick of hearing my problems and leave me. I get upset at him for not realising how much I’m suffering, and when he retaliates I just put on a happy face to avoid him thinking I’m negative but continue to feel weak and lonely. -I’ve isolated myself from my friends ever since my sister passed away, I’ve got 1-2 friends I see here and there. I feel as if though his my only friend, but his not supporting me in the way I need? His words do not match his actions. I don’t know what to do? Every time I mention it to him, he always turns it around and says “I guess I’m a s#!t boyfriend” I start to feel bad, then tell him not to worry about it and end up apologising. One day he says he loves me, the next day he doesn’t say it at all, which makes me automatically assume his over me. Could it be that my anxiety is playing up on me? I don’t know what to do anymore. Any suggestions on how to manage this? Do I have relationship anxiety? Someone please help, only getting worse!! 🥺

Nina_M Should I End This Relationship ?
  • replies: 8

We planned to date on 5 Feb. He asked me for the plan. I said we can went to a temple in the afternoon, then have dinner and go to watch movie or just have a chat. He asked so can’t kiss and do other things or I don’t want it anymore. I said we can k... View more

We planned to date on 5 Feb. He asked me for the plan. I said we can went to a temple in the afternoon, then have dinner and go to watch movie or just have a chat. He asked so can’t kiss and do other things or I don’t want it anymore. I said we can kiss when I feel comfortable. He said this is running out to be a very one sided and selfish relationship. I said I would not feel comfortable to kiss a man if I don’t have enough emotional intimacy with him and it needs time to build the emotional connection. I can be open and relax when we chat online. However, when it comes to real life, I still feel there’s a distance between us. He said I have a lot of preconceived ideas about relationships and I am very ill advised. I didn’t know what to say and just kept quiet after he said that to me. Yesterday, he said what had been very clear is that this is all about me and it’s totally unfair, unless I decide to be a bit fair and considerate, he doesn’t think I will succeed in any relationship. I said I will take the time to think about what he said. I think we were not on the same page at the beginning of this relationship. Obviously, he gets ahead of himself and I am the one left behind. I want to build emotional connections first since I am not that into him, but he always ignores my feelings and my health. He said he loves me and told me love is always unconditional. However, I cannot feel he loves me at all. One day when we were chatting on Wechat, I said I smashed my finger in a door. He just replied Oh dear, then he never asked me how bad it was. Another example is, I said I caught cold and felt very bad. He completely ignored what I said and just told me he found me very very sexy. During the period when we only had work relationship, he was very caring and considerate. After I become his girlfriend, he doesn’t care about my feelings and health any more. Everything is about sex and if I set some boundaries about having sex because of HPV vaccines, he got angry and accused me of being selfish. He had married twice before and he said he was mature. However, I don’t think he is mature since his second marriage only last 6 months and he blamed his ex for everything. I’ve never been in a relationship before, so I am really confused whether he loves me or not. BTW, I don’t think his love is unconditional.

karaokelover Living Arrangements/Feeling Unwanted
  • replies: 1

I’m 21 & haven’t lived in my family home (which was Mum and two sisters) since about 16 months ago. I moved out because I felt like the constant arguing & bickering from my sisters (aged 19 and 15) was destroying me and so I moved out to avoid it all... View more

I’m 21 & haven’t lived in my family home (which was Mum and two sisters) since about 16 months ago. I moved out because I felt like the constant arguing & bickering from my sisters (aged 19 and 15) was destroying me and so I moved out to avoid it all together. When I say “moved”, I use the term very loosely. I put a bunch of clothes in an overnight bag & started staying in the upstairs bedroom at my uncle’s house. Since then, I’ve gradually brought more things with me to my uncle’s (where there is no storage for me at all), but the majority of my belongings are still in my room at Mum’s house. It was never an official move-out. I want to move home, but my sister’s boyfriend lives there (and has for about a year) & I don’t feel comfortable being forced to share my home (and bathroom) with him. He is a lovely boy & my whole family love him but I don’t want to live with him & don’t feel that I should be forced to, or feel that I because I don’t feel comfortable it’s my problem & “too bad”. Over the past week I’ve been harassed by my sister who wants me to clear out my room so she can use it as a study space. She has the biggest bedroom in the house with a desk in it, & when I questioned her why she needs my room she said that it’s not fair on her boyfriend for her to be in the bedroom studying all the time (he hs a good home why can’t he go back there?). She first brought this up a week ago when we had other family over & it just turned into a big attack against me trying to force me to move all my belongings & furniture out. My issue is that Mum knows I want to come home & that I feel uncomfortable living with my sister’s boyfriend (to which she’s basically just been saying “well too bad”). I feel that she’s choosing the boyfriend over me her own daughter & she’s not seeing or understanding my feelings no matter how often I try to express them. Even tonight, I was over at Mum’s & they were outside talking about me & my sister came in & with a straight-off-the-bat aggressive tone started demanding me to move my things out then & there. I then tried to have a mature conversation with her about it but she was not having it, my mum walked in & tried to “be the mediator” but was on my sister’s side & was not trying to see my side at all. I feel unwanted and extremely stressed and I don’t know what to do. I want to move home, but don’t want to live with the boyfriend, and there’s no room at my uncle’s for my things even if I did clear out the room at Mum’s.

Fishyfishman How do I manage severe trust issues?
  • replies: 3

I'll try keep this as succinct as possible. I've been with my girlfriend for 4 months, we both love each other immensely and have gotten to know each other quite intimately, to the point where we know most of each other's personal histories already. ... View more

I'll try keep this as succinct as possible. I've been with my girlfriend for 4 months, we both love each other immensely and have gotten to know each other quite intimately, to the point where we know most of each other's personal histories already. She makes it clear how much she loves me, how much she's committed to me, and does so daily. Even goes as far as to mention long term things, like a life together, moving out, etc. I've been in a long relationship before this one, which lasted 3 and a half years, where I felt very comfortable as far as any sort of trust issue was concerned, and never felt the worries I feel now of possibly being cheated on, or left. My current girlfriend and I are both in our early 20's and live a short drive from one another. At the moment, on a daily basis, I feel tremendous fear and anxiety based around whether or not her feelings are legitimate, or that me vocalising my worries as much as I do will cause her feelings for me to die down and leave me. For some reason, more than I fear being left, I fear being cheated on. This is a big deal for me, I think if someone were to cheat on me, or do something close to it, that I'd never recover. The problem being, despite all her efforts and the amount of energy she puts into this relationship (far more than is probably even normal), I worry about this on a daily basis. She has gone on a trip with a friend overseas for a little over a week, and I find myself wracked with anxiety that she'll sleep with someone while over there, or go out to a bar and have a few too many and something will end up happening. Every second she's not online, talking to me, I worry about what she's doing and who she's with, despite her being very open about all that. This sort of suspicion I have is borderline paranoid in my mind, since it's so irrational, and I've never experienced it in a relationship before. I think it comes from a place of thinking that she's a bit out of my league, and struggling to believe that she'll settle for me, despite her saying the opposite many times. I very rarely even prompt her declarations of love, they're usually spontaneous, but even then it only serves as a temporary aid to my anxiety. My anxiety is completely gone while I'm talking to her and we're in a good place relationship wise, but a few hours of being completely separate and I'm back in this whole again, so anxious that I can't enjoy anything. What do I do?

Peppa62 10yr relationship over?
  • replies: 8

Seeking advice ... my partner (M27) and I (F27) have been together for 10yrs. We took a break briefly last year as I found out something about him that hurt me and needed space. We are now together again and trying to work through things . However a ... View more

Seeking advice ... my partner (M27) and I (F27) have been together for 10yrs. We took a break briefly last year as I found out something about him that hurt me and needed space. We are now together again and trying to work through things . However a recent/new issue is him and his work mates. I have never met them and he doesn’t want me at events where I might. Eg. work Xmas party, nights out ect. In a recent argument he said he didn’t want to be the guy that always has his gf in tow. This really hurt and made me feel like he’s ashamed of me or embarrassed to be with me. His going out with the ‘boys’ is a recent thing but every known and again I would like to be included/ meet the people he is friends with. Or with all that’s happened recently am I just beating a dead horse... is this relationship over? I’m not sure where to proceed or how to bring it up without him getting defensive . Please help I feel very lost

Aawwk Hi kinda stuck
  • replies: 2

I don’t want to break community rules but I fee trapt in a situation and don’t know what to do , I am divorced with children me and there mum get on , anyway whilst overseas a mistake happened and now I’m expecting a baby in another country , she wan... View more

I don’t want to break community rules but I fee trapt in a situation and don’t know what to do , I am divorced with children me and there mum get on , anyway whilst overseas a mistake happened and now I’m expecting a baby in another country , she wants me to move there etc but I can’t I don’t want to leave my kids and I doubt there mom would let me take them anyway and I’m set up here with work etc , but I can’t bring myself knowing I’m not going to be part of the baby’s life , it’s killing me

Harps70 Separated from grandchildren
  • replies: 2

I have always been extremely close with my daughter until recently. Due to me voicing my opinion about feeling being used I now have no contact with my daughter and now my grand children. How does one move on from this and still function. It feels li... View more

I have always been extremely close with my daughter until recently. Due to me voicing my opinion about feeling being used I now have no contact with my daughter and now my grand children. How does one move on from this and still function. It feels like my heart is about to break, I cry all the time, don’t sleep very well and don’t really want to do anything. My husband does not understand and I feel like I am alone in this. My photos around the house are torture to look at as is my grandchildren’s bedroom that have at my home. Do I remove all of this? I tried reaching out to my daughter when this first happened but got no reply and she would not answer her phone so I will be not contacting her again. I just want the pain to stop. I miss my grandchildren so much.

Rod_T In Love With My Kid's Teacher?
  • replies: 9

So I have 2 disabled children that attend primary school and one of their teachers is not only beautiful, but very friendly, sweet and incredible at what she does. I am have been married for 10 years and the romance and intimacy is dead. We are worki... View more

So I have 2 disabled children that attend primary school and one of their teachers is not only beautiful, but very friendly, sweet and incredible at what she does. I am have been married for 10 years and the romance and intimacy is dead. We are working on our marriage but I am doubtful of the future because I don't find her attractive anymore. What I see in the teacher is someone that attracts me but understands my disabled children and when she looks and talks to me she is always smiling and very friendly. Is the grass greener on the other side? I feel desperate for intimacy and affection that I am not getting with my wife. Thanks