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Unhappy relationship, stressed, anxious. Need to talk.

Community Member
Hi all, this is my first time posting here so please be kind. My partner & I have been through some very tough times the last year or two, his mental health and my own mental health have declined a lot. We live together with two daughters, and I’ve been thinking more & more lately that I want to leave. I suffer extreme anxiety as well as psychosis but this is managed ok with medication. I am so so scared & anxious about leaving, I’m scared of breaking out of my comfort zone & scared about the whole thing to the point where I’ve worked myself up into an absolute state. I don’t want to stay here for the rest of my life but I feel like he will take the news so badly & he won’t cope well at all. This is just eating me alive, pretending all is ok when inside it’s not & I want to run away 😩 I can’t eat much, sleep or have any happiness. I just haven’t left as it seems such a big hurdle, especially with all the catastrophizing I do. I just need someone to talk to and perhaps just some kind words or advice. Thank you for reading.
1 Reply 1

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi RR, welcome

It is a tough situation I know, having had four long term relationships 3 that have broken off. Also, in my first marriage there were 2 young girls to consider so I tried even harder to make it work.

Considering the children and the fact you both have mental illness I think it would be really a good effort to seek out relationship counseling before you did anything else. Don't you think?

With mental illness the mind can play tricks on you as you've eluded to.

Do you argue a lot or is it general dissatisfaction?

You can google these

Beyondblue topic relationship strife?- the peace pipe

In terms of your partners mental health I personally would not consider that as a reason to "not" leave. We cannot stop actions on the basis of how someone else will act. But we can take into consideration the effect ton the children and if you end up with main custody, he will lose his full time fatherhood and your children will no see as much of him. I'm merely suggesting why counseling is good because you can then move forward with whatever decision you make with reduced guilt.

Finally, sometimes with effort you can continue supporting each other emotionally like friends after separation. The children will one day thank you for it.

Good luck. Don't be afraid. You aren't to blame if you are unhappy but I think you both deserve to give counseling a chance. If he wont attend- go by yourself.