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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Lookingforhelp22 Feeling lost/husbands anger issues
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone, I ve just had an MRI as have been experiencing headaches and vertigo - dr thinks I have an intercranial lesion. I also had some blood test results and need an ultrasound as my liver is not great. I m 28 years old and have been really wor... View more

Hi everyone, I ve just had an MRI as have been experiencing headaches and vertigo - dr thinks I have an intercranial lesion. I also had some blood test results and need an ultrasound as my liver is not great. I m 28 years old and have been really worried & havent spoken to my husband much, when I have anxiety I shut down. My husband has been abusive eg. calling me names for ignoring him but I m just so stressed about this & trying to process it all. its only been 2 days & he has anger issues so didnt want to be more stressed by what he might say. should i speak to him more? Any advice would be appreciated x

Juliet_84 Despair over possible MS diagnosis
  • replies: 9

Hi guys, I have been having a tough time recently and was hoping for some words of comfort. Some of you may already know, but a few years ago I suffered a major stroke that almost killed me. My entire right side was paralyzed and I was in hospital fo... View more

Hi guys, I have been having a tough time recently and was hoping for some words of comfort. Some of you may already know, but a few years ago I suffered a major stroke that almost killed me. My entire right side was paralyzed and I was in hospital for a week and had to learn to walk again, my balance was affected, to simple dexterity things like use cutlery etc. Before the stroke, I had been suffering dizziness for months and told my doctor but they dismissed it. At the time I was concerned that I may have the early stages of multiple sclerosis, it was just a gut feeling that I couldn’t shake, but after the stroke they told me I had a blood disorder instead. I honestly felt so relieved at the thought of not having MS and my future suddenly felt brighter and I dared to hope. I started exercising again, looking after myself, and felt generally happy to be alive. Anyway, fast forward 4 years and it seems as though the doctors may have misdiagnosed me and I may be staring down the barrel of a multiple sclerosis diagnosis again. This feels like absolute torture, I feel as though I’ve had the rug completely pulled out from under me, I just break down in tears from absolute despair when I think about it. I’ve gone back to hating to think about what the future may hold for me. I just wonder how much one person is supposed to be able to take? Juliet

MiVitaLuna Not Sure Where To Put This, Just Want To Run Away
  • replies: 5

I have 4 children and my eldest son is married with 2 children. We have always been a very close family but since he married this girl we have had many family fights and she has tried to pull our family apart several times. She has no contact with he... View more

I have 4 children and my eldest son is married with 2 children. We have always been a very close family but since he married this girl we have had many family fights and she has tried to pull our family apart several times. She has no contact with her own family and has called the police on her own mother and refuses to let her family see the grandkids. So we have had a lot of conflict with this girl. So much so it has caused me so much stress, anxiety and depression. There has been a couple of times where I have refused to talk to her due to her treatment towards me (throwing food across the room at me when called her out on a lie, and having a go at me for not taking time off work to look after the kids so she could go and do her studies. We were trying to save up for their wedding and I could not afford the time off). She also kicked my other son out of their home and called the police on him when he refused to leave until his brother got home to confirm that he could not longer stay there. We later found out she told the police that she feared for her life with him in the house. He lived with them at the time and I can assure you she was in no danger. So despite all the other things she has done that I have not mentioned. They all came to see us for my birthday and she began a fight with the son that she kicked out (he moved back with us). My dad was here and so was my daughter and grandkids. She yelled, screamed and argued that we were not supporting her and that she has every right to kick people and refuse people to see her children. My son retaliated and called her out on her lies and my son who is married to her, began to throw punches at my other son. She has deleted us from facebook, blocked us from seeing the grandkids and I know that she will do all she can to not allow us to see the grandkids. To top this off I currently have health anxiety which has increased since I have found out through several tests that there may be something concerning after my last ultrasounds. I am so scared of anesthetics that I am trying to convince myself to go and have the surgery to get the biopsies but I am so scare of dying that I am too scared to go and get the procedure done. My greatest fear is dying of cancer like my grandmother, yet I need this procedure. This has caused me a lot of stress, lack of sleep and constant anxiety! I feel like I am ready to run. Please help. I am trying to see a psychologist but I have a long wait to get in.

PommyinOz living In Oz and feelings of not fitting in
  • replies: 8

in Oz for a year with Aussie OH & my 10 year old (from a previous relationship). I can't seem to find my way. Ive confidence issues & body dismorphia which can cause crippling fear & neediness. I'm not the type to instigate conversation with stranger... View more

in Oz for a year with Aussie OH & my 10 year old (from a previous relationship). I can't seem to find my way. Ive confidence issues & body dismorphia which can cause crippling fear & neediness. I'm not the type to instigate conversation with strangers & people never really instigate conversation with me unless introduced,once I feel comfortable I can be very funny & Ive been told I can light up a room with my personality but I can get over excited & become loud,over opinionated, sarcastic, I'm 45 & well aware of my flaws I do try to tone it down, but my personality is what it is. Ive had the odd close friend over the years & I would walk over hot coals for any of them,they learn to understand my good & bad points & love me regardless. Ive had times of extreme isolation & although I have my daughter & OH I am feeling really isolated & alone, I have no friends here, its getting me down, I look at women sat in cafes having coffee sat in pubs all laughing & I'm so jealous because Ive never really had that. I thought I would be enveloped by a new family here my OH has two sisters with children the same age as mine, I hoped we would do some babysitting trade offs that his family would embrace me & my daughter but that hasn't happened. They don't seem to like me they are reserved, diplomatic and respectful, there is very little small talk or laughing it is all very serious,they think I'm pilling too much strain and stress on my OH with my "issues" & that I need to sort my life out, that my child is not the responsibility of my OH as she isn't his & If I need a babysitter then I have to find one & pay for one, but I can't afford it & I don't know anyone with kids let alone a teenager who would like to earn some cash. my daughter is very quiet,spends a lot of time on her own, she is always polite but then they made a huge point about her not saying "thankyou for having me" when she left their home, which I said was nit-picking, now this issue is creating problems with my OH because I feel they are trying to get rid of me.I had a job where I worked alone cooking for tradies & truck drivers, conversation was at a minimum so no friendships to be had there. I barely go out socially & if I have spoken to someone its never gone anywhere. I pick my daughter up from school Ive met no mums & my daughter hasn't been invited to birthday parties, she didn't want to have one herself, I think she is embarrassed of me. I really don't know what to do & I'm always crying about it

JessCC Mum with depression- how to help her?
  • replies: 4

Hi, I have just joined this site. My mum has been suffering from depression for the last few years. Initially, she put off treating it, as she was caring for my sick grandma. My Aunty (mum's sister) passed away suddenly, shortly after nana's death an... View more

Hi, I have just joined this site. My mum has been suffering from depression for the last few years. Initially, she put off treating it, as she was caring for my sick grandma. My Aunty (mum's sister) passed away suddenly, shortly after nana's death and my mum's depression seems to have gotten even worse. It was a struggle to get my mum to see the GP, but eventually, she went and was prescribed a bunch of medications and sleeping tablets. She went to see a psychologist one time but decided that it was not useful. She is experiencing insomnia, severe depression (suicidality, loss of interest in everything, rarely leaves the house, cries whenever I speak to her on the phone, etc.). My mum lives 2 hours from me. I am finishing uni at the moment. I do not have a car, so I see mum around once a month. Nothing seems to be improving for her- her thoughts and conversation are very dark, she has become very critical and mistrustful of people. My dad lives with mum and he has been helping her, but he is not the most emotionally understanding person and hates going to the doctors himself. I love my mum soooo much and just want her to feel better. I am unsure what to do at this point- do I try to force her to seek treatment? Try to change the subject and get her out of the house as much as possible? Accept that she might not be ready to accept help? I have tried sending her info about doctors, psychologists, naturopaths that I've found but she ignores them. I tried an intervention with my father and I- saying "come on let's be proactive about this and get it sorted out because you can still have many happy years ahead of you", I take her out for lunch and for walks when I visit and she seems like she enjoys it but then afterwards she tells me that she was faking being happy and that she never feels happy. We have long conversations and I listen to her, but sometimes the conversations become very dark and I try to steer her back into the light. It sounds horrible but I often feel like kidnapping her and taking her to a hospital for treatment- obviously, I wouldn't do that, but depression seems to make people their own worst enemies. I have anxiety and have experienced minor episodes of depression, but nothing like what my mum is going through. I hate seeing her so unhappy. I don't want to imagine her ending her life, but believe that in the state that she's in, it's a possibility. I really just want to find a way for her to feel better. What suggestions do u have for me?

Tilly2018 I think I am scared of my husband
  • replies: 10

Hi i have been married for nearly seven years and am contemplating leaving my husband. I am afraid to speak with him about anything to do with our relationship because I fear his reaction. He has always had a bit of a short temper with everything and... View more

Hi i have been married for nearly seven years and am contemplating leaving my husband. I am afraid to speak with him about anything to do with our relationship because I fear his reaction. He has always had a bit of a short temper with everything and I’ve always just accepted that’s just how he is, but this of course makes me cautious of the way I approach him. The only time I find the strength to confront him is usually the day after he has come home from a night out and in his drunken state he has been verbally unkind to me and has on occasion made me afraid of what he might do next. He has never hit me (trust me I would be straight out the door if this ever happened), but I feel I have to just put up with his behaviour in order to avoid provoking him in case he did turn violent. so usually the next day I speak with him about it because I am usually so pissed off. Quite often he says he doesn’t remember saying those things and apologies and for the next week he is as nice as pie, telling me he loves me etc etc. i do feel trapped as he has a lot going on with his work and sleep apnea so I am trying to support him. But every now and then and when situations like the above occur I think what the hell am I doing. Surely this isn’t how a marriage is supposed to be. Am I over reacting or should I just get the courage to say enough is enough! I have considered moving out a number of times but then things have always got better for a while. what would you do?

ashleighnewton0000 Feeling abandoned by friend.
  • replies: 2

Last year I fell out with someone I considered my best friend and we haven't spoken in a very very long time. I have other friends, they've always been closer with me (as I met them in a different stage of my life) but they knew each other through me... View more

Last year I fell out with someone I considered my best friend and we haven't spoken in a very very long time. I have other friends, they've always been closer with me (as I met them in a different stage of my life) but they knew each other through me, only saw each other because of me and whenever there were catch ups I'd be there. Usually organised by me. Since I've fallen out with this 1st friend, she has been making over the top effort to organise catch ups with my friends and always excluding me. What I am most upset about is that I mentioned to friend #2 that I'm seeing a psychologist to deal with losing a friend (that suggests that I'm not coping with it very well doesn't it?) Anyway, a matter of a week later I see friend #2 posting on social media about their dinner that I was very obviously excluded from. I was absolutely shocked that she did that after me telling her whats going on for me. I'm not bothered about the dinner, or that they catch up. I have accepted it but I am still in utter shock that friend #2 totally disregarded my feelings for some likes. Am I wrong in being upset here? Have you had a similar situation? I'm feeling incredibly abandoned, isolated from my old lift and that friend #1 is going above and beyond to make my life hell.

Lisslooloo When is enough enough?
  • replies: 2

So long story short myself and my husband have been together for 9 years with numerous breaks /splits in that time yet we have always only lasted a week or two then we are back together. Everything goes great - then things start going downhill again.... View more

So long story short myself and my husband have been together for 9 years with numerous breaks /splits in that time yet we have always only lasted a week or two then we are back together. Everything goes great - then things start going downhill again. He loves the social scene pubs, clubs etc and doesn't find an issue with it being 3-4 nights a week so im left continually feeling like in not enough,why isn't he comfortable just being at home with me? And yet when we are out together we generally have a great time together. Both in early 40s. So Sunday two weeks ago we decided to end it... He said he loved me to much to keep hurting me, it was all amicable and we spoke about remaining friends always. Sunday just gone we hung out for the day he came back to my place and stayed the night we became intimate with each other, hugged all night and it was such a great feeling. We msg daily and have both said we don't want it to be over but need some space to sort things out. Arghhh it's such a bittersweet feeling and i don't know if i myself am going about it the right way... I've read so so many different posts about 'will it work out again' and others stating its best to cut all ties. I love him immensely, cannot imagine a life without him but just don't want to continually keep doing this vicious circle of breakup and makeup. Anyone in or had been in similar situations any advice would be greatly appreciated xx

Minnie_M How to be supportive when your being pushed away?
  • replies: 3

Hi, today my partner of 7 years has decided to end our relationship because he believes his depression has gotten worse and he believes that he can’t be in a relationship and try to get better at the same time. He mostly feels like he isn’t good enou... View more

Hi, today my partner of 7 years has decided to end our relationship because he believes his depression has gotten worse and he believes that he can’t be in a relationship and try to get better at the same time. He mostly feels like he isn’t good enough for me and he feels like he is constantly letting me down or disappointing me. Obviously this isn’t true and I do not feel that way at all. I guess the the reason I’m posting this is because I’m quite torn. I want to support him through this, I want him to know that I value and appreciate him and his the best thing that has ever happened to me... and I want him to believe it. Ive tried telling him, but words don’t seem to get through. Just wondering, for those of you that suffer from depression, what helped you the most? What were the things that your partners, family members or friends that made you feel supported? its really hard to be there for someone who keeps pushing you away.

EmP1 Unwanted drug use
  • replies: 3

I know that my partner has done drugs before and I don’t want to give her the ultimatum of it’s me or the drugs, but I can’t help feel worried that something bad is going to happen if she dose them, it’s mainly when we are out and with a certain frie... View more

I know that my partner has done drugs before and I don’t want to give her the ultimatum of it’s me or the drugs, but I can’t help feel worried that something bad is going to happen if she dose them, it’s mainly when we are out and with a certain friend, I feel left out because she’s hides the fact from me, or she’s not open about why she chooses do do drugs. Or when she wants to do them. she has asked me to hide the fact she dose do drugs occasionally from her family and says she doesn’t have a problem that she only dose it twice a year, but the fact is I’ve been out with her 4 time this year where she has done drugs, the problem is I’ve said I’m ok with it as long as she lets me know that she has done it, but now I feel I’ve lost her trust because I blew up about the fact I thought she was lying to me about using. And said I don’t like the fact she’s dose it. I don’t do drugs because I have done in the past and it scares me to remember how I was so dependent on them. I was an addicted and haven’t touched drugs in 3years. Yes it’s putting my judgment on her and my views on her choices, But I don’t like that she’s had been doing it more regularly since we have been together, I just want her to be happy to go out and not feel the need to take drugs, I think it’s mainly ecstasy and mdma Why is it so hard for me to have this feeling of not wanting her to do it knowing that she is probably going to keep doing it.