Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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rob727 Relationships, Anxiety and Depression
  • replies: 3

Hello Everyone, I am having a difficult time at the moment. I am having unrelenting anxiety surrounding my relationship of 2.5 years. He is such a wonderful man. One of the most understanding, supportive and gentle people I know. However, I can't sto... View more

Hello Everyone, I am having a difficult time at the moment. I am having unrelenting anxiety surrounding my relationship of 2.5 years. He is such a wonderful man. One of the most understanding, supportive and gentle people I know. However, I can't stop questioning whether we are in love anymore and whether or not I should end the relationship. The anxiety surrounding this thought process is debilitating. Some days I find it difficult to get out of bed, and end up sick and crying because it all feels so overwhelming. My life is in transition at the moment as I just finished my degree and my research thesis, leaving me a little lost for purpose. I had these feelings a little throughout the past two months of completing my thesis, but now that it is done it is like they are back ten fold. When I think about actually ending the relationship I am reduced to tears. The thought of not being able to see him anymore and not having him in my life devastates me and makes me feel even more depressed. However, our relationship feels stagnant. Our libido has dropped off, we are inundated with financial worries and we are about to move in with my parents to pay off debts and save up some money. When I think about all this, I feel trapped and not sure how I got here. Some days I feel resolute in my decision to break up with him. Then others I am overwhelmed with sadness at the thought of not being together. I dont know whether it is my intuition telling me I am not in love anymore or if my anxiety and depression are skewing my view of this relationship. Also the thought of causing him any pain makes me sick. Has anyone else been in the same situation?

Sadkitty Dealing with double betrayal husbands affair
  • replies: 4

I found out my husband was having an affair with a good friend who is also works with him almost a year ago. At the time I was already traumatised by being forced to reveal child sexual abuse I’d suffered at the hands of a family member. My husband a... View more

I found out my husband was having an affair with a good friend who is also works with him almost a year ago. At the time I was already traumatised by being forced to reveal child sexual abuse I’d suffered at the hands of a family member. My husband and I have been trying to repair our marriage and have had some counseling. Things where going well because I got to a state where I wanted to let go of the anger and anxiety because it was only hurting me more. He’s been very open answering my questions and we’ve been making good progress. However, the other woman is still working with him, and although he has placed clear boundaries she has other ideas. He and I have been going through an intense process of truthfulness and accountability. She has not. She ended her marriage when the affair was discovered. ( it went on for nearly 2 years under my nose) she keeps interfering, and making her presence felt. Last night while we were out at our local she felt it was ok to approach my husband for a chat. I think she has some crazy idea that this will blow over. I told her in no uncertain terms that she was to leave us alone and I wanted nothing to do with her. This was the first time I’d spoken to her. She said something to the affect that I should concern myself with the problems in my marriage. The whole thing has left me reeling. I feel like it’s set me back. She’s moved in virtually around the corner from us and turns up everywhere. My husband says we have to let that go because we have no control over where she lives, what she says or does. It’s doing my head in. I want to put this baggage down, I was doing so well. I don’t want to slip back into despair or take marriage advise from this harpy.

Likeadream My partner is an ice user
  • replies: 2

I met my partner 4 years ago...I was in a relationship with my sons (8yearsold) dad..there was no love in that relationship and when my son was 6 I split up with his dad...I had fallen for a guy at work! He was mesmerizing!!! He wa something differen... View more

I met my partner 4 years ago...I was in a relationship with my sons (8yearsold) dad..there was no love in that relationship and when my son was 6 I split up with his dad...I had fallen for a guy at work! He was mesmerizing!!! He wa something different to what I was used too...he was like me...loud/funny/bubbly/happy... we moved in together pretty quick...I had one done (8years) and he has 2 daughters (8 & 4) to 2 different mums.. i took on the step mum role to his beautiful daughters instantly...I instantly love these girls as if they were my own!!! a few months after he moved in, he care home..dilated pupils and not wanting dinner...now being 29..I’ve experimented...I’m not dumb..he denied that he was on anything...he later told me he was...(ummm no derrr) I told to him how I had only experimented a few times with crack and wasn’t interested and didn’t want to be with anyone that was smoking crack... I have done it with him 3 times and every single time I was intoxicated when he offered...of course I accepted...being kid free and feeling pretty free I said yes! STUPID MISTAKE! Lately he has been hitting the pipe pretty hard...he thinks I don’t know...but I’m seriously not that daft!!!! he has become really distant...I’m always the one trying to fix things...he knows how much it hurts me and every time he does it I cry and “carry on” he doesnt realize that him and our 3 children are everything I have (father and brothers live interstate and my mum passed away 5 years ago) when he is not on crack...he is the most amazing person I have ever met...I’m so physically and mentally attracted to this man...he makes me laugh every second I am with him...I just feel like he is pushing me away and I have no say In anything that goes on...

Jason_T How to communicate better with my wife and children
  • replies: 6

Hi. I am Jason Iv had depression for a number of years . l am married for 20 years and have children . Over a number of years my depression has got worse hence I am going to a counselor to help me out. My family life has taken a tumble for the worst ... View more

Hi. I am Jason Iv had depression for a number of years . l am married for 20 years and have children . Over a number of years my depression has got worse hence I am going to a counselor to help me out. My family life has taken a tumble for the worst where we currently separated to make life easier for all. My biggest problem at the moment is my communication skills with my wife and children is not very good. I find it hard to express my self to them in how I am feeling . If someonecould offer some advice that would be appreciated. I feel some days I am stupid that I can't even talk about how I feel.

Kazzylou Hello new here! Trust! Loving my cheating partner
  • replies: 7

Around two years ago I found out my partner was having an affair with my best friend! Not his first affair! But long story short I love the man and he is good to me we have a great life and says he’s not going to do it again. But it dosnt matter how ... View more

Around two years ago I found out my partner was having an affair with my best friend! Not his first affair! But long story short I love the man and he is good to me we have a great life and says he’s not going to do it again. But it dosnt matter how much I try I can’t get thoughts of them both together out of my head! I feel I’m going mad! With angry outbursts and accusations I’m scared I’ll lose everything. I don’t really want to go on meds but I don’t seem to be getting any better. I constantly work on self love but I can’t help the self hate instead! I can’t talk to him ! He just thinks I should be over it. Kaz

Kate1984 Working mum guilt
  • replies: 1

Anyone ever feel so guilty leaving their kids at Daycare that they cry? I do, especially when they scream for me to stay. I do love my job but I love my kids more.

Anyone ever feel so guilty leaving their kids at Daycare that they cry? I do, especially when they scream for me to stay. I do love my job but I love my kids more.

TSVNT01 Marriage Seperation, am I holding on for no reason?
  • replies: 5

Hi, recently my wife of 9years has told me she didn’t want to be with me anymore. To give some context, jealousy has become an issue for me over the past 4/5 months which has caused me to get depressed and angry. We have argued and finally after one ... View more

Hi, recently my wife of 9years has told me she didn’t want to be with me anymore. To give some context, jealousy has become an issue for me over the past 4/5 months which has caused me to get depressed and angry. We have argued and finally after one of her coworkers told me she was thinking about leaving, mentally I collapsed and became a person I have never been (paranoid and anxious). Finally after a horrible Christmas pretending everything was ok an argument brought our relationship to a head. She has told me that she doesn’t want to work it out as I won’t change, we have two kids and I’ll do anything to make sure they have a great life with a loving family. I feel like I am getting mixed signals from her, she is hot and cold, still wears her rings and calls me for little things.... am I clinging onto these things as hope or should I just forget it and move on? I have asked to take her for dinner or lunch to discuss things but keep getting told she isn’t ready? I’m trying to be patient but the clock is ticking I feel and I’m fighting the male urge not to demand an outcome... help, any advice from people who have been through this? Ask questions and I will answer truth fully as I would love to reconcile!

scruffa Feeling of failure
  • replies: 1

Hi, Firstly a bit about me. I suffer from depression and have done since 2000. I am currently married (6years) and have 2 children. Recently we have moved states and I have started a new job. This was extremely difficult for me as I did enjoy what I ... View more

Hi, Firstly a bit about me. I suffer from depression and have done since 2000. I am currently married (6years) and have 2 children. Recently we have moved states and I have started a new job. This was extremely difficult for me as I did enjoy what I was doing and where I was living. However the opportunity came up to move back closer to family (mostly for our kids sake) and we took it. I'm still not sure it was the right move. Anyway on with my story. I feel like my family relationship is really struggling and has been for about 1 year. I feel like I am failing as a father because all I seem to do is get angry and cranky at my kids and just feel like it's too much and I'm over it all. I think this is also reflecting in my kids, particularly in my daughter as she is reacting angrily to situations a lot and on the other side of the coin acting as though she is scared of me. This breaks my heart because I love them both so much and all I can think about is it's all my fault and am I scarring these kids for life. My relationship with my wife is also stretched as we don't seem to have anything to talk about anymore. Most nights when I get home the conversation is minimal and in all honesty I don't have the drive to encourage it. Over the last couple of months we haven't even kissed each other goodnight regularly. I feel like it's all starting to fall apart and is just a matter of time before it does. I have little interest in anything or anyone and feel like I am to blame for all our issues. I seem to be tired, anxious and angry all the time and it really sucks. In just can't pull myself up out of this rut.

Rjade Overbearing housemates
  • replies: 4

Hi there, My fiance and I just moved in with two friends and we’ve quickly discovered that they are the two most inconsiderate, selfish people we’ve come across. They’re messy, they’re loud, they use our things without asking and they take up so much... View more

Hi there, My fiance and I just moved in with two friends and we’ve quickly discovered that they are the two most inconsiderate, selfish people we’ve come across. They’re messy, they’re loud, they use our things without asking and they take up so much damn space it’s like we’re guests in our own house. They also have a habit of copying things that we’re doing. They literally do everything that we do, including vacationing where my fiance and I got engaged, despite showing no interest until this happened, and copying our date nights and even things that we’ve bought. We both want to bring up the issues we have with them but we don’t want to create any tension. I’ll be the first to admit that I am quick-tempered, so I don’t want to go into any conversations with them blind as to how to approach it maturely. Does anyone have any ideas as to why they’re acting this way and what we can do about it, or has anyone experienced similar? We feel so alone and we don’t want our home or lives to be miserable. Thanks in advance...

Guest_598 Feelings developing for married man
  • replies: 19

Hi All, I would love your advice and please do not judge me too harshly. I have recently separated from my husband of several years. I am in my late thirties and I am really enjoying my new life. I love my freedom and the fact that the pain has subsi... View more

Hi All, I would love your advice and please do not judge me too harshly. I have recently separated from my husband of several years. I am in my late thirties and I am really enjoying my new life. I love my freedom and the fact that the pain has subsided. I am making the best of my new situation with friends, hobbies and focusing on my work which I really love. I have a very nice manager who, in the past couple of months, I have really become quite friendly with. Nothing untoward, we only joke and laugh a lot and I feel valued based on the work I do with and for him. He is married, I believe fairly happily, and he is very professional, i.e. not inappropriate. Over the past few weeks and months, he has really noticed my new me and we have had quite honest, down to earth chats about life. Especially following what I have gone through. He has been a great support and most of all, the fun at work has been a real motivator. We have now started to share more personal details. Nothing sexual but just personal thoughts, dreams, wishes and considerations. I greatly enjoy that because we seem to have an amazing connection with a lot of, nearly eerie, similarities. I really like him and I feel a warm connection towards him. Nothing has happened between us and I think he would be fairly reluctant to do anything that is considered of "bad character" and so would I. We both have very strong morals, however, we cannot deny that there is a special connection between the two of us which links us more closely regularly. Today we went for a drink after work because I had a bad experience with a co-worker. We had a really nice time although I believe he was sometimes a bit concerned about keeping the necessary distance. I guess, the reason why I write this is because I would like some advice. I very much enjoy that special connection with him and I believe so does he, but I am worried about where this may lead. And I don't want to make a fool of myself either. I am not a homewrecker or flirt, but I hardly ever got along so well with someone. I find myself a little confused. I am not interested in a relationship at the moment, but I do very much enjoy the "thing" that seems to develop between us and I cannot even define what it is. He makes me smile. Maybe he is really just a nice guy and I'm completely misinterpreting. But he told me I am attractive and sophisticated and that I am a lovely lady. What should I do? I am keen to continue but don't want to do the wrong thing.