FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Announcement Icon
You can win one of three $200 gift cards. Complete our survey by 5pm, 30 June 2024 AEST to enter the draw. Your response will be anonymous so you can't be identified.

Can you ever trust again?

P_pod
Community Member
I’ve been with my partner for 29 years. I’ve recently found out he was unfaithful numerous times earlier in our marriage. He travelled a lot for work. One of which may have resulted in a child - no paternity test yet. He is now saying that he would never do it again. We are starting counseling soon. He says he wants us to work. He loves me and is sorry. Is it possible to get through this? We have been happy for many years. It is such a shock and I’m still in disbelief, heart broken etc. we have kids who just can’t work out what is happening.
3 Replies 3

Guest_1584
Community Member

But your kids shouldn't even be around what's happening . l know how hard it is to sort you stuff out privately but l really hope you can keep them out of things.

On the h sitch it does all sound like it was a long time ago , l think that's a very big part in this because it may have been a long log time too then that he has felt differently now and wouldn't do it in recent times. So you've both come a long way since way back when to and then the family and stuff too and l really hope you guys can work it out from here.

Good luck with things.

KLB
Community Member
Im sorry to hear you are going through this. Trust is a big thing to get back once it's gone. Did he tell you about the affairs or did you find out on your own?

I think counseling is a good idea. Separately and as a couple. It makes it harder when there is kids involved.

How will you feel if the child is his and he wants to be apart of the child's life?

You will get through this either with your partner or without. It does take time and it's a bloody hard road.

How old are your children? Maybe explain to them in an age appropriate way what is going on.

Remember it's ok to lean on friends and family at times like this.


geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi P pod, welcome and thanks for coming to the site.

I'd like to thank randomx and KLB for their good comments.

I'm sorry about what has happened, especially without you even knowing and what you know about might only be half the story, I hope not, because trust in a marriage is paramount, that's what is expected.

Of course, we can talk to either party, but to go that extra step is not warranted.

I know that this might make you doubt the whole basis of your relationship and there are questions that need to be answered and whether you can sustain these issues is something we hope you can eventuate.

If a child has resulted because of this, then there are decisions that need to be made and I hope that marriage counselling will help decide this.

My only worry is that he says 'he would never do it again', but how are you going to feel when he goes away.

My very Best.

Geoff.