Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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EmP1 Unwanted drug use
  • replies: 3

I know that my partner has done drugs before and I don’t want to give her the ultimatum of it’s me or the drugs, but I can’t help feel worried that something bad is going to happen if she dose them, it’s mainly when we are out and with a certain frie... View more

I know that my partner has done drugs before and I don’t want to give her the ultimatum of it’s me or the drugs, but I can’t help feel worried that something bad is going to happen if she dose them, it’s mainly when we are out and with a certain friend, I feel left out because she’s hides the fact from me, or she’s not open about why she chooses do do drugs. Or when she wants to do them. she has asked me to hide the fact she dose do drugs occasionally from her family and says she doesn’t have a problem that she only dose it twice a year, but the fact is I’ve been out with her 4 time this year where she has done drugs, the problem is I’ve said I’m ok with it as long as she lets me know that she has done it, but now I feel I’ve lost her trust because I blew up about the fact I thought she was lying to me about using. And said I don’t like the fact she’s dose it. I don’t do drugs because I have done in the past and it scares me to remember how I was so dependent on them. I was an addicted and haven’t touched drugs in 3years. Yes it’s putting my judgment on her and my views on her choices, But I don’t like that she’s had been doing it more regularly since we have been together, I just want her to be happy to go out and not feel the need to take drugs, I think it’s mainly ecstasy and mdma Why is it so hard for me to have this feeling of not wanting her to do it knowing that she is probably going to keep doing it.

Jessbot Centrelink
  • replies: 2

Hello I will soon be separated from my husband and was wondering how much money I can earn without it affecting Centrelink benefits? Thank you

Hello I will soon be separated from my husband and was wondering how much money I can earn without it affecting Centrelink benefits? Thank you

Pinappled HELP - What are my options - I'm at the end of my tether
  • replies: 4

Hey all - thanks in advance, for listening!! I have a Child Support Situation - that I am seeking advice, opinion and or direction with... I have been an active and present father to my son who resides in another state to that which I am in. I have p... View more

Hey all - thanks in advance, for listening!! I have a Child Support Situation - that I am seeking advice, opinion and or direction with... I have been an active and present father to my son who resides in another state to that which I am in. I have paid maintenance religiously and paid for items in addition that my son (over the years) has asked for. My son and I have been close but in the past say, 18months and with him coming into being the age of 17 and taking on afterschool work etc, contact via him has been limited - albeit contact when he has wanted something (which is ok). He is busy with work, girlfriends and generally - growing up - which I understand. Issue is that, some 9 weeks ago I attended my sisters wedding in the same home town my son lives in and I caught up with my son at the wedding and before and after - herein I found out he was working full time, earning clear $1000 per week and living at his mums with his girlfriend in a adult relationship type arrangement. I KNEW NOTHING of this.. When I got back home Child support said it was up to me to provide documented evidence and lodge an application for reassessment special circumstances, which I did. I obtained confirmation from my sons employer, copies of his wage slips and confirmation from his previous school that he had left school more than a year ago. I obtained information that he had been working cash jobs etc.. I provided this to CSA and advised that I was not going to pay anymore child support until their investigation was done, as my son turns 18 in 10 weeks and I am fearful that his mother, who has been unemployed all her life - will not pay me back once it is proved she is not entitled, and given she is on centrelink payments for also, another child (not mine) she wont be made to pay me back in one lump sum etc. This week CSA advise they are going to take $679.00 per week to cover arrears and current UNTIL they have finished their investigation and they are taking from my employer DESPITE me having provided them confirmation that he is working full time and earning a wage, well above the norm for an adult etc... I am at the point where I want to quit my job because I know they wont fight for me and get money back to me that she isnt entitled to, once their investigation is through... They are not seeing reason?? Is my partner able to talk to CSA on my behalf if I give permission as I am too close emotionally and I need to get some sense to all this? Thanks so much

matb82 coping with a break up and cut off
  • replies: 1

Where to start.... I've been in an on again off again relationship with a girl for the last year and a half. We have broken up gotten back together three times over that period. She suffers from severe anxiety that has been the cause of the break ups... View more

Where to start.... I've been in an on again off again relationship with a girl for the last year and a half. We have broken up gotten back together three times over that period. She suffers from severe anxiety that has been the cause of the break ups as she felt trapped or worried something would go wrong. A few months would go by and we would reconcile and get back together. Each time i would take her back without hesitation as i really do love her, we get along so well, and so do our children. She is everything i want in a partner. Funny, intelligent, caring and a great mother who has the same values as me regarding bringing up children. The anxiety thing doesn't worry me at all. If fact i want to be someone can help her get through the bad days and support her however I can. The last time we were together is was just amazing. We were, so i thought, so in love with each other. She told me she was completely in love with me and we would without a doubt be together forever. We were planning to move in together and had even discussed having more kids. Then it all fell apart. She broke up with me again saying that I didn't trust her and that the thought of me made her fearful of having a future together and that it wouldn't work. I have already been through a marriage break up where my wife had an affair so i do maybe have some trust issues but with her i was 110% sure this girl was the one. i stupidly thought i could stay friends with her and after her anxiety settled down we could try again. We had been talking again and getting along so well but recently she completely cut me off . Won't return my messages and blocked me on all social media. It has completely destroyed me. I love this girl so much and i refuse to give up on us even though i'm sure it's over for good now. I try telling it's for the best as obviously it just doesn't work between us. I'm seeing a psychologist to help me with coping mechanisms and trying to lean on family for support but nothing seems to work. I'm completely heart broken. I can't think and right now nothing makes me feel any sort of happiness. even my beautiful little girl. I'd do anything to get her back even after her breaking up with me 3 times in just over a year and half. I feel like i'll never find the intense happiness and love i felt with her in anyone else and i'll end up alone forever. Obviously she doesn't love me the way i do her but i'd take her back in a heartbeat if she asked. It makes no sence

ALil Am I feeling Post-Traumatic Anxiety?????
  • replies: 2

After having a relationship for over 4 years, it was very traumatic. I went from feeling a happy all the time person to someone who is so negative about everything. Being unable to connect with family and friends, constantly overthinking my past and ... View more

After having a relationship for over 4 years, it was very traumatic. I went from feeling a happy all the time person to someone who is so negative about everything. Being unable to connect with family and friends, constantly overthinking my past and being upset all the time. Stressing over a lot of things. Feeling isolated sometimes from friend discussions. Feel as though I can’t connet with anyone. I could sit on my own and instantly feel sad. I let things get to me a lot. I have done a lot of research on here, I haven’t seen a doctor yet but I’m needing some advice first.

Sue51 Feeling a bit lost in life
  • replies: 5

Hi out there, I have a good life but over the last few years, my life has changed a lot. My father passed away a few years ago which changed the dynamics a lot in my family, then a close younger family member passed away and that was so sad and unrea... View more

Hi out there, I have a good life but over the last few years, my life has changed a lot. My father passed away a few years ago which changed the dynamics a lot in my family, then a close younger family member passed away and that was so sad and unreal. I help my elderly mother a lot, who although is quite independent, it takes its toll some days. I have also changed my work situation where I used to work every day in a fairly stressful office environment to now changing my career potentially in another direction. I am married to a supportive person, although I do a lot for them, I have no issues with money, I have a good family and friends but I am feeling lost most days of my life. It feels there has been too many changes that I don't like and I am not coping at times. I went on anti-depressants which did not agree with me and I am now off them and wont be taking medication again. I guess I'm just wondering if there is anyone else out there who may be feeling like I do. I am just over the age of 50 and so it could be to do with life changes with your body, but just find it hard sometimes to feel motivated and cry a lot. Any ideas or just a reply back would be great just to see if there are others out there who are feeling like me, I am grateful for what I have in my life, a lot more than others so I am very fortunate, but just feel flat a lot of the time. I do a lot of volunteering and as much as I enjoy it, sometimes it takes its toll as I am helping others, and I think sometimes I need to help myself more. I am always wanting to help and that is where my passion is, but then I can get drained too. I also get very affected by news stories and I find it can affect me deeply for days, whereas I think some people just get on with it more and life goes on a lot easier for them. Thanking anyone in advance who replies to me!

Helpless126 Helpless and Hopeless
  • replies: 2

So my mum has had depression and anxiety since she was a teenager and so have I. I’ve had quite a rough months and so I’m struggling myself. The thing is - my mum had a mental breakdown a few weeks ago after a workplace incident. She’s now experienci... View more

So my mum has had depression and anxiety since she was a teenager and so have I. I’ve had quite a rough months and so I’m struggling myself. The thing is - my mum had a mental breakdown a few weeks ago after a workplace incident. She’s now experiencing extreme highs and lows regularly and she just takes off on drives everyday. She doesn’t tell anyone where shes going. And I’m seriously starting to think she just might not come back. I’m really worried. I’ve started looking into involuntary admission for mental health facilities but I’m sure if we’re at that stage yet or even how to go about it. please help.

MallowPuff Separating from 'the other woman'.
  • replies: 30

Hi All,need some guidance in helping get my life back on track. I've been through some tough times, recently diagnosed as recurrent MDD, but also concerns on Bipolar, but between my psychologist and psychiatrist(s) it's undecided.During a stage, I en... View more

Hi All,need some guidance in helping get my life back on track. I've been through some tough times, recently diagnosed as recurrent MDD, but also concerns on Bipolar, but between my psychologist and psychiatrist(s) it's undecided.During a stage, I ended up having intimate relations with a close friend who was supporting me, which developed into an emotional dependency/attachment. Alas, it wasn't just mine as she also became more engaged with me, although she was 'just up for fun, no regrets, no emotions'. We care alot about each other... but as I've not settled on a good dose of medication, as well as some counselling, the damage to my family is something I need to focus on and fix. As well as the many other issues going on So I've asked my friend for space, told her that we crossed a line that has made our relationship more than friends, and that I need to take a break (which I expect will be a very very long one, or for ever) that has meant her support for me is now compromised. The issue now, is that she first got angry, then started pleading with me to not leave her, and now has made comments around life not being worth living without me.... I have had suicidal thoughts myself, and this is a big shock. I care for her, and although she's now part of the problem, she's been my saviour in a few bad times.But the guilt I have, the wonderful family and wife I have, are things that I now know I've been neglecting, and need to get back to. Although I love my friend dearly, repairing the relationship with my wonderful wife and kids is where I need to be...How to support my friend is where I need help, it just adds to the hurt to know I'm ruining others around me that I care about..... Looking for 'safe' ideas of how to support my friend... No-one other than her and I know about our 'affair'.... She is also married, with a good husband, and two gorgeous kids....I've made a mess.... need help....

Gambit Should I be grieving for family I’ve never really know?
  • replies: 11

To preface, I’ve never been close to my dad’s side of our family. My father tried to keep in loose contact with a few uncles up until I was about 14/15 (I’m 20) and then communication just stopped. Outside of them and the rare visit from his father, ... View more

To preface, I’ve never been close to my dad’s side of our family. My father tried to keep in loose contact with a few uncles up until I was about 14/15 (I’m 20) and then communication just stopped. Outside of them and the rare visit from his father, I’ve never really met anyone on his side; at least not since I was a toddler. No cards, no calls, nada. My father’s uncle is on his death bed, and my dad expressed that he’d like me to see him before he dies. Apparently I’ve met with him a few times (I was young, and so I don’t recall this) and every time he stayed in his shed and had no interested in meeting me or my brother. I feel like it makes me a bad person, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to react in this sort of situation. This is a man who’s face and name I don’t even know. To put it insensitively, it doesn’t feel like I’m not losing anything; it’s almost like hearing about a stranger’s passing. I feel like I should be sad, after all, this is family I’m losing. Does feeling this way make me a bad person? What am I supposed to do when I inevitably see him?

Lanson Wife had an affair but I still love her
  • replies: 13

Hey guys, Just wanted to see if anyone has experienced infidelity during their marriage and decide to stay with their wife. I caught my wife cheating six weeks ago and I still love her but I'm struggling to move forward as I still have images in my h... View more

Hey guys, Just wanted to see if anyone has experienced infidelity during their marriage and decide to stay with their wife. I caught my wife cheating six weeks ago and I still love her but I'm struggling to move forward as I still have images in my head of her and her lover. She developed an emotional and physical connection with him and it destroys me just thinking about it. She admitted that she loved him and that he was her best friend. But she also questioned herself if she knows the meaning of love. We've been married for nine years and have two kids. She has ended her affair and has committed to work on our marriage. She says she loves me more than ever and is being very affectionate and loving towards me. One day I feel ok, the next I feel depressed. I'm seeing counseling and it's helping a bit but I feel like I need to talk to someone who's experienced this to help me get through it. How do I stop these toxic images and thoughts and get back to normality? Or am I being dishonest to myself and making myself suffer depression? Any help is much appreciated.