Long distance relationship lonliness
My hubby, best friend and soul mate had to move for his job and I was unable to go due to the care of my 2 children and their father refusing to allow me to take them. My hubby and I have been together for so long, not all smooth sailing but we got there and now he has gone, although we are still together it feels like I am alone, we are unable to speak every day, I can't reach out and get a hug if I need it and I feel so lonely and isolated and have no friends or family close by, I live in a country town that's isolated and just don't know what to do.
Dear Hope 19~
It's horrible when that happens, both of you apart, and sadly dictated by the job. It does feel terribly lonely, and not having just the presence of you love around empties the home. I'm sure your children feel the same.
I'd imagine you have already looked at all the obviose things to try, such as phone/Skype, going to him on children -free days if you have them and so on.
So what's left? I guess partly other communication, if you both try you may leave letters for each other, one entitled 'open when oyu need a hug' is always good.
They do not have to be terribly long or literary, just a reminder. Also one at the end of the day saying what you did, send it the next day. Will cost in stamps, you could use email, but paper is in someways special -you can hold it.
If both of you do this you will be a little closer, a habit to adopt.
Country towns have their own life, I live in one. Show committees, cubs, PTA, meals on wheels, book clubs, service clubs and so on. The postmaster or postmistress can be a good source of ideas, as can the community officer in the local council.
If something can fill your days and nights it can help -for the kids too.
Do you have any ideas?
Croix has made some great suggestions. Here is one more based on when I had to live without the man I loved for about 7 months:
- Do you both have access to email so you can write to him each day and he can write back? This will help keep your love alive
- If you don't, but he does, see if you sign up for a gmail account.
Best of luck
Thank you for all the great suggestions, it is going to be a long road ahead and the last little while hasn't been easy, we talk and message each other daily and I am trying to keep myself occupied with other things to take my mind off him being away, the not knowing when we will see each other is weighing very heavily on my mind as I worry about infidelity, after all humans crave a physical relationship with another. I guess we can only give it our best shot and see how we go.
Yes I guess it is only natural to worry about infidelity, not for any rational reason, just it's part of human nature to worry. Has you husband ever given any indication he's been unfaithful in the past?
Mind you it can work the other way too, with an isolated partner worrying about what is happening on the home front.
Have you discussed this with him? It might help set both your minds at rest.
Can you plan for a get-together, even if only a temporary one? It would give something to look forward too.
He has been dishonest about his ex in the past but has worked hard to show me things are different although he does lie when there is no reason to, I've never actually understood why men lie about things.
I have discussed all this with him and he is great at reassuring me that things are going to be ok, that he lives me and we will be fine but we have come from a rocky past and just as it started to seem we were getting there he moved.
Were not sure when he will be home, this will be dictated by his roster and being able to afford the excessive airfares. You are right though, I really do need something to look forward to. I hate how I am feeling at the moment.
I think you would be closer to understanding why he lies than anyone. A pity it happens as it -obviously- erodes trust and your feelings of security. Is he frightened in some way? What do you feel it is?
If your husband is too far away and it is too expensive would a visit to your family be any easier?