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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Ash19 Boyfriend messaging his ex
  • replies: 3

Needing some advice. I've been with my partner for six months. Throughout that time he's sent messages to his ex of ten years through email or text without telling me about it. I've ending up finding out most times accidently or on the odd occasion t... View more

Needing some advice. I've been with my partner for six months. Throughout that time he's sent messages to his ex of ten years through email or text without telling me about it. I've ending up finding out most times accidently or on the odd occasion that he's told me days later. I understand that some people do talk with their exes so all I asked of him after the first time it happened was that if he felt the need to message her could he tell me that he's talking to her. Basically it's happened numerous times since then - probably six or so occasions that I know of and he only admitted to me once out of those six that he had messaged her, the rest I came across by chance. You may think I'm being silly or controlling. But I am just worried because he is being secretive about it and that they were together so long. He's said that he doesn't want to be with her but it's just so confusing. We've spoken about it many times and I've asked him why does he keep it secret when I've said I'm fine with them talking as long as I know but it just keeps going in circles. I ask him to let me know, he says he won't message her, he messages her, I find out afterwards, I ask that he let me know and repeat. It's just upsetting. I've spoken to my older sisters for advice because I thought I was crazy for what I was expecting of him but they have agreed and said they wouldn't like it either. I don't want to keep talking about it anymore with him at this point because it doesn't change anything and just causes a fight. Any advice?

Glass567 Overweight Partner
  • replies: 2

As the title suggests my partner is very overweight and dealing with serious depression. I’m struggling to stay with him because most days he won’t leave the house or even move from his chair in the lounge room. I want to be able to experience life a... View more

As the title suggests my partner is very overweight and dealing with serious depression. I’m struggling to stay with him because most days he won’t leave the house or even move from his chair in the lounge room. I want to be able to experience life and not just be at home all the time and the only person I want that with is him. We’ve been together for over 10 years and his weight is just getting worse and I don’t know what to do. His family and I have tried to encourage him to go to the gym but he can’t stand sweating from exercise and because he won’t exercise he has trouble being on his feet for more than a few minutes. I feel so guilty talking about it but I have no one I can talk to about it without feeling worse. I’m very new to this so thank you for listening if you got this far

mike1983 Sexual Problems In Marriage
  • replies: 4

My wife and i have been together 13 years married 7 with a 5yo and 3yo child Before meeting me my wife claims that she was quite ( shall we say ) free flying with men, which leads me to think she at some point had a high or moderately high sex drive ... View more

My wife and i have been together 13 years married 7 with a 5yo and 3yo child Before meeting me my wife claims that she was quite ( shall we say ) free flying with men, which leads me to think she at some point had a high or moderately high sex drive Since i have been with her, and since day one really she has been quite sexually awkward and being a gentleman i dont want to force a woman into something she does not want to do. The awkwardness from the beginning was her just not having the drive and rejecting me often to the point where i would stop making advances in fear of rejection. so sexually all through our relationship for me it has been rather problematic and when i try to cautiously raise the topic the conversation doesn't go very far. So rolling on the situation over time has been that the sex has been very much "same old" which i can handle, BUT it is getting to a point where the regularity has dwindled away and as of recent has gotten pretty bad, in order to instigate anything i tend to make hints for a couple of days and then she will reciprocate, almost as if she has had to have some days to mentally prepare ! I started a conversation with her about a week ago about her attraction to me etc and she said she was and that she had issues with her own body, mine to a point, work and that she enjoys sex when she is doing it, but its hard to get her to that point. my problem right now is i am beginning to resent her for it i think, and an even bigger issue, is because she pretty much refuses to put effort in. Right now i am finding i cant as i feel its either forced or not wanted, at this moment in time i am making no suggestions, no moves and am going cold turkey ( not without getting very annoyed ). i know she is not cheating, but it has gotten me down pretty bad questioning the longevity of my marriage as i do not feel she is into me. i know i am not the only guy here but i need a miracle pill for her but i dont want to have that awkward guy chat

Needadvice1122 Wife is leaving me...
  • replies: 1

12 days ago my wife told me she wasn't happy and wanted out. She told me she has been unhappy for 6 months but was in denial that the issue was me. We have two kids under 5 and both work stressful jobs. We were going to build a house this year and sh... View more

12 days ago my wife told me she wasn't happy and wanted out. She told me she has been unhappy for 6 months but was in denial that the issue was me. We have two kids under 5 and both work stressful jobs. We were going to build a house this year and she is studying. She then went to stay at her sisters and left me with the kids for the majority of the last 2 weeks. She has suffered from depression and anxiety but hasn't been medicated for a long time. I suggested counceling, a holiday with just the two of us to reconnect, I even offered to quit my job if we could just try and work things out. She is adament she doesn't want to try. Could this possibly be an episode of depression thay she might change her mind about or am I just holding out for hope that isn't there?

Lou88 Jealous of my brother - my family doesn’t understand.
  • replies: 1

My brother is having his 21st in a few months. He is a few years younger than me. Organising his 21st was much easier than mine & my parents seem to be looking forward to it much more, they’re less stressed etc. My brother has always been socially be... View more

My brother is having his 21st in a few months. He is a few years younger than me. Organising his 21st was much easier than mine & my parents seem to be looking forward to it much more, they’re less stressed etc. My brother has always been socially better than me - popular at school, lots of friends, charming to adults etc. I messaged my parents (I live overseas from them) and told them I was feeling upset & a bit jealous of my brother regarding his 21st, and thought it was going to be better than mine. Dad immediately got angry at me over the phone. So I tried explaining to mum & dad why I felt that way - ^ reasons above. Through my counselling (I have anxiety and depression), I’ve learnt to communicate my feelings with people early rather than bottle them up & lash out at people. However mum told me that I can’t help what I feel but it doesn’t mean the feelings are right, and I have really upset the whole family. I got upset & told them I wouldn’t be going to the 21st, and told mum to cancel a holiday we have booked together in a few months because I didn’t want to spend time with her. And told my parents I didn’t want to speak to them anymore. I haven’t been able to get out of bed since & feel so depressed. I don’t have many friends either. I don’t see any point in being here anymore. Please help.

KLB How do I tell him its over
  • replies: 14

I separated from my partner of 21 years almost 2 years ago. We have lived separately for 10 months. He has PTSD ( currently untreated). Long story short he wanted space, cheated and lied. He eventually stopped seeing the other woman. I told him he ne... View more

I separated from my partner of 21 years almost 2 years ago. We have lived separately for 10 months. He has PTSD ( currently untreated). Long story short he wanted space, cheated and lied. He eventually stopped seeing the other woman. I told him he needed to sort himself out before we can even think about fixing us. I thought moving out would give him reason to do that. It hasn't. I tried to get him to talk about everything for a while. Now all of a sudden he wants us to start talking about things because its painful for him not knowing what we are doing and we need to either sort it out or move on. His words. I'm worried about his mental state and how he is going to take it when I say we cant be together. He doesnt have any support close by except me and the kids (21, 18, 14). How do I tell him it's over and still be there for him?

Peanuthead Relationship failing from depression
  • replies: 2

I'm not sure what to do in my relationship I feel like it's impossible to keep it healthy. My partner is very helpful with my anxiety and depression, he's very reassuring and patient with me but it's come to the point where I believe there is constan... View more

I'm not sure what to do in my relationship I feel like it's impossible to keep it healthy. My partner is very helpful with my anxiety and depression, he's very reassuring and patient with me but it's come to the point where I believe there is constant sadness all the time and I feel guilty for making him have to put up with me. When i'm happy we are perfect but when I'm not, we aren't at all, and I'm the only one who creates conflict in our relationship from these spouts of anxiety and panic attacks. When I asked him why he didn't ever get mad or annoyed at me he responded by telling me he wasn't an angry person, which is so hard for me because I feel awful every time I randomly go through these moods and am currently ridden with guilt and ashamed of the way I acted recently towards him with jealousy when he did nothing wrong and made a fool of myself in front of all my friends. I am very insecure about our relationship from past incidences with other partners and family and he knows this, but for me it comes easy to blame my actions on my mental health and trauma. I don't know how to face him, I feel so full of guilt it's making me sick. I never want to lose him but I feel like I can't get out of this cycle, I have no idea what to do. help

Anon85 Pregnant and struggling
  • replies: 4

Somebody please tell me I'm not crazy! I'm 7 weeks pregnant, it was planned, my husband and I have been together for 10ish years and he is excited. I'm trying to be...but I'm not. When we first got together I was certain I wanted to have kids some da... View more

Somebody please tell me I'm not crazy! I'm 7 weeks pregnant, it was planned, my husband and I have been together for 10ish years and he is excited. I'm trying to be...but I'm not. When we first got together I was certain I wanted to have kids some day and that day has come. I struggled in the last few years about whether or not I wanted kids, I just can't think of any good reasons why I would. It looks like hard work, expensive, stressful, and my own childhood was pretty ordinary at times due to an overbearing and unstable mother. We decided to start trying and I was so excited, then I got pregnant straight away. I was excited when I didn't think about it too much, like the day to day stuff. Now at 7 weeks I dont remember the last time I didn't feel 8/10 nautious, nothing interests me and every time I see a baby on tv or out and about I feel sick and I just cringe. I don't know if I want this. I kind of mentioned to my husband how I was feeling but he got so upset and started talking about abortions and how he will have to leave and find someone who does want kids. He didn't mean it in a nasty way, he was just being practical. On top of this, he has not worked for a year (for medical reasons, still has money coming in), is depressed and going through a lot and has just been diagnosed with diabetes which is really messing him up. He is driving me crazy, I love him, I know logically I do. But I can't stand him right now! I feel like I have no control over my body, my boobs aren't even fun any more, they're practical and sore. I was finally at my goal weight and enjoying the gym. Now I can't bare to even get off the couch. Is this all just hormones? Am I going to want this baby eventually? I feel like I'm ruining my life! Everything is going to change so much and I can't see any positives right now! Suggestions? Thoughts? Help me!

Flangalicious Looking for private health care with good mental health cover
  • replies: 1

Hi All, Newbie here. Please be gentle! My husband is in a really bad spot. He's recently admitted to himself that he has PTSD (from being in the army) and has been issued a mental health plan from his GP. I also feel as though he has bi polar but tha... View more

Hi All, Newbie here. Please be gentle! My husband is in a really bad spot. He's recently admitted to himself that he has PTSD (from being in the army) and has been issued a mental health plan from his GP. I also feel as though he has bi polar but that's for a professional to come to the conclusion to... He doesn't have private health insurance so I'm looking around for him as he can't take on such a big task right now. The mental health plan from the GP will obviously only last for so long. We're based in QLD and he's early 30's (if that's makes any difference?) I have no doubt that this is a thread that will have been asked around a lot and I apologise for anther round of it and appreciate all your help and understanding Flang x

BeginnerHealer34 My parent encouraged me to suicide?
  • replies: 1

In the heat of an argument where both myself and my Mum were in a fight and shooting off swears at each other, my Mum said she regretted feeling sorry for me feeling suicidal. While this doesn’t directly imply she wants me to commit suicide, it’s not... View more

In the heat of an argument where both myself and my Mum were in a fight and shooting off swears at each other, my Mum said she regretted feeling sorry for me feeling suicidal. While this doesn’t directly imply she wants me to commit suicide, it’s not exactly ethical to say even by insult standards to someone who experienced a close brush by feeling suicidal last year. I was holidaying down in Margaret River in Western Australia with my family when this happened and I was NOT enjoying it. The weather was awful, what internet we had was super slow after the first day, pillows got wet through the caravan, I was expected to go down there and set up with my Dad when my Mum and little Brother has little reason to come later, I was expected to stay later than my Mum and little brother even though I hated the place. I could go on, but I was considering catching a bus back to Perth two days in. When they decided to kick my little brother off his bed and remove an undersheet for the sake of “back problems” on their part that was the last straw for me: 1. There’s nothing stopping them from doing the same thing to me further down the line beyond their word. 2. They could easily have experimented with their own bed and sleeping and/or got a new mattress instead of kicking my LB off his bed. When I tried to explain to them my concerns above and why said concerns (along with the other reasons MR was awful above) left me considering never caravanning again, they misinterpreted my argument and claimed I was ungrateful for being unwilling to give up a bedsheet. Please note that it was NOT the taking of the bedsheet that was irritating me, it was kicking my LB off his bed into a less comfortable bed, refusal to consider other options (that I’m aware of) for their bad backs and the above reasons regarding Margaret River that was the cause. If all the above except requesting a bedsheet from me didn’t occur I would have absolutely 0 reason to be upset. As to why I swore at them, a psychologist that I saw last year told me I needed to stop living for others and start living for myself. I interpreted that as meaning I needed a backbone. So if you swear at me in an argument unlike before, I’m now going to respond in kind. Whether they or I swore first I can’t rememberer, if I did swear first I absolutely owe them an apology. So I have options: 1. I go to my Nan’s and stay there. 2. I disown my mother when I’m financially independent. 3. I act like this didn’t happen. Thoughts?