Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

partner has depression, is irrational and im struggling

Community Member


this is my first post, but I need some help and advice!

my partner and I were together for a year before a series of events caused him to start to change, I lived with this for 6 months trying to support him, trying to prompt him to get help, telling him he had changed but he didn't see it, until one night he got really drunk and I had to call the police. this was a defining moment for him and for us I guess. he realised he had an issue and he sought help. he has been through counselling how effective I don't know as he never discusses it with me or even tells me when he is has been going, he is medicated also. this has been 12 months now and to be honest it has been hell! he has improved slightly but he surely isn't that person I fell in love with. I am constantly guilt tripped. I cannot do anything alone and even just the mention of I am going to visit a friend creates issues, he claims he doesn't have an issue with it but comments and immediate change in attitude says otherwise. he says I don't involve him in mine and my children's (teenage kids who aren't his ) lives, I am not sure what he means by this comment as he is actively involved in every decision I make or any thing I do. he will attack me for something that I am not doing, and it always turns out he is doing it. for example I have a male friend at work, purely platonic strictly work related no outside work place involvement aside from social media friends, and I also have a large number of female friends from work who I socialise with outside of work, he took my phone one night whilst I was in the shower and scrolled to find a text from the male friend (quite old I might add) all work related but went off. skipped the female friend messages. and justified it that we are talking and he wanted to know so he could find out what he could talk to me about! just last week after months of me stressing about money, we have some big expenses coming up and me being unhappy in my job like im loosing sleep. he attacked me for trying to work out our finances a& not spending time with him (FYI sitting on the couch with him!) and then I found out later he had spent over $2500 on a hobby in that past week behind my back. I am such a fool. he claims I am over reacting etc this is out of control now our relationship is hanging by a thread and I cannot get through to him. there is 2 sets of rules. well one his! please help!

1 Reply 1

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

hi, welcome

mm, there seems more to him medically than meets the eye but I came to that thought as I'm reading your post. Excessive spending can be attributed to several mental illnesses that include impulsivity etc.

As you guys have been together for such a relative short time I suggest you reconsider your future with him. I say that not because of any mental illness but more the lack of him trusting you and being a "helicopter partner". That is intolerable.

Nobody should suffer such suspicion.

One thread that deals with arguments is below- google it and read the first post. It might help when things get heated.

Beyondblue topic relationship strife?- the peace pipe.