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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Ceruleann How do i support depressed sibling who had an affair
  • replies: 2

My brother had an affair and his wife found out. They have been separated for a few months and I'm worried about his mental health. He doesn't like discussing his feelings but he is filled with guilt and self hate. He has told me he cries anytime he ... View more

My brother had an affair and his wife found out. They have been separated for a few months and I'm worried about his mental health. He doesn't like discussing his feelings but he is filled with guilt and self hate. He has told me he cries anytime he thinks about her and what he has done. He doesn't do much socially anymore and is isolating himself. He believes he deserves to be punished for what he has done and admits to hating himself and feeling lost. I'm struggling with how to help him. Obviously what he has done IS horrible but he can't live constantly punishing himself. I don't know what type of things to say to show my support. My family, his ex wife and I are very worried about his mental state. I asked to see him to just hang out one night and he said no and that he doesn't want that. He has also rejected other siblings trying to do the same thing. I'm not sure if this has to do with him disliking feeling pitied? I'm really struggling with things to say to him and how to go about trying to help him.

LostonaForum Approaching an Awkward Situation
  • replies: 4

So me and I guess a friend had a messy falling out and we both agreed not to talk to each other for now (or maybe this is permanent I don't know) anyway when we were friends we signed up for a competition together and won. It was a gift card for abou... View more

So me and I guess a friend had a messy falling out and we both agreed not to talk to each other for now (or maybe this is permanent I don't know) anyway when we were friends we signed up for a competition together and won. It was a gift card for about $400. We agreed that we would split it but it would be delivered to her addres and under her name. A week later we had the fight and stopped talking. It should have shown up to her place by now but I don't know and $200 is alot of money for me and right now I'm struggling. I'm afraid to ask about it but I don't know if I leave it to long she might take the whole thing for herself. I don't really know how angry she is at me cause she hasn't really been clear on what I did and won't talk any more which is ok but I could be making things worse by asking but I can't just ignore the fact thaf I'm broke and need anything at this time. What should I do?

26bunnybear31 My long distance boyfriend [M, 17] broke up with me [F, 17] because he lost the spark
  • replies: 5

I have known for him for 5 years. I was best friends with him for 3 years where I was secretly in love with him but then we started dating for 2 years because he realised he loved me too. I was a positive type of person while he was a pessimistic typ... View more

I have known for him for 5 years. I was best friends with him for 3 years where I was secretly in love with him but then we started dating for 2 years because he realised he loved me too. I was a positive type of person while he was a pessimistic type. He made me realise its okay to think negatively sometimes and not have it kill me and I made him realise its okay to think positively and not be let down. We were good for each other. Supported each other in our time of need. Enjoyed life together. We felt like we could do anything. He was here for me and I was here for him. He broke up with me a few days ago saying that his feelings are different as to when we started dating. He said he didn't love me anymore and that it didn't feel right. He said that it wasn't the right time to be together right now. I was devastated. He said he tried so hard to believe he still loves me. He said I truly made him happy so he tried so hard to believe that he loves me. He still cares about me a lot and I still care about him and love him. He said that he wanted to keep our friendship. We still think that we're each other's missing pieces. We're meeting at the end of 2018 and the original plan was to meet as lovers but now the plan is to meet as friends. Is it bad that I still hope that it will reignite when he meets me? For the two years that we dated, we've never met due to family against it. I'm hoping that meeting will restart it again as all we ever did was videocall and text. I'm hoping that I'll bring him excitement again. He's also been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and ocd recently, and he's taking medication however he's getting higher dosage as it doesn't help. I'm think thats another factor too. He's had a bad life. He's been depressed since he was young and his original plan was to commit suicide at 16. He told me I changed that. He said I gave him something to live for. He told me that when we were dating, there was no future that he imagined where I wasn't in it. But he told me that, he went back to square 1. He told me that he doesn't know anymore. Is it bad to still hope that we'll meet again on the same path, to the same dream with the same feelings? Because I truly believe so.

itsagamble Office fling is tearing me apart
  • replies: 27

Long story short, I am married but was going through a down patch feeling lonely at home with all the attention on the kids etc. Sex life dried up and also a bit depressed about work, except that I had a crush on a girl at work and seeing her every d... View more

Long story short, I am married but was going through a down patch feeling lonely at home with all the attention on the kids etc. Sex life dried up and also a bit depressed about work, except that I had a crush on a girl at work and seeing her every day was my inspiration. She was a divorcee also in a long term relationship with a boyfriend of about 4 or so years. We were quite close and when she announced she was leaving, she became very flirty for the last few weeks. On her last day, we got drunk and ended up having sex, stopping part way through. The first few weeks after that was hell. I was so confused, crying all the time and shutting out my wife (who doesn't know). We ended up catching up with intention to talk it over but never did, just talked general chit chat, until a few weeks later, when she said she didn't want it to get out as her previous husband had left her for another woman after a long term affair. It seemed like she was more worried about repercussions than not wanting anything, but we agreed that it was a drunk fling and basically it didn't happen. This was months ago but I still have that crush. We see each other every now and then for drinks, only as friends, but she doesn't know how I feel and I don't want to stop seeing her - its the only thing that makes me happy apart from my kids. I literally think about her all day, every day. Have tried being intimate with my wife to get over it but she is always tired and never initiates anything. We're only in our mid 30s but averaging less than once a month for intimacy. I have tried to tell OW how I feel to see what she says, but I can't muster up the courage and then feel like crap again for days until I get a chance to see her. All has been friendly with OW, no intimacy , until the other day when we were flirty a bit and she blew me a kiss (after I joked about not kissing her and smudging her lipstick) then affectionately rubbed my arm when she said goodbye. That touch felt amazing. I am so confused and don't know what to do. On one hand, I want to be with her, but on the other I don't want to break up my family. Also, if I do split and OW doesn't want to join me, I would feel worse. My best guess at the moment is to get financially sorted so worst case I can afford a divorce and OW if she wants to, tell my wife and see if she forgives me. I think I would try pretty hard not to make the same mistake again. Should I just ask her if she likes me and if not bury it all? This sucks.

Guest_232 Feeling Empty
  • replies: 6

Hey guys. I’ve been bottling in all my emotions for a while now, so any help / advice would be appriciated. Sorry if it’s long. I’m in a really toxic relationship with my ex right now.The day after telling me something has changed for the better in o... View more

Hey guys. I’ve been bottling in all my emotions for a while now, so any help / advice would be appriciated. Sorry if it’s long. I’m in a really toxic relationship with my ex right now.The day after telling me something has changed for the better in our relationship, my now ex broke of a year and a half broke up with me because she said feelings change. However, only four days after the break up she came back to me begging for my forgiveness and saying she was feeling sucidal and self harming. Of course, disregarding my own feelings, I blindly pretended like she didn’t hurt me at all to make her feel better. She has recovered from her down period after five days. It’s been a month and a half and I still feel so empty. She was my only real friend, and since this was the case, I was so dependent on her. To this day, I message her all day about life and we talk. And I know she is playing me and trying to use me for sex still, but I really can’t help just going a long with it cause I’m still so in love. If I ever tell her I’m feeling down about what happened or I want some space, she just threatens to have sex with other guys or sends me photos with her DMs filled with guys hitting her up. Being full honest, I’m currently crying while writing this. I feel terrible that im to weak to change my feelings for her even though deep down it is ruining my life, and has been for the past month and a half. I feel so empty, like something is missing in me. I’m still so dependent on her even though she threatens sleeping with other guys and that just makes it even worse. It really doesn’t help that this week my dog was put down due to cancer. It has reached the stage where I feel worthless and empty. I feel like every day is just a struggle to impress her and win her back even though I’m so confilicted on if I still want to be with her. Over the past two weeks, I’ve had on average 3 hours sleep a night and it’s slowly bringing down my grades. I used to self harm two years ago, and I’ve used so much will power to stop myself from doing it again. im sorry about ranting, it’s just I feel so pointless and worthless, and I just needed to tell people. My family is extremely supportive, but I can’t bring up the nerve to talk to them because they see mental health issues as a joke. thanks for reading and any help is appriciated. I feel I’ve hit rock bottom. colbision

meekamoo Not sure what to do: Boyfriend’s family at risk of harm.
  • replies: 3

I would prefer to not say my name as I am posting this on behalf of my boyfriend Ty. For starters, I’m turning 18 in September and Ty doesn’t turn 18 until December. We are both in year 12 completing our HSC. Here’s a little background information ab... View more

I would prefer to not say my name as I am posting this on behalf of my boyfriend Ty. For starters, I’m turning 18 in September and Ty doesn’t turn 18 until December. We are both in year 12 completing our HSC. Here’s a little background information about myself - I come from a sticky situation at home, where family violence and drugs have been involved, hence part of the reason why I have moved out of home and in with my boyfriend because of all the drama. I have been with Ty for 2 years now, and living with him for about 3 months. Over the last 2 years I have seen Ty, his mother, and his two younger siblings being emotionally abused by their father. Particularly, Ty’s mum and himself when Ty stands up for his mum. Ty’s mum and dad are no longer together, but are still living under the same roof. He is a schizophrenia who doesn’t take his medication and is constantly abusing everyone mentally; to the point where we have to lock ourselves in a room. He manipulates people to make them think that Ty’s mum is a bad parent. He calls her names to her face and stands over the top of her. She’s ashamed to tell her family that he is still living in the house. Ty wants to love his dad despite Ty’s fathers behaviour, but he struggles to because of the way he treats his mum. Ty’s younger siblings are scared of their dad, and so am I. Ty’s mum has called the police once since me being in Ty’s life as Richard threatened Ty and physically harmed him. The police ended up leaving and saying that it is justifiable chastisement - all being Ty’s father got in their ear and said that Ty’s mum is a bad parent and he just wants to discipline his children correctly. This emotional abuse has been going on for a very long time, apparently longer than what I’ve seen and been around. I have no doubt that this is true. My heart aches for this family so please help. We need all the help we can get.

LostonaForum Friendship is a mess, what should I do?
  • replies: 2

So this is a fairly long and complicated story so i'll do my best. I have a friend and we've been really good friends for a while now but about three weeks ago her sister moved in and the day I visited her and her sister it became a total mess when t... View more

So this is a fairly long and complicated story so i'll do my best. I have a friend and we've been really good friends for a while now but about three weeks ago her sister moved in and the day I visited her and her sister it became a total mess when those two broke out into a fight. I know i'm biased but I felt that her sister was in the wrong and I told her sister off then I said that my friend should stay with me for a bit to cool down, which she did. After she left the next couple days seemed fine but I noticed my friend became a bit more distant I asked about it and she said she needed space so I said okay. I gave it a bit and asked if she wanted to catch up and she declined I was hurt but I understood. It then got to a point where I was lucky to get a text message from her. When I asked if something was wrong she just put it down too trying to focus on her studies. I was really worried I thought I may have done something so I decided to ask her partner if she knew about anything and I regretfully asked her partner not to say anything as I didn't know how she'd react. Her partner was not happy at all and proceeded to tell me off and explained that my friend was stressed and needed space as she wanted to fix things with her sister. I then got an angry message from my friend telling me off for contacting her partner behind her back but I felt I was out of options as I didn't know why she was so distant and I was worried I may have done something. After the fight I said we need to fix this, it's not that I even expect us to be friends anymore I just don't like to leave things this way. We did plan to meet up today but she cancelled last minute I then asked if we could reschedule but she doesn't want to. I don't know what to do anymore I feel there's a lot of issues between us and if it goes ignored for too long it'll fester. If it's true that I should give her space then I don't know what I did to make her feel she needed space from me and I still feel that no one is telling me why.

Ianto At my wits end, relationship is falling apart...
  • replies: 3

A week and a half ago, my partner came back from a short snow trip with some friends where they had taken my ute and told me that they hit a kangaroo on the way there. Thankfully, the only damage was a broken mudflap. All people and presumably the ka... View more

A week and a half ago, my partner came back from a short snow trip with some friends where they had taken my ute and told me that they hit a kangaroo on the way there. Thankfully, the only damage was a broken mudflap. All people and presumably the kangaroo survived the ordeal as they couldn’t find the offending roo. When he told me, I looked at it and my response was, “ah well, these things happen. Don’t worry about it”. After that, he made the assumption that I was angry and subsequently got angry with me. Also, my understanding was that he would be the one doing the driving. I have a problem trusting just anyone to drive my cars as you never know if they’ll take responsibility for anything they do. He agreed to that. A few days later I saw a picture on facebook showing that one of his friends were driving and when I confronted him, he first denied it, then admitted it and proceeded to tell me it was my fault that he didn’t feel he could tell me the truth. I’ve asked him why he feels that way, but I haven’t got a clear answer other than he lives in fear of disappointing me, and that it has something to do with his parents. Obviously, that’s pretty unclear to me… So I’ve written that for context… He has a lot of issues that he has to deal with. He’s an extremely highly strung, angry man who suffers substance addiction problems, depression and anxiety attacks. A lot of this I didn’t know until after we’d been together for a while. As far as substances are concerned, he had told me, but said it was way behind him. He smokes pot every day now because he can’t get his preffered pain killer over the counter anymore. He had been taking up to 60 of those tablets a day. I kept telling him to stop because it would damage his stomach but obviously the addiction meant he didn’t listen. He has now dropped more than 30Kg and has constant pain from a suspected stomach ulcer. I’m worried and angry because we’re now living the nightmare I warned him of but I can’t say “I told you so”. There's more to this that I'll get to gradually.

Countrygal85 Separated, addiction and lost
  • replies: 8

Hi to all, this is the first time writing this so please be gentle on me 2.5 years ago my fiance separated from me and after that I have not coped so well. 7 years and 2 kids he just didn't wanttodoitanymore I was a nurse who loved her job and it was... View more

Hi to all, this is the first time writing this so please be gentle on me 2.5 years ago my fiance separated from me and after that I have not coped so well. 7 years and 2 kids he just didn't wanttodoitanymore I was a nurse who loved her job and it was my passion, I have lost that. Since the separation I have learnt to cope with alcohol and marijjana (which my x introduced me to). I have been to rehab and detox but has not seemed to help. My past has come up a lot and the pain of sexually abuse as a child, and I don't know how to cope with the pain. I have no family support friendships here. My x has basically had the children for the laSt 2 years and I hate it. I want to be the confident, successful lady I once was, but I have hit rock bottom and don't know how to get out of it. I feel all alone, and no one would even notice if I was not here one day. Please help

Guesy_839 Hurt
  • replies: 8

Hi, So, my mum and dad have little to no relationship with me, and they’ve done things that make me not want a relationship with them anymore. Things like slapping, hitting and I was once chased with a coat hanger. I had a fight with my mum, and she ... View more

Hi, So, my mum and dad have little to no relationship with me, and they’ve done things that make me not want a relationship with them anymore. Things like slapping, hitting and I was once chased with a coat hanger. I had a fight with my mum, and she hit me on the back of the head and told me everyone looks at me with disgust because I’m blunt, maybe a little cynical and I’ve stopped speaking so much. With my dad, he was never there for me and my best friend told me I was probably emotionally neglected. I grew up sad, and spent lots of my early childhood spending as much time as I could at my other friends’ houses, and imagining stories of me having another dad, particually my twin friend’s dad, who we’ll call Felix. Felix adopted my two friends, “Elise” and “Elsa”, and was a great single dad to the girls, which was incredible, as Elise has schizophrenia and Elsa has had childhood anxiety since she was 4. He also has a job that requires him to have like a recording studio or something in his house, and I remember when I was younger, he took 7 kids on a “tour”, and let us record a song. My dad just ignores me, and after things he has said to me, as well as my mum, I don’t want a relationship anymore. They also don’t call me my preferred name, which hurts like hell. I didn’t have a happy childhood, and I’m not happy now. I have no idea what to do. Sierra.