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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Becsworld1974 Loneliness and Disconnection
  • replies: 4

Hello. I am looking for some ideas to change a crippling loneliness and depression that has followed me all my life. Sigh. I grew in a single parent home as an only child with a mother who worked full-time (often nights and weekends). I always felt l... View more

Hello. I am looking for some ideas to change a crippling loneliness and depression that has followed me all my life. Sigh. I grew in a single parent home as an only child with a mother who worked full-time (often nights and weekends). I always felt lonely and different. I went to a Catholic school, my mother said so I would not repeat the mistakes she made (which I suspected was getting pregnant at 16, resulting in me, the mistake). All the other kids had big Italian and Greek family, mum, dad, 5 siblings and 74 cousins. I spent a lot of my childhood at my grandparents alone amusing myself. I was SA by an older cousin and one of the key things I walked away thinking was that if my dad was here that would never have happened. I hadn't even met my dad, he was never spoken about, it was like he never existed but I missed him so much. I did meet my father at 17 and he was very shy as was I and there really wasn't any conversation. He had my details but didn't reach out to me. When I was 23 and had a 2 year daughter I reached out again and we connected, not as a father daughter, but I wanted my daughter to have a grandpa. We stayed in touch for about a year and I was invited to family things. It is worth noting that within two years of my birth he met a women with two children from a previous relationship and he was an active dad to them. I appreciate that my grandparents on both sides felt it was better he wasn't part of my life, but I wish at some point he would have wanted to know me. (He wasn't into drugs or anything bad just at 17 and 19 they thoughts my parents were too young). Anyway after a year we fell out of touch and it was 6 months later than 12 than 3 years and no further contact. I didn't want to initiate or chase him again, I left it to him and it just never happened. I feel rejected by him, especially because he was a great dad to these other children and two more of his own. In the 20 years since I have had a few relationships but just struggle to feel accepted enough. I want to be with someone who wants to commit, marriage, not long-term boyfriend/girlfriend. I struggle to make friends, I struggle to maintain relationships with loved ones. My daughter for example I don't contact more than once a month because I don't think she wants more than that. I live alone 400km away from her and other family and my best and only friend. I just feel really invisible and lost.

Kaiza81 Marriage, sex and depression.
  • replies: 6

Ok, so. Finally found the courage to make a post. i am 35y.o male, married, 2 beautiful kids (1,5). I am over weight, depressed, lonely, felling like my marriage is doomed to failure. my wife and I have always been pretty well connected sexual and af... View more

Ok, so. Finally found the courage to make a post. i am 35y.o male, married, 2 beautiful kids (1,5). I am over weight, depressed, lonely, felling like my marriage is doomed to failure. my wife and I have always been pretty well connected sexual and affectionate. Until the last few months. I know my weight is a issue for her,but due to injury exercise has been difficult for me (knee surgerys). Our sex life has dried up, she won't touch me, hug me, kiss me. Sex has just gone bye bye. This has lead me to a lot of depression, I feel inadequate, insecure, I hate myself. I feel like I'm the only one in my world and I don't even like me. i have tried to talk with her but she just always gets angry and says it's all me. I have to change, she will not support me with my depression or be open to finding a way to rekindle our sex life which would help me with my confidence, and maybe help me.

InaPickle Have I fallen out of love with my current partner and regret leaving my ex? Or am I consumed by guilt for having feelings before leaving my ex?
  • replies: 1

I suddenly ended a long term (5-10yr) relationship with my ex. Whilst we had a lot of good times together, there were many aspects that made me feel trapped/frustrated/unhappy, or question whether it was for me. We also had differing views on the des... View more

I suddenly ended a long term (5-10yr) relationship with my ex. Whilst we had a lot of good times together, there were many aspects that made me feel trapped/frustrated/unhappy, or question whether it was for me. We also had differing views on the desire for children, work options and future goals. There were many times over the years that I considered ending it, but didn't as it didn't 'feel right'. At times I do believe I was in love with him, but these feelings were not consistent over the years, as much as I tried to pretend they were. In the late stages of our relationship, I connected with a colleague at work. Whilst we had worked together for some time and were friends, it was not until an alcohol fueled staff dinner that an attraction presented. We hung out after the event and became flirty over the next week (talking, sexting), it was purely a physical attraction and ego boost, with no physical contact until a single hug on the way home one day. This unleashed a tidal wave of feelings and at this point feelings went from being superficial and flirty, to a strong emotional connection. Although I had previously thought about ending my relationship, these thoughts had not been overly recent and I had certainly not planned on doing it then, but within days of the 'hug' I had told my partner that I felt things had changed (he also felt this over the last few months, longer than me in fact) and that I could not go along with his views on kids and a whole raft of reasons. Within weeks we ended the relationship, absolutely destroying him in the process. I then started seeing my colleague and developed an amazing relationship in which we were both madly in love. However, recently I have begun to question my decision and feelings, I feel constantly anxious, unsure, confused and cry daily (extremely unlike me). The questions that run through my mind: a) do I regret leaving my ex, OR b) just miss the life we created (home, pets etc), OR c) am I consumed by guilt for how it ended - I denied having feelings for someone else but he suspects it and I am strongly against any kind of infidelity, AND d) have I suddenly fallen out of love with my current partner, or are my feelings masked by guilt, anxiety etc?I enjoy talking and spending time with him, the lovely things he does make me smile, but my feelings are unreadable. How can I work through my guilt/anxiety/confusion to clearly understand what it is that I feel/want? Without causing more hurt to others.

fial It just keeps getting worse....
  • replies: 2

After having gone through all the emotional fallout of getting dumped after 11 years and sorting out our intertwined lives, I am now faced with something completely unexpected...... somehow, sometime during our years together, I have contracted an ST... View more

After having gone through all the emotional fallout of getting dumped after 11 years and sorting out our intertwined lives, I am now faced with something completely unexpected...... somehow, sometime during our years together, I have contracted an STD. This just feels like yet another kick in the guts - not something I expected to have to deal with at 50 years of age. It must have come from him.... there simply is no other option. I feel dirty and tainted..... and because of the nature of it, I am faced with having to disclose my status to any possible future partner (not that I anticipate actually having another person in my life - who wants someone with an incurable STD?] So now I have the very real issue of being alone forever as well The more info I get about it, the worse I feel about any future. If I didn't think I was spiraling down into depression before..... I sure as hell seem to be unable to deal with this latest blow. I have become a recluse. Don't go out anywhere, haven't begun to make a circle of my own friends (and honestly, now I have no inclination to do so either], and have absolutely no support network of any kind. This might just be the thing that breaks me completely

jubilation Help
  • replies: 3

Hi all just looking for a voice to give me some advice ☺️ I’ve been with my girlfriend for around 1 1/2 years and it started out like you wouldn’t believe it - constant messaging and presents and going out everywhere together it was like a dream had ... View more

Hi all just looking for a voice to give me some advice ☺️ I’ve been with my girlfriend for around 1 1/2 years and it started out like you wouldn’t believe it - constant messaging and presents and going out everywhere together it was like a dream had come true and I wanted to run away with her. She had told me about some mental health issues and she was scared to tell me and do the fact about how greatly I took it and I’ve tried to be as supportive as I can by asking her questions and making sure we have open communication, but not to the point where it is constant and too much. Anyway a few months ago maybe 3/4 is when everything has started going downhill again, it’s like i came along made everything so much better and now my effect has just worn off. She is constantly in this state of up and down - and effects me so much because I could be having a good day then she texts me or spams my phone until I reply and annoys me and then ruins my mood. She recently has been so bad she admitted herself to a psych ward, at first I had no problems with it until I visited her and boom I went into a state of shock and i couldn’t handle it - it was so odd and made me so incredibly uncomfortable being in there and seeing her with these nurses and other people. It has just been so much too handle. the thought of breaking up plagues my mind and saying I love her can be quite hard sometimes, and I feel like argumemts start frequently. On top of all this I’ve met à new girl and i can’t get her out of my head and I’m not sure it’s because I’m losing attraction to my current gf and this new girl has the qualities that I wish she had? I do love her at the end of the day and I’d be a huge mess if I lost her - we are so close and so are our two families but im so lost I’d really appreciate any help

Bunny_blue affair depressed
  • replies: 5

I think I'm slipping into an affair with a narried man online, and I do not know how to stop it or if I want to. I love my husband, but the sparks I feel for this other man has made me dizzy. We have not met but talking about it a lot. now I'm just d... View more

I think I'm slipping into an affair with a narried man online, and I do not know how to stop it or if I want to. I love my husband, but the sparks I feel for this other man has made me dizzy. We have not met but talking about it a lot. now I'm just depressed and anxious and guilty and paranoid but so excited, I don't want to throw away 10 years of marriage for a fling, but I do not think I can resist.

Mrs_Sergeant Literally no way out
  • replies: 6

Stuck in a very unhappy marriage & wish I could turn back 3 years & get out. Married 10 years but 2 years ago we sold a third of our house to my Mother-in-law & lived through the renovation from hell for her to live with us. It has destroyed us finan... View more

Stuck in a very unhappy marriage & wish I could turn back 3 years & get out. Married 10 years but 2 years ago we sold a third of our house to my Mother-in-law & lived through the renovation from hell for her to live with us. It has destroyed us financially & emotionally. Husband has been depressed for years & finally had a breakdown this year & has quit his 20 year career in search of something else. There is literally no way out as we have poured everything into this house. I can't afford to head out on my own and take the two kids with me. I have accepted that this is my reality but just wish he wasn't so nasty & would still support me when I discipline the kids but there is no support or communication when we're under the same roof. Can you imagine how much worse it would be if we weren't living together? We'll have to put on the happy family act over Christmas/New Year as we have a lot happening.

Bluebel My boyfiend is snowing signs of depression and I’m struggling to support him
  • replies: 5

Hi there, This is my first ever post. My partner of almost 4 years has recently been showing signs of depression. He has withdrawn from social activities, not doing the things he usually enjoys (walking the dogs, playing guitar, playing board games, ... View more

Hi there, This is my first ever post. My partner of almost 4 years has recently been showing signs of depression. He has withdrawn from social activities, not doing the things he usually enjoys (walking the dogs, playing guitar, playing board games, etc). A few months ago I encouraged him to stop smoking marijuana which he has done both habitually and casually (on and off) for the last 15 years. I encouraged him to do it with support and seek medical assistance though he didn’t want to as he has “given up” heaps of times on his own without assistance. I have encouraged him to seek counselling or talk to a doctor but he really doesn’t want to. He has opened up to me a little, though it was really difficult getting him to talk. I want to support him however I can, though I’m not sure how helpful I am as I become really upset and I don’t think this would be helpful. I have been feeling lonely as he is distant with me and sometimes I feel like it’s my fault. He has told me it’s got nothing to do with me and he doesn’t know why he’s feeling like this. Im trying really hard to be there for him though sometimes I even feel cranky and annoyed with him (I know I shouldn’t ) and then I feel guilty for feeling like that. I don’t know whether I should talk to him about my feelings also, which I would normally do- because I don’t want to make him feel worse. Thanks in advance for reading this and for any advice or thoughts you might have.

veeman Life falling apart
  • replies: 2

So my story... had 2 kids with my partner of 7 years got married 6 mths later found out she was sexting people whilst I was at work (I work away). Met a new beautiful woman who i thought was the bees knees and vice versa. She also had two kids from p... View more

So my story... had 2 kids with my partner of 7 years got married 6 mths later found out she was sexting people whilst I was at work (I work away). Met a new beautiful woman who i thought was the bees knees and vice versa. She also had two kids from previous relationship. Been together 3 years we have a baby.... then everthing flips on its head now we are separated I have 3 kids too 2 different woman and I just feel like my life has spun out of control. I wa diagnosed with bi polar about 10 years ago. And I take medication. Financially I'm in a hole I only see two of my kids I go crazy at work especially on night shift my head just goes loopy. I see no real way to any happiness... and the only reason I'm still here is cause of the kids.. couldn't do that to them...

lost_101 Boyfriend left me because of my mental illnesses.
  • replies: 6

He said he didn't love me anymore, that he was sick of me feeling the way I do (anxiety and depression). He used to say he would always love me no matter what I go through in regards to my mental illness, but just a few hours ago, after an overnight ... View more

He said he didn't love me anymore, that he was sick of me feeling the way I do (anxiety and depression). He used to say he would always love me no matter what I go through in regards to my mental illness, but just a few hours ago, after an overnight depression and anxiety 'episode' he said he can't deal with it anymore. After 7 months he said he was happy to let it go. He said he's sick of me not communicating when I get in those 'episodes' but I've tried explaining to him it's so hard for me to talk when every second I feel like crying and there are millions of thoughts swimming through my mind and I can't immediately grasp at a coherent one. I'm doing CBT and I'm working on it but after 7 months, he said he hasn't seen good enough progress. I tried to tell him that it may take a while for me to break free from my mental illnesses but he said he doesn't want to deal with it anymore. He said he likes everything being to a standard, and that he can see I can't live up to that. I told him we can both set some standards and work around it together but he didn't want to hear it. He eventually admitted he doesn't love me anymore, and broke up with me telling me to move on. He didn't want to hear anything about us working it out, he just wanted me to go. I'm so lost and broken, I have no idea what to do. Because of my depression and anxiety, I haven't loved anyone before until I met him. I was so scared to and I admit it had taken me a while to even settle into the relationship because I've never known of the feelings and differences that come with one. We've had so many good times together that they've outweighed the bad. But the bad is always me feeling sad or anxious about something and as I'm trying to get over it he yells at me and gets so angry so of course that it makes me feel worse, to which he then gets even angrier. I like to work it out on my own but he didn't let me. Maybe in the end we just didn't fit. But I've introduced him to family and they LOVE him, and that made me really happy. He genuinely made me happy, and even after hearing him say he doesn't love me anymore I STILL love him. I really do hate myself. I don't think anyone will love me again. I was just turning 19 when I met him, he was my first kiss and who I lost my virginity to. If it took me until 19 to find that I may never find it again. I'm not pretty so it's not easy. I'm so scared that my life is just going to spiral down again like it had before I knew him. I am truly lost now.