Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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GraceyJ Some days are hard but maybe thats just life
  • replies: 1

Today has been one of those days. A day where you are pulled in 100 different directions and feel the pressure to deliver 110% in each space. I have been going since early hours of this morning and only sat down at 11:30pm to give myself 5 minutes. I... View more

Today has been one of those days. A day where you are pulled in 100 different directions and feel the pressure to deliver 110% in each space. I have been going since early hours of this morning and only sat down at 11:30pm to give myself 5 minutes. In order for me to get that time today, i have sacrificed sleep. My day has been filled with work demands, home duties, making time to spend with the kids, the dog, my partner, dealing with family issues and supporting my partner and talk through his recent depression triggers. I understand that sometimes this is just life, life can just be really busy sometimes. My concern is that i have switched off my feelings in order to not feel exhausted or overwhelmed. This was a full on day and I don’t really feel anything. I am needed to be a rock and sometimes that role overtakes everything else.

JustALonelyGuy My Life Is So Empty and Lonely
  • replies: 9

Hi, I don't know how I even ended up here, but here I am. Im a 28 year old guy, im pretty normal looking and havent got any diagnosis for depression. I am so lonely. I have had girlfriends most of my life and I feel okay when i do. But at the moment ... View more

Hi, I don't know how I even ended up here, but here I am. Im a 28 year old guy, im pretty normal looking and havent got any diagnosis for depression. I am so lonely. I have had girlfriends most of my life and I feel okay when i do. But at the moment I'm single and so alone. I have done alot of self improvement and im trying to not just date a girl for sex/lonely cure and find somebody I have a real connection with, which is hard. I dont have any friends, apart from my housemate and she is away a few days a week and im so alone on those days. Its eating me up. I just want some friends. I use to smoke a lot of weed for many years, for the last few years I havent. I dont drink much, i dont do any drugs anymore, i go to the gym, i meditate, i was doing yoga(needa get back into it), i am studying at uni, i eat a healthy diet. But my life is so empty and alone. Ive never had male friends apart from when i was in high school, but i moved to melbourne and dont keep in touch with them. I think ive got issues with men or something. I also have issues with making friends i guess. I went to a community event the other day and looked at all the people.. and thought.. i dont really wanna be friends withyou, i wouldnt like you because ".." or "..." and i only liked one person cos she was cute. Im sick. My lifes gonna be empty forever. I want to not be such a judgemental horrible person with an empty life, i have lots to offer, but no1 ever seems to want to spend time with me, not even me. Sorry for the rant...

Binary010101 Need guidance on how to approach soon to be ex husband, his depression, and anxiety
  • replies: 1

Hi, everyone! First time post and looking for advice on my situation. Brief summary: Together 16 years, 13 married. Have a 14 yo son. He works as a prison guard, high stress environment. Both he and I have come from a messed up family background invo... View more

Hi, everyone! First time post and looking for advice on my situation. Brief summary: Together 16 years, 13 married. Have a 14 yo son. He works as a prison guard, high stress environment. Both he and I have come from a messed up family background involving alcohol, dumb fathers, etc. Marriage wasn't doing well the past few years. I tended to take leadership role and he left a lot up to me to decide. Partially because he didn't really care about the decision and partially because he wanted to keep me happy. In the process, I believe he felt emasculated. Because I ended up resenting him and holding a grudge for feeling like he never heard me or listened to me, our sex life suffered and we grew apart. He declared he wanted a divorce over a month ago but we haven't yet filed paperwork. Due to a fight on Friday, he insists on meeting the paralegal and getting process started this upcoming week. In the meantime, we've gone through a whirlwind of emotions. We've gone from cuddling, affectionate, and being sexually intimate to no touching, uncomfortable talks, and kind of tiptoeing around one another. I signed up for a Marriage Max/Fitness program that has helped me to understand and cope with our issues tremendously and I am still employing the techniques, such as touch and talk charges (basically making physical contact such touching the shoulder or a hug). I don't want to divorce and would ultimately like to work it out with the program's guidance. The problem is he is also coping with depression and anxiety. He has probably had some form of depression for the past 3-4 years but never went to the doctor, despite my urging him to go. His anxiety kicks in when he's not actively engaged in an activity. Just sitting down triggers it. He also admitted to not being able to handle any disappointment. For example, he was working on building a model robot and snapped a piece. That caused him to become anxious and triggered a mild attack. He is also paranoid that I'm going to harm him in some way. Most recently, I had stepped out of the house briefly and my best friend visited me as a surprise. He admitted to her that he thought I had hired a hitman to kill him. Worst of all is he attributes all his sadness/pain to me. While I know our marriage have played a big role, he has had long standing issues he never bothered to address and now that we're going to divorce, I have become the scapegoat. I'm seeking any kind of advice that can help me deal with him effectively.

Ando10189 Just confused.
  • replies: 1

Hey everyone, not really sure if this is the right topic to discuss straight off the bat, but I would love some insight, so me and my gf have been together for 3years she loves me and I love her also and we have both grown stronger together. I am abi... View more

Hey everyone, not really sure if this is the right topic to discuss straight off the bat, but I would love some insight, so me and my gf have been together for 3years she loves me and I love her also and we have both grown stronger together. I am abit of an analyst and she is not the best talker but anyway she has just moved into a rental, but here’s the kicker her mother is her tenant. I’m still living at home and am close to moving in with her, but the stepdad that touched her as a child is still with the Mum so the Mum sends him over. he pops in at the rental from time to time to fix things for her, like broken showers and stuff like that, but he does it when nobody is home. Now I feel like I should say that this bothers me to my gf, we have discussed him on a number of occasions and everytime I wish I hadn’t brought it up. im pretty good at letting stuff go, but I don’t really like the idea of him letting himself into the house when he pleases. I feel if my gf is okay with it why aren’t I? I don’t really understand, I’m definitely protective of her these days and I guess going from what she has told me he did to her as a child scares me. Anyway I’m sorry this may of not been the right place to vent. Thank you

Nat1993 Marriage breakdown...?
  • replies: 3

Hi, So I don't really know where to start, but I think my marriage is breaking down, we have been married for almost 2 years and been together for over 4 years, we have 2 beautiful children together, I'm 24 and he's 31. In the beginning we had a few ... View more

Hi, So I don't really know where to start, but I think my marriage is breaking down, we have been married for almost 2 years and been together for over 4 years, we have 2 beautiful children together, I'm 24 and he's 31. In the beginning we had a few problems here and there but in reality who doesn't. Everything just seems to be getting a lot worse at the moment I mean It gets better and then goes straight back to being pretty hard to keep together again. Our intimacy is next to nothing, with his excuse being he's too tired or can't be bothered and even he's not in the mood, whenever we try and talk about any sort of emotions one of us is feeling he seems to start an argument which always includes "I don't know why I'm with you" Or "I'm sick of your shit constantly" Or "You are such a nasty person to me", Now I know I'm not perfect I mean who is but I am also not a nasty person I do everything for my husband and kids, cook, clean, look after everything you can name I do it, and I'm so appreciative for him working to support our family I make sure when he comes home he doesn't do anything, I'm someone who would prefer to drown myself in a heap of things to do and responsibilities before putting anything onto someone else, in my eyes my husband does enough already. But on Monday I was in a car accident I got rear ended by another car and it was my first accident I got pretty bad whiplash and everyone was saying I should get seen to by a doctor...except my husband when I asked him to drive me to the hospital he rolled his eyes and made a face... I asked why he did this and he just got angry at me... he didn't even give me a hug or anything when I came home there was no sign of love or worry towards me... it was like he just didn't care at all... I ended up going to the hospital and making sure everything was ok the next day and was thankful my husband took me and sat with me but after the day had ended he was complaining about how much driving he did and how exhausted he was from all the driving.. Today we had a little argument and it ended up with me asking him "if he is so unhappy why is he with me?" he replied "I'm really starting to think that myself" I just feel completely looked over and I have no idea if he even wants to be with me, if he even loves me, if hes planning on leaving me. My mind is going a million miles an hour and my anxiety is through the roof.. any advice would be fantastic N

Ems-j just need someone to talk to
  • replies: 8

HI everyone I don’t really know where to start so I’m just going to say whatever comes to mind here. Also a complete newbie here! I am living away from home and family is pretty far away. There are a few people within the extended and and immediate f... View more

HI everyone I don’t really know where to start so I’m just going to say whatever comes to mind here. Also a complete newbie here! I am living away from home and family is pretty far away. There are a few people within the extended and and immediate family that has some form of mental illness and that sometimes weigh on my mind. I’ve never really been in a serious relationship and that’s probably very unusual given I’m way above the legal age haha. I’ve been cautious and as a result, don’t usually get too hurt as I’ve assessed the situation before I act. there was a guy lately that I’ve been chatting to and I felt really comfortable talking to him. We got along really well and we were both interested but all of a sudden he just disappeared, like he’s ignoring me. I’m not sure why or what has happened and wish he would say something. A part of me is worried for him but a part of me wonders if I’ve done or said something wrong, or if I should have been a little more careful. I don’t want to flood him with anymore messages either. The insecurities are slowly overwhelming me and I hate it. I just want it to go away. I know this is silly but I wonder if I’ve got some form of curse and this is just my life of being the most unlucky person when it comes to guys / relationships. I’ve also somehow felt really lost because I’m alone here. I have great friends who are here to support me but nothing beats family.. but I don’t think I could live with them. Another silly reason for that is my age. I kinda feel unaccomplished even though deep down I know I’m in a good place now and am so much luckier than a lot of my mates. I just can’t help all these feelings of negativity sometimes even though I try my best to be positive and not dwell on things too much thanks guys for reading my spiel

JMB1970 Wife wants to be alone
  • replies: 8

My wife of 14 years has told me she wants to be alone. There is no reason she can give me. She said she has felt this way for many months. I had no idea and am shattered. She says she still loves me and always will but the spark has gone. She had sai... View more

My wife of 14 years has told me she wants to be alone. There is no reason she can give me. She said she has felt this way for many months. I had no idea and am shattered. She says she still loves me and always will but the spark has gone. She had said she is in a deep dark hole and emotionally shot. She tells me she needs help professionally but will not take the steps to get it. I just want to help her. I want my old wife back. I feel my life is pointless without her. All the plans hopes and dreams are crumbling. I have never felt this sad and low. I have a knot in the chest. I feel so empty. I don't know what to do. I don't know if i want to live without her. It all seems too hard. I can't stop crying. She is my everything

acwmumofone Fiancé left after falling into depression
  • replies: 4

Hi all, My partner was last year diagnosed with mild depression. Since then our best friend died and he managed to cope for about a month or two. Coming into the third month he was too overwhelmed to work. So I made him go to the doctor to make sure ... View more

Hi all, My partner was last year diagnosed with mild depression. Since then our best friend died and he managed to cope for about a month or two. Coming into the third month he was too overwhelmed to work. So I made him go to the doctor to make sure he didn’t need meds upped or anything. He went for a ten minute appointment and came out with anti depressants for chronic depression. The tablets have since kicked in and he’s got completely worse. He’s gone from telling me he loves me, making a wedding playlist then the next morning packing up and going. He won’t talk to me, look at me, nothing. He’s told me it’s over and nothing can fix this. Says he’s not happy anymore and feels differently. Everyone else who’s been speaking to me keeps telling me to hold on until the new anti depressants are out of his system and that he doesn’t mean anything he’s saying. He says one thing to me and another thing to his mum and his actions are all he loves me. im just so confused and don’t even know how to cope at the moment. We’ve been together 5 years and have a son together. I can’t comprehend how someone can change so quickly from being madly in love to nothing.

justaburden Help. He has depression and is pushing me away.
  • replies: 6

WE are both in our late 50s. WE live in separate cities so communicate mainly by messenger. His choice, although he has called at special times. We each have had some terrible past relationship issues. I suffer mainly anxiety, and have terrible trust... View more

WE are both in our late 50s. WE live in separate cities so communicate mainly by messenger. His choice, although he has called at special times. We each have had some terrible past relationship issues. I suffer mainly anxiety, and have terrible trust issues due to past cheating spouses. He has been cheated emotionally and financially. WE have each had a heart attack in the past. His being a quadruple bypass. This triggered depression for each of us. WE connected via FB last year after being boyfriend/girlfriend over 35 years ago. We get along very well, and he told me about his depression early on. He lives alone and has only just started working again after having a "gap year". He definitely has issues with trust and has lost faith in people. Although he seems to trust me and has divulged some quite personal stuff to me, so he must feel comfortable and able to trust me. Not long ago, he make the decision to rent his home, and move to my town. He comes from a large family. All his siblings and old friends are in the city I live in. But then he chickened out. His insecurity and doubt and fear kicked in. He messaged me a few weeks ago saying he is not much good to anyone anymore. And said he knows he is better off on his own and that I should try to find someone nice. He not only has depression, but has had prostate problems, so he has trouble with sex. He does heart medication, and a benzodiazepine medication but no anti=depressants as he says they dont agree with him. I have assured him that his is a good man and that i am more interested in him as a good companion and that the lack of sex is not a deal breaker for me, even though I understand it is an issue for any man. I wrote to him and explained my understanding of why he is pushing me away and tried to reassure him that it is most probably just the depression making him think and feel that way and that I hope he wont push me away as I there for him, no matter what. Am I doing the right thing? Any thoughts and ideas very welcome as he is very dear to me. I really think we could be good company for each other. And those I have spoken to agree that it would do him good to be around others instead of sitting in an empty house alone with his dark thoughts.

Felix94 Breaking up with someone you are deeply in love with
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Today my girlfriend and I broke up. We've been together for 3.5 years. We met when we were both 19, and fell in deeply in love. It was the most amazing opening experience of my life. We connected on so many levels. We cared and supported each other. ... View more

Today my girlfriend and I broke up. We've been together for 3.5 years. We met when we were both 19, and fell in deeply in love. It was the most amazing opening experience of my life. We connected on so many levels. We cared and supported each other. We travelled through India and Nepal together. We told each other everything about ourselves, our insecurities, our childhoods, our hopes and dreams. It was truly an amazing experience. As the years went on though we started to have some troubles. I began to become restless, even though our relationship was so special I wanted something more, I'm not sure why I just wasn't content. I began to take her for granted, and in retrospect didn't treat her so well. I made her feel insecure and as a result, our beautiful relationship began to become less trusting and we would go through periods of being estranged from each other. I let her down quite a few times and we had a few 'breaks.' I'm not sure why I pushed her away because I do love her more than anything. Subconscious patterns developed in our relationship which caused hurt. I never intentionally wanted to hurt her. I guess a lot of the problems in our relationship are from childhood traumas of my own (domestic violence in the family home). So today we mutually decided to break up. I don't want to cause her any more hurt. My hope is that I can sort myself out so that sometime in the future we can maybe be together again. I don't want to poison our relationship now by trying to 'make it work', I'd rather us break up now while we're not resentful towards each other so that we might have a chance in the future. My hope now is that I can deal with my problems and become mature enough to be with her in a healthy relationship in the future. Is this silly to hold on to this hope? Should I just try to move on? I'm not sure. if anyone has any advice for this situation I'd greatly appreciate it. We both still love each other but we aren't growing together as individuals, and we have developed negative patterns in our relationship which I haven't been able to break. I'm hurting so much and have spent the whole day crying. I hope I haven't lost the best thing I ever had. Thank you for listening, Felix