Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Sunshineandblues Struggling to balance depression and engagement!
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Hey all.. A few months back I was diagnosed with chemically induced depression. Usually I am quite a passionate and optimistic man though this has not been the case recently. I have been with my fiance for 6 years and engaged for 6 months. My partner... View more

Hey all.. A few months back I was diagnosed with chemically induced depression. Usually I am quite a passionate and optimistic man though this has not been the case recently. I have been with my fiance for 6 years and engaged for 6 months. My partner does not seem to understand that my depression is not her fault and constantly blames herself despite me reassuring her that it definitely is not her doing. I am at a point where I feel a lot of pressure to become the man I was months ago and this has lead me to constant feelings of guilt, anxiety and dishonesty regarding my moods and how I am feeling. I feel I am unable to positively contribute to the relationship and in order to improve my mental state I need to be selfish and break off the relationship. I have never broken up with anyone and the thought of it makes me feel like a monster, I still love her and don't want to hurt her yet at the same time I feel like the relationship is causing me more harm than good. Is ending things the right thing to do? Any and all advice will be greatly appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read this post.

LUCIDFOX_X I went through his phone... And found this...
  • replies: 2

I looked through his phone at the end of January... And I found that he sent photos of me to one of his best friends. The photos of me were topless (nude). I haven't said anything for the past 4-5 months. I don't know what to do. I want to talk about... View more

I looked through his phone at the end of January... And I found that he sent photos of me to one of his best friends. The photos of me were topless (nude). I haven't said anything for the past 4-5 months. I don't know what to do. I want to talk about it but I don't know how to approach the situation? I am so scared that he will just use that I went on his phone on his messages and use that as his argument. He is very stubborn and I feel I will struggle when I try to speak to him about this. I am a very soft and sensitive person. I have said to him that I hate people who invade others privacy, but I did it to him. I am not sure what to do... How do I bring this up calmly to discuss it? I still don't know if I want to bring it up because I don't know if I want the relationship to end... He is my best friend and he's my rock. Despite this. We have had issues with trust in the past. Please, any advice?

Shelbie Pain and torture- inlove with an ex who gives nothing back.
  • replies: 2

Hi all, so my ex partner and I broke up 6 months ago as he has really bad mental issues which made him cheat on me once and just change personalities so he ended it to stop hurting me. We still talk everyday and would be together if we could. I am so... View more

Hi all, so my ex partner and I broke up 6 months ago as he has really bad mental issues which made him cheat on me once and just change personalities so he ended it to stop hurting me. We still talk everyday and would be together if we could. I am so inlove with this boy but it’s like he’s died, he’s a complete different person, he hasn’t no feeling so for anyone or anything anymore, and loving him is so painful. I’m in pain everyday, it is torture. I can’t stop loving him, and im depressed over it as I get nothing from him. Everyday is a struggle for me, I know I can’t be with him, how do you live loving someone you can never be with? I’d rather endure physical pain than be tortured with this everyday of my life, I’m so done, I don’t know how to go on with this anymore, it’s been 6 months of endured torture.. I’m at my whits end with this situation and im not strong enough to let go.. I’ve tried..

J_123 If I wasn't married, I would break up with him
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, long story so please bear with me. I desperately need help. I've been married for nearly 2 years but with him for 7. I've always felt lonely, never part of a team, always a bit bored, but I figured that this is as good as it gets. Almost... View more

Hi everyone, long story so please bear with me. I desperately need help. I've been married for nearly 2 years but with him for 7. I've always felt lonely, never part of a team, always a bit bored, but I figured that this is as good as it gets. Almost a year ago to the day, I caught up with my friend who I've known for 6 years and something felt different, something clicked. Neither of us tried for this to happen, in fact we actively tried for it NOT to happen, but over the course of the year we developed deep feelings for each other. He lives in a different state now and at this point has said we need to stop talking to each other for a while because I need to sort myself out. My husband is a good person, but I sincerely feel that we have nothing substantial in common. He wants a house and kids, and i want to travel and I do not want kids. I always tried to convince myself that I did, but I realised recently that I don't, at least not for a very long time and he wants them within a few years. As for the little things, he has never wanted to do things that I want to do, if it wasn't his idea it wasn't a good idea. He doesn't like coming out with me, he never liked visiting my family, and I always feel like I'm casting around for things to say. Yes, I was in love with him, but now I realise (with the help of my friend) that even in our best moments, I always felt like I was walking on eggshells and that I had CONVINCED myself that this was as good as it was going to get. I've AlWAYS felt unappreciated. I really don't think we are right for each other and I find myself thinking "I wish "my friend" was here" in every single situation, where as I enjoy time apart from my husband more than time with him. The kicker is I brought this up (nix the other man) and in the past week my husband has been trying very hard, except I feel it's too late and everything he is doing is making me cringe and just annoying me. But he is a very good man (except the mild neglect and selfishness that he's now trying to fix), he clearly loves me, and I don't want to hurt him. But I am betraying myself if I stay, I don't love him, I don't want to be here. I think if I stay I'll always resent him for holding me back. This isn't new. I've been complaining about being lonely for years. Just about all the anxiety attacks I've had in have been related to him in some way. It's just that I recently realised it wasn't my fault. Thanks for sticking it out, any help is appreciated

Spw63 Sad & Lonely
  • replies: 4

Hi all I recently joined well I’m married but very sad and lonely. I told the wife I was seeing a psychologist but no reaction so not sure what to do she has no idea how bad I really feel.The main problem is that I met a lady online we chatted and fl... View more

Hi all I recently joined well I’m married but very sad and lonely. I told the wife I was seeing a psychologist but no reaction so not sure what to do she has no idea how bad I really feel.The main problem is that I met a lady online we chatted and flirted it was so much fun she’s gone now but made me realise how sad and lonely my life really is.So hard every day to keep going

Fergy16 Black Sheep of the Family
  • replies: 4

Hi, This is my first time posting so here goes. I am a 45 year old married woman with two teenager children. My parents divorced when I was 18 and my mother left the family home. Since then I seem to have become the family scapegoat while my younger ... View more

Hi, This is my first time posting so here goes. I am a 45 year old married woman with two teenager children. My parents divorced when I was 18 and my mother left the family home. Since then I seem to have become the family scapegoat while my younger brother has taken on the role of the golden child. My brother is now 41. My father is a wealthy man who has given my brother a very well paid role in my father’s business and has moved my brother and his wife and children to Melbourne where he is living. I am living in Brisbane and now find myself responsible for my mother’s emotional and physical well being. We have never had a close relationship as her narcissistic behaviours prevented any closeness. I do however make sure that I go on outings with her regularly so that she doesn’t get lonely. She went through a very bad break up about 3 years ago and is living on her own. Despite this, she never posts any of this on her Facebook feed. To other family members it would appear as if I don’t exist in her life. I makes me seem like I am a bad daughter. Whereas my brother visited recently and they went out for dinner (I was not aware of this) as my brother and I are estranged. My mother then posted on Facebook about how wonderful it was to see him and how much she misses him and loves him to bits. Then other family members commented about what a wonderful son he is. There was and has never been any mention of me. This hurts me to the core and has been going on for many years. My father often tells me during phonecall that my husband deserves a medal for being married to me. I don’t know why they think I am so awful and I am beginning to think there is something wrong with me. I never call my dad anymore because I am so afraid of being put down. Sometimes this is about my job. I am a teacher. At other times it is about my parenting, or the behaviour of my children. Anything really. So he calls me regularly. I just feel so worthless.

Brad49 My wife Left me Sept 21st
  • replies: 48

After my wife gave birth I lost connection with her I tried getting it back but couldn't.. She was distant... Next thing I knew I found out she was having a Affair. The first time she came back she said she only did cause she loved me. I tried puttin... View more

After my wife gave birth I lost connection with her I tried getting it back but couldn't.. She was distant... Next thing I knew I found out she was having a Affair. The first time she came back she said she only did cause she loved me. I tried putting a stop to it.. But the other Guy kept chasing after her.. and she had more and more secret liasons. Until finally in September this year she decided to leave me for the other man.Its been 2 months now . I'm on meds anti depressents and anxiety pills.. I'm doing my best to move on. Its so difficult. The problem is my wife is very nieve(all her friends tell me) and was manipulated into this relationship. She lost all her friends and family by being with this guy.They told her not to do it. And recently I cut her off from access to her son. She has no money no job no government benefits and is sponging off this new boyfriend. The problem is even after everything shes done I still love her very much. I'm dating I'm seeing other women. I'm going to the gym I'm getting trim taught and terrific. I keep on waiting for someone to tell me that my wifes relationship with her boyfriend is over.. I know Affairs don't last long but is it just me thinking that this relationship shes in wont last?

RCR Getting over being cheated on
  • replies: 5

5 years ago, with the birth of our second child, my wife was diagnosed with post natal depression and anxiety. Our second son did not sleep well and our first had been diagnosed with high functioning autism, which added to the stress we were both und... View more

5 years ago, with the birth of our second child, my wife was diagnosed with post natal depression and anxiety. Our second son did not sleep well and our first had been diagnosed with high functioning autism, which added to the stress we were both under. I developed a sleep disorder which resulted in me sleep walking and acting aggressive at nights. I went to a sleep specialist and the sleep disorder was soon under control with the help of a CPAP machine to treat sleep apnea I didn't even know I had, while my wife went to a psychologist. The next 5 years were difficult as my wife continued to be distant with both our children and me. We went to marriage counselling and I put everything I had into the relationship. A normal day would involve me getting up early to have the boys fed, dressed and ready to walk out the door for school. I would often make my wife a cooked breakfast and leave notes, telling her she is loved and valued, around the house. After a full day of work I would return to make dinner and put the boys to bed. I would then clean while my wife went on drives to get some space. I'd make lunches for everyone with a note for her to read at lunch on the days she worked. I also took the boys to my parent's house for a few nights each holidays. Every year on her birthday I would arrange babysitters, a hotel and things to do in the city for us both, as well as other date nights throughout the year. I thought things were progressing well, even though I felt I was the only one making an effort, I felt we were going ok. In march this year my wife informed me that she had been having an affair with an ex boyfriend 'for a while'. At least a year, probably more. I later discovered it was only over because the other guy's wife had found her photos on his phone. Turns out he told her he loved her and that they would escape each other's problems together. When discovered he told his wife she was just a crazy person who sent him nudes and denied any relationship. Although she acknowledges she was being used, she still loves him and I have spent many nights comforting her broken heart. In a lot of ways I feel like we are closer now and communicating better, and when I am with her I forget how hurt and betrayed I feel. But, at night and while I'm at work, I feel like a rabbit is trying to escape my chest as I picture them together and rethink every moment of the past year or more. I've forgiven her, I'll never stop loving her, but will I ever get over the pain?

Rospat Dealing with friendship loss
  • replies: 3

Some years ago I was a fulltime carer for an elderly family member, and consequently became very socially isolated. When my parent passed away I went on a seniors forum as a means of starting some social interaction. I went to some social events they... View more

Some years ago I was a fulltime carer for an elderly family member, and consequently became very socially isolated. When my parent passed away I went on a seniors forum as a means of starting some social interaction. I went to some social events they organized and was befriended by a member with whom I had something in common as we had both dealt with family members with Aspergers. We became very close friends, went out, had fun, our families also joined in the friendship. She often told me that I was her only friend and seemed to really value me as a person. Then there was a change in her family's circumstances, which they dealt with, but it meant she was not available to me as much. I understood this, was supportive and we met up whenever we could. However this became less and less, she was hard to contact and when we were together she started to be bitter, critical and sarcastic. I wondered if she had gone off some medication - she had formerly taken anti depressants and HRT meds. Finally after no contact for a while I sent her a nice birthday card and a message asking if I had somehow offended her. She emailed back in a very nasty tone saying that she knew I had gone cold on the friendship!!! I was amazed and tried to reassure her but she was just very hostile and unpleasant. Anyway that ended the friendship. it has taken me some time to get over this - actually I have been dumped in a similar manner before. I try to get on with life and be positive but the sadness gnaws at me, plus I am lonely. I have joined a walking group and made casual friends but it seems I am not destined to have any close friendships.