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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Mamba Marriage breakup
  • replies: 1

Hi Im having a really tough time as my wife and i have just seperated, i feel absolutely ripped apart, we have 3 kids 12 5 and 7 months, i have been a depressed mess for 18 months and she always stuck by me and helped me so much, we have been togethe... View more

Hi Im having a really tough time as my wife and i have just seperated, i feel absolutely ripped apart, we have 3 kids 12 5 and 7 months, i have been a depressed mess for 18 months and she always stuck by me and helped me so much, we have been together for 13 years and got married nearly 2 years ago, i cant stop crying, im a very emotional person but this is so hard, everything seems pointless, like whats the point of doing anything if theres no one to share it with im really scared about the future as im so use to having my family always there i dont know what to do, i get to have the kids 6 night a fortnight which is great but still feel empty

Asenna Can’t let go
  • replies: 1

Hi there my beyond blue friends. I’m looking for some advice and possibly a bit of knowledge from someone who has been through similar. I know I know, we are all different. My story is a complex one yet I will give you a snap shot of 3 and half years... View more

Hi there my beyond blue friends. I’m looking for some advice and possibly a bit of knowledge from someone who has been through similar. I know I know, we are all different. My story is a complex one yet I will give you a snap shot of 3 and half years. My partner of 10 years left me in the beginning of 2015. We have two wonderful children. The eldest was 5 and my youngest was 3 when she left. Quick back story. I had a nervous breakdown a year before but was diagnosed incorrectly as it being trauma. I was a mess and was still quite very low when she left. She had enough of looking after me and the two children at the same time. I was so heartbroken. I was desperate and broken. I tried to hold on to her and get her back. I just can’t seem to let go. I can’t. She is seeing someone and there are times it tears me apart. I just cannot let it go. She’s on my mind and I need to know what she is doing etc etc. It doesn’t allow me to be present. What do I do. I have severe depression, not because of it but I was wondering whether that exasperates it more. I don’t know. Fab

MayItShine I feel betrayed by my own family
  • replies: 2

Hello. This is my first time on here, and I'm a little nervous sharing online but I'd like to reach out for support. I'm about to turn 18. I have had pretty severe anxiety since age 14, and for the last year have had depression. I've been through a h... View more

Hello. This is my first time on here, and I'm a little nervous sharing online but I'd like to reach out for support. I'm about to turn 18. I have had pretty severe anxiety since age 14, and for the last year have had depression. I've been through a heck of a lot of issues with my mental health and paternal parent, but my older sister, older brother and mum have ALWAYS been there for me. They are my biggest support network. Recently I have had my mental health take a deep dive for the worse, and on the weekend my family told me that they were going to withdraw. So mum had been off work with me at home, to basically take care of me. But she said she was going to work. I understand that she has to work, and I'm not trying to sound selfish at all. But since then, she has stopped her support altogether. When she gets home and I try and tell her that I had a bad day and need a hug, she tells me about all the other things that she could be doing with her time. I have had many long talks with her about the way she makes me feel, and every time she says that she is listening to me, but makes an excuse. My sister and brother are the same. I feel really betrayed by them, and as a result my health is literally rock bottom. I have no friends, and without there support I feel so lost. I should probably mention that I have a private psychologist who is trying to help, but he's currently on holidays. I guess I'm just really looking for some people to talk to who might understand how hard it is to talk about mental health.

Kakapo Don't know how to go on with life without my boyfriend (26f)
  • replies: 14

He has been trying the last 2 months to get better, had his first session with psychologist on Thursday (he did work with her 2 years ago too). He's been feeling lost, low self-esteem (can't love himself), and like our relationship is a pressure to h... View more

He has been trying the last 2 months to get better, had his first session with psychologist on Thursday (he did work with her 2 years ago too). He's been feeling lost, low self-esteem (can't love himself), and like our relationship is a pressure to him because he can't meet the expectations of being in a relationship. Thinks I would be better with someone else - even if it hurts him a bit. He's trying to be realistic. Our lease ends in November and he wants to go separate ways to recover and sort his life out (he just lost his job also). He doesn't know if he will be the same or if he will get better by the time he comes through the other side of this. To say I am heartbroken doesn't describe the agony I am in. The pain is worse than when my dad died. My boyfriend was the kindest man I had ever met, driven and funny. He was very intimate. And then he just started slipping away from me. I was emotional and hurt, which pushed him further away. I started seeing a psychologist and taking prescribed anti-depressants to try cope. I have plans to study next year (so does he). That helped initially to know I had something to focus on. But now I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to go to work. I'm trying not to cry at work. The pain while crying has been so bad I'm having trouble breathing. I moved countries for him and I have no family here. No really close friends. I am so scared and alone, all I want is to be loved again. To have everything you wanted and lose it all, while still in love, is the most excruciating emotional pain I think we can experience. What do I do? I'm crying so hard and am in so much agony, I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up from this nightmare. He's not who he was. I wish he would get better, and would love himself and me again.

TJ1624 After almost 15 years of marriage and 2 amazing children I had a breakdown and pleaded for help only to be told my wife wants to seperate...
  • replies: 8

I have been married for almost 15 years to the women of my dreams, we have had our ups and downs and have always managed to get through anything we have faced, I genuinely adore my wife and would give up almost anything to be able to spend my life by... View more

I have been married for almost 15 years to the women of my dreams, we have had our ups and downs and have always managed to get through anything we have faced, I genuinely adore my wife and would give up almost anything to be able to spend my life by her side but yesterday I hit a real low point which various factors contributed to, (stress at work, lack of sleep, viral issues over almost a month) and I was in a terrible mental state and in tears asked my wife for help, her reaction has really crippled me, she told me she wanted out of our relationship and that she has been angry at me for a long time and doesn't like the person she has become because of me.... I am far from perfect I know that for sure but I do adore my wife and try find ways each day to try to make hers better than the day before, i am a very active father and husband and do majority of the housework, taking kids to sport etc and have never begrudged my wife for this, like i said I adore her... I am so far beyond being lost, I really dont know how I move forward, I know I have to for my Beautiful Kids but just can't imagine a life where I dont get to hold my wife each day......

Beharris Feeling alone in my marriage
  • replies: 4

My husband is the most amazing person normally but i feel as though he always hates being around me he never likes to do activities with me he was so much more happier when we were engaged but once we married he never seems to look forward to seeing ... View more

My husband is the most amazing person normally but i feel as though he always hates being around me he never likes to do activities with me he was so much more happier when we were engaged but once we married he never seems to look forward to seeing me anymore always says he doesnt have time or his too busy or has too much stress on him .. He claims he has anxiety and always finds excuses to be around other people he's also always so bubbly around others but when we're together he seems bored and unhappy i dont know what to do or how to make our love grow back this is putting a huge strain on me and my son who is an infant as i cant give him my all waking up everyday feeling unhappy. Im also pregnant with baby number 2 am i just over reacting ? Or what should i do ? Because as of now im loosing myself!

freedom2018 Help with moving on
  • replies: 5

A few months ago, I left my husband, who I had been with for 9 years. We were originally having problems because he no longer wanted children anymore, and he knew that that was a deal-breaker for me. He thought our marriage was going to end, so he we... View more

A few months ago, I left my husband, who I had been with for 9 years. We were originally having problems because he no longer wanted children anymore, and he knew that that was a deal-breaker for me. He thought our marriage was going to end, so he went and found himself an online girlfriend to cope with our break-up. This all happened while we were still living together, and I believed, still working on our marriage. We have now officially split, although we are still under the same roof. Looking back at our relationship, and doing some research, I now believe I was married to an emotional abuser. I have recently started seeing someone new, who is wonderful and sweet, and so very kind. He knows everything about my previous relationship and is happy to go slow for me. However, I feel like I am sabotaging the relationship now. He is very busy at work so is unable to message me very often during the day. I stress if I don't hear from him for hours on end, and start messaging him constantly. I even am constantly doubting him, asking if we're okay, or if he's busy talking to other girls. I don't believe I am good enough for this wonderful new man, and I feel like I am ruining any chance I have of a successful relationship due to my doubts and self esteem issues from my previous relationship. I feel like I am apologising constantly for my behaviour, and he says he understands and I don't need to worry. But surely he will tire of it eventually?? To be doubted constantly and to have to offer reassurance constantly must be exhausting. I'm not worth the hassle! But I want to move on. I don't want to be like this. I don't want my ex-husband to have a hold over my life anymore. Can anyone provide advice on how I can start to move on, and not be such a naggy cow to the new guy. He does nothing to deserve my doubt.

manoody92 More marriage issues.
  • replies: 11

Well here I am again. Its quite a personal topic this time. I have been mentally unwell the past few months and have been trialling different medications to see what helps. It’s been quite a difficult time. My husband has been supportive of this, eve... View more

Well here I am again. Its quite a personal topic this time. I have been mentally unwell the past few months and have been trialling different medications to see what helps. It’s been quite a difficult time. My husband has been supportive of this, even though he does get frustrated with me quite easily. Things haven’t been great and I’m finding it more and more difficult to connect with him. Tonight I decided to be intimate with my husband. I was trying to enjoy it, but I just couldn’t. I came to the realisation that I just wasn’t finding it appealing or my husband attractive. I cried immediately after wondering what’s wrong with me. I’m taking this as the last sign that my marriage might be over, or I at least need a separation to sort myself out. The only thing making me stay is our daughter. I feel so lost. I see my counsellor Monday, but I just wondered what your opinions are?

Livedivine Can anyone identity these behaviours
  • replies: 8

Hi I just I suppose wanted some advice on what these behaviours are. I've learned to just accept them and I suppose the wanting to have them named is a way of making sense of things for ourselves. But they baffle me in some ways. If I had a bit more ... View more

Hi I just I suppose wanted some advice on what these behaviours are. I've learned to just accept them and I suppose the wanting to have them named is a way of making sense of things for ourselves. But they baffle me in some ways. If I had a bit more understanding about them I might be able to be more understanding. NOTE: My husband does have PTSD, not the debilitating part of it which he endured 2006 but the residual part of it as stated by Psychs last year when our marriage came crashing down. His moods have been steadily been getting worse again, I feel over last 6 months. But he claims he doesn't know about them, or aware of them. Scenario - My husband gets into a car with his daughter and her friend, his daughter is driving. Because my husband is diabetic and I was aware of how little he'd eaten I grabbed a trail mix and walked outside to give to him. So I stand at the door expecting him to wind down the window, he doesn't. I wait a few seconds then open the door myself and say "normally when someone is standing at the door it means they want to talk to you". (yes I was a bit annoyed). His response is "ohhh, but I couldn't give into you". Scenario - My husband will say something of general interest and if I indicate that I already knew he'll say "you didn't know that, I just told you" or "don't 'yeah' like you already knew, you didn't know". This happens quite often. Scenario - Random times, when he's more sullen, he just gives me a look of disdain. Scenario - A few crumbs (literally) are on kitchen bench. He says "you girls are so disgusting". Meaning daughter and myself Scenario - He is now retired and I work part-time. So I'm cleaning up after dinner he'll say "no you don't do that, you're the one working now I do the dishes". This is him in his more up mood. Since he's been down a little, he hasn't done the dishes in weeks. Scenario - Im sick , it took him 4 days before he was free enough to say "how are you today babe". He is not an empathetic person or very compassionate but tends to show things with money. He shows his kindness this way. Such as when I was sick, day 3 he said "you should stay home from work tomorrow". That's his way I suppose of saying I care. What I've found extremely challenging is the difference or changes in opinions and values depending on which person I get. His response to one thing will be one way, but if he's in his down mood, his opinion will be different. ????

LeeA18 A tad confused
  • replies: 50

My boyfriends depression/anxiety returned about 2 months ago. He stepped back from our relationship. I have been keeping in contact with him every few days as I haven’t wanted to bombard him when he is going through this but I also wanted him to know... View more

My boyfriends depression/anxiety returned about 2 months ago. He stepped back from our relationship. I have been keeping in contact with him every few days as I haven’t wanted to bombard him when he is going through this but I also wanted him to know that I wasn’t going anywhere. He slowly opened up to me about a few things. Over the last week he has shown signs of being his old self. I am quite confused as to whether he wants to move forward again or if he still needs space to sort himself out. Without sounding like I am presurring him, but for my own sanity, how should I approach him about it or should I just see how it plays out over the next few weeks?