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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Scot_Girl_In_Aus I need help finding a way to communicate with my partner
  • replies: 7

I'm new to this and have never used a site like this but here we go. I have recently moved from Scotland to Aus to be closer to my partner. All in all I would say we have a very good relationship, very loving and very easy but we are living with his ... View more

I'm new to this and have never used a site like this but here we go. I have recently moved from Scotland to Aus to be closer to my partner. All in all I would say we have a very good relationship, very loving and very easy but we are living with his family and it is a very stressful household to live in. On top of this I have suffered from depression and anxiety for many years and was put on anti-depressants at the start of last year but would only take them for short periods. I haven't taken my meds for around a year but recently I have been feeling increasingly down and more anxious. My negative thoughts have been increasing and my self image is very low at the moment, which makes me question why my partner would love me and if he really does. When I try to talk to him about how i'm feeling I just start to break down which doesn't help anything, stopping me from articulating and saying what I need to. I also get very upset and anxious whenever he leaves for work and his hours have also increased recently when I feel I need him at home more than ever. I feel guilty for getting sad before he goes knowing he'll stress about it at work. I'm really struggling to communicate how I'm feeling as whenever I cry or get upset it scare and worries him. He knew before I moved that I can get like this but has never seen it so he is unsure how to help me. I don't like him seeing me like this and I feel like I'm just causing him to have more things to worry about. The only way I was able to tell him that I was beginning to feel like this again was through messaging but I don't feel I can really get everything across by doing this. Living here with almost no support network is very hard and I cant really talk to his family members about how I'm feeling. Any thought or suggestions would be very welcomed.

lilykitten I need a good cry
  • replies: 9

I've been separated for 2 months and feel like the weight of a planet is on my chest. My kids hate their Dad (for leaving or not leaving soon enough depending on the day) I feel isolated at work. I'm only just living within my means and everything se... View more

I've been separated for 2 months and feel like the weight of a planet is on my chest. My kids hate their Dad (for leaving or not leaving soon enough depending on the day) I feel isolated at work. I'm only just living within my means and everything seems to be getting on top of me. I've just had a weekend of people pleasing. Hosting my mother who had visited to make sure was OK, planning, buying presents and bribing the Kids to visit their Dad on Father's Day. Racing into work on Sunday to get up to date, taking my daughter to a psychologist , visiting a lawyer sitting up for ages to help the other daughter with homework all after spending more money and organisation for a birthday dinner and more presents. for an ungrateful ex. so I can keep it nice for him before handing him half of all the money I have ever earned and then probably never seeing him again. Still not crying. I so need to release my emotions.

The_STaR_is_broken Husband has disclosed he is gay - looking for help from those in similar situation, please.
  • replies: 7

Hi Thanks for reading. I hope there is someone who can relate to my situation and guide me through the dark haze I see ahead and out to the clear on the other side. A week ago, I would have said I was happily married, and had been for over 19 years. ... View more

Hi Thanks for reading. I hope there is someone who can relate to my situation and guide me through the dark haze I see ahead and out to the clear on the other side. A week ago, I would have said I was happily married, and had been for over 19 years. We have an almost-11 year old daughter, and my husband is a great Dad. He is also a loving husband, even though our love life has always been mundane, limited and initiated by me. I accepted that, as we are very strongly connected, emotionally and spiritually, and he has looked after me very well. He has supported me through depression ( I currently take medication), through part-time uni studies, through changes of jobs, and through my love-hate feelings towards my mother (hence my depression...). I have supported him equally or more, since before we were married- a tumultuous relationship with his father, moving interstate for his 'dream job' and being alone for quite some time, and now I am helping him with his part time uni course. Since having our daughter after 8 years of marriage, it has just been the 3 of us (we go by STaR). We pride ourselves on managing without one scrap of family support, and we are always here for each other. I have heard how envious of us other families are - we enjoy regular overseas holidays, we have up-to-date cars and appliances, a modern home, contemporary values and beliefs, good educations, an intelligent and popular daughter who contributes well to sport and local extra-curricular activities. We loved life and life loved us. Until one week ago when my husband disclosed he is gay. He advised me he has known since he was about 7, and now I am heartbroken, devastated, confused and humiliated. So where to from here? I am looking for anyone who might have a similar experience and can shed any light on what on earth is going on and what I do now. I have an appointment on Monday for my Doctor to write a mental healthcare plan, and I will then be looking for a psychologist. My husband has asked if I can attend one or more appointments with him when he sees his LGBTI psych, which I have agreed to at this stage. Anyone out there who'd like to connect with me so we can now bounce off each other. I said to my husband during the first few days that this feels worse than death to me as the one person I would usually talk to is actually the same person who has done this and is no longer around to talk to - anyone else feel that way? Kind regards and I hope to meet you soon.

Lexie34 Newbie, burnt out single Mum in need of suggestions and ideas.
  • replies: 3

Hi, Im a newbie. Ive always a strong determined independent person. Life hasn’t been easy but I always managed to get through it and come out on top. I have a good secure job, am a single Mum to a 14 yo with special needs. Now I find myself in this s... View more

Hi, Im a newbie. Ive always a strong determined independent person. Life hasn’t been easy but I always managed to get through it and come out on top. I have a good secure job, am a single Mum to a 14 yo with special needs. Now I find myself in this situation ... burnt out, stressed, anxious and depressed. I’m on anti depressants, after taking 4 weeks off work, have returned on modified duties. I’m angry, frustrated and disappointed that I am in this position. My sons needs intensified over the last 18 months. It has been so stressful juggling his needs with full time work. Work in itself has been stressful. Added to that ... navigating the NDIS!!! My life has consisted of caring for my son and work. His father is not in the picture. I haven’t looked after me unfortunately and now I’m suffering. I need help. I have constant feelings of overwhelm. I’m exhausted. My doc has increased my meds this week so I know it will take time and potentially feel worse before I feel better I moved to a new town 2 years ago to make s fresh start with my son I haven’t been able to make any friends I’ve tried to seek out opportunities to meet other mums but haven’t ‘clicked’ now I feel so exhausted I don’t have any energy or motivation to keep trying I’m looking for ideas/suggestions that will help I need to keep working full time so can’t cut down hours are there any support groups in Ballarat area that anyone knows of? thanjs for listening and allowing me to vent. Lexie34

Asenna Hole in my heart
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone. i thought I’d share my story with you all hoping to get some feedback. I’ve been divorced now since May this year but the marriage ended and we separated over 3 and half years ago. It was not a mutual decision. She left for lots of vario... View more

Hi everyone. i thought I’d share my story with you all hoping to get some feedback. I’ve been divorced now since May this year but the marriage ended and we separated over 3 and half years ago. It was not a mutual decision. She left for lots of various reasons, mainly though that she wasn’t happy and I was still struggling with major depression. Since she left I’ve begged, pleaded, given her space, been an arsehole at times, fine, and around that merry go round again for at least 3 of those years. Come the start of 2018, I saw her on a dating app and my heart dropped. It consumed me for a little while but over time the pain and intensity lessened and I took the big leap and signed the papers to be officially be divorced. My depression just didn’t leave me. So I’ve slowly overtime started to deal with my maior depression and I’ve had the longest stretch of some normality for some while. But today I have found out she is seeing someone since January of this year that she met on the dating app. I don’t think that bothered me so much. That desperation of trying to win her back was non existent, yet I feel a deep sadness. Like the hole in my heart just became massive once more. I feel lonely, sad and feelings of being left behind in life. I’ve struggled with grief but also major depression for over four years and have also changed psychiatrists. But, these feelings I have today are not really depression. They feel like a big loss, that I’m not where she is in life, that I just been stuck because of my depression for so long. I feel like I’ve lost something. A life I once had that is lost to the past. Something that only lives in my memory. I can’t understand why my heart hurts so much. Thank you for listening to me. Fab

RemainTheSame I'm the father of a child I will never meet
  • replies: 13

Hello all and thank you first of all for welcoming me to your forum. As I have only 2500 characters to use, I will keep this as brief as possible. I did not ever believe I would suffer from anxiety or depression (and truly I find it hard to accept no... View more

Hello all and thank you first of all for welcoming me to your forum. As I have only 2500 characters to use, I will keep this as brief as possible. I did not ever believe I would suffer from anxiety or depression (and truly I find it hard to accept now that I do, I can be so stubborn) until recently. The long and short of it all is that I have been involuntary made a father-to-be. Some of you might think "that's normal, we all go through that sort of feeling before becoming a new parent". Generally I would agree. I am a very different person however. Not to go into this too much but I am a childfree by choice person and I have always been this way. I recently dated a young lady who fell pregnant to me fairly quickly. These things happen and we talked. It seemed pretty obvious early on that she was really not interested in me anymore and just wanted a baby; I was basically a sperm donor. Now, this was hardly an optimum situation for me, being a somewhat vocal childfree person. She assured me that she would cut all contact, remove me from her life and never needed me to enter it again, financially or otherwise. As there wasn't much option I accepted her terms and moved on. The issue was not raised again until a friend of hers contacted me to reassure me that she did not want me in her life, and never truly had. She had just received a 500k life insurance payout from her deceased ex partner and was happy enough to consider that our brief relationship never happened. Small consolation for me....this whole pregnancy is a horrible cloud over my head causing strange thoughts and constant anxiety...I can't even reminisc on good times past without my brain adding in "but that was before the pReGnAnCy InCiDeNt" and ruining my next ten minutes thinking....wash rinse repeat every half hour or so and you get that that must be awfully tiring to have happen. I have had to accept that there will be a child out there that I will never meet(I don't really want to either....I really don't like children at all) I am curious what anti anxiety methods people may suggest, or memory suppressant excersizes, I do not want to be affected by this thought process for the rest of my life. I equate my situation to genuine sperm donors and wonder if they suffer similar anxiety to myself. I lead an active social life which helps and work a demanding job which also helps. Thankyou again for having me.

Brett_T Separation and broken
  • replies: 1

Hi 1st time here, well ive lived with mental health for the last 15 years, used to get moody and the self verbal abuse, very low self esteem, GP put me on meds and as we all no up and downs well after all this time I broke in April this year, wife wa... View more

Hi 1st time here, well ive lived with mental health for the last 15 years, used to get moody and the self verbal abuse, very low self esteem, GP put me on meds and as we all no up and downs well after all this time I broke in April this year, wife was at her end and I had thought bad ones, cat team got me a hospital admission , my wife and 2 girls drove me , 4 hrs drive, my wife dropped me off .. never came back. I was there for 8 weeks and learnt a lot about depression , anxiety and self esteem and anger control. It’s been the hardest 5 mths of my 49 years of life, my oldest Daughter is not coupling with the illness I have and the breakup of the marriage, she finds it hard to talk to me this just turns the emotions on. Why I’m writing this today , it’s my 19th anniversary, I’ve been an emotional wreck since last night and my mind had been going to places I don’t like, I call it the grey place. I’ll never do anything to my self but the thoughts do came and go then I see my girls that’s more than enough to keep fighting to control the bugger illness. I’ve went back to hospital to help with coupling with daughter emotions, haven’t been back to work this time as I have lost all my will to go on, I have no support were I live thanks to cut in rural Victoria.I have never felt so alone and scared in my life like I do now .

Heartbroken_wife Recently separated
  • replies: 2

After 17 years my husband and I have separated. We have had numerous arguments alot recently where there was physical danger. This was the last straw I swore he would never lay a hand on me again. So I walked out. It was only going to be for a few da... View more

After 17 years my husband and I have separated. We have had numerous arguments alot recently where there was physical danger. This was the last straw I swore he would never lay a hand on me again. So I walked out. It was only going to be for a few days to cool down. The day I was planning to return I found out that he had updated his facebook profile to being a bachelor. So being as stubborn as I am I got my own place seeked counseling hoping that a better head space would help. However after 17 years I found out that within weeks he was already seeing someone. This has completely broken me. I have been getting drunk to numb the pain and I feel like an absolute fool I spent days and days crying cant sleep or close my eyes cos all I see is him with another person. My mind races somtimes I accept that its too late and other times I just dont know how to function. Never pictured my life not being married. We have 3 kids I thought that it would be best for them to temporarily have two happy safe houses rather than one unhappy house. Now it seems two houses will be permanent. Devastated and depressed don't know what to do.

ChadC2018 Hi Guys - Need Help - Would really appreciate it :)
  • replies: 2

Hello, I have a really nice sweet friend, and we were talking like best friends all the time. And We've been friends for well over 8 years now. I care about her a lot and she does mean a lot to me. Anyway (Keeping it short) this year starting from Fe... View more

Hello, I have a really nice sweet friend, and we were talking like best friends all the time. And We've been friends for well over 8 years now. I care about her a lot and she does mean a lot to me. Anyway (Keeping it short) this year starting from February she stopped replying to my messages. And so I started seeing how she was every 2 weeks / every month. Just little messages. I even checked to see if it was me, and if she wanted me to stop talking to her. I got upset because It might have been me. Or it could be that it might be something to do with her having Bipolar. I'm Confused... Long Story Short a few weeks later I said hi. I didn't get an Answer. I then proceeded to ask if she was okay? And she lashed out at me. And that really did hurt. And I was just so upset for the whole night, and I was trying to do the best I can to calm down, and try not to say anything that I would regret later on. Could you guy's just imagine what It would feel like if your best friend cut you off? No explanation, not even giving you the decency to tell you why. That's how I felt all year. And I honestly believe at the bottom of my heart that its not her Fault, and she couldn't control how she felt. However I'm still human, and I'm not immune from my own emotions, and I'm not immune from being hurt in the process. So I said to her "Maybe its best we don't talk for the rest of the year". I had a feeling that might have upset her. So the next day on a Facebook page (She is an Admin of). I was told that I should stop posting on a Daily Basis. Otherwise I would be banned from the page. And I was extremely offended by that, and I really felt at the time it was unfair. I personally was about to break down at work, and cry because after Months of my own personal challenges I had enough. It may have not been her that Banned me. But still. I felt that it was totally unfair. It was on that day that I Blocked her, unfriended her on Facebook and said How I really felt. I guess I personally didn't know that I wasn't okay at the time. And usually it rarely happens that I would be this furious. Had I've known I probably would have come up with strategies to not say things that I would later on Regret. As I have only just recently learned. Just because of your depressed and upset, What you think or say might not necessarily be true. I'm about to send that very facebook page a letter. Explaining why it was unfair. Should I do it?

Harmony_81 Confused
  • replies: 6

Hi all, it's my first time posting here, just hoping for some support as I'm really confused at the moment. My husband of 19 years is a "Gamer" he calls himself this. Playing online games around his work hours. Recently while replying to our child on... View more

Hi all, it's my first time posting here, just hoping for some support as I'm really confused at the moment. My husband of 19 years is a "Gamer" he calls himself this. Playing online games around his work hours. Recently while replying to our child on his phone a message popped up that was from a lady. I followed into the chat, her message was the only one in the inbox. Anyway long story short they'd been messaging each other for a number of months. My husband suffers from depression and said to me he was talking with her online as they both suffer from depression and could find common ground. Honestly I'd be totally fine with this situation except for the fact he had deleted all messages along the way. I'm feeling really confused and feel I'm at a fork in the road, He has lied to me in the past, to "Not upset me" I feel I need to reach out for some support. His gaming addiction has been a constant in our lives for the past 15 years and I guess I internally hold hope that one day he will stop.