Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Struggle_street When is enough enough?
  • replies: 1

I am so torn on when my heart and head will agree on when enough is enough. I am in my late 20s and thought after a number of failed relationships I had finally met my match. We have been together for just over a year and a half and for some reason i... View more

I am so torn on when my heart and head will agree on when enough is enough. I am in my late 20s and thought after a number of failed relationships I had finally met my match. We have been together for just over a year and a half and for some reason if I ever get this far this is where the bump happens and always stops. My partner has no previous relationship experiences and now looking back our relationship may have progressed too quickly for someone on their first rodeo. After a month of knowing him I just knew I Diddnt want him seeing or meeting someone else and asked him to be my boyfriend, a little unconventional but I knew what I wanted. After about 9months we were living together as we were back a forwarding from one place to another. 2 months ago he started to act strange, I had noticed for about 3 weeks that something had changed or was wrong. However, when ever I asked he always said everything was ok which made me think I was going crazy! Then he finally came out and told me “I don’t want kids” I Diddnt know what to say or do as I know I want kids and really cannot imagine my life without the family dynamic. Obviously my first question was why? Even now he can’t give me a reason on this and it baffles me. This is something we have discussed including hypothetical names etc so I was a little shocked. I suggested we go and speak to someone about it as I thought this would be the best course of action. we are happy in love, this has been by far the best and easiest relationship I have been in so I was never prepared to just let it go. to this day I have still not compromised as I strongly agree this is something that cannot be compromised on. However, as there is no why to it I believe in the short run that this could be a phase. we went to a couples counsellor and we were told to focus on our relationship and the good parts and deal with the why when it becomes relevant. A month on he says “maybe he should be single” but can’t give reasons for it. He says he needs space and freedom but he doesn’t want to see other people nor has he ended the relationship. On multiple occasions I have thought I could end it but never express this to him but it never lasts more tha 24hours as I love him and believe you should fight for what you believe in. I have decided to move out in the hope that he can experience the step we have missed when we were in the honeymoon phase. I’m just worried that the clock is ticking!

AM01 Second Level Stigma ... Spiritual Stigma
  • replies: 1

Does anyone else find that they not only battle the regular stigmas held against mental illness, but then also have to deal with the stigma the church has of mental illness as well? How do you handle it?

Does anyone else find that they not only battle the regular stigmas held against mental illness, but then also have to deal with the stigma the church has of mental illness as well? How do you handle it?

Jaz99 I’m alone for the first time
  • replies: 2

Hi, I’m 18 and am for the first time ever alone and I hate it. I’ve always had school and therefore friendships with the people you saw everyday and just before graduation I had a boyfriend. My boyfriend and I were together for our first year out of ... View more

Hi, I’m 18 and am for the first time ever alone and I hate it. I’ve always had school and therefore friendships with the people you saw everyday and just before graduation I had a boyfriend. My boyfriend and I were together for our first year out of school so I had him by my side for all the new experiences. We then broke up right as I moved out of home and started a new degree and was so caught in the whirlwind I didn’t have time to process everything. Now it’s holidays, I’m back home and finding myself very alone. I have 2 friends but they are so busy with their lives and my family are all preoccupied (my Mum just had surgery so we are all busy supporting her). Now I sit alone and my friends are busy, my family are busy and I have no one else. My sister and I use to be very close but she now has a boyfriend. My dad works overseas and is always gone and my mum is ill and recovering so she can’t be there for me as I’m caring for her. My phone use to blow up with messages or my partner would be there to chat at any time and was just around the corner. I suddenly don’t know what to do, I go days without getting a message from anyone and my family are too busy to do anything with me. I struggle a lot with anxiety so going out and meeting people isn’t really something I can do. i tried messaging people I use to be close with in school but so much has changed since then nothing really stuck with anyone. I just don’t know what to do, I’ve never been alone and I really don’t like it. With how stressful life is I need someone to bounce things off and talk to about anything and I just don’t have that person right now. thanks to anyone who responds, Jaz

DonPiano Considering Separating.
  • replies: 4

My wife and I have been married for nine years. My wife has PTSD/depression/anxiety, and I was diagnosed with depression last year. I haven't told her that as she has made it clear in the past that any health problems that I have she cannot deal with... View more

My wife and I have been married for nine years. My wife has PTSD/depression/anxiety, and I was diagnosed with depression last year. I haven't told her that as she has made it clear in the past that any health problems that I have she cannot deal with. For the past three/four years, we've slept in separate beds. I don't remember the last time she said she loved me. I do love her, but I find myself lately getting exhausted quicker and struggling to deal with her mental health. Anything I say or do is seen as an attack, or a negative thing about her, even though I try and frame things in the way she says to say them and try and be positive. I've gotten to a point where I need to start putting myself first and looking after my health as I find myself taking extra days off from work just because the stress of day to day life is becoming too much. But, if I do that, then it means that we'll likely separate, and I'm afraid that that would be devastating for her. She has said in the past that if I want to leave, she won't stop me, but I fear that she's just saying that. I don't know the path to helping her get to a comfortable place anymore. We don't have much of a life together outside of going out every so often. She never attends family events, and always cancels going on social outings at the last minute, so it means we've got no friends. I understand this is all part of her mental health, but it's come to the point where it affects me and that makes it even more difficult to manage. I'm just not sure whether we're already separated, or how to even bring it up as something that we should possibly do?

lvgd Depression and insecurity issues affecting relationship.
  • replies: 2

Hey guys, In December I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and commenced therapy after making the personal choice that I didn't want to be put on medication yet. I began therapy however felt like I just couldn't connect with my therapist an... View more

Hey guys, In December I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and commenced therapy after making the personal choice that I didn't want to be put on medication yet. I began therapy however felt like I just couldn't connect with my therapist and subsequently held back from expressing how I was feeling. Since then I have gotten significantly worse (am going back to the doctor tomorrow), and in the past couple of months it has severely affected my relationship. As a couple we now have more bad moments than we do good. We are constantly fighting and I get the feeling my boyfriend doesn't want to spend time with me anymore as I am making him miserable and stressing him out. Suddenly I am extremely insecure and have massive trust issues, and it's causing a lot of arguments and I spend most of my days crying and not wanting to get out of bed. My boyfriend doesn't communicate with me as well as he probably should, but the other day he told me I am "too clingy and overly affectionate" and openly told me that I "stress him out" which obviously hurt my self esteem and made me very upset, but I can see where he is coming from. Lately, if he goes out with the boys I spend the night panicking and desperately trying to contact him because I'm worried about him being with another girl or something like that. I have never been like this before in the 2 years we've been dating and I have absolutely no reason not to trust him, and it's really hurting me that I don't know what has come over me. I'm genuinely scared that he's going to lose interest in me or find someone better, so I'm constantly asking him for reassurance that he loves me and can tell he's annoyed by it. Basically these sudden insecurity issues are causing huge issues and I fear the worst for our relationship if I don't sort it out. I don't really have anyone to turn to so I'm basically looking for advice from people who have been in this situation on how I can fix this before it gets even worse

Gracie_Lee Hullo, trying to know who I am and to feel better
  • replies: 2

Hi Everyone, I'm feeling like a fraud for being on here. So many brave people facing real difficulties and I feel like maybe I need to just suck it up because there are no traumatic events in my past. But I've been feeling like life trundles along al... View more

Hi Everyone, I'm feeling like a fraud for being on here. So many brave people facing real difficulties and I feel like maybe I need to just suck it up because there are no traumatic events in my past. But I've been feeling like life trundles along alternating between really crap and ok, there's never any feeling of happiness or excitement. So I went to the doc (my anxiety through the roof, asking for help isn't my forte), he was really understanding and referred me to a psycologist but she didn't read his notes. She referred me back to GP for blood test. Again GP didn't access the notes. Got the blood test and thought I could call for the results but they didn't call back yesterday and today say I need to go in. They all asked me was there domestic violence. There isn't but I feel anxious they won't believe me or it'll be frowned on that I'm asking for help when I should get on with things myself. I asked for a referral to help me with my child too, again was asked was there domestic violence. (It would really affect my work if it was thought there was) I'm feeling myself slipping back in to the mode of acceptance and trundle along and don't expect anything better and avoid the anguish and anxiety of telling people how I feel. It's all starting to feel like it's too hard to ask for help.

Toretto Do i give her another chance?
  • replies: 17

Hi, i've been with my wife for just over 19 years and we 5 beautiful kids together. About 5 years ago i found out that she was having an affair so we separated and i moved out. We got back together after a month. She started a new job which i thought... View more

Hi, i've been with my wife for just over 19 years and we 5 beautiful kids together. About 5 years ago i found out that she was having an affair so we separated and i moved out. We got back together after a month. She started a new job which i thought would be a great help for our family as we could do with the extra money. In february this year i started noticing that she was acting really weird, very distant, wasn't eating much, lost weight, started wearing sexy underwear to work, always had her phone with her and always on silent, wouldn't come home after work, left really early for work, hadn't had sex in over 3 weeks, etc. She's always on facebook, posting photos (some a bit revealing) and getting a lot of messages. I questioned her about all this and i was told that there wasn't anything going on and that there wasn't anyone else. (She even swore on our kids lives). I did notice that one bloke she works with kept on liking nearly everything she was uploading..... On Wednesday she came home from work and told me that it was over between us and there was no chance of us getting back together, she had fallen out of love with me and didn't want to work it out or go to counselling. I was an absolute mess, my whole world was shattered. i was in a very bad way for the next few days. On Friday (2 days later) when she had just finished work and was supposed to go home a friend of mine seen her car and another car parked side by side in a car park hidden away from any main road. My friend described the other car and wrote down the plate. He then seen my wife and some bloke from her work get out of the back seat of his car then opened his boot and took his baby seat out and put it back inside his car. My friend called me and told me what he had just seen. Next thing you know my wife calls me and tells me that she was there thinking about our relationship and mentioned that she had seen my friend. On Monday she messages me and says that she wants us to work it out and get our relationship back where it used to be. On Tuesday (the very next day) she called me and said she was on her way home but I found her with the same guy in a different car park in the back seat of his car...They weren't doing anything only talking at this point. I found out later that they were sending nudes to eachother and meeting up. I find it hard to believe that they would only meet up to talk as she said to me. Do I give her another chance for the sake of our family or walk away...

KittyMouse Struggling to decide
  • replies: 2

Hi, I’ve recently moved it of house with my partner of 7 years before we were both living with my parents as we were saving to build. Ok so I have a very close relationship with my mum and I’ve moved 40mins away from her now. I find I’m missing her a... View more

Hi, I’ve recently moved it of house with my partner of 7 years before we were both living with my parents as we were saving to build. Ok so I have a very close relationship with my mum and I’ve moved 40mins away from her now. I find I’m missing her and the late night conversations we had on the lounge and just the little things we used to do together. My Partner suffers from Anxiety and Homebase it a massive trigger for him, so we didn’t have a good first few months in our house. Now he’s talking about wanting us to move back to where he’s originally from which is 2 hrs away. I start to feel really bad and upset because I don’t want to move further away from my mum because I don’t think I will be able to handle it but than I want to be supportive of him. Am I just being selfish? And should I suck it up and go or is this something someone else has been through and can have a chat to me about it. I guess I’m scared that I’ll miss out on so much stuff at home and that I won’t have the same relationship with my mum.

Acatlady Husband No Longer Loves Me
  • replies: 1

I am 29 years old and my husband and I had been together eight years, married for two. We moved from Australia to Canada and then to England for his career. Last year he told me his feelings have changed and he doesn't feel romantic love for me any m... View more

I am 29 years old and my husband and I had been together eight years, married for two. We moved from Australia to Canada and then to England for his career. Last year he told me his feelings have changed and he doesn't feel romantic love for me any more. It's been absolutely the worst time of my life. I was in Australia on a visit to see my family when he told me this, I don't think he could tell me face to face. So I went back to England to have the real discussion. A few weeks later I packed what I could of my things and have moved back to Australia and am now living with my mother. I feel like I have been very stupid. I gave up a lot of my life to follow him around and support his career. I did not finish university and have worked in jobs I did not enjoy. Now I am 29 and living with my mother, waiting for divorce! I have no job and am very directionless. When I first arrived back I did get a job but I couldn't work there long. It was doing the same thing I had in England, I didn't like it and with everything else it was too much. I have had depression and anxiety issues since childhood and with this happening I have been struggling. I have been seeing a psychologist for the last six months and maybe it has helped a little to have someone objective to speak with but I still feel very very down every day. I started a university course at the beginning of the year but, again, I didn't feel able to cope. I withdrew from that. I had hoped it would be some kind of answer to everything and would make me feel better. I just felt worse and worse, surrounded by young people. I know I let it get to me. I would like to study again to give myself some kind of positive future.. Working in the industry I had been (optical retail) is not what I want to do. It drove me crazy. I still talk to my future ex husband almost every day. He is the one actually keeping in contact. I do think he wants to maintain a friendship. It's not what he wanted to happen in his life either.. Talking with him is hard but not talking would be harder? I don't know what steps to take next. I am very alone and have no friends in this area, as my mother moved while I was overseas. I have visited some which was good but I need something where I am now (Perth). I'm not sure what I am doing! My thoughts are very jumbled and my emotions are erratic too.

anxiousandoutgoing Anxiety and a break up/rebound
  • replies: 2

Hi whoever is reading this. i have recently ended a long term relationship after my partner cheated on me. I am constantly struggling since with my anxiety and depression as my thoughts are constantly telling me I’m worthless and that it should just ... View more

Hi whoever is reading this. i have recently ended a long term relationship after my partner cheated on me. I am constantly struggling since with my anxiety and depression as my thoughts are constantly telling me I’m worthless and that it should just end now to make life (or lack there of) easier. I started seeing a long term friend but he is struggling to understand mental illness. I’m on an emotional roller coaster at the moment while also trying to deal with a new job. I need help. Is there any advice that can help me out?