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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Gilby not sure what where to start.
  • replies: 3

I am not really sure where to start. At the moment I have so much stuff running around in my head. I feel like I am drowning. My family and I packed up and moved 6 hours from my home town three months ago. Since moving I am feeling very lonely has i ... View more

I am not really sure where to start. At the moment I have so much stuff running around in my head. I feel like I am drowning. My family and I packed up and moved 6 hours from my home town three months ago. Since moving I am feeling very lonely has i know no one. My husband suffers from depression and has been having a lot of ups and down over the last 4 months and I am trying my best to help him but it doesnt seem to matter what i do or say it just ends up shit. I also have some family problems that i am trying to sort out in my head, but dont think i am getting any where. Feeling very lonely and just not sure how much more i can take

Guest_598 Unhappy about separation
  • replies: 3

Hello All, I have posted here before and after all the issues and sadness my husband and I have gone through, we have decided amicably to separate. This is mainly so that my husband can explore whether he really wants children (which I do not and nev... View more

Hello All, I have posted here before and after all the issues and sadness my husband and I have gone through, we have decided amicably to separate. This is mainly so that my husband can explore whether he really wants children (which I do not and never will) and also because I am planning to move overseas which he cannot see himself doing anymore at the moment. We fought a lot in the end, which wasn't us. It was probably all the frustration about the difficult situation paired with a lot of historical issues we have been carrying around. We are still seeing a counsellor and we want to clean out the historical issues to make our peace with it and also because these things should not have become so big in our, otherwise very loving, relationship. So in the end, once we work through all those issues, we will only separate because of the kids and overseas questions. Although we both know that that is probably the only option at the moment because we otherwise cannot "find ourselves", especially him who is extremely torn, we are struggling with the idea of separating. I am driving it further because I believe it will be the best option for him to finally realise what he wants in life (which will be good for him and I want him to be happy) and also so I can see what I really want and what I may have left unsatisfied for a while now (not physically but emotionally). So it is probably really the best but at the same time, there is so much love which hurts when we realise that soon, we will not share all those lovely little things together anymore - like cooking together, movie nights, travelling etc. I know it's only small things in the grand scheme of things but it just hurts and we are both scared of making a mistake. At the same time, I feel at the moment like it would be a mistake to stay together because these matters will never be dealt with properly simply because we're too scared to lose each other as life partners. We said that nothing is lost yet and if we find out what we want and that that is each other more than anything, we can give it another shot. But I am not sure that will happen. I know everything will be for the best but do you have any experience with similar cases where people love each other but other external factors require them to go separate ways because life goals may be diverging. And do you have experience with people coming back together after separation? Did that work and how? Any advice would be wonderful, thank you!

dirtyfabrik Getting strong waves of anxiety post breakup
  • replies: 6

Hi Guys, I've posted here a month or two ago regarding a breakup with my partner of almost 3 years. It all finally came to an end last Sunday and I moved home with my parents for the time being (29, male). The first few days were okay - however now i... View more

Hi Guys, I've posted here a month or two ago regarding a breakup with my partner of almost 3 years. It all finally came to an end last Sunday and I moved home with my parents for the time being (29, male). The first few days were okay - however now i'm starting to get an overwhelming feeling of anxiety and loneliness. Although she was the one that wanted to end it, we broke up on good term. We still message from time to time - which I think I'm fine with, however I really miss her company, my own space etc. All my friends live out of the area and have their own lives/issues/problems which means it's not as easy to organise my time with them as it was a few years ago. I just feel like my life wont get better, and a generally feel like a failure. Anyway tonight the feeling of sadness/anxiety was pretty bad so I came on here -

Tayz Break up and feeling alone
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone. Just need to chat. I'm 27 and have 4 kids, my husband and I are seperating after some time of unhappiness and trying to keep it together for the kids. The decision to seperate is only fresh, so i guess it's even harder at the moment. My ... View more

Hi everyone. Just need to chat. I'm 27 and have 4 kids, my husband and I are seperating after some time of unhappiness and trying to keep it together for the kids. The decision to seperate is only fresh, so i guess it's even harder at the moment. My husband has decided to move to another state, so I will not have any support from him (other than financially) and I have one friend close by, but I don't want to dump everything on her. I have anxiety and depression anyway, so this has just added to everything. I don't know what to do, my husband and I had an argument this morning because he was out until midnight last night after saying he would be home at 8. He is still living in our house and refuses to leave because he has no money. This morning he was talking to the eldest 2 kids and was asking if I ever did anything fun with them and what I did all afternoon yesterday while he was out. Saying I make no effort for them. I'm broken beyond words. I can't stop crying and don't know what to do. Sorry for my ramble.. Taylah

positive-vibes My husband has depression, but his lying is what is ruining our relationship! What do I do?
  • replies: 9

Im a mum of two amazing toddlers, and I have been married to my husband for 11 years, we both work full time have a mortgage. We are in our 30's. Last year my hubby had a bad run, he doesn't get along with his family always fighting with his parents,... View more

Im a mum of two amazing toddlers, and I have been married to my husband for 11 years, we both work full time have a mortgage. We are in our 30's. Last year my hubby had a bad run, he doesn't get along with his family always fighting with his parents, he had a rough child hood and his job and everything all got ontop of him he started to change as a person. Not happy, not out going, not a husband or dad.. just a shell. I knew he had started turning to alcohol to cover his stress, which also started the lies and his personality change. He was 'always working late' = at the pub, driving home drunk and when Id ask him what is going on, why so angry and drinking alot he would say 'oh thats right Im the let down, Im a crap husband.. i work my ass off and get yelled at for having a drink!" he would just walk off and go to bed always making me feel horrible. He finally admitted last September that he has depression, he saw his GP to get help, he doesn't want meds as he wants to get to the bottom of his 'messed up brain' he says, so had his 1st visit with a psychologist in DEC 2017. He said it went well he opened up and the Physc said his bad childhood is only coming out to effect him now after a bad stressful year. My hubby says he hates himself and wants to change, go back to how we were, be happy again. But I dont see him trying. This happy phase lasts 10 days before we are fighting again. Over money he wastes on alcohol, him visiting mates after work for beers instead of coming home to the kids and I, he does nothing around the house, sleeps, eats, ignores the kids and I while watches tv. Or will suck up to me if he wants sex. He says horrible things to me out of no where 'who called you tonight? Your boy friend! Who just messaged you!" And yesterday more lies telling me he was out visiting his parents and would be 20mins. the kids and I waited 2 hours and I ended up going for a drive and found him drinking at his mates! I told him I cant go on like this any more, its not fair on me or kids. I give him so much love and support and all i get back is 'whats for dinner? Lets have sex. I do everything at home, wash, cook clean, mow lawns and be a mum and dad to our kids. We had a huge talk last week on how I feel, the kids are now growing up and notice he does nothing with him, and I keep making excuses so the kids dont know their dad is never here. its heart breaking. I know he needs many more physc appointments but I cant take the lies. Is this depression or him

blep_panda My parents made me scared to love
  • replies: 2

My parents fight. Nothing special about that. Nothing new. It's like an everyday thing, has been for my whole life. All I remember is them fighting. Its one of my most constant memories. I can't seem to forget when there's a continuous reminder every... View more

My parents fight. Nothing special about that. Nothing new. It's like an everyday thing, has been for my whole life. All I remember is them fighting. Its one of my most constant memories. I can't seem to forget when there's a continuous reminder every day. At the end of the day, I want to let it out and tell them to divorce...but then I see those rare moments where they're not screaming and just holding each other or joking around as if they've fallen in love all over again and my mind gets into this sick twisted thought that maybe they'll finally be alright. Of course, I'm not right but I still dream for that day to come true. However, it won't. It never will and it's my greatest fear. I lay in bed at night with this sick feeling. A feeling that no one will ever fall in love with me. That the person I end up with (if I end up with anyone at all) will just make me spiral into depression like my parents. I'm scared. I can't look at my parents and say this is what I want when I grow up. It's exactly the opposite. I've heard my dad's love affairs at night when I'm 'asleep' and mum's crying on the phone. I've heard the defeated voice of my dad who would just look broken. My alarm clock is their screaming matches early in the morning before they leave for work. I don't know what to do. I can't deal with it. It's gotten to the point where I look at any relationship and think 'that will never last, something will go wrong. It also does'. I hate it. I hate this feeling of not being loveable. I can't stand it. But I can't deny the thought that no matter what he does, I will never be able to take him seriously. What's the point when he'll get bored? I have the fear of being cheated on because of my father. Who wants a girl with trust issues?! My generation has shamed relationships and now I'm faced to deal with it. This overwhelming fear in my head is something that will stop me from relationships. It has made me stop loving anyone as what's the point? They'll leave you sooner or later. It's gotten to the point where I just lay awake thinking 'what's the point of living? You're not really making an effort to survive. You're going to be lonely forever because no one wants you. You're unlovable. You're disgusting. No one wants you here.' I don't want to be alone my whole life...but I can't accept anyone. Help me. I want this sick feeling to go away.

Brokenmama When does it get better? Feeling broken
  • replies: 1

I worked for an employer who hired me into his clinic after I was a patient of his. During my tenure, my manager would ask me questions about my marriage with my husband, my sex life, and psychological health. I am sexual assault/harassment survivor ... View more

I worked for an employer who hired me into his clinic after I was a patient of his. During my tenure, my manager would ask me questions about my marriage with my husband, my sex life, and psychological health. I am sexual assault/harassment survivor and subsequently suffer mental illness, he is aware of this and my psychological history. After the meeting, he offered me a lift home. He asked me questions about penetration, how I have sex, if I wear outfits, how it feels when I have sex and he was “aroused”. I texted him when I got home and said I was feeling uncomfortable about what happened in the car, he wrote it was in a vault, assured me hurt any opportunity he was offering me and he continued to engage in sending sexual information about me. After I did this, I asked him if we would pay and help with my reimbursements but he ignored me. The next day, I was feeling powerless, I offered to provide more sexual information about me in the hope he would communicate to talk about the new work opportunity or organise to pay my wages but he ignored me. I felt ashamed and dirty. I went to my husband for help and showed him the text messages who contacted the manager, but the manager texted my husband saying information I had given me was private, nothing to do with my husband and despite being curious about my personal life, he felt it was inappropriate after he asked me to send information to him. Eventually, he insinuated I was having an affair, it was something he didn’t want to know and he was an innocent victim. He’d write to me and said I made him feel uncomfortable, that I have issues in my marriage but he still wanted to be my friend and support me on a personal basis. He since made accusations that I sent him unwarranted texts, explicit photos and he wouldn’t show evidence of said explicit photos or texts and I didn't send anything like this.

e11e123 I can't control my anger
  • replies: 2

My relationship is suffering greatly because I cant control my impulse and the things that come out of my mouth. He is my 1st bf. I have been cheated on by him 2x in the past I have anxiety n get frustrated n it's hard to contain without clenching my... View more

My relationship is suffering greatly because I cant control my impulse and the things that come out of my mouth. He is my 1st bf. I have been cheated on by him 2x in the past I have anxiety n get frustrated n it's hard to contain without clenching my fists, picking my scalp until it bleeds, picking my skin, etc. I feel as though I have only two options when i'm feeling this way, either I cry to let emotion out or I want to start spewing verbal abuse or get physical This past week he has been busy with assignments and with work n I have no problem with him doing that n I tell him to not call me until he is completely finished everything he needs to do to better his life On Sunday we barely spoke and I had expressed to him the last few days that I have been feeling down and irritated so that he knows if I get annoyed it's not because of him. He spoke to me for 5 mins and told me he would call me after dinner which was fine with me After a few hours I call him to make sure he is ok, he told me he was taking someone home n would call when home After 3 hours I was worried I call again n he hung up. I can tell when he hangs up compared to when it just rings through, (different voicemail). I call again n he hung up again. I know I should have stopped calling n let him get back to me when he had the chance but I felt sick to my stomach and had a gut feeling he was somewhere he shouldn't be. I called a total of 126 times n when he finally picked up he was at a club, I lost it n told him to go home or we are done. The next day we had a bad argument about why he lied to me and I lost it. I was screaming at him and swearing. Him laughing at me made n me even more angry. He adds oil onto flames n makes me worse. I know it was manipulative to give him and ultimatum but at the time I was so enraged I didn't know what else to say. He was upset and told me I was crazy for calling 126 times and didn't understand why I was so angry and I quote I said "Yeah I called 126 times, I would have called 1000 times. I would have gotten on that MotherF plane and burnt down your house is how angry I am". He admitted to lying and he did give me explanation as to why he lied and to me it meant nothing. I would have he rather told me the truth. I cant stand being lied to and its what triggers my rage and anger. Please help me. I cant control myself. My anger gets worst the more times things like this happen, what do I do?!

CJs_mum Families
  • replies: 3

Hi was wondering if anyone else has had this or something similar happen to them and how they may approach it. I've had anxiety pretty much all my life, mostly due to my dads behaviour after coming home from the Vietnam war. He was controlling, diffi... View more

Hi was wondering if anyone else has had this or something similar happen to them and how they may approach it. I've had anxiety pretty much all my life, mostly due to my dads behaviour after coming home from the Vietnam war. He was controlling, difficult and angry when I was growing up. That said, he's recently been getting help through the awesome ppl at VVCS and is starting to say I'm now "just old enough to start thinking for myself" (I'm 35 this year, sad, I know.) I've been getting help from VVCS too and it's been great. Now, though, my parents -whom I'm living with- are starting to try to take over everything again. Theyll push me off a chair I'm sitting on while eating breakfast (that I bought and made) and tell me that I'm "so useless, I can't sit there." Theyll tell me my cooking is so appalling they can't bare to touch it, and will go and make a disgusting, watery broth or something and make me eat that instead. But then accuse me of not doing anything around the house. theyll make a huge mess in the kitchen, yell at me to clean it up but prevent me from doing so. If I dare say I have plans for the day...omg, the guilt trips come flooding in and the "you haven't done enough housework" and "you're not good enough at..." 's do too. the horrible thing is, it's all too easy to play victim and say "they're right, I'm not good enough" even if I try as hard as possible to achieve something. Its come to a point this week where because of all the nagging and put downs, I'm moving slower than ever, I'm making stupid mistakes, in doing and saying dumb things and getting lost/flustered so easily, this proving them right. the harder I try the more I fail and the cycle continues... how does anyone stop the cycle or prevent it? thanks

c_1698 I don’t want my partner to join the navy
  • replies: 1

Hey so, my partner is in his last few weeks of recruit school for the navy. I’ve really struggled while he’s been gone and my anxiety has become so overwhelming. I hate the instability of it all and not knowing where we’ll be posted and if he’ll be d... View more

Hey so, my partner is in his last few weeks of recruit school for the navy. I’ve really struggled while he’s been gone and my anxiety has become so overwhelming. I hate the instability of it all and not knowing where we’ll be posted and if he’ll be deployed etc. I’ve had to start taking anti depressants just so I’m not so miserable all the time. I’ve come to the conclusion that this lifestyle is not for me, but I love my partner so much and I do see a future with him. I expressed my concerns to my partner and he said he would rather leave than to lose me but I would feel a tremendous amount of guilt if he did that. He said he has other career choices that would be better for us but im scared his family will resent me for being the reason that he leaves. I know it’s his decision but it would be based off my feelings and I don’t know if that’s fair on him. He signs his contracts next week so we have to come to a decision. I love him more than anything and I just want an outcome that’s going to make us both happy. But I don’t know what that outcome is