Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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ynwawanm Girlfriend with depression broke up with me over the weekend
  • replies: 8

Hi all, I know there's a lot of threads on topics like this but I think I just need to get this off my chest. So my girlfriend of almost three years ended things on Saturday night/Sunday morning, and admittedly I feel kinda stupid and naïve about how... View more

Hi all, I know there's a lot of threads on topics like this but I think I just need to get this off my chest. So my girlfriend of almost three years ended things on Saturday night/Sunday morning, and admittedly I feel kinda stupid and naïve about how I'm feeling. Admittedly, we have had our own issues- but definitely hurdles that could be worked with. However, a couple of pretty huge aspects of her life- work and home life- have caused so much stress for her in the last six months in particular, that we just could not work on it. And I understand- we weren't getting enough time together (particularly because of her schedule) and that made her feel so much worse about this relationship, in that there was no time to work on those problems. We ended up taking a brief break a few months ago, to work on ourselves- I have had my own issues before, too- and things started looking seriously positive after then, until about the last three weeks. She hit a massive wall, and had zero energy and time- way too much on her plate. So on the weekend, she did the tough (albeit courageous) thing and that was to end our relationship. Her main concerns were that we simply haven't been able to progress, because of everything going on in her life- she knows I have been trying (and still want to), but she does not have the energy for the pressures of a relationship (especially one like ours, which does have its kinks to iron out). What drove her to this I suppose is that she has said there will be dramas with her family coming up over the next six to twelve months, and this will drive her stress and anxiety even further. So if we were to have stayed together right now- we wouldn't have gotten anywhere. So I completely understand. I still love her dearly, and we are not abandoning each other- we have not ended on bad terms (just a lot of tears) and ultimately, I know we will both be okay. I guess I just want to know if it's silly to hope that one day, if and when she is back up and about and in control, that we might be able to give it another go. I've had break ups before, and those were easy- I didn't want a strong future with them like I do with this girl. I even wrote a letter (sitting down and writing out everything I tend to be better at than sitting right there and saying it) but I think I am going to hold onto it, I'm not sure. Anyway, I know it's definitely not something that I should count on, either. I'm not sure what advice I'm looking for, I'm happy just to talk.

silverdingo I don’t have a life, I don’t know who I am anymore.
  • replies: 9

10 years ago I had a great job, a responsible position reporting to government. I was a single parent with child going through VCE and was in a 6 year relationship, and was actually engaged at the time. Then boom, the conversation came right out of t... View more

10 years ago I had a great job, a responsible position reporting to government. I was a single parent with child going through VCE and was in a 6 year relationship, and was actually engaged at the time. Then boom, the conversation came right out of the blue, “I don’t love you anymore”….”you need to move out”. I had to move to make way for new girlfriend who was moving in. That was probably the first time I felt true depression, I felt like crap and I was thrown out like trash. I moved on quickly and found myself in another relationship, I do feel guilty about it being so quick, but i felt that’s what I needed to do. A year later a proposal and then I moved to be with my partner the following year. Due to the travel time I had to leave my job. They were like family to me, especially my boss. I had no close friends, still don’t. I got a job closer to home, part time. The place was very unorganized in many ways and I left as I felt like I couldn’t cope with the stress, mum was in aged care and was deteriorating. She died later that year. I have so much guilt over how I treated my mother over the years, it makes me cry uncontrollably at times. With her death came family issues, I had to talk with family who I didn’t talk to. We all grew apart, long story. I had a few years off from working, and did a few volunteer stints before starting another part time job last year, close by again. Another unorganized place, I felt like I was nobody and always overlooked and was never told anything. So my partner said “Leave” so I did. There is a lot more to the story, but for now, this is it. I’m sorry, I feel like I have crashed, I’m not the person I used to be, I don’t know who I am anymore. I used to be in a great organization, I pretty much ran my department, but now I feel overwhelmed with loneliness and have no one to lean on, I can’t tell my partner as that causes some stress for him. Somedays I feel like my smile has disappeared and the lips have been set in concrete.

Determined1 Lonely and depressed after leaving my ex
  • replies: 72

Hi everyone, thank you for taking the time to read my post. So 6 months ago I left my ex boyfriend. We had been together for 7 years and I felt like we weren’t progressing in the relationship like I would have hoped. Fast forward 6 months and I’m fee... View more

Hi everyone, thank you for taking the time to read my post. So 6 months ago I left my ex boyfriend. We had been together for 7 years and I felt like we weren’t progressing in the relationship like I would have hoped. Fast forward 6 months and I’m feeling more depressed than ever and lonely. I also feel ashamed and guilty for dating someone right after we split. Call it a rebound, I can’t wrap my head around the fact that I did that as it’s not like me. Or is it? A few months after the breakup I wrote my ex a letter to explain my actions and where I believe I went wrong in hope we could try again. I poured my heart out into that letter, only for him to let his new girlfriend read it and for her to message me to say how ridiculous it was for me to do that. I don’t know what to do with myself right now, I keep busy with exercise, I socialise, work full time, swim once a week but I can’t help but feel worthless and guilty for leaving him like that. I messaged him to express my disappointment for allowing her to read my letter, and got hit with name calling and anger. I copped it on the chin because I felt like I deserved it. I miss him at times because he was by my side for a long time knowing I have depression and anxiety, and the thought of ever being with someone else scares me. I get cut up knowing he happily moved on and I do regret doing what I did without fighting a little longer. Any sort of support is so greatly appreciated.

Cantthinka Struggling to coparent, with #4 on the way
  • replies: 1

I am really struggling at the momemt. I am 4.5mmths pregnant with my 4th child. I have two older kids from a previous relationship, (13,10), and now two to my current partner (14months and due september). I love my partner and he is a fantastic Dad a... View more

I am really struggling at the momemt. I am 4.5mmths pregnant with my 4th child. I have two older kids from a previous relationship, (13,10), and now two to my current partner (14months and due september). I love my partner and he is a fantastic Dad and Stepdad. Im just really struggling being a mum to little ones again and coparenting. I seperated from my ex when my 2nd child was only 18months old, so I mostly raised my kids as a single Mum, and I reckon I did alright. Going through the baby/toddler stages again is so much harder than I remember. It was supposed to be easier this time around. I thought I would have a partner that could share the load, and I didnt think I would be as stressed financially this time. My partner has now gone back on the farm, which means he cannot look after kids while Im at work and I find I once again have the majority of the childcare, housework, cooking, shopping and general running of the house, budget etc. plus I work three days a week. Im finding I can actually deal with this ok, but as soon as he gets home, I lose it, something snaps. I am so angry with him. Why is it easier for me to do this by myself, and harder when he is here? mentally I have been really uo and down this pregnancy, Ive had postnatal depression before, but the lowest I have ever felt has been in this pregnancy, im sure its just hormones.

Saz86 Continuing marriage after affair-I feel trapped
  • replies: 14

My husband and I have been married 8 years and have 2 kids together. A year ago I discovered after he didn't come home one night that he was having an affair. It was months of texting and phone calls behind my back and then this one night. He never c... View more

My husband and I have been married 8 years and have 2 kids together. A year ago I discovered after he didn't come home one night that he was having an affair. It was months of texting and phone calls behind my back and then this one night. He never came clean, I found out from a friend who knew the other girl and actually contacted her. She told me everything including screenshots of all their conversations. He led her to believe he was separated and wanted to be with her. I initially moved out with the kids, but have found myself back in our home. Things aren't the same. He is very remorseful, said he will do anything to make it up to me and for the most part he has been really good. He's a very good looking guy, gets lots of attention and people always love him. The trust for me is gone. My feelings for him have changed, I don't want to be physical with him and suddenly everything about him annoys me. I have tried to stay for the kids. They love him and he loves them. But I can't go on living like this. Every time he texts or makes a call or is away from home I always think the worst. He doesn't make me feel secure or loved. Has anyone stayed and had a successful marriage after an affair?

WJW In a relationship with a habitual liar
  • replies: 14

I have been in a relationship for 8 years with a habitual liar. He is aware that I know about his condition and he says he is "working on it". He still continues to lie. I am at the point of not knowing whether he is telling the truth or lying...so I... View more

I have been in a relationship for 8 years with a habitual liar. He is aware that I know about his condition and he says he is "working on it". He still continues to lie. I am at the point of not knowing whether he is telling the truth or lying...so I just assume that most of what he says are lies. We do not have a physical relationship any more. It has definitely negatively impacted on our relationship. We have been to see a counsellor about his lying and how it is impacting on our relationship. After our first and only counselling session, the counsellor recommend that we should see someone else, as she thought she was not in a position to help with our particular issue. I am willing to see another counsellor, but not so my partner. He said he would prefer to work on it himself. I know he has deep-rooted emotional scars from childhood...scars that I believe need to be address professional first. He is a good person, but his lying is destroying my faith in him.

mrpdad My mind is all over the place
  • replies: 5

Hi, Very new to this. My situation is very complicated and I'm really struggling with where my heads at. I'm predominantly a very closed off person and don't let many in, it spans back a lot to when I was a child and I lost my mum at 16 from a long b... View more

Hi, Very new to this. My situation is very complicated and I'm really struggling with where my heads at. I'm predominantly a very closed off person and don't let many in, it spans back a lot to when I was a child and I lost my mum at 16 from a long battle with cancer, a month after she died my sister moved away to go to uni (I only ever knew living with my mum and sister) so my cousin (who is like my brother) moved in with me but then left after a year to take up a brilliant job offer, it made me very sceptical about everything as it felt like everyone always seem to leave me for whatever reason. Fast forward to now, and 2 years ago I separated from my wife. we have 2 young children (less than 10) and pretty much the first year apart I spent trying to rebuild myself and ensuring that my girls were protected more than anything. I got to a point where I wanted to get out and meet new people as I didn't grow up in Australia and do not have much of a circle of friends so I got out to a meetup group which was great. 2 weeks later I got a call to say that the girls mum had been involved in a serious accident and was in a coma. I pretty much dropped everything to be there for my girls, working full time and being a 100% dad to 2 emotionally drained girls was really really hard and tiring. Their mum was in hospital for 9 months and is unlikely to recover completely so its likely that I will always be the primary parent which I'm fine with. Her and her parents have a hold over me as we never got around to separate our assets and they treat the house that I am back living in (the previous family home which I moved back into when the accident occurred) but they treat it as their own and give me very little privacy. Home life is really draining due to this and I've made the decision recently that I need to sell the house urgently in order to try and move forward with my life. What complicates further and what is really messing with my head, is that for a long time I've felt that love will never happen for me at least until my kids are grown up until I met someone that was perfect, we started out as friends when she had a boyfriend, but she was not happy with him and split up with him and we started seeing each other more (as friends initially) but it soon got a lot more than that.

Melba123 Sad
  • replies: 1

Hi I feel like my family is imploding I am now arguing with my wife of 18 years my oldest daughter is fighting with her. My daughter says she is sad herself she says (to me that Mum hates her) My wife feels that I don’t have her back. I feel like I h... View more

Hi I feel like my family is imploding I am now arguing with my wife of 18 years my oldest daughter is fighting with her. My daughter says she is sad herself she says (to me that Mum hates her) My wife feels that I don’t have her back. I feel like I have to pick a side. I don’t want to pick a side. I want everyone to get along. I feel whatever I do is wrong. Its tearing me up. I don’t know what to do.

alcoop Is it just me?
  • replies: 2

I was recently diagnosed with depression, and I've found that I'm constantly trying to lean on others for support because I can't support myself at the moment. The people I do lean on, I feel like I'm a toxic drug to them and it's only a certain matt... View more

I was recently diagnosed with depression, and I've found that I'm constantly trying to lean on others for support because I can't support myself at the moment. The people I do lean on, I feel like I'm a toxic drug to them and it's only a certain matter of time before people realise I'm a lost cause and not worth knowing? Does anyone else feel like this? I find myself trying to tell people everything that is wrong with me telling them that it's better that they don't know me, but deep down I just want someone to realise I'm lying and I intact need them more than anything. I feel like I'm trying to punch myself and I don't understand why?

Cahi Bipolar boyfriend out of no where left me!
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone I'm hoping I can get some help from here So I have been dating a guy for 6 months (we've known each other since kids) we started off just talking as friends, but quickly started to develop feelings for each other! Once he realised he was ... View more

Hi everyone I'm hoping I can get some help from here So I have been dating a guy for 6 months (we've known each other since kids) we started off just talking as friends, but quickly started to develop feelings for each other! Once he realised he was falling for me he opened up to me and told me he had bipolar which caused him to sometimes go through fazes where he wouldn't want to talk to anyone. He then would always say that he wasn't ready for a relationship/commitment any time soon but he really liked me so he would constantly ask me to be patient with him and that he would one day give me what I wanted (a relationship) Anyway everything has been amazing, we have the best connection and just get along so great. He has told me on a number of occasions I make him so happy and he hopes I'm not going any where... Now just the other day he was at work I hadn't heard from him which was unusual cause he usually messages me every morning and through out the day, I messaged him to see how his day was going and he responded letting me know he wasn't having a good day and he wasn't wanting to speak to any one... Me being stupid and not understand bipolar properly I got offended that he didn't want to talk to me! So I persisted with messaging him throughout the day trying to get him to talk to me! I never got any responses.. and then I called him the next day and he told me that he can't give me what I Want, he can't commit to me and that we were over.... I've been absolutely beside myself, haven't stopped crying for 2 days.. everything was perfect as he even said he was so happy.. now I'm scared I've pushed him away forever! Also he mentioned to me that he just suddenly stopped taking his meds about 3 weeks ago.... could this have something to do with this? Does any one else have experience with not wanting commitment while having bipolar? I would appreciate any advise! I am so lost We had made so many future plans together.. he even booked a holiday for us to go away at Christmas! How can he just walk away like this!?