Being open with each other..
I'm just looking for some advice. I've been dating this guy for a couple months, he struggles with depression and feelings of low self worth. I can understand where he is coming from as I also experience similar problems. Just two issues I've noticed lately. He usually shares how he feels and talks to me about where his head is at but recently he has started saying that it doesn't matter and just closing up. I let him know I am here for him and that it does matter but it doesn't help.
I'm not sure if he's started doing this because of other reasons or because I usually close up when talking about my thoughts and feelings..
I've always had trouble opening up and sharing my thoughts and feelings about things with people and I am still having that trouble with him. Not as much though, I think I'm more open with him than anyone else in my life but I'm still not open enough. Part of it is that I don't want to put my problems onto him as he already has so much going on. And the other part is.. I don't really know? I know I need to be more open and I want to be but I just can't seem to let myself? I want us to work out and I think my inability to be open is just going to ruin things. I can see that he's getting more and more frustrated when I just close up and push him away. I can understand why he feels that way but I'm just struggling to let him in.
I guess I'm just looking for advice on supporting him more? And advice for myself - how can I become more open?
Hello Riptide, and a warm welcome to you.
You raise a very good point here, at first there is a chance that people open up (just a bit) to the person they're living with, but as nothing positive happens, that's when they decide to close up.
What can happen is that he feels defensive when you bring up things that are bothering you and blame you for how he feels and to discuss unpleasant subjects or your relationship won't get very far.
The problem is that both of you are trying so hard to cope with depression and both of you should not make either of you feel like you're complaining or telling each other they are doing something wrong.
You both need help and guidance either on your own or with each other with a counsellor, it seems there are many problems you are trying to find an answer to, but you won't be able to do this for yourself just yet, let somebody who is trained help you first.
Being open with each other is always positive, but sometimes you have to find the right time.
Please get back to us.