Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Melba123 Sad
  • replies: 1

Hi I feel like my family is imploding I am now arguing with my wife of 18 years my oldest daughter is fighting with her. My daughter says she is sad herself she says (to me that Mum hates her) My wife feels that I don’t have her back. I feel like I h... View more

Hi I feel like my family is imploding I am now arguing with my wife of 18 years my oldest daughter is fighting with her. My daughter says she is sad herself she says (to me that Mum hates her) My wife feels that I don’t have her back. I feel like I have to pick a side. I don’t want to pick a side. I want everyone to get along. I feel whatever I do is wrong. Its tearing me up. I don’t know what to do.

alcoop Is it just me?
  • replies: 2

I was recently diagnosed with depression, and I've found that I'm constantly trying to lean on others for support because I can't support myself at the moment. The people I do lean on, I feel like I'm a toxic drug to them and it's only a certain matt... View more

I was recently diagnosed with depression, and I've found that I'm constantly trying to lean on others for support because I can't support myself at the moment. The people I do lean on, I feel like I'm a toxic drug to them and it's only a certain matter of time before people realise I'm a lost cause and not worth knowing? Does anyone else feel like this? I find myself trying to tell people everything that is wrong with me telling them that it's better that they don't know me, but deep down I just want someone to realise I'm lying and I intact need them more than anything. I feel like I'm trying to punch myself and I don't understand why?

Cahi Bipolar boyfriend out of no where left me!
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone I'm hoping I can get some help from here So I have been dating a guy for 6 months (we've known each other since kids) we started off just talking as friends, but quickly started to develop feelings for each other! Once he realised he was ... View more

Hi everyone I'm hoping I can get some help from here So I have been dating a guy for 6 months (we've known each other since kids) we started off just talking as friends, but quickly started to develop feelings for each other! Once he realised he was falling for me he opened up to me and told me he had bipolar which caused him to sometimes go through fazes where he wouldn't want to talk to anyone. He then would always say that he wasn't ready for a relationship/commitment any time soon but he really liked me so he would constantly ask me to be patient with him and that he would one day give me what I wanted (a relationship) Anyway everything has been amazing, we have the best connection and just get along so great. He has told me on a number of occasions I make him so happy and he hopes I'm not going any where... Now just the other day he was at work I hadn't heard from him which was unusual cause he usually messages me every morning and through out the day, I messaged him to see how his day was going and he responded letting me know he wasn't having a good day and he wasn't wanting to speak to any one... Me being stupid and not understand bipolar properly I got offended that he didn't want to talk to me! So I persisted with messaging him throughout the day trying to get him to talk to me! I never got any responses.. and then I called him the next day and he told me that he can't give me what I Want, he can't commit to me and that we were over.... I've been absolutely beside myself, haven't stopped crying for 2 days.. everything was perfect as he even said he was so happy.. now I'm scared I've pushed him away forever! Also he mentioned to me that he just suddenly stopped taking his meds about 3 weeks ago.... could this have something to do with this? Does any one else have experience with not wanting commitment while having bipolar? I would appreciate any advise! I am so lost We had made so many future plans together.. he even booked a holiday for us to go away at Christmas! How can he just walk away like this!?

Marc7 Not coping with breakup
  • replies: 2

It's been 6 months since my girlfriend and I broke up. We had a disfunctional relationship it was very on and off all the time, a bit obsessive due to cumulative baggage we brought in. After a few months apart I let go of everything so I thought. I f... View more

It's been 6 months since my girlfriend and I broke up. We had a disfunctional relationship it was very on and off all the time, a bit obsessive due to cumulative baggage we brought in. After a few months apart I let go of everything so I thought. I felt ok. I dropped all the baggage and then I just had this huge relapse where now that I'd let go of everything I didn't have my girl. Now I was in a position to be in a committed relationship and happy and i was too late. She projected such a huge amount of anger st me for wasted time and how hurt she was and refused to meet or talk to me only text. I know it was a disfunctional relationship then but we loved each other deeply. I tried to get her back and just made her angrier. Then she said she was seeing someone else. This girl that loved me so deeply was already seeing someone 4 months later. She hates being alone. I should of known. She so angry at me and spiteful in her exchanges and all I feel is regret for not committing earlier and sorting my shit out then. All I feel is a huge sense of loss and love for her. I miss her all the time. It's pathetic. Now she has blocked me, won't talk to me. And I just feel this huge sense of loss. I can't stop thinking about it all and I'm trying to carry on with work and everything but I'm so depressed about it. I start crying and random shit on the tv. I don't know how she could do it. I don't want to feel this way but I just feel lonely and awful all of the time. Any good stories of recovery from anyone? Of bouncing back. I'm so up and down. The ups and good and the downs are so low. Just doesn't seem to go away.

Lulule Confused about husbands feelings
  • replies: 6

I’ve been with my husband almost 8 years and he has always when we fight said he doesn’t love me , never did , packs his stuff , then all settles down and he says he never meant it and expects me to just get over it. This has left me very insecure in... View more

I’ve been with my husband almost 8 years and he has always when we fight said he doesn’t love me , never did , packs his stuff , then all settles down and he says he never meant it and expects me to just get over it. This has left me very insecure in our relationship and over the years have questioned him about cheating on me because I’ve never been able to feel secure because the frequency of him telling me this all the time ive been at a low point in my life for about a year now battling with depression and PTSD, family issues due to childhood trauma has been a major stressor since September last year, we have had a terrible time and my husband had a motor bike accident in January leaving him immobile for 3 months, this last few weeks have been really bad where he seems so irritated at me , he has told me he doesn’t love me, hasn’t for ages, I annoy him, all this negative stuff he feels toward me and then he takes it all back expects me to just get over it and I can’t talk to him about it , then the next day he acts all nice telling me how much he loves me etc etc then that same day I will hear it all Over again with more detail each time and more things he can’t stand about me, I’m emotionally drained and confused beyond belief , the inconsistency is unbearable , he will look me dead in the eye and tell me he doesn’t love me. I feel he doesn’t I really do but then he tries to convince me he does and because I obviously don’t know what to believe he gets the shits that I can’t accept what he’s saying , we have another fight and I hear all the same thing again he told me as well that he is only here because he feels I’m not mentally strong enough to cope if he left and because of the kids, he is over the shit with my family he said it’s not what he signed up for I feel it’s inevitable I’ve asked him to just stop with the games, he keeps bringing up about me accusing him of cheating , I feel what’s coming next is him telling me he has cheated and that I pushed him to it

CaptainPickles New relationship confused
  • replies: 3

I started a new relationship on the 17th of November 2017 and we moved in together to her place in Jan 2018. So we've been living together for almost 4 months now. Her place is a 2 bed apartment and the second bedroom is rented out to guests. So we r... View more

I started a new relationship on the 17th of November 2017 and we moved in together to her place in Jan 2018. So we've been living together for almost 4 months now. Her place is a 2 bed apartment and the second bedroom is rented out to guests. So we really only have our bedroom and the lounge. Now currently our routine is I come home from work, then we spend time together in bed, watch netflix, then cook dinner, then more Netflix, she'll usually be playing games on her phone while we watch shows. I have Wednesdays and Sundays off and I usually try and organise something for us to do together but I find it hard as usually she'll sleep in on those days until 11:00-12:00 otherwise we usually just watch tv and I try to keep the apartment clean, groceries restocked and things. I'm used to being very active in regards to always working on little projects, writing, drawing but now I just seem to do nothing, I feel anxious if I try and do things without involving her. She seems happy and never complains about anything, tells me she loves all the time and is just the sweetest gal, I'm just kind of confused. My previous partners have always complained to me about things, so I would always be busy fixing things, I have said this to her and she says isn't it great you don't have to do that and smiles and gives me a wink, she's so cute. I'd just like some advice

Tasha111 Marriage struggles - confused about what to do
  • replies: 7

My 8 year old was yelling out while my husband was having a nap/rest. The yelling/whinging lasted about 20 secs and he shouted SHUT UP! This happened twice in the space of a few minutes. About 10 minutes later the kids were quiet and was having their... View more

My 8 year old was yelling out while my husband was having a nap/rest. The yelling/whinging lasted about 20 secs and he shouted SHUT UP! This happened twice in the space of a few minutes. About 10 minutes later the kids were quiet and was having their dinner. Suddenly my husband came out of the room and started charging towards my 8 year old and said he’s sick of him and was threatening to smack him. He’s a very big man and my 8 year old was crouching in a corner - being scared. I came up and intervened and said they’ve been quiet and just having their dinner. Why is he doing this now? I yelled at him and he grabbed my face and shoved it back. His whole hand covered my face and pushed my head back - infront of the kids. He also called me a dumb arse in front of the kids. There was another incident a few months ago where we had an argument in the car. Kids were sitting in the back seat. I was pointing a finger at him and he said to stop doing that - when I did it again he twisted my finger and the kids were screaming in the back seat when he did that. My finger was swollen from that. Apart from these outbursts he’s otherwise a responsible and good man. I’m very confused about what I need to do now. He doesn’t think that he’s done anything wrong and he thinks that I’m overreacting. Im very confused about what to do.

Guest_7072 I feel like a burden on my adoptive family who don't understand my depression
  • replies: 3

I've been living with my adoptive/ foster family for 3 years. I have a relatively good life and home environment with my own room, my instruments and freedom to express myself. But I've been struggling with depression and anxiety for many years, even... View more

I've been living with my adoptive/ foster family for 3 years. I have a relatively good life and home environment with my own room, my instruments and freedom to express myself. But I've been struggling with depression and anxiety for many years, even before i started living here, and it hasn't gotten better. I used to live with my biological family, quite a dysfunctional one might i add. My dad is a religious control freak and my mum is bipolar. I have two young sisters who live with my biological dad and an older sister who lives by herself. A while after my parents divorced, i ended up here. Alot of my depression stems from guilt for leaving my sisters behind, being unable to maintain a relationship with my biological family (im currently not talking to either which means i cant have a relationship with my sisters too) and just a general feeling that i make way too many mistakes that not only affect me, but affect other people. I hurt alot of people and i hate myself for it. According to my guardian, there's no reason for me to be depressed. i have everything and she's right to a degree. i often think of myself as selfish and stupid and ungrateful for even being depressed. She doesn't understand me at all and seems to be emotionally disconnected towards everyone except for her own 2 biological kids. She says things like "oh but youre not depressed when you're with your friends or you're at a concert are you?" when those things are merely distractions. Whenever we argue, it becomes heated with me crying and screaming and her telling me that i need to go back and live with my mum or i should leave if I'm not happy here. Sometimes after an argument she'll tell me that i need to call up my mum and tell her that im moving back. Our arguments lead to her fighting with her husband who she has underlying issues with because he doesn't do enough to help her. once she almost filed for divorce and today when we got into a full blown argument she shouted that she almost divorced her husband because of me. Unfortunately, I'm beginning to believe it. I feel like such a burden, and many things she's said leads me to believe that she doesn't want me here. It's like she just tolerates me. I can't live with my parents because they'll treat me badly. my big sister and i can't be in the same house for more than 2 days without fighting. I'm in the middle of HSC, and i don't know what to do or where i should go. It's like walking on eggshells no matter where i am.

mummaoftwogirls My world is spinning out of control
  • replies: 20

Hi I’m 45 and a Mum of 2 girls... 5.5 & 8. My depression has got so bad and I’m currently in the middle of changing medications. my husband and I fight all the time and infront of the kids! My girls are scared of me because of things I say and do! I ... View more

Hi I’m 45 and a Mum of 2 girls... 5.5 & 8. My depression has got so bad and I’m currently in the middle of changing medications. my husband and I fight all the time and infront of the kids! My girls are scared of me because of things I say and do! I love them so much it breaks my heart to see what I’m doing to them. This morning my husband said to have a sleep in as I’m really unwell and the medication detox is giving me brain zaps and vertigo. It wa as nightmare. He refused to get up and the time I do and the girls spent the whole morning being yelled at. I was so angry he asked me something and didn’t like the answer I have gave so he called me a dickhead. I burst a fuse and punched the wall and put my fist through it. My youngest was crying saying she’s scared and this made me even more angry... I just can’t cope anymore. I have no feelings towards my husband at all to the point I can’t look at him. i feel like I’ve ruined my kids lives and I don’t deserve them at all. They are such sweet, gentle girls and I feel I’ve now given them a lifetime of issues because of mine. I want to just run away as I can’t be here anymore. I can’t live without my husband but I can’t live with him. Mum sad and depressed all the time and wish I didn’t exist. i know I need help but I feel like I’m puncihung myself and deserve punishment by my kids hating me. I don’t deserve their love or them. l feel it’s just all too late and what’s done is done and this is my life now... im scared and feel so alone !!

Alton Just need to let it out
  • replies: 2

Hi, Not sure I'm after advice here or just need to get it out. My sister has BPD (diagnosed) and is an alcoholic. She has been living with my Mum for the last 9 yrs after her marriage ended. 3 kids who are now late teens/early 20s. My sister has been... View more

Hi, Not sure I'm after advice here or just need to get it out. My sister has BPD (diagnosed) and is an alcoholic. She has been living with my Mum for the last 9 yrs after her marriage ended. 3 kids who are now late teens/early 20s. My sister has been a mess over the yrs, terrible behaviour, drinking, abuse, etc. I could go on and on. Unfortunately her kids have witnessed a lot of her awful behaviour and now they are older and over 18, no longer have anything to do with her. I have been telling my Mum for years she needs to set boundaries for my.sister. the professionals have told my Mum to kick my sister out. Mum has never done this, actually quite the opposite. My sister has drained my Mum especially financially. Sister doesn't work, never pays her bills and when companies threaten to send in debt collectors, sister runs to mum, gives a big sob story and mum always pays her debts. mum has never set boundaries and let's my sister do what she wants. There have been many times that my sister will take off her clothes and spends the day nude. Sister once had two guys over and they were filming themselves (if you know what I mean) in my mum's lounge room. Mum came home but they wouldn't stop. It's just crazy behaviour like this and mum does nothing. I don't know why my Mum puts up with all this. i live 10 min from Mum and haven't been to her house in 5yrs because of my sister being there. My kids never go to grandma' house. I wouldn' let them go there when she is there...never. i have lost all respect for my Mum and really have very little time for her. She comes to my house for grandkids but I tolerate it for my kids sake. I've told my Mum she will grow to a be an old lonely lady with my sister still living at home causing chaos as she does. But mum still stands by my sister. i really feel my Mum.has created a monster here. She could have set boundaries many yrs ago but she never did. unfortunately it will become my problem if my Mum dies. My sister will most likely not let us in the house. She already sells my mum's stuff/artwork to get money...again mum does nothing! So no doubt will cause chaos at this time for me my Mum gets upset and angry that my nieces and nephews no longer go to my mum's house but I say...do you blame them. Unfortunately they see my mum's house that holds bad childhood memories with what they have witnessed. I don't blame them. sorry I could go on forever.... thanks for reading/listening