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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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unicornprincess29 Small things starting to annoy me
  • replies: 1

I have a question, just after some opinions I guess: When small things about your partner start to annoy/irritate you, is that a red flag, or is that normal?

I have a question, just after some opinions I guess: When small things about your partner start to annoy/irritate you, is that a red flag, or is that normal?

Belate Why do i exist?
  • replies: 6

My whole life i've felt as though i shouldn't have been born. From the little details i know surrounding my birth i have the feeling as though i am nothing more than a mistake. My parents were only married for around a year before my dad found his ne... View more

My whole life i've felt as though i shouldn't have been born. From the little details i know surrounding my birth i have the feeling as though i am nothing more than a mistake. My parents were only married for around a year before my dad found his new partner and divorced my mum, i think that happened before i was two. My mother also found a new partner years lately both new partners seemly make it their mission to make my life harder than it needs to be. I grew up with both of my parents arguing over custody battles and being moved schools every couple of years. I never could understand why they argued so much seeing as it was over me and it only ever hurt me. I think i was quite a odd child, i was shy but other times i would lose all control of my temper into a fit of rage. I hated (still do) my step parents, my step mother forced me to call her Mum, telling my dad that it was the only way to stop her new child for calling her by her first name and of course he went along with it. She has total control over my dad and will manipulate any situation she can. My step dad has a narcissistic personally cant stand me having anything. He will lie, abuse, manipulate, threat and even turn violent for even the slightest reason. This is the type of man who held his dyeing mother in his hands basically demanding that she couldn't leave him. I spent most of my childhood failing at school, having barely any friends, being bullied and depressed. So many years i feel as though I've been treated as a second grade citizen to everyone and everything. Constantly everyone else's needs have been put before mine and i cant stay that i can every think of a moment where I've felt genuinely loved. I only feel the fake affection my family has given me out of sympathy. They have seen my issues and never quite took them onboard to actually help me with. Half arsed attempts to show others that they have done something about it. Sending me to the school counsellor after i told them i wanted to kill myself, Putting me on Ritalin to help with my school work but making my break downs worse. Ill say that my mum did try. Although i spent most of the childhood watching my step father abuse her verbally and physically. I tried my best to be there for her and protect her even though that was her job for me. These lasts couple of years i find myself waking up angry or sad most days. Feeling totally alone and not able to connect with anyone. All i really want is to be loved by someone.

Blake_Slak ROCD
  • replies: 5

Hi.... Well this is the first forum ive ever been apart of about this stuff.. Im 24 and have had a myriad of anxiety problems in the past....health anxiety...general anxiety and just about every form of anxiety you could have. This one has really got... View more

Hi.... Well this is the first forum ive ever been apart of about this stuff.. Im 24 and have had a myriad of anxiety problems in the past....health anxiety...general anxiety and just about every form of anxiety you could have. This one has really got me to make a thread and ask help because this is something that i dont want to do the wrong thing. I have been with my current gf for 7 months now....she is an angel of a girl...best girl ive ever met, treats me well and also understands i do have anxiety issues. As of recently have been having higher than normal anxiety....lost my job so have alot of time to ruminate....we talk alot and we see eachother alot...why am i asking myself the question "do i love her?" i know i do but for some reason i keep asking that question and because i ask that question it makes me think "if u really did you wouldnt ask this" but then the thought of her not being in my life legit makes my stomach drop which is why i am making this thread. Alongside this i saw another thread poster who mentioned the thought of breaking up with them is because it may rid them of this constant questioning please help, i can deal with other anxietys about health and what not but this has really gotten to me and its making me depressed because i do not want to lose her...she is 1 in 10000.

MayHem84 Feelings for a married man - should I tell him?
  • replies: 9

I am kind of in love with a guy, let's call him "Simon". I have been in love* with Simon for 2 years. I used to work at his workplace. Simon is awesome. I know this is going to sound clichéd but it's almost as if he fell from heaven or was somehow ma... View more

I am kind of in love with a guy, let's call him "Simon". I have been in love* with Simon for 2 years. I used to work at his workplace. Simon is awesome. I know this is going to sound clichéd but it's almost as if he fell from heaven or was somehow made from my imagination. Like he's really nice, he's handsome (most handsome man I've ever seen in real life) he's polite, friendly, and everyone loves him. He's just an all round good guy. He's absolutely perfect in every way. And he's also a fireman (!) It's as if god made him just for me. Except he didn't. Because someone else already has him and has 2 kids with him. I would never in a million years get with a married man, because I respect the institution of marriage and believe that the family unit is probably the most sacred thing of all. So nearly 2 years ago, I decided that I had to get away from Simon so I left my job and drove over 1000kms to work in QLD. The first night I was there I went out for dinner with my new bosses and my workmates. And wouldn't you believe it, the couple opposite me (let's say they are called "Trent" and "Tracey") were friends with Simon. They used to work at my old work, and Trent used to work under Simon. We had been talking about people that we knew from my old work, and when I mentioned Simon the first thing that Tracey said was "Oh, I love Simon. He's so gorgeous". That's 9 women (me, Tracey, and my old co-workers) who think that he's sexy. I have been thinking about Simon every day for 2 years and I feel like I'm going to go mad if I don't tell him how I feel. Would it be wrong to do this? Even if I have absolutely no intention whatsoever to take anything further. I don't want to be disrespectful to his wife. But on the other hand I don't know how this is going to be received. Like, maybe he will be really happy to know how desirable he is (which he must already know) and maybe his wife will be glad that people lust after her husband (which she must already know). I have written up a message which I was going to send to him on Facebook, but I want to hear your opinions on this first.

Hopeful9 Depression and anxiety & love
  • replies: 1

Had a some stressful events leanding up to a week of spiraling into deep depression and anxiety attacks , On the second from last day of my spiral I was crying telling my gf how much I loved her and that I couldn’t see how I would support her and kid... View more

Had a some stressful events leanding up to a week of spiraling into deep depression and anxiety attacks , On the second from last day of my spiral I was crying telling my gf how much I loved her and that I couldn’t see how I would support her and kids asking not leave ect ect and that I didn’t want to be depressed for ever , the next day I wake up and boom the tummy turned and I had the same thought of it’s you and her that’s the problem all day over over , I couldn’t sleep and against advice I split with her. she has been so supportive and helped me as best she can , but I still had the thoughts and couldn’t shake them , I decided to try again but after 2 weeks of thought she decided it wasn’t best we so I do it , which set me back , . What I don’t understand is why I’m still having the thoughts bug now it’s flipped 180 and it’s telling me I messed up as she’s everything you want now I feel like I wdon’t na be with her but it also makes me feel anxious too - it’s like I do but I don’t but I do

Struggling_mumma Feel unsupported
  • replies: 3

I've recently had a very rough week mentally and i reached out to my boyfriend and told him i was struggling. He didn't respond. I spoke to him about it later and asked him if i had his support. He just told me he didn't want to deal with it as he do... View more

I've recently had a very rough week mentally and i reached out to my boyfriend and told him i was struggling. He didn't respond. I spoke to him about it later and asked him if i had his support. He just told me he didn't want to deal with it as he doesn't want any negative energy around him. I tried explaining to him how it made me feel and he just told me it's something i need to deal with and it's not his problem and i should be just happy with life. I tried explaining it's not that easy and i was feeling really unloved and unsupported by what he's said. He always seems to only worry about himself and not me or our daughter. I just don't know if i can stay in a relationship where I'm not getting any support. I love him and support him through everything but just don't feel he reciprocates.

Kahgami Need advice on friends etc
  • replies: 2

I was in a relationship for a year and a half until about a week ago. It was a sudden breakup and it really hurts me because I've not really had any friends for a while now and he was all that I had. I really struggle making friends and I've been try... View more

I was in a relationship for a year and a half until about a week ago. It was a sudden breakup and it really hurts me because I've not really had any friends for a while now and he was all that I had. I really struggle making friends and I've been trying to make some again, but I can't seem to connect with anyone and they give up on talking to me. I feel isolated and alone and I'm having a lot of trouble trying to get over this breakup, even if it has only been a week. He already seemed to have moved on and he has friends so he's okay, but my case is the total opposite.

Guest_926 Help- I need strength to leave my partner
  • replies: 38

Hi, I need some help and support. I have been with my partner for 2.5 years and have lived with him for most of that time. I was single for a long time before I met him; was in an abusive marriage for 12 years. I am insecure and do not trust easily. ... View more

Hi, I need some help and support. I have been with my partner for 2.5 years and have lived with him for most of that time. I was single for a long time before I met him; was in an abusive marriage for 12 years. I am insecure and do not trust easily. But he was so loving and still is at times, I thought I’d found my perfect partner. After a few months I found out he had been communicating with past girlfriends and was on multiple dating websites. He’d even contacted a woman on one. He assured me he would wipe his past and we started counselling. My trust was broken. He was eager to buy property together and get married. I held off the marriage but bought land with him. We have been under a lot of stress due to work and trying to blend families successfully. He is reasonably nice to my kids but complains they do nothing to help out. We are back in counselling as he pushed me a few times and I called the police. It doesn’t seem to be helping. He blames me for all our problems; he has tried to contact his past girlfriends a few more times and has met with one of his ex-wives to discuss our relationship which I had asked him not to do. I often wonder if he is a narcissist. Reading about it I can see some traits in him. We have a few good days and it’s so loving and wonderful but then I’ll say something he doesn’t like and won’t speak to me for days. This happens all the time and has been our story. I have reached out to his third wife to get some insight on what I thought was true - he cheated on his wives and lied. He has the potential to be quite horrible when drinking so I asked him not to drink much and he did agree but in the last two months he has started to go out with work colleagues (mainly women) and drink. It’s hard to express what I’m feeling. Basically some times he treats me so wonderfully but he can’t sustain it. Then he blames me and doesn’t speak to me for days. He is very negative about things at times and mopes about. He always talks about himself and will often cut me off. My psychologist is of the thought he won’t change and I need to leave. There’s been so many times he has lied to me or contacted other women or not spoken to me for days. I’m so confused. In my gut I know I have to leave; I think he will become mean if he finds out my plan. I’m worried how I will move everything out in one day. I don’t have many people to help. I can’t pack beforehand as he’ll know. But then he is quite loving. I need help to stick to my plan to go.

YunaS Utterly lost and confused.
  • replies: 8

Hey I'm new to these forums I'm kind of scared to post anything about this in fear of making him angry but I need some help. So me and my partner met 1 year ago have been dating on and off since, it became very bad quite quickly he let his ex girlfri... View more

Hey I'm new to these forums I'm kind of scared to post anything about this in fear of making him angry but I need some help. So me and my partner met 1 year ago have been dating on and off since, it became very bad quite quickly he let his ex girlfriend actually break up on several occasions and he also left me for someone else which is bad enough right? but my 30 year old self fell in love so i became desperate to fix his mess and to hold onto what little I could of our relationship. Soon in batween that I had learned that he blamed me for literally everything even if it was not my fault it was his and made me feel really horrible. Whenever we had issues instead of coming to me he went to his friends told them lies about me wondered why they hated me and let his friends actually decide everything in our relationship and yet I was still to blame I was still at fault for that. I have broken it off several times lately but he always comes running back making new accounts to contact me on knowing he hasn't left me enough time to get over my hurt from the break up telling me he loves me he is sorry for everything he wont do it again and begs me not let leave him again then it's like after he has gotten me back a lightbulb goes off in his head and he goes back to his normal self. He has cast so much heavy doubt into my mind about myself and my feelings that I can feel myself breaking and I no longer know if im wrong or right good or bad or who I am anymore. When he is really wanting me to shut up he always uses the "I'm going to leave you" trick or the "well you can leave im not stopping you" trick. I now fear making him angry he just looses it entirely over such small little things. We have had several arguments about me wondering why he never tells me "I miss you how are you doing?" because he said "I never miss you i can contact you when i want to" and "I never miss anybody it's not just you" and then yelling at me telling me how needy I am. He tells me off on a daily basis telling me I am a drama queen im too over emotional and I just need to relax "I have never known anyone who does this to me like you do nobody else does this" I simply ask a question and thats the responses I get. He made me feel guilty for going onto an online game forgetting my profile said single and character had a semi-revealing outfit and his friend took a picture of me entirely on my own not near anyone and told my partner I was cheating and he blamed me for that. Any advice?

Anne74 Finding it hard to let go
  • replies: 2

My boyfriend is currently trying to quit smoking pot and im having a really hard time dealing with his moods. We had an argument a couple of days ago and ive tried reaching out to him to talk but he is angry and responds rudely to my attempts to talk... View more

My boyfriend is currently trying to quit smoking pot and im having a really hard time dealing with his moods. We had an argument a couple of days ago and ive tried reaching out to him to talk but he is angry and responds rudely to my attempts to talk. I feel like a punching bag and dont know how to stop stressing about it all. I have generalised anxiety disorder so when things like this happen it goes through the roof and i try to get things back to normal as quick as i can cos i hate stress. Can anyone give me ideas on how to cope with this situation? Anne