Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
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Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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white knight Over analysing
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This forum is a great place. It fills gaps in our pursuit of mental well being, well enough to survive or fit into society or just feel better. How much investigation do we need to accomplish to feel better? A trap I fell into some years ago was to f... View more

This forum is a great place. It fills gaps in our pursuit of mental well being, well enough to survive or fit into society or just feel better. How much investigation do we need to accomplish to feel better? A trap I fell into some years ago was to focus too often and too long on my mental issues. I began to fell my mental issues were a giant magnet and any spare time I’d gravitate towards the computer onto this forum or googling sites about bipolar, depression and medication. I’d mention to my visitors my mental health. Eventually I wrote the following threads (use google) Topic: Do you ramble on? A talker of mental illness all the time- beyondblue Topic: do you talk too much about your problems?- beyondblue It became obvious that the balance of getting on with life and my obsession with my mental state was out of whack, this is quite normal for a time. Acceptance of our ills isn’t easy. So how long should we centre our attention on mental illness to an overloaded level? That depends on the person, how serious their state is and their difficulty in dealing with it. What I would consider is the effect of your daily life and your relationships by smothering yourself with too much of the one topic. Any topic, say an obsession with a hobby, work, sport, is not beneficial to your life as that balance is not only harmful to you but your relationships suffer, people see you as obsessed. We all know that feeling of being ill when socialising and we mention our medication and others turn away. We are also sensitive towards other people so we should limit our contact with the same faces because hurt isn’t far away whereas some find friendship in others with similar mental illnesses to an extreme. My suggestion is to just back off a little and spread your time and kindness. This is all to do with balance and self preservation. Lets be wise as to the reasonable level of everything we do. Limit your worry, time on mental illness issues and not leave ourselves open to hurt by attaching ourselves to friendships beyond reasonable levels. Finding a hobby or interest takes us to another world of smiles and fun. We can introduce variety in our lives. Over thinking how we think, who likes us and who doesn't, why, why, why, what if's, I wonder, maybe I'm bipolar, etc etc. Get the treatment, involve yourself with forums and regular GP visits but acknowledge that those actions are only part of your life. There is other living to do. Tony WK

Racheeii Struggling with my husband who has bipolar disorder
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Hi, I’m new to this forum but feel like I have run out of places to turn too. My husband and best friend of 15 years has bipolar disorder, he has chosen to stop taking his medication and this has now started to affect our marriage, I also suffer from... View more

Hi, I’m new to this forum but feel like I have run out of places to turn too. My husband and best friend of 15 years has bipolar disorder, he has chosen to stop taking his medication and this has now started to affect our marriage, I also suffer from years of anxiety and depression, I am so scared of losing our marriage, he tells me that he loves me and doesn’t want to lose me but in the same breathe I feel like I’m doing all the trying to keep things on an even keel. I know I should back off a bit and not put too much pressure on him but I’m really scared I’m going to lose him, I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t.

Belbanana How do I deal ....
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Hi, I’ve never posted on a forum about my problems so bare with me. My parent is diagnosed with ptsd, anxiety and depression. He is on medication however he is non-complient. It’s really starting to affect myself and mother. The littlest things trigg... View more

Hi, I’ve never posted on a forum about my problems so bare with me. My parent is diagnosed with ptsd, anxiety and depression. He is on medication however he is non-complient. It’s really starting to affect myself and mother. The littlest things triggers him which really sets him off. Later he will act like everything is fine and nothing happened. It’s a perpetual cycle as it’s happened before. I’ve told them that I want to discuss this with his GP and or his psychiatrist however, he thinks that it’s no use as he thinks he’s ‘fine’. Which leaves me so angry and frustrated. Also he has gone through a non-compliance stage before so it’s nothing new. I guess I’m posting on here to see if anyone else has had this struggle or what I should do. I try not to get so angered about it but sometimes I have to walk away when I do. Thanks in advance for any advice and for listening to my rant. I do feel a little better now that I’ve shared that even if it is with a internet stranger.

Br3nt Partners dad and brother living with us for over a year
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Hi all, First time looking for help on a forum so i hope this is the right place. My partner and I are both 27 and have a 15 month old baby together, and about a year ago her dad and brother decided to move in with us. At the time this was great i go... View more

Hi all, First time looking for help on a forum so i hope this is the right place. My partner and I are both 27 and have a 15 month old baby together, and about a year ago her dad and brother decided to move in with us. At the time this was great i got along with them and having my partner not working to look after bub meant only 1 income so the added financial support was a life saver. Her 21 year old vrother has never worked a job or gotten centrelink for some unkown reason so the deal was the he would take our sons room (only a 3 bedroom home) and once he got a job and if it was all working out we would get a bigger house or go our separate ways. 1 year later he still isnt working, we needed our sons room as he got older so now her brother sleeps on our lounge and her dad just doesn't know anything about tidyness or respecting our stuff. Everything in the house we own, and it has just been trashed they both refuse to clean or really do much at all other then watch tv with the aircon on all day. This has resulted in huge electricity bills for us and with her father on the pension and brother not working we basically get left with the bills (we both work 45+ hours a week a d not home much). To cut a huge rant short I'm caught in the biggest rift of my life, my partner and I get along like ying and yang and we generally have a very solid relationship BUT this situation is tearing us apart and causing fights. She doesn't life confrontation or talking about things, shes very much a if i ignore everything it will fix itself and I am very much a talk everything out all the time kind of person. Anytime I ask if she can talk to her dad about trying to find somewhere else to live or pay the bills or clean the garage (we have a double garage and when they moved it he filled up both sides with his stuff which to this days he refuses to take to the top) she either says yeah i will and doesn't or gets mad at me for always asking her to talk to them. I feel like I'm just stuck in such a hard place, our name is on this lease so we can't move until they are out and anytime I try to sort it out it blows up into a fight. I have even spoken to her dad about all this before which he blew up a d got defensive about. Meanwhile we have a 15 month old we are trying to raise in this filthy house. Sorry about the huge write up there's honestly so much move i could even go on about, any ideas?

Narsiii Constantly fighting with teenage daughter over boyfriend
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So there’s a bit of a back story to this one but I’m finding it really hard to cope with my teenage daughter who I used to be very close with. She is 17 in sept . She has always told me everything and now she is shutting off. She has currently been i... View more

So there’s a bit of a back story to this one but I’m finding it really hard to cope with my teenage daughter who I used to be very close with. She is 17 in sept . She has always told me everything and now she is shutting off. She has currently been in a relationship for the past 2 months and the guy seems really nice but over the last 3 weeks he’s been going out a lot more with the mates and not inviting her but turning up at midnight on nights she’s had off but picks her up from work other late nights which is really nice but then at times just leaves in the morning . They don’t go on dates as such they basically have sex and watch tv and eat take out . I’m worried thst this is all it is to this guy. And when I try to talk to her about it it ends in a full blown argument . She’s had a couple of boyfriends prior one who ended up being a cheater and another that ended when his cars and his mates where more important. I know the current boyfriend hasnt put anything on social media so I’m worried that he is trying to keep it a secret . Close friends are aware tho . My husband thinks I’m getting involved to much and I know I am but I can’t stop being worried and scared that he’s going to hurt her. My marriage isn’t very stable and my 18 year old son loves to tell me I am crazy and I probably am. I guess I’m just asking is this stupid or how do I let her just live her life as I don’t want to push him away from her .

Mumofone My partner has deoression, wont get help and its effecting me and my 1 yr old daughter
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I have been with my partner over 10 years and through the duration he has struggled with a gambling addiction and mental health problems. He will not seek professional help or talk to someone as he thinks its hopeless and a waste of time. Im at a los... View more

I have been with my partner over 10 years and through the duration he has struggled with a gambling addiction and mental health problems. He will not seek professional help or talk to someone as he thinks its hopeless and a waste of time. Im at a loss on what to do.. it has taken its toll on me and now i am feeling sad and lost myself. He has a short temper and is often withdrawn, ignores me and my daughter and snaps. He is negative about everything and angry and it is bringing me down. My daughter is usually such a happy little soul but lately i have noticed she too is beong effected and often sad/lashes out. Im at a loss on what to do... she absolutely adores him and vice versa and the thought of taking her away from him is devastating but i cant go on like this much longer.. i need to be strong for my girl but im finding it very hard as he wont get help. Doesnt want to talk about it and expects me just to sit there and watch it all unfold without showing my own emotions but im at breaking point and its effecting me and my ability to function and parent.

Upset_Dad Help Wanted in Understanding
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Hi I am very concerned about my son he has lost his job for stealing ,could be evicted from his rental, has no money I believe he is taking drugs and he keeps asking me for money and when I question why he becomes very agitated and abusive, I have ta... View more

Hi I am very concerned about my son he has lost his job for stealing ,could be evicted from his rental, has no money I believe he is taking drugs and he keeps asking me for money and when I question why he becomes very agitated and abusive, I have taken him to centerlink and told him he has to take all the required documents with him the next day to finish the process taken him to doctors and paid for medication and suggested and gave him the details of a rehab facility .but he does not seem interested I told him to let me know via text that he has done this but so far no text . I am at a complete loss as I cannot have him living with us > this situation has made me visit emergency due to my heart condition and stayed for two days. How do you say No and tell him it is all up to him I cannot do it anymore it is breaking my heart

Jennyman Unhappy marriage or the depression.
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Hello all. I have depression and lately it has been so bad I feel so unhappy in my marriage. Everything my husband does annoys me, we had sex recently and I cried afterwards because I realised I wasn't happy and it rocks me because he is the most ama... View more

Hello all. I have depression and lately it has been so bad I feel so unhappy in my marriage. Everything my husband does annoys me, we had sex recently and I cried afterwards because I realised I wasn't happy and it rocks me because he is the most amazing person and Dad it hurts me that I feel like this. Over the past 4 years I have on and off felt like this but not as bad as now. I feel like I could walk away tomorrow and not feel upset about it... Has anyone else experienced this feeling is this how we deal with the black dog push away the closest to us?? Thanks in advance, please no judgement on this thread.

WestCoastGuy Made to Feel Worthless
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Ok so just a quick summary, I was with Partner for nearly 10 years, Planning to start on starting a Family with her then She walked out on me, that was 5 years ago now...then just under a year after that I go to together with a Woman for two years wh... View more

Ok so just a quick summary, I was with Partner for nearly 10 years, Planning to start on starting a Family with her then She walked out on me, that was 5 years ago now...then just under a year after that I go to together with a Woman for two years who was a lot older then me and abusive...the after that I met someone while overseas who then strung me along for nearly two years ago in a long distance relationship and here I am now... The most latest one me up mentally...for example...triangulation with some Guy from her class...toying with me and trying to make me Jealous...hanging out and drinking with strange guys at a Pub to 5am while I sat Home waiting for her...the list goes on with her...I feel completely worthless and depressed...

Megshell Adoption and its' link to ongoing anxiety and depression
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Hi, I'm Meg. New here, so please be kind. I guess I'm seeking out others experiences of adoption. There is so little research and the research done seems to focus on forced adoptions and I'm thirsty to hear the lived experiences of people like me. I ... View more

Hi, I'm Meg. New here, so please be kind. I guess I'm seeking out others experiences of adoption. There is so little research and the research done seems to focus on forced adoptions and I'm thirsty to hear the lived experiences of people like me. I was adopted in 1975, on the tail end of the forced adoption period (thanks, Whitlam). I was 5. I had lived with a fiercly Catholic family in the year I was in foster care, and then was adopted into an amazing, intelligent and refined family a few months after my fifth Birthday. I went from a family with drug addiction to intensely Catholic adherents to (kind of) atheist intellectuals. I'm sure you can imagine that travelling between these three diverse families was confusing and disorienting. All the rules and norms were so very different and it seemed like I was always doing the wrong thing. My new parents shock at hearing me cry, "the devil made me do it" was a bit of culture shock. I have two siblings, both adopted, both very different, both deeply loved. They were both adopted at 3 and had backgrounds that I have no doubt scared them, deeply. I guess I'm asking for them too, and perhaps especially. In our own ways which have often been different, yet incredibly similar, I feel that adoption has touched each of us, in negative ways. I feel that the underlying core belief, for me, is that I'm unloveable. I suspect this is true, particularly of my brother. I would like to know if others feel this too. Thanks for your responses. Kind regards, Meg