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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Tropicana I don’t want to be supermum - I want to be human
  • replies: 4

sorry this is long. It’s obviously postpartum depression but I know it’s heavily influenced by other factors. I’ve got two kids - 18 month old boy and 8 week old girl. Husband works away 4/5 days at a time, but once a month is gone for 7 days. I stay... View more

sorry this is long. It’s obviously postpartum depression but I know it’s heavily influenced by other factors. I’ve got two kids - 18 month old boy and 8 week old girl. Husband works away 4/5 days at a time, but once a month is gone for 7 days. I stay home with the kids. since giving birth to the baby I’ve been slipping into helplessness trying to care for the kids, the house, sleep deprivation, and general life on my own for days at a time. I finally went to the doctor on the advice of the community nurse. He wrote a referral to a psych. And gave me general advice - sleep, eat well.. all things That are difficult with so much weighing me down. I had to cancel the appointment because we couldn’t get anyone to Watch our kids. it’s rescheduled for when hubbys home. He wanted to come to help manage this together. He’s currently on the week stretch. i barely eat. I forget to drink water. My neck back shoulders are aching from lifting children and feeding. I have a carrier but lifting my 15kg boy is excruciating as I have to be careful not to crush her. So we stay home. I can’t even fuel the car up unless someone’s with me as the only “pay at the pump” station here never works. I don’t want to get both kids out of the car for 30 secs (the toddler keeps running off on me). I was an avid gym goer. Now with two kids it’s hard getting there by a set time, and most of the time it’s too full to take both so we can’t go at all. after this morning I resigned myself to the fact that my last outlet, going to the gym, has to go. I was late and only had 15 minutes left.I don’t make excuses for not getting exercise. It was the last factor of my identity I had. i am always forgetful and blasé. I ask “what day it is” every day. I forget to pay bills, I don’t ring people back. My mother does help, even staying over once or twice a week at night to let me sleep more than 6 hours, but it’s not something a night of sleep can fix. My sister used to help but doesn’t offer anymore. When I have asked out of desperation she makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. it’s horrible to feel guilty when you have no other options. i feel like I’m dying. The GP asked if I was suicidal and I said no, but this life will kill me instead. These last few weeks I’ve felt a sense of helplessness, not just sadness as basic human functions are becoming desperately out of reach. i don’t want to be commended for being supermum. I just want to be a normal human being.

unicornprincess29 Feeling alone :(
  • replies: 1

So my BF and I have been together for around 4 years now. The past couple of days things have been a bit rough and it’s left me feeling a bit alone and unloved. My BF is currently going through some issues with a group of his friends, and they happen... View more

So my BF and I have been together for around 4 years now. The past couple of days things have been a bit rough and it’s left me feeling a bit alone and unloved. My BF is currently going through some issues with a group of his friends, and they happen to run a side business together so he’s been stressed and I guess angry at how things have been. It’s been an ongoing thing for a few months now but it all really boiled over the last few days. So yesterday he was so angry that he also didn’t want to talk to me and when I tried to talk to him he just ignored me, so I just have him his space, and I know him well enough to know he usually just needs a few hours or to sleep on it and he’s usually normal with me the next day. However he hasn’t really spoken to me today either. When he came home from work, he just ignored me until I went to talk to him and even then I only got a few words out of him. I totally understand that he clearly feels he needs his space at the moment, but its just hard because I’m currently in my exam period at uni so my stress levels are kind of everywhere and I could really use some support and affection. I feel like he also knows that his behaviour the last few days has made me upset, but it almost feels like he doesn’t care (which I know isn’t true but it’s just how it feels)

E_motion Trouble letting go
  • replies: 1

He everyone, New to the forum, could do with some support. My parter ended our relationship just over a month ago. We were together for 2 years. We have definitely had our up and downs along the way, myself not ready for commitment at the time when s... View more

He everyone, New to the forum, could do with some support. My parter ended our relationship just over a month ago. We were together for 2 years. We have definitely had our up and downs along the way, myself not ready for commitment at the time when she was, got us off to a rocky start. She suffers from ptsd and she finds it hard to open up especially about her feelings. I suffer from anxiety, and can be quite negative towards my feeling also. But at times would bring each other down with our negative thinking. Don't get me wrong, we had a very strong connection from day one and I have never felt the way I have towards her in any of my past relationships. I loved her and she also loved me. Unfortunately she went a bit off me a few days prior to the breakup so I asked her what was wrong but she couldn't give me a real answer to why she started feeling the way she did. Stupid me gave her the altermatum and she decided to end things.. I had to move back to me parents place (I'm 33) which was quite hard after many years of living away from them. I messaged her the next day to try and organise I time we could talk about what had happened, but I got "you said it was my decision, I've made it. It's done now. I need you to give me space and I'm not going to re-consider" As you can probably tell, I have been an absolute mess the for the last mont. I haven't been sleeping, my anxiety has been out of control and I had had to take time off work due to stress. I meeaged her a few days ago and expressed my feeling towards her, we both need to work on ourselves right now and I respect her decision. I do want us to be together again. All I got back from her was thanks for the message, not to be too had on myself moveing forward and to take care of myself and people you bring into your life in the future... It felt like such I strange and cold message to receive from her. I dont know if this is something she can't really express because it's too hard for her. I'm just left confused and emotional unstable right now. It's just really hard to let go.

L2 20 weeks pregnant and farther just walked out
  • replies: 2

Hi my name is laurie and im 20 weeks pregnant and for the last month my beautiful partner and farther of my child had become depressed and ive been supporting him getting help ect. Then over the weekend end he walked out and ended up in hospital want... View more

Hi my name is laurie and im 20 weeks pregnant and for the last month my beautiful partner and farther of my child had become depressed and ive been supporting him getting help ect. Then over the weekend end he walked out and ended up in hospital wanting to admit him self into the mental health ward. So i was there at hospital with his family and mine who love and support him. He stayed for observation which is normal and now he doesnt want to live together and he needs to sort his head out with health professionals. I know he needs this and if it'll bring my baby back cause this was very sudden... I just dont know how to feel or think knowing he needs me to bacj off for a bit... But i have his baby growing inside me and im struggling to understand and know what to do for my babies future. The questions in my head are: do i just wait and hope for the best when he message or calls me to say ok im better? Do i look for something else? Are we still together? Does my baby have a dad? Or am i a single mum now. I need help in trying to talk to my partner and try and not go see him and just breakdown in tears and say goodbye? I know this is selfish but im growing this human petrified and struggling as i am working to provide for me and bbubs

LeelouSydney72 Separating with a disability and no financial independence
  • replies: 7

I have been married for 13 years - I am Italian and let my Australian husband in Europe. When we met, I was very independent: had a secure job, a car, etc. We moved to Australia a few years ago with our children. In those 13 years, I have been diagno... View more

I have been married for 13 years - I am Italian and let my Australian husband in Europe. When we met, I was very independent: had a secure job, a car, etc. We moved to Australia a few years ago with our children. In those 13 years, I have been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. I increasingly had to reduce my activity to a point where I have become completely financially dependent on my husband. Following the diagnosis and because of the feeling of entrapment, isolation etc I have suffered from anxiety and depression - my husband also works long hours and I have grown apart from him and am thinking of separating. However, I am really concerned it might not be possible as I can’t afford a lawyer and have no idea how I would support myself financially and live with such disability by myself far from my Italian family. Has anyone been in the same situation or have any advice/suggestion? Thanks for your help.

Ellecat-_- Need Advice... to leave or to stay?
  • replies: 4

I’m in the process of breaking up with my partner whom I’ve been with for 6 years. I have decided to leave because he does not want children and I do. Among other reasons.. but that is the most important as I’m nearly 30 and feel like my time is runn... View more

I’m in the process of breaking up with my partner whom I’ve been with for 6 years. I have decided to leave because he does not want children and I do. Among other reasons.. but that is the most important as I’m nearly 30 and feel like my time is running out (I know it’s not) ... I have a weird feeling in my gut, I’m not sure if it’s telling me to stay or go. I just feel horrible and drained and don’t have anybody to talk too or that is in this position. My stomach feels in knots and I just feel over all down. What is my gut telling me? Am I just doing the wrong thing ...?

Cindy91 Upset over sibling breakup
  • replies: 5

I just came back from a European holiday to find out my brother had broken up with his girlfriend of eight years while I was overseas. He did not want to tell me as he thought it could ruin my holiday. I am so upset hearing about this, I cried a lot ... View more

I just came back from a European holiday to find out my brother had broken up with his girlfriend of eight years while I was overseas. He did not want to tell me as he thought it could ruin my holiday. I am so upset hearing about this, I cried a lot of the day yesterday. I have been so close to his girlfriend, she has been like a sister to me, closer to me than my own sister at times. I am so sad thinking about all the memories we shared together and the family functions she was always included in, to think it won’t be like that anymore breaks my heart. It especially breaks my heart as I have since reached out to her and I know how much she is hurting. I almost feel angry at my brother for doing this even though I know he’s been very upset and crying too, he said he did it because he wasn’t ready to settle down yet.Im not sure why I feel so terribly upset even though I wasn’t the one that was broken up with. I wish I could tell my brother that he has made a big mistake and to change things back to how they were, I want to let him know he didn’t hurt just her, he hurt our whole family including me. It makes me so upset that she won’t be included in family things anymore, I feel like I have lost something so close. is it normal to feel so upset in this scenario? I just don’t know what to do to feel better or what action to take. I feel helpless

AmyLou Feeling under valued and alone in the world
  • replies: 4

I’m feeling incredibly undervalued and unloved lately. I’ve been single for over 3 years and I’ve been trying to date and meet new people, but I literally cannot find someone who really wants to know me, and learn who I am. Ive had such terrible luck... View more

I’m feeling incredibly undervalued and unloved lately. I’ve been single for over 3 years and I’ve been trying to date and meet new people, but I literally cannot find someone who really wants to know me, and learn who I am. Ive had such terrible luck with guys. Each one of them stays interested for a few weeks, then tells me they are still involved with an ex girlfriend, or tries to pimp me out to his friends, or literally leaves me on the side of the road in the middle of the night. The way some guys have treated me in the last 12 months has really grinded me down - I feel like I’m not good enough, I feel like I’m worthless or that there is now some expiry on me appearing interesting or desireable to people. The behaviour is like clockwork. I let people talk about themselves, keeping information about myself sidelined unless they ask (and they don’t), I just try to enjoy spending time with someone and not read anything into it, but even that ends the same way. Ive stopped talking about myself, giving my opinion, and just leaving the floor open for these guys to talk about themselves and feel good. They do that, and then they leave. I can honestly say that no one has learned about the person I am in over 4 years. And that is becoming very, very lonely for me. I still feel like I’m an interesting person, and I like the person that I am, but I can feel my light starting to go out a little bit, and that makes me very sad. Does anyone have any advice on coping with being this alone? I value myself and the person that I am, but I’d love some help in accepting that I might be the only person does.

dizzy6721 10 years
  • replies: 19

Hi, I've been in an extremely loving relationship for the last 10 years, we've never had a major fight before, however in February this year, my partner woke up one morning and gave me the cold shoulder. She said that she had the feelings that we wer... View more

Hi, I've been in an extremely loving relationship for the last 10 years, we've never had a major fight before, however in February this year, my partner woke up one morning and gave me the cold shoulder. She said that she had the feelings that we weren't going anywhere and didn't have plans for the future etc. She has a blow up once a year about this issue of not having plans etc but I can usually reassure her that we will be OK as I promise I will always be here & love her wholeheartedly. She went away for the night and stayed with her friend. The next morning she came back and said she never wanted to do that again as it was horrible being away from me. Since then she has woken up one morning and said she felt "broken and didn't know how to fix herself" told me everything feels forced in our relationship, she doesn't know if she loves me anymore as she doesn't think I'm committed. As we talked this over, I went into the bedroom and pulled out the engagement ring I had been planning to give her this year - this ring took me over a year to save for & I have the perfect plan in place to propose. When she saw the ring she said "this changes everything". She says she feels "nothing for me" however when I showed her the bag with the ring in - she cried her eyes out. However she has since walked out on me, stayed in a hotel for a week, with another friend for a week & ultimately moved out of our home which she also said she "loves" & into a small 1x1 apartment on her own. She has canceled all of our ties together - bank accounts, health insurance, bills etc. and says she is "extremely happy" out on her own. She has completely blocked out my whole family who have always loved and adored her, she is best friends with my younger sister - who she now hasn't spoken to in 3 months. She has also said shes felt like this for a couple of years but has suppressed her feelings. Meanwhile I'm sat here left trying to piece everything together and figure out what went wrong or what I've done wrong? Suffering sleepless nights and a fair amount of depression. She is 34 years old - so am I crazy to think that this might be a little bit of a mini mid life crisis because she isn't married yet with kids etc and she doesn't know it? Do i just need to give her time to work herself out? Or is she completely done with me? Any comments/advice would be greatly appreciated as I'm going out of my mind and haven't a clue what to do... Thank you in advance

karinas how to deal with the impact of a narcissistic relative
  • replies: 3

I have an older sibling who has always been very controlling and dominant. However, I've always managed to deal with it until several months ago. A family issue came up and his verbal attack and accusations were a total surprise. He blatantly lied an... View more

I have an older sibling who has always been very controlling and dominant. However, I've always managed to deal with it until several months ago. A family issue came up and his verbal attack and accusations were a total surprise. He blatantly lied and accused me of doing things that were totally unfounded. I feel this was done to try to absolve himself of responsibility for the part he played in the family crisis.