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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Jessbot When to tell
  • replies: 7

Hi, I’ve been with my husband 20 years and married 14! I have decided to leave him Ive been unhappy for the last couple of years but he has no idea! He is FIFO and has just been made redundant, coming home next week! We have a 3 night interstate trip... View more

Hi, I’ve been with my husband 20 years and married 14! I have decided to leave him Ive been unhappy for the last couple of years but he has no idea! He is FIFO and has just been made redundant, coming home next week! We have a 3 night interstate trip booked for end of July. So my question is do I tell him before we go or when we get back?

BJ5 Newly diagnosed Bipolar husband with a toxic "friendship" Help!!
  • replies: 2

Hi all, My husband is currently in hospital and has just been diagnosed with bipolar after the last few years of "strange" behaviour and now depression stage. In this time after a hurtful situation directed at me I myself shutdown (didn't know he had... View more

Hi all, My husband is currently in hospital and has just been diagnosed with bipolar after the last few years of "strange" behaviour and now depression stage. In this time after a hurtful situation directed at me I myself shutdown (didn't know he had bipolar at the time) to heal and focus on myself and our family and developing trust again. In this time he started a friendship with another lady and soon turned into something more. This other lady is dealing with her own marriage breakdown due to a partner with mental illness and was confiding in my husband. While she is not a friend of mine she has admitted to me that she is in love with my husband. My husband is now confused as he says he still loves me but is not in love with me and he doesn't want to hurt me anymore ,We Have been together almost 20 years (married young). I know this is a feeling many bipolar sufferers feel. He also says he is not giving up this friendship with this person and gets very defensive even when I bring up compromises of public catch ups and not behind close doors to still respect our marriage and our relationship. What do I do? I am doing everything I can to help his new diagnoses with research, professional help etc etc but I cant seem to move on from this as I see this is hindering his recovery and he feels like a hero I guess to her. Will he see the grass isn't greener? I love him so very much.

bibibsi Boyfriend with anxiety is pushing me awah
  • replies: 1

My boyfriend and i have been dating for about 10 months now, and up until this point our relationship has been fantastic. He was incredibly caring and loving and always made me feel special and loved. He has struggled with negative thoughts about him... View more

My boyfriend and i have been dating for about 10 months now, and up until this point our relationship has been fantastic. He was incredibly caring and loving and always made me feel special and loved. He has struggled with negative thoughts about himself and his life for a little period, I have been there for him during episodes where he has broken down and comforted him, along with advising him to see a therapist. However lately he is being incredibly distant. He spends all his time with his friends and doesn’t make much effort at all to contact me and spend time with me like he once did. When i speak to him he is incredibly negative and condisending. I have told him a few times now that if he needs someone to speak to i am here. However his friends have told me he has anxiety, and he will speak about his issues with them but not me. His doctor has advised him to see a therapist lately, i encouraged him to see one as well however he is not interested. I feel like i’m pushing incredibly hard to be positive and make our relationship work but he is not giving me anything in return. I want to help him get better to be the happy person I first met but I don’t know how.

choleeey Boyfriend on a 'boys trip'. Trust & separation issues - can't cope.
  • replies: 4

Hi all, My boyfriend (20 years old) left for a 'boys trip' four days ago where they are going overseas for two and a half weeks. My previous partner cheated on me and since then I have had huge trust issues which have carried on to my current relatio... View more

Hi all, My boyfriend (20 years old) left for a 'boys trip' four days ago where they are going overseas for two and a half weeks. My previous partner cheated on me and since then I have had huge trust issues which have carried on to my current relationship. He has so far given me no reason to not trust him, apart from a few small lies and a big lie about a girl in the past (before our relationship) - which he lied directly to my face. He often hides little things from me such as a girl giving him a lift home because he knows I get upset about it. The other boys going on the trip are all single and are all about girls and will try to get with as many girls as they can. My boyfriend is the only one in a relationship and the other boys have either never been in one or previously cheated. They will be drinking majority of the time and are going to a number of beach parties and staying in hostels. This makes me extremely uncomfortable because of my trust issues and my anxiety. I am very nervous that he will feel left out or be pressured into cheating, or simply get too drunk and give into temptation. We have not spent a single night apart in almost 8 months (since we got together) and I think I have become quite attached to him and am struggling to cope with him not being here. I constantly feel sick, and do not have much contact with him while he is there. I am constantly checking whether he is active on social media and it is extremely unhealthy. I do not know how to deal with this, as when I bring up my concerns he gets angry that I do not trust him and he simply says I need to stop bringing it up because it pushes him away. I read into everything too much and I don't know how to stop. I just want him to be here with me and feel so lonely and hopeless without him. We have talked about a long-term relationship and both want one, however I am scared this trip will end it one way or another. I really need advice - I have been crying since he left and have barely slept as I am so anxious he is cheating or lying to me or will realise he wants to be single after seeing all of his friends have so much fun. I want this relationship to last and think it has the potential - I just need to get through this next two and a half weeks somehow. Thanks.

Mary_Ploppins Over and over again
  • replies: 6

Hi, just need to air some things as i have no one to talk to at the moment.Im trying to get my husband to move out im just sick and tired of the lies, we have been together almost 30 years.I have made him have a seperate bedroom for the past 6 years ... View more

Hi, just need to air some things as i have no one to talk to at the moment.Im trying to get my husband to move out im just sick and tired of the lies, we have been together almost 30 years.I have made him have a seperate bedroom for the past 6 years or so because he thought it was ok to wake me up for sex through the night, i have two children unplanned from that. Ive told him many times over the past two years things have to change or he is out.I have quit smoking over two years ago and he has made no effort.Im trying to get credit cards paid off but his pay keeps dropping now down to $300 a week but he is doing the same shifts as what he was doing before and was bringing home around $550. ive called him out on the BS but he says he has pay cuts. Last week i found phone credits for $80 and pawn brokers purchase for $130 which is odd as he doesnt use a phone at home its always hidden in the bedroom. he wants me to pay the bills and expects me to act like his wife but is doing all this crap. A few months ago i found a whole pile of dating and cheating website emails on his ipad. Of course he denies it all and expects me to act like normal.I have really come to the point im losing it. I dont want him here at all and want him out, im sick of the lies.I want a husband not this stupid rot i have now. The problem is i really don't know how to get him out , we are renting and live two doors away from school due to me not being able to drive much due to back problems i really dont want to move, plus i only get a disability pension so moving would be exta hard financially. Oh how i wish i could wave a majick wand and have all my problems solved. Im planning on telling him he has till the end of July to get out , as he will get his tax back so can pay for bond etc. If not im going to try to find a house for myself and the kids. I just feel so alone now as i have no one to talk to at all. I do see a Psychiatrist but im not really happy with her ive been seeing her for the past year or so but it is mostly my OCD she is concerned with.

Mama_P I think I have separation anxiety
  • replies: 4

I’m struggling.... all my life I have been a strong indpndt woman. I’ve hit rock bottom before & picked myself back up. I was a victim of DV and my 2 kids were too, 1 being physically & emotionally harmed. 11y on, he’s 20 now and been through a lot o... View more

I’m struggling.... all my life I have been a strong indpndt woman. I’ve hit rock bottom before & picked myself back up. I was a victim of DV and my 2 kids were too, 1 being physically & emotionally harmed. 11y on, he’s 20 now and been through a lot of counselling. Life was good... I just built my house on my own, I have 2 ygr kids & a partner. I love my babies so much, & from my past I have done what ever I could to protect them. My 15y old & only daughter was feeling the affects of not hearing from her father for almost 3y... I could see the signs of depression. She was seeking male attention. She ran away to meet a boy from FB in Nov 17.... we were close... she got scared the next day after finding out she was rep missing and I driving around for 24 hours. She ph her father who picked her up & never brought her home. He’s changed her number, had her block me from all her new social media accs. Told her I’m controlling as I had access to all her social media accs & completely turned her against me. I cry almost every night.... we are going on month 8 now no contact. He left his wife & step kids & moved & don’t know where. I get abusive msgs from him telling me to kill my self & how worthless I am, how much of a bad mother I was & am. I put a DVO out on him. We are going through court and it’s just all taking it’s toll on me! My 1 & only dghtr has been stripped from me, & I’m struggling! I have an autistic 9y old son with many needs, a gorgeous 4y old son and my eldest. my heart is bleeding. It’s like time has rewound 11y &I’m a victim again & it’s all revisiting, but this time my daughter hates me thinks Im all these bad things. He gives her all this freedom, let’s this boy stay over and sleep together and has NO rules what so ever. I can’t handle not knowing where she is or what she’s doing. On top of that I lost my job, lost about 30k in the new job, it’s tough! & now my eldest is off to the military, which I am so happy for him, but I’m scared, my 2 kids, my heart are gone and going. The impact of my daughters absence has changed my life. I work 50+ hrs a week just to keep my mind busy. I love my kids so much, I don’t know how to make the hurting stop! Will it get easier? I’m angry & sad but will not stand down & still stand my ground if she was to come back. The one thing I will not allow is to be controlled by a teen. I miss her though! I can’t even tell her that, as I have no contact with her thanks for listening....

friendfriend Friend pushing me away
  • replies: 1

One of my best friends (he’s male, I’m female) has suffered from pretty severe depression and anxiety for a few years now, for reasons I am not aware of. I tried my best to have his back and support him through everything, I never gave up on him and ... View more

One of my best friends (he’s male, I’m female) has suffered from pretty severe depression and anxiety for a few years now, for reasons I am not aware of. I tried my best to have his back and support him through everything, I never gave up on him and we got along very well. He always had my back too, anytime I struggled with certain aspects of my life he always knew what to say. For a long time he was in a sort of not too serious ‘relationship’ with my sister, which I’m guessing gave him more reason to get along with me, but that retain my wasn’t the thing that defined our friendship. Sadly, a few months ago he made a more serious attempt at harming himself and his depression became much worse. I got very scared and emotional and I still am worried about him, but since the incident he has completely cut me out of his life. My sister and him have since fallen out, he cheated on her and began trying to make her feel bad for what he did. He acts like we never even knew each other, gangs up on me to pay me out and say nasty things, blocked me from social media and always puts me down. I have no idea what to do, I feel betrayed in a way, but more overwhelmed with sadness that our friendship is all of a sudden just gone. Especially because he has helped me with so many problems that I am currently still dealing with and he is not there to help me anymore. How do I build our friendship back and apologise and make him see that he is still so important to me without sounding stupid and without him pushing me away and embarrassing me? I have no idea what to do or what happened between us to ruin our friendship but I want it back so badly. Please help.

Falstad Partner is depressed and has ended our relationship! Please help!
  • replies: 1

Hi, This is a long an complicated story but I'll try my best to put everything in. I'm 31 years old and have a 7 year old son and was married for 7 years. There's was no love or affection in my previous relationship and I was treated like crap. My cu... View more

Hi, This is a long an complicated story but I'll try my best to put everything in. I'm 31 years old and have a 7 year old son and was married for 7 years. There's was no love or affection in my previous relationship and I was treated like crap. My current partner is 38 years old and has 3 kids 18, 15 and 3 and she was coming off an abusive relationship where she had been sexually and physically abused. When we met, we were both living with our ex's at the time and obviously that made things complicated. We both slept in separate rooms than our ex's and both ex's made our lives a living hell when they knew we were seeing other people. Anyway, me and my current partner had a thing for each other for years and when we first kissed it was instant love time stood still for me and I knew I loved her and she was the one for me from that point it was perfect. We started to try for a baby almost straight away and we fell pregnant on a holiday and thing's were great so I thought. We came back home and we were both living with our ex's but my partner was still getting verbally abused by her ex and it caused a lot of issues and fights obviously I wanted to be there and due to the stress and pressure ultimately she lost the baby. She pushed me away once she found out she was pregnant and I blame myself for her losing the baby I should of done more (I also blame her ex for causing her all the stress). Anyway we both had a drunken night together to help get other the loss and while it's not the best way to deal with things it helped. so we moved on and started to put in offers for houses and applying to the banks...Now... the thing was we both had houses with our ex's and obviously needed to sell to start our perfect life together. I sold my house and gave up A LOT to my ex so she'd agree to sell so I could start a life with my partner and try again for a baby. My current parent kicked her ex out and didn't sell. Now long story short, My current partner doesn't want a baby Her ex now lives with her again She doesn't want to sell She has ended it with me She is suffering from depression She just wants to be alone I'm really struggling to understand how to deal with this because the moment I try to move on she comes running back saying how much she loves me how jealous she is and so on. I don't understand how to deal with all of this because 2 days ago we kissed and cuddled and she said You know the way I feel yet doesn't want to be with me? Can anyone please help!!!!

Helenmc Are there ever any happy reconciliations?
  • replies: 7

I've read a lot of personal stories the last few days and I've never read a feel good ending . is it all negative and doom and gloom? surely there's got to be stories out there where people have reunited and it's worked out? would love to read some .... View more

I've read a lot of personal stories the last few days and I've never read a feel good ending . is it all negative and doom and gloom? surely there's got to be stories out there where people have reunited and it's worked out? would love to read some . Helen

Leonie230 For those who have betrayed and being betrayed. A question for you.
  • replies: 7

Im struggling with being betrayed by my husband. Im trying to keep our family together since this has happened. We are both actively trying to repair the damage hes done and wants his family back again. My question is does the person who did the betr... View more

Im struggling with being betrayed by my husband. Im trying to keep our family together since this has happened. We are both actively trying to repair the damage hes done and wants his family back again. My question is does the person who did the betrayl deep down think their partner is an idiot for wanting to repair the brokenness? Sometimes I feel that he must just look at me sometimes and think what a idiot I am for not walking away completely. Leonie