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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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DaisyD Relationship Anxiety
  • replies: 17

Hi there everyone, I am struggling at the moment. "My rock" has stepped away from our relationship/friendship saying he can't have me in his life, at least not now. I am struggling to find answers, he is suffering from a huge change in his life and I... View more

Hi there everyone, I am struggling at the moment. "My rock" has stepped away from our relationship/friendship saying he can't have me in his life, at least not now. I am struggling to find answers, he is suffering from a huge change in his life and I just want to help him like he has helped me so many times. I feel so empty, can't stop crying, rehashing everything over and over. He is trying to rebalance and refocus. We don't have any communication or contact because he needs to work on him and I need to work on me together with my study. I have support with a psychologist, a support group and GP. I have a few girlfriends but they are getting sick of hearing about it. Thank god we have stayed friends, I couldn't stand it if I didn't have that, and I would rather have friendship than be enemies. I am trying so hard to focus on my study but finding it so hard. Last year I started studying nursing that he encouraged me to do and he was so supportive and positive, my inspiration and kicking me up the backside when I wanted to quit. He said I don't need to hold his hand anymore because he believes in me to be strong and positive. We have had breaks before but this one I am finding so difficult. Last year we had a break and I was able to throw myself into my study and get through it. Probably because I could text him and tell him the feedback I was getting. He would always reply with "that is awesome/epic babe, don't give up, you've got this". I feel that he feels that he has failed me by not being in the position or mindset to give me what I deserve, need and want. He has also said that he feels that he failed his ex-wife as a partner and I know he feels that he has failed his beautiful children. I just want to be able to tell him that he hasn't failed me. I have been journalling and alot of what I write to him has been full of anger and then last night I didn't feel like that, I asked the universe to look after "my rock" and to bring him back to me. I am not going to label it as a break up. I think he is just so depressed he just couldn't help me with my life at the moment. I am trying so hard to be positive, each day is a challenge. I am still looking at "my big picture" and I can still see it clearly which of course includes him. I have told him how much I love him, care about him. why does it hurt so much this time?

Kayla19 Any advice is greatly appriciated!!!
  • replies: 2

My partner & I have been together for 7yrs now. We both still live at our parents (We're 21). My bfs parents are highly religious. As of 2 wks ago, his parents brought home a 19y.o. single female from the church,who is a complete stranger, to stay wi... View more

My partner & I have been together for 7yrs now. We both still live at our parents (We're 21). My bfs parents are highly religious. As of 2 wks ago, his parents brought home a 19y.o. single female from the church,who is a complete stranger, to stay with them for the next 4 mnths+. (this girl is going through a bit of a rough trot,& I do feel bad) but, for someone going through a really rough time, she's over the top out-going & is getting really comfortable around my bf, which I'm not happy about. I do trust my partner 100%, I just don't trust this female stranger that's living under the same roof as him. My anxiety is getting the better of me, so I've been feeling extremely overwhelmed & feeling really depressed. When I get in the car to leave his is when the water works normally start, otherwise when ever I'm alone at mine is also when the tears, feeling anxious & depressed normally kicks in. My partner & I have been fighting for 2 wks strait. most of the fights are about my random crying fits or about him not understanding how I'm thinking & feeling about this entire situation, which then escalates because he's getting frustrated with my 'BS' as he says. my thoughts are - his parents can invite a female to live with them (without a heads up to anyone - but I get it, it's their house), who walks around in provocative clothing, and that's fine to them. BUT, if things get worse between my partner & I because of their decision to have her there, & we decide to move out to ease the pressure, they'll crucify us as it's against the rules within the bible. there was an incident where my bfs Mum forced me to eat my dinner after work (at 9:30PM) with this girl, having been tired & headachey after a bad shift, I wasn't feeling up to socializing, so I was naturally quiet. this girl turned to his mum & told her that I said I hate her,(which is a complete lie) as I don't hate this girl directly, nor do I blame her. I'm more so resenting my bfs parents, as they've made it perfectly clear (through a sms), this girls emotions and feelings is all that matters, no one elses aswell as creating this stress for my bf & I. I literally don't know how to handle this situation or how to think/feel! I've asked other females of various ages from 18-49 their opinion and all have said apart from the crying fits, I'm handling it better than they would. It's really hard knowing when I leave, there's another girl there with him, as after 7 yrs together it should really be me..

Felicia_C Partner with BPD Broke up with me will she come back?
  • replies: 1

I met my now ex almost 10 years ago now. I 100% believe she is my soulmate. We started dating in 2013. I could not have been happier this entire time. We went through a lot together being a same sex couple we came out together. We moved into an apart... View more

I met my now ex almost 10 years ago now. I 100% believe she is my soulmate. We started dating in 2013. I could not have been happier this entire time. We went through a lot together being a same sex couple we came out together. We moved into an apartment and adopted a cat together. We would have usual fights but nothing major. sorted it out within the day. Last year in September we went on a holiday . During this time she proposed to me. (She Wanted to do it back in January) I then proposed to her 2 weeks later at one of our favorite spots. Now it starts going south. we went to a wedding expo in October and she wasn’t engaged in this very much. (Of course I thought it was just usual wedding jitters) we went back to my parents house and she said she had to go home and do work (later I found out she went to a friends house) She started staying at work late filling her time up with other things instead of time with me. I approached her on this and she got upset I was holding her back from doing things she wanted. I started to get very down on myself and one day looked through her messages (hate myself for this and know it is completely wrong) she had been talking to her friends from work saying she wanted to die, self harm, bulemia etc. (I knew all of this had happened in the past but didn’t know it had come back again... not that it ever goes away I guess) I then found out that she was attracted to one of these girls which I later confronted her about and she said it was just she liked her look (still makes me feel shit) she eventually said she didn’t tell me about all her negative feelings of herself and actions bevhase she didn’t want me to be ashamed of her. early December she decided she was going to go to Japan with her family after we had everything planned. I didn’t mind so much she went but I spoke to her (argued) that the lack of communication about it with me hurt. While she was away there wasn’t a lot of communication but she was constantly online on Facebook at the same time of this girl. we spoke one night on the phone and I asked are you breaking up with me and I just knew. She came home and it was done. I Moved out and took my things. We tried therapy and had a good run for a week. I found out she slept with a guy and at the next session she did not care if she ever saw me again. She was diagnosed with bpd last week and I just want to know if I have any chance of her coming back. I love her so much and I know we should be together.

Jane_J What do I do?
  • replies: 6

I am living with abusive family members who have been abusing me sexually, physically and emotionally for 28 years. My health has been destroyed so badly that I am unable to work. I cannot leave as I have no money. What do I do?

I am living with abusive family members who have been abusing me sexually, physically and emotionally for 28 years. My health has been destroyed so badly that I am unable to work. I cannot leave as I have no money. What do I do?

bree00 Confused, heartbroken and needing advice
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, I am currently in a committed relationship with a guy I met online. We have been dating exclusively for 7-8 months. We have a very good relationship built on mutual trust Recently a good friend of mine informed me that she had seen a pro... View more

Hi everyone, I am currently in a committed relationship with a guy I met online. We have been dating exclusively for 7-8 months. We have a very good relationship built on mutual trust Recently a good friend of mine informed me that she had seen a profile with my boyfriends name and photos on a dating site. I immediately thought that there was a very logical explanation for this and there was nothing to worry about. I still believe that to be true. However, lately I have found myself thinking about what my friend told me and it makes me feel so upset and sick even though I trust him and don’t believe he would ever ‘cheat’ on me. When I first heard from my friend I was overseas and had no way of contacting my boyfriend for nearly 2 weeks. During that period of wondering and simply not knowing I ended up losing my mind and breaking my heart I have been in previous toxic relationships that ended due to my partner cheating on me several times. That has lead me have some quite tricky trust issues. Once I returned home I mentioned the whole saga to my boyfriend, which he found quite amusing. He is unaware how deeply this has affected my even with knowing that there was never any real’cheating’ but only accusations had anyone ever been faced with anything similar? How did you cope? Should I feel guilting for being upset?

Grub17 Serial cheater
  • replies: 4

I’ve recently found out once again my partner/ex has been texting another lady. I first found messages (most deleted) after he has a missed fb call from her.. he denied most the first day then the second day said he messed up and tried apologising an... View more

I’ve recently found out once again my partner/ex has been texting another lady. I first found messages (most deleted) after he has a missed fb call from her.. he denied most the first day then the second day said he messed up and tried apologising and wanting to work us out, later in the week I found pics and videos on his phone that he had in his deleted photos file. I want him to move out so I can figure my head out. I’m feel like I should kick him to the curb because this has gone on for ten years of online/texting cheating. He has recently started to admit to everything (which he never does) including physically cheating at the start of our relationship. I’m so confused and feel empty. I want my family but I don’t want to be a door mat.

Gpop New to BB
  • replies: 25

Hi everyone my name is Al, I am new to this and not too sure where to begin or to express what I am feeling atm. So do I just poor everything out on this forum, as to what has transpired over the last 14 months since finishing my FIFO job. I can’t ke... View more

Hi everyone my name is Al, I am new to this and not too sure where to begin or to express what I am feeling atm. So do I just poor everything out on this forum, as to what has transpired over the last 14 months since finishing my FIFO job. I can’t keep everything bottled up anymore, need to let it out, I am afraid my mental state is not where it should be. Help

Niamh1989 I’m a new mum, not coping that well, and I have no one to talk to about it
  • replies: 2

Hi all. I’m 30 years old and I’m mum to a beautiful 10 month old little girl. I bonded with her from literally the very beginning and I love her more than anything. I have never struggled to bond with her. Like most mums, I put her needs before all m... View more

Hi all. I’m 30 years old and I’m mum to a beautiful 10 month old little girl. I bonded with her from literally the very beginning and I love her more than anything. I have never struggled to bond with her. Like most mums, I put her needs before all my own. Lately I’ve been having a really rough time. I think I can boil it down to the following things: 1. I am my own worst enemy. I hate having to ask for help. I really really hate it. I feel embarrassed and like an idiot. 2. The person I would most like to ask for help is my mum and she can be quite cold and unhelpful. She is from the school of thought that nobody helped her and she managed so what am I complaining about. Because she’s like this, I am cold in return. She makes me feel incredibly guilty if I ask her for anything. She babysat once in 10 months for 2 hours. She was supposed to again today and I was so looking forward to it, then I got gastro (!!) And had to cancel. She just said, oh no get better soon. I don’t think she will offer to do it again anytime soon. Once I poured my heart out to her in an email and told her I was not coping, I had called lifeline, and I had hurt myself, about one or two months ago. She called me up and basically said, that’s life, and to call her if I need to (honestly why would I?) or call Lifeline again in future. 3. none of my friends have kids. 4. My husband is supportive but he works full time. He does a lot to help me on weekends. However I’m still breastfeeding so really it’s still me doing nighttime’s, and bub still wakes several times every night. I can be mean to my husband as I am so exhausted, run down and feel so alone. He becomes my punching bag. We always make up afterwards but day to day it can be volatile. Im sorry this isn’t very well explained. Basically I feel alone and I need somewhere to turn. I am in playgroups/mums groups but honestly I know for a fact that these mums have their shit together more than me. They’re not perfect but they definitely aren’t in this level of struggletown. I’m not quite sure why I’m having such a shit time of it really. My guess is that my bub is particularly tricky, I don’t have a supportive immediate family, and none of my friends have kids. anyway just really hoping someone out there can identify or relate to any of this....... Niamh

SydneyKat Cheated on me
  • replies: 18

So all this time I thought he was having just an emotional affair, people told me otherwise and I didn't believe it. Now the guilt has hit him and he told me he slept with her a handful of times, he said he couldn't keep the secret any longer. He see... View more

So all this time I thought he was having just an emotional affair, people told me otherwise and I didn't believe it. Now the guilt has hit him and he told me he slept with her a handful of times, he said he couldn't keep the secret any longer. He seems to be deciding between me (wife of 6 yrs and 18 yrs partners in total) with young child and the other woman . The ex partner of the woman actually contacted me and told me all, but u was unsure at the time , he also said she is a woman who goes for taken men (who does that right?!) this is her 3rd time, he also told me other bad traits of hers . My husband seems to be discovering pieces of this but doesn't believe everything either ( deluded, wants to believe she was the one for him, she was there for him to talk, he'd been bottling up feelings for a while, that were over years against me , I'd call them niggling things about me, eg me cleaning too much , not getting right brand of something ). Am I insane for contemplating the idea of what if he asks to come back ? He says he has been thinking about it but doesn't know what to do still. Or do I just burn everything of his and tell him not come near me again

newstart89 Finding closure and moving forward after infidelity
  • replies: 3

I recently found out that my ex fiancé (partner of 10 years) was having an affair. We have parted ways, however I am struggling to find closure and move forward. He refuses to discuss the topic, and has also said that he is not sorry for what he has ... View more

I recently found out that my ex fiancé (partner of 10 years) was having an affair. We have parted ways, however I am struggling to find closure and move forward. He refuses to discuss the topic, and has also said that he is not sorry for what he has done. I am completely devasted. We have been together since I was 18. It not only feels like I have lost my soul mate but also my identity. At the time we were going through a rough patch – however I never believed he would ever cheat or have an affair. He said that he had been unhappy for several years (although never discussed this with me). During these years we also purchased our home, and he proposed a year ago. He has said he thought doing these things would “fix” the relationship. I was unaware he was unhappy and this obviously sent different signals to me. While still caring (and possibly loving him), I am also concerned for his own mental state. The affair began with him signing up to a dating site with a false identity, false life and false photos (unfortunately this isn’t the first occurrence he has falsified his identity). A few months into the online affair he identified his true self to her, and begged for her forgiveness. Since then they have been on several dates, weekends away etc. Promising to show her that he can care and look after her. When I found out about the affair he refused to discuss anything with me. Simply making the decision to leave our relationship of 10 years and pursue the affair (she is 18 and he is 30). This further confuses me as he said he did genuially want to work on our relationship but also said he would have never told me about the affair if things worked out. I have tossed back and forth between fixing our relationship, however I believe too much trust has been lost. I can’t find closure because ultimately I want to understand what drove him to this point. I want to understand why he never spoke to me about these feelings. I know from previous discussions that he morally is against cheating – so I cant understand what has occurred. I’m concerned that he isn’t in a good mental state either, however he won’t speak to family or friends. I moved interstate to be with my family, however I’ve now lost my soul mate, my job, my home and friends. I’m not sure how to move forward and literally restart my life. Ultimately I am looking for some advice on how to move forward, when closure is unlikely.

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