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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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tobeme Torn
  • replies: 3

Hi, Long story! I have been with my husband since I was 15 (so over 18 years) and married for almost 11years. In the early days (dating) we had major issues as he is 6.5yrs older than me, so we had break ups/ reconciliations etc until I was about 17.... View more

Hi, Long story! I have been with my husband since I was 15 (so over 18 years) and married for almost 11years. In the early days (dating) we had major issues as he is 6.5yrs older than me, so we had break ups/ reconciliations etc until I was about 17. I was too young and so was he to be with someone so young! I had eating disorders and so was clingy and totally obsessed with this man. 6 months before our wedding I found out he had cheated on me a few weeks earlier with a girl I knew at a party we were both at. I was devastated but still desperate to marry him and have children. Only a few of his friends new. None of mine did nor did family. We went to counselling and got married. Our first child was conceived after a year of IVF with 5 cycles and 2 miscarraiges. After our first miscarriage he took me home and left me on the lounge to go watch a sports event. I cried for weeks by myself. Our son was born, had open heart surgery at 6 months (he is 100% healthy now!) and we moved in with my parents to build our house in our dream suburb. 12months later we move into our new home and I find out I'm pregnant with our daughter. I was estatic! The look on his face when I told him was blank. He was distant the whole pregnancy - emotionally. Even in the labour ward he was playing games on his phone or texting. During the first 6 months of her life he was just not there. She didn't sleep, my son didn't sleep and I was barely coping. One day I found messages on FB between him and another woman. From what I read I had believed it was physical but he swears it was only emotional. Again we went to counselling. I loved him, I was too scared to leave. My feelings towards him started to change a soon after. I still loved him, but not like I had. I was resenting him. I wanted another baby, but he said he wouldn't cope... and I agreed. But my feelings wouldn't go away. I didn't trust him either - ever. My feelings for another child peaked a year ago. We went to counselling again. He said he didn't want one but eventually said we could try if it was what I wanted. We gave ourselves 6 months and it didn't work. I was devastated.

HydeSansTheGoodDoctor It’s supposed to be easier than this
  • replies: 3

Hey, I honestly thought talking to someone would actually be easier than this. The online chat was only to point in directions of things to sign up for, now I’m here on a social media thing and not even sure anyone is actually going to read this....

Hey, I honestly thought talking to someone would actually be easier than this. The online chat was only to point in directions of things to sign up for, now I’m here on a social media thing and not even sure anyone is actually going to read this....

Crowley22 Better off without me
  • replies: 3

My depression and my anxiety is now hurting the only person I care about. He is physically ill because of me. And today was the first time he outright blamed me and told me to stop. Of course straight after that I panicked. And things have gotten wor... View more

My depression and my anxiety is now hurting the only person I care about. He is physically ill because of me. And today was the first time he outright blamed me and told me to stop. Of course straight after that I panicked. And things have gotten worse. It’s a constant cycle and I will never be free of this. Most of the time I’m too scared to ask for help. And whenever I have there’s never any actionable advice. It’s all platitudes, hippy bullshit and impossible statements. It’s such a cliche to say the ones you love will be better off without you but in this case i think it’s true.

Amali High anxiety over an ex
  • replies: 3

My relationship ended over 18 months ago and yet I still haven't let go emotionally. It is really affecting my mental health. My ex and I had an amazing relationship in the beginning (he was my first and only love) things got very rocky, we had broke... View more

My relationship ended over 18 months ago and yet I still haven't let go emotionally. It is really affecting my mental health. My ex and I had an amazing relationship in the beginning (he was my first and only love) things got very rocky, we had broken up and were trying again to make it work until his constant lies and manipulation pushed me over the edge and I broke it off again. i recently saw him out at a pub, it was a whole year since I'd seen him. I don't think he saw me. I was surprised that I felt stronger and didn't have a melt down but it brought up a lot of old memories and now I can't stop thinking about him. I play out our break up over and over again in my head, he's the first thing I think about when I wake up and I've started thinking maybe I threw away a chance to be happy. One thing I do know is that he loved me wholeheartedly and I just gave up on it. I've protected myself by blocking him completely out of my life, and I ignored his calls a few months after the break up, which I still feel guilty about. It's just so painful having someone you love gone from your life. It kills me to think of him having the life we talked about with someone else. These thoughts are keeping me from moving on. I haven't met anyone I want to date. I thought I'd be over him and happy with someone else who treats me way better than him but it hasn't happened. Any ideas for setting myself free of this pain would be helpful. thanks

future_ calming down my thoughts
  • replies: 9

hi, i only write short messages because if its to long I lose my train of thought. but i need help with calming my thoughts i love my young adult daughter so much but i am disappointed in her aspirations of school and employment all she does is sit i... View more

hi, i only write short messages because if its to long I lose my train of thought. but i need help with calming my thoughts i love my young adult daughter so much but i am disappointed in her aspirations of school and employment all she does is sit in her room and watch youtube this has dumbed her down so much. I look at her and feel so so sorry for her moving forward, this brings me to tears daily. please dont pass judgement on her i feel so so terrible even feeling this way about someone i gave birth too. xox

fears4tears My parents make me feel like they can’t wait for me to move out
  • replies: 2

My mum is a stay at home Mum (has been since my 20 years old brother was born) and my dad works as a tow truck driver so he is home a lot. I’m not trying to be unfemenist but she is a stay at home Mum. She doesn’t cook anything (unless it what my dad... View more

My mum is a stay at home Mum (has been since my 20 years old brother was born) and my dad works as a tow truck driver so he is home a lot. I’m not trying to be unfemenist but she is a stay at home Mum. She doesn’t cook anything (unless it what my dad wants even though she knows no one likes it or will eat it). I go without dinner atleast 4 times a week (usually I will heat up something in the microwave). I just want a dinner with my family but it’s so rare, she never cooks. Why can’t she cook she’s a stay at home Mum. We all go out to work and school and she’s at home why can’t she just cook. And when she does my dad has the tv on so know one can talk at dinner. Me and my sister cook dinner atleas once a week, my dad is never expected to cook and my brother never did either when he lived with us. My mum never cooks, she is too lazy every night. My mum never talks to me and I often tell her this but she doesn’t care or blames me. I tell her “why won’t you talk to me?”. And she says I’m carrying on. When I try to talk to her she is on Facebook and not paying attention or watching tv. In the car she never talks to me. The only times she talks is when she is bitching about her mother in law. (That’s literally the only thing she talks to me about) Here’s some example of why I think my parents can’t wait for me to move out (I’m currently 17). My mum hasn’t read my school report from two terms ago (I’m in year 12). I asked my Mum and dad if they would go out for dinner with me and my sister. They said no so we went out just us two. As soon as we left my Mum and dad went out together somewhere else. It really upset me more than they think. They know I have anxiety but my dad constantly teases me about it and my mum says things like “when can you stop seeing your psychologist” and “I wish you would just learn to stop being anxious so you didn’t have to go anymore” I am am just very frustrated and feel like I have depression because of my family. They never want anything to do with me and we constantly go without dinner. I’m sick of this I constantly feel self conscious like my mum just wants to live with my dad and wants me to move away.

Lolly1986 I don't know where I belong and who I belong to...
  • replies: 1

I recently made an extremely impulsive move from where I have been living with my partner of 2 years back to where my family lives, 2 and a half hours away due to reaching what I thought was the end of the road for our relationship. Out of frustratio... View more

I recently made an extremely impulsive move from where I have been living with my partner of 2 years back to where my family lives, 2 and a half hours away due to reaching what I thought was the end of the road for our relationship. Out of frustration and hurt I packed up my belongings and animals and moved in with my sister and friend. after the weekend moving I have been riddled with feelings of remorse, guilt and depression. I just want to go back home. Ive just moved more of my stuff last weekend with the help of my dad so I feel like 'it's done' now and to say 'im going back' would make everyone do a combined SIGHHHHH FFS SORT IT OUT! I miss my girlfriend so painfully that I cant sleep, barely eat, turn to alcohol and just feel so lost and empty. We have decided not to end our relationship so now it has turned into like a long distance relationship but finding it really hard going from an every day routine with a home together, to being apart and totally alone. I wake up every day thinking its all been a bad dream, and i just want to go home and for things to go back to normal. We clash because I feel that when there is conflict it doesnt get resolved, due to us dealing with our emotions in different ways, but ive come to the realisation now that 'running away' or moving away in this case, is not the answer. I really wish I had stayed and given it some time and maybe a couple of days breathing space for us both because it really helped but now I feel its too late to go back. Im so confused and so scared to make the wrong decision. sick of feeling unsettled, unstable, not knowing where I should be and what is best. I want someone to just give me the answer but I know its not possible. Im just so lost and feeling so incredibly down.

To_Old_For_This Lost, confused and heartbroken after husbands affair
  • replies: 11

Hi all, I'm new here. I'm not one to air my dirty laundry in this kind of forum but I have zero support and need some outside perspective. After 10 years of marriage, 15 years in the relationship I had my world turned upside down by infidelity. Not j... View more

Hi all, I'm new here. I'm not one to air my dirty laundry in this kind of forum but I have zero support and need some outside perspective. After 10 years of marriage, 15 years in the relationship I had my world turned upside down by infidelity. Not just a fleeting affair, but it turned out my husband had been seeing a woman from his work for sex for 8 years!! We (I thought) had a pretty good, normal life. When I found out, he promised to stop and break all contact. He moved jobs and we have since moved town. I have had to quit my job of 10 years. I have fallen apart. My family have abandoned me because they see it as me being in the wrong (They have very strong religious beliefs). For his part he has been very supportive of what I want. However he says he stopped loving and caring for me, throughout those years and figured I would always be there when his 'fun' with 'her' was over. He tells me he loves me now and is extremely remorseful. We have spent hours fighting and crying. It's been many months and things for me, just seem to get worse. I feel deeply depressed. I am seeing a psychologist, but its like once every 6 weeks. I don't know where to turn. I don't have any financial backing and currently don't feel I can work (due to my mental state). I have zero support, other than him. I love him, but I'm not sure if I can deal with all this information. The more I learn about his past feelings for me, the more disgusted I feel. I don't understand how he could treat me this way. He was a master of disguise. I am not an idiot, how could I be so fooled? Leaving doesn't feel like a viable option. But how do I deal with this? He promises from now on to be the best partner he can possibly be, but how do I trust him? And worse...how do I trust myself? I have been left with nob confidence, I feel everything I have ever worked for both within and outside of my marriage is destroyed. I am struggling to see a way forward. I don't know what to do.

stormrider I'm not the bad guy : (
  • replies: 6

My problems started through my brother in law. First mistake was hubby and I buying a shared title property (2 houses) with him. Second mistake going into a shared business with him. That was ok, until he broke up with his wife and took up with a Nar... View more

My problems started through my brother in law. First mistake was hubby and I buying a shared title property (2 houses) with him. Second mistake going into a shared business with him. That was ok, until he broke up with his wife and took up with a Narcissist. Long story short, the narcissit took over the books and embezzeled unknown amounts of money. Eventually they left to rent a place and his son moved in his house. The son's relationship also broke up and he got into drugs and for the next two years refused to pay any electric costs (shared connection), so we had to pay his and ours or be disconnected. Also hubby was forced to get another job as the business was in trouble, so he left bro in law with it. Bro inlaw got deeper and deeper into debt and stopped paying his share of the rates, so we've had the full amount for the last 7 yrs or so. Hubby has great integrity and love for his bro, so he sticks his head in the sand rather than ruffle any feathers, but I resent these relations taking advantage of us like that. Then bro in law broke up with his narcissist and moved into our house... for four days, said hubby, while his son moved out of bro inlaw's house. I was happy at the thought of the electric abusing son going, so I agreed, but 3 months on, bro inlaw is still in my house paying no board, while receiving full board and his son, still in the other. I finally snapped and caused a scene. It's so mentally taxing on me. We also have hubby's mother living with us, who is a blind invalid and I am her full time carer. Hubby pretty much accused me of being heartless to his poor, hard done by brother. I suggested we subdivide the property, so at least the electric problem and rates will no longer cost us, but I'm getting pretty much no support from hubby. I feel trapped between a rock and a hard place. If I could just go ahead and subdivide, without him, I would have done it years ago. I've told hubby how unhappy I am, but he seems to think I'm the one being unreasonable. I really don't know what to do. I got mad the other day and said I might have to divorce him, he made out that this is what I have been wanting, but it isn't. I've been doing all I can to cope and have my concerns heard, but he doesn't seem to hear me. I told him he is driving me to it. I'm so unhappy I am constantly tearing up. I don't blame hubby, I blame his crappy brother. Why doesn't he see that bro in law is the bad guy here, not me : (?

Redfish543 am I damaged forever? will I ever stop feeling numb?
  • replies: 1

My ex cheated on me with a work colleague, as did my ex-husband before him. We have been split for approx 8 months, but I still miss him, and part of me wants him back in my life. I've been on dates, met other people etc but i still feel very connect... View more

My ex cheated on me with a work colleague, as did my ex-husband before him. We have been split for approx 8 months, but I still miss him, and part of me wants him back in my life. I've been on dates, met other people etc but i still feel very connected to my ex. I have been unable to distract myself. I'm also a little bit in denial that he would do this too me in the firts place, after everything I went through with my ex-husband. That he was able to lie to me so completely and blatantly, that he didn't respect or love me enough etc etc... I also feel like its unfair that I have to go through this again!! I have somehow managed to wind up alone, and ladened with more than I feel I can handle. I'm sick of everybody saying to me you didn't do anything wrong, your an amazing women, your so strong and independent, your worth more than him etc etc.....These people cannot comprehend my situation, cannot comprehend being lied to and cheated on by not one partner -but two! having your self esteem, take not one, but two beatings makes me question 'will I be Damaged forever?' The fact is I'm a single mum to 3 kids from two different dads. I've been a single parent before but I only had one child, now I have twins too. Along with work, a mortgage, trying to maintain a sense of normalcy etc with family and friends- I struggle. I wonder if I will ever have a relationship again?- but a single mum with three kids is certainly not an enticement, rather a 'run baby run' moment. I'm sad most of the time and struggle to find enjoyment from my normal activities etc..... I cant seem to shake this feeling of hopelessness, hurt/pain, flat /numb and desperate to feel something good. I want to feel like me again and its like I'm lost to myself, just gone and not coming back. I do gym up to 4 times a week, work, do things with the kids, spend time with friends etc but still feel........utterly broken! So will I recover from yet another person 'doing me over'? will feel life again? and what makes my life worthwhile/ me worthwhile when I'm simply taken for granted and all is assumed, that she will manage cos she can.....