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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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auschic What to expect during a relationship counselling session?
  • replies: 2

My partner and I have decided to go to counselling together. It's my first time going so I'm unsure of what to expect, I feel a little nervous in case i forget to mention something. Were going because we both want to work on our anger. When we fight ... View more

My partner and I have decided to go to counselling together. It's my first time going so I'm unsure of what to expect, I feel a little nervous in case i forget to mention something. Were going because we both want to work on our anger. When we fight it often escalates to the point where one or both of us reach the end of our tether and things get broken or things get physical. We both hate ourselves afterwards and wish it never happened. Besides this our relationship is great, we dont cause harm to eachother intentionally its only when emotions are involved and it takes over our rational thinking so we need help dealing with this because it's obviously a massive problem that we cant fix ourselves. I've tried to manage my anger myself and it never works. I feel so bad about it because I feel like I'll never get over this issue and that I'll never be able to control my emotions. I'm sure my partner feels the same way. Can a counselor really help??

Kel93 Feeling beyond lost
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I’m a 25 year old with 2 children an d currently suffereing postnatal depression (being treated for) my parter is 26 and about 2 weeks ago told me he no longer thinks he loves me or wants to be with me anymore and was going to leave(he e... View more

Hi everyone, I’m a 25 year old with 2 children an d currently suffereing postnatal depression (being treated for) my parter is 26 and about 2 weeks ago told me he no longer thinks he loves me or wants to be with me anymore and was going to leave(he ended up staying) he went to see a doctor who said he had depression and put him on medication since taking them he has been emotionless, unhappy, grumpy and not wanting to do anything. He was also having dreams of violence and harming/killing me which then turned into dreams of him cheating on me with multiple women, he is saying he wants to get the ‘spark’ and in love feeling back in our relationship but we are unsure how to do this but he also changes his mind everyday on things he wants and is saying he doesn’t even know what he wants with anything. Has anyone else experienced that same thing? What was your outcome?

Gilby not sure what where to start.
  • replies: 3

I am not really sure where to start. At the moment I have so much stuff running around in my head. I feel like I am drowning. My family and I packed up and moved 6 hours from my home town three months ago. Since moving I am feeling very lonely has i ... View more

I am not really sure where to start. At the moment I have so much stuff running around in my head. I feel like I am drowning. My family and I packed up and moved 6 hours from my home town three months ago. Since moving I am feeling very lonely has i know no one. My husband suffers from depression and has been having a lot of ups and down over the last 4 months and I am trying my best to help him but it doesnt seem to matter what i do or say it just ends up shit. I also have some family problems that i am trying to sort out in my head, but dont think i am getting any where. Feeling very lonely and just not sure how much more i can take

Guest_598 Unhappy about separation
  • replies: 3

Hello All, I have posted here before and after all the issues and sadness my husband and I have gone through, we have decided amicably to separate. This is mainly so that my husband can explore whether he really wants children (which I do not and nev... View more

Hello All, I have posted here before and after all the issues and sadness my husband and I have gone through, we have decided amicably to separate. This is mainly so that my husband can explore whether he really wants children (which I do not and never will) and also because I am planning to move overseas which he cannot see himself doing anymore at the moment. We fought a lot in the end, which wasn't us. It was probably all the frustration about the difficult situation paired with a lot of historical issues we have been carrying around. We are still seeing a counsellor and we want to clean out the historical issues to make our peace with it and also because these things should not have become so big in our, otherwise very loving, relationship. So in the end, once we work through all those issues, we will only separate because of the kids and overseas questions. Although we both know that that is probably the only option at the moment because we otherwise cannot "find ourselves", especially him who is extremely torn, we are struggling with the idea of separating. I am driving it further because I believe it will be the best option for him to finally realise what he wants in life (which will be good for him and I want him to be happy) and also so I can see what I really want and what I may have left unsatisfied for a while now (not physically but emotionally). So it is probably really the best but at the same time, there is so much love which hurts when we realise that soon, we will not share all those lovely little things together anymore - like cooking together, movie nights, travelling etc. I know it's only small things in the grand scheme of things but it just hurts and we are both scared of making a mistake. At the same time, I feel at the moment like it would be a mistake to stay together because these matters will never be dealt with properly simply because we're too scared to lose each other as life partners. We said that nothing is lost yet and if we find out what we want and that that is each other more than anything, we can give it another shot. But I am not sure that will happen. I know everything will be for the best but do you have any experience with similar cases where people love each other but other external factors require them to go separate ways because life goals may be diverging. And do you have experience with people coming back together after separation? Did that work and how? Any advice would be wonderful, thank you!

dirtyfabrik Getting strong waves of anxiety post breakup
  • replies: 6

Hi Guys, I've posted here a month or two ago regarding a breakup with my partner of almost 3 years. It all finally came to an end last Sunday and I moved home with my parents for the time being (29, male). The first few days were okay - however now i... View more

Hi Guys, I've posted here a month or two ago regarding a breakup with my partner of almost 3 years. It all finally came to an end last Sunday and I moved home with my parents for the time being (29, male). The first few days were okay - however now i'm starting to get an overwhelming feeling of anxiety and loneliness. Although she was the one that wanted to end it, we broke up on good term. We still message from time to time - which I think I'm fine with, however I really miss her company, my own space etc. All my friends live out of the area and have their own lives/issues/problems which means it's not as easy to organise my time with them as it was a few years ago. I just feel like my life wont get better, and a generally feel like a failure. Anyway tonight the feeling of sadness/anxiety was pretty bad so I came on here -

Tayz Break up and feeling alone
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone. Just need to chat. I'm 27 and have 4 kids, my husband and I are seperating after some time of unhappiness and trying to keep it together for the kids. The decision to seperate is only fresh, so i guess it's even harder at the moment. My ... View more

Hi everyone. Just need to chat. I'm 27 and have 4 kids, my husband and I are seperating after some time of unhappiness and trying to keep it together for the kids. The decision to seperate is only fresh, so i guess it's even harder at the moment. My husband has decided to move to another state, so I will not have any support from him (other than financially) and I have one friend close by, but I don't want to dump everything on her. I have anxiety and depression anyway, so this has just added to everything. I don't know what to do, my husband and I had an argument this morning because he was out until midnight last night after saying he would be home at 8. He is still living in our house and refuses to leave because he has no money. This morning he was talking to the eldest 2 kids and was asking if I ever did anything fun with them and what I did all afternoon yesterday while he was out. Saying I make no effort for them. I'm broken beyond words. I can't stop crying and don't know what to do. Sorry for my ramble.. Taylah

positive-vibes My husband has depression, but his lying is what is ruining our relationship! What do I do?
  • replies: 9

Im a mum of two amazing toddlers, and I have been married to my husband for 11 years, we both work full time have a mortgage. We are in our 30's. Last year my hubby had a bad run, he doesn't get along with his family always fighting with his parents,... View more

Im a mum of two amazing toddlers, and I have been married to my husband for 11 years, we both work full time have a mortgage. We are in our 30's. Last year my hubby had a bad run, he doesn't get along with his family always fighting with his parents, he had a rough child hood and his job and everything all got ontop of him he started to change as a person. Not happy, not out going, not a husband or dad.. just a shell. I knew he had started turning to alcohol to cover his stress, which also started the lies and his personality change. He was 'always working late' = at the pub, driving home drunk and when Id ask him what is going on, why so angry and drinking alot he would say 'oh thats right Im the let down, Im a crap husband.. i work my ass off and get yelled at for having a drink!" he would just walk off and go to bed always making me feel horrible. He finally admitted last September that he has depression, he saw his GP to get help, he doesn't want meds as he wants to get to the bottom of his 'messed up brain' he says, so had his 1st visit with a psychologist in DEC 2017. He said it went well he opened up and the Physc said his bad childhood is only coming out to effect him now after a bad stressful year. My hubby says he hates himself and wants to change, go back to how we were, be happy again. But I dont see him trying. This happy phase lasts 10 days before we are fighting again. Over money he wastes on alcohol, him visiting mates after work for beers instead of coming home to the kids and I, he does nothing around the house, sleeps, eats, ignores the kids and I while watches tv. Or will suck up to me if he wants sex. He says horrible things to me out of no where 'who called you tonight? Your boy friend! Who just messaged you!" And yesterday more lies telling me he was out visiting his parents and would be 20mins. the kids and I waited 2 hours and I ended up going for a drive and found him drinking at his mates! I told him I cant go on like this any more, its not fair on me or kids. I give him so much love and support and all i get back is 'whats for dinner? Lets have sex. I do everything at home, wash, cook clean, mow lawns and be a mum and dad to our kids. We had a huge talk last week on how I feel, the kids are now growing up and notice he does nothing with him, and I keep making excuses so the kids dont know their dad is never here. its heart breaking. I know he needs many more physc appointments but I cant take the lies. Is this depression or him

blep_panda My parents made me scared to love
  • replies: 2

My parents fight. Nothing special about that. Nothing new. It's like an everyday thing, has been for my whole life. All I remember is them fighting. Its one of my most constant memories. I can't seem to forget when there's a continuous reminder every... View more

My parents fight. Nothing special about that. Nothing new. It's like an everyday thing, has been for my whole life. All I remember is them fighting. Its one of my most constant memories. I can't seem to forget when there's a continuous reminder every day. At the end of the day, I want to let it out and tell them to divorce...but then I see those rare moments where they're not screaming and just holding each other or joking around as if they've fallen in love all over again and my mind gets into this sick twisted thought that maybe they'll finally be alright. Of course, I'm not right but I still dream for that day to come true. However, it won't. It never will and it's my greatest fear. I lay in bed at night with this sick feeling. A feeling that no one will ever fall in love with me. That the person I end up with (if I end up with anyone at all) will just make me spiral into depression like my parents. I'm scared. I can't look at my parents and say this is what I want when I grow up. It's exactly the opposite. I've heard my dad's love affairs at night when I'm 'asleep' and mum's crying on the phone. I've heard the defeated voice of my dad who would just look broken. My alarm clock is their screaming matches early in the morning before they leave for work. I don't know what to do. I can't deal with it. It's gotten to the point where I look at any relationship and think 'that will never last, something will go wrong. It also does'. I hate it. I hate this feeling of not being loveable. I can't stand it. But I can't deny the thought that no matter what he does, I will never be able to take him seriously. What's the point when he'll get bored? I have the fear of being cheated on because of my father. Who wants a girl with trust issues?! My generation has shamed relationships and now I'm faced to deal with it. This overwhelming fear in my head is something that will stop me from relationships. It has made me stop loving anyone as what's the point? They'll leave you sooner or later. It's gotten to the point where I just lay awake thinking 'what's the point of living? You're not really making an effort to survive. You're going to be lonely forever because no one wants you. You're unlovable. You're disgusting. No one wants you here.' I don't want to be alone my whole life...but I can't accept anyone. Help me. I want this sick feeling to go away.

Brokenmama When does it get better? Feeling broken
  • replies: 1

I worked for an employer who hired me into his clinic after I was a patient of his. During my tenure, my manager would ask me questions about my marriage with my husband, my sex life, and psychological health. I am sexual assault/harassment survivor ... View more

I worked for an employer who hired me into his clinic after I was a patient of his. During my tenure, my manager would ask me questions about my marriage with my husband, my sex life, and psychological health. I am sexual assault/harassment survivor and subsequently suffer mental illness, he is aware of this and my psychological history. After the meeting, he offered me a lift home. He asked me questions about penetration, how I have sex, if I wear outfits, how it feels when I have sex and he was “aroused”. I texted him when I got home and said I was feeling uncomfortable about what happened in the car, he wrote it was in a vault, assured me hurt any opportunity he was offering me and he continued to engage in sending sexual information about me. After I did this, I asked him if we would pay and help with my reimbursements but he ignored me. The next day, I was feeling powerless, I offered to provide more sexual information about me in the hope he would communicate to talk about the new work opportunity or organise to pay my wages but he ignored me. I felt ashamed and dirty. I went to my husband for help and showed him the text messages who contacted the manager, but the manager texted my husband saying information I had given me was private, nothing to do with my husband and despite being curious about my personal life, he felt it was inappropriate after he asked me to send information to him. Eventually, he insinuated I was having an affair, it was something he didn’t want to know and he was an innocent victim. He’d write to me and said I made him feel uncomfortable, that I have issues in my marriage but he still wanted to be my friend and support me on a personal basis. He since made accusations that I sent him unwarranted texts, explicit photos and he wouldn’t show evidence of said explicit photos or texts and I didn't send anything like this.

e11e123 I can't control my anger
  • replies: 2

My relationship is suffering greatly because I cant control my impulse and the things that come out of my mouth. He is my 1st bf. I have been cheated on by him 2x in the past I have anxiety n get frustrated n it's hard to contain without clenching my... View more

My relationship is suffering greatly because I cant control my impulse and the things that come out of my mouth. He is my 1st bf. I have been cheated on by him 2x in the past I have anxiety n get frustrated n it's hard to contain without clenching my fists, picking my scalp until it bleeds, picking my skin, etc. I feel as though I have only two options when i'm feeling this way, either I cry to let emotion out or I want to start spewing verbal abuse or get physical This past week he has been busy with assignments and with work n I have no problem with him doing that n I tell him to not call me until he is completely finished everything he needs to do to better his life On Sunday we barely spoke and I had expressed to him the last few days that I have been feeling down and irritated so that he knows if I get annoyed it's not because of him. He spoke to me for 5 mins and told me he would call me after dinner which was fine with me After a few hours I call him to make sure he is ok, he told me he was taking someone home n would call when home After 3 hours I was worried I call again n he hung up. I can tell when he hangs up compared to when it just rings through, (different voicemail). I call again n he hung up again. I know I should have stopped calling n let him get back to me when he had the chance but I felt sick to my stomach and had a gut feeling he was somewhere he shouldn't be. I called a total of 126 times n when he finally picked up he was at a club, I lost it n told him to go home or we are done. The next day we had a bad argument about why he lied to me and I lost it. I was screaming at him and swearing. Him laughing at me made n me even more angry. He adds oil onto flames n makes me worse. I know it was manipulative to give him and ultimatum but at the time I was so enraged I didn't know what else to say. He was upset and told me I was crazy for calling 126 times and didn't understand why I was so angry and I quote I said "Yeah I called 126 times, I would have called 1000 times. I would have gotten on that MotherF plane and burnt down your house is how angry I am". He admitted to lying and he did give me explanation as to why he lied and to me it meant nothing. I would have he rather told me the truth. I cant stand being lied to and its what triggers my rage and anger. Please help me. I cant control myself. My anger gets worst the more times things like this happen, what do I do?!