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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Lilop Low self esteem issue because of relationships
  • replies: 1

Hi, I have trouble with the way I look. I was ok with the way I look and accepted the way I am. I am not materialistic and I am proud of that. When I started to date my ex he accepted the way I am, said I am beautiful everyday and like the way I dres... View more

Hi, I have trouble with the way I look. I was ok with the way I look and accepted the way I am. I am not materialistic and I am proud of that. When I started to date my ex he accepted the way I am, said I am beautiful everyday and like the way I dressed. He also said that he felt bad to look at other girls. I didn’t much of it because everyone check out pretty girls no matter what but I took his word a anyways. Overtime he started to check out other girls in front of me and then he said to me “those bitches dress really slutty, but I like to look at them”. I thought it was terrible he then told me to dress sexier and told me he like all types of girls. We had a fight about this and I said I can’t changd the way I am. He said fine but once in a while he said the same thing. I felt I wasn’t enough to the point that I couldn’t watch a movie with him if there is a attractive girl or go outside without feeling self conscious and comparing myself with attractive girls. He also said other things like “I am just window shopping” (referring to girls) etc. now we are not together anymore but I still feel very self conscious and compare myself. Especially, when I’m dating someone else I feel like they are doing the same thing but of course I’m not sure. i told my date this now o feel scared and vurnerable. What can I do to over come this because it’s effecting my dating life but in general.

Jpcover196 Marriage with no intimacy
  • replies: 1

I've been married for 5 years. With my partner for 8, we have three kids 5, 3 and 6 months. we have drifted further and further apart over the past couple of years to the point we are basically housemates now. I'm quiet a lovey dovey type of bloke. I... View more

I've been married for 5 years. With my partner for 8, we have three kids 5, 3 and 6 months. we have drifted further and further apart over the past couple of years to the point we are basically housemates now. I'm quiet a lovey dovey type of bloke. I feel loved when my wife shows me affection I.e kisses, cuddles, sex. But that has fallen off her radar and she doesn't need it. I can't remember the last time she gave me a kiss without me asking for one or initiating. I have spoken with her at length on the subject and all we do is fight. She told me the other day she doesn't think about sex at all and wouldn't worry her if we didn't again. Which killed me. I have a high libido and she has none lol. We have had sex once since November last year, I understand it's not all about sex but without any form of intimacy at all it makes it so much worse. What can I do? Cheers

Alley_Cat Difficulty expressing emotion
  • replies: 10

My partner is very affectionate &constantly needs to be reassured that I want him. I am the opposite. Physical affection often makes me feel annoyed & smothered. I wasnt raised with much physical/verbal expression of feelings. It makes me uncomfortab... View more

My partner is very affectionate &constantly needs to be reassured that I want him. I am the opposite. Physical affection often makes me feel annoyed & smothered. I wasnt raised with much physical/verbal expression of feelings. It makes me uncomfortable &feel foolish. I often feel as though there’s a physical block inside of me that won’t let me say how I feel. I have no trouble expressing when I feel I’ve been treated poorly. After a few bad relationships I wont let anyone push me around again. But expressing positive emotions is a struggle. After a rocky beginning where my partner was insanely jealous& controlling, we broke up& spent 6 months apart before trying again. He has changed in many ways to better our relationship & work past his trust issues. But often I still feel undertones of accusations. While I want to be with him &do believe we can be good together, I have doubts that I cant shake. Every time we have a minor disagreement it turns into a major argument, ending in him questioning why Im with him. I feel attacked &get defensive. I cant reassure him. Constantly questioning why Im with him makes me feel like he’s got one foot out the door. I like my alone time. My whole life I have felt I’ve had no privacy & never was able to truly relax. Constantly living with people has been exhausting. During our 6month split, I managed to buy a place of my own& am loving having my own space. Since getting back together, my partner spends every weekend at my house & sometimes stays through the week as well. We both treat & speak about the place as if its ours. He has keys & has left belongings there. This is ultimately where I see things going but I don’t want him moving completely in just yet. He always needs company and I value my alone time. I’m not ready to give that up yet. He takes offence to this and turns the conversation again to why Im even with him at all. We have discussed children &marriage &all sorts of things. Yet he still constantly questions if I want to be with him. I feel things are going really well when we are co-existing peacefully. But he takes this state of casual co-existence as indifference, because Im not showering him with attention &words of love. I do so much to look after him & include him socially &consider him in every decision I make. He should see that I am in it &I clearly care about him. I have battled with depression &anxiety in the past. I thought I had worked through my issues. But have I? Am I in the wrong?

H2OMAN Stolen
  • replies: 2

Was not entirely sure where to post this so seeing it involves family decided this place. My wife and I have been married 31 years, our relationship is good, some rocky patches recently though due to me essentially shutting down. have not been to doc... View more

Was not entirely sure where to post this so seeing it involves family decided this place. My wife and I have been married 31 years, our relationship is good, some rocky patches recently though due to me essentially shutting down. have not been to doctor or anything as it began as me feeling blue a bit and has progressed to me feeling constantly like I have failed myself, my wife and my kids. Back in 2000 my wife and I sold our first home, the plan was to move to the in laws 5 acre block and use the funds we had plus a loan to build a 2nd house. However we could not get a loan to do so as the in laws did not want to risk being the security, instead they suggested that they build a new house and that we contribute our finance from the first house we had, so we agreed to a purchase arrangement for the existing house and contributed our funds. A contract was written up and signed but kept in the Father in laws possession. Fast forward 12 years, normal issues now and again but in general all had been going well, we where within 6 months of finalising our obligation and would then be asking to have dual title on the property. Then out of nowhere the MIL (mother in law) had a melt down at my wife, her daughter. Without going into detail it was horrendous, essentially blamed her for everything that was wrong in her own life. So the situation of staying became untenable. We knew that she hated us living in "her" house and in good conscience could not stay so we advised that we would step away so that they could decide what they wanted to do. Also advised that we would sort out our share at a better time. So within 3 months we turned our lives upside down and moved, I gave it as long as i could and nothing was reconciled before that. We did have a meeting with them to discuss what had been said and the FIL had no idea of half of the things that the MIL had said, she constantly said "Oh he doesn't know about that". Fast forward 4 years. The PIL (parents in law) sold the property without any discussion with us, I had considered putting a caveat on the property to protect our interest but because I did not have a copy of our agreement I had no grounds according to the law. Fast forward 2 years and the PIL deny that we ever had an agreement. I am at my wits end with this, I feel wrung out, conned, stupid, depressed and a failure, and I am trying to hide all of this from my wife.

Gabby97 Is preferring to be alone all the time a bad thing?
  • replies: 6

Hi, so ever since i was a kid i've liked having my own space and used to being by myself just because of how i was raised. I do like hanging with my friends and seeing my family, but only when i want to (this doesn't include birthdays, plans ive agre... View more

Hi, so ever since i was a kid i've liked having my own space and used to being by myself just because of how i was raised. I do like hanging with my friends and seeing my family, but only when i want to (this doesn't include birthdays, plans ive agreed to etc). i was just talking to one of my friends who likes to hang out with his friends all the time to show he cares, and the way the conversation (and others before with other people) has made me feel is that i am not a good friend. like im selfish. i like being needed and wanted, but i really enjoy being by myself most of the time and i feel if i have to hang out with someone to show i do care about them than that makes me feel like its a chore and i feel ughh about it and i would want to avoid that person. i really do care about my friends and if they need me im there, but i dont like owing anyone anything and i feel like i should be able to have my own time. But then i'm like well thats not a good friendship at all, but what do i do? force myself to hang out more so everyone else feels ok and i feel shit? i dont know. its not that i never miss them or never want to hang out, it just takes me longer to reach that feeling i guess.

m3456 Boyfriend and depression, im feeling lost and devasted
  • replies: 2

My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. We really missed a lot each other, but we managed really good for a year, the time we needed apart. Everything seemed so righ, and going okay, we have a very intense and close relationship. He w... View more

My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. We really missed a lot each other, but we managed really good for a year, the time we needed apart. Everything seemed so righ, and going okay, we have a very intense and close relationship. He was just about to come visit, and after that, I was to be moving to his place, so we could finally be together. One week ago he broke down, he said out of blue that needed to talk to me, that things were umbearable, he started doubting our relationship and us. I was crushed, trying to understand. He started saying of maybe not coming to see me, and my life just became a nightmare. I was trying to understand and show that he was wrong, that we were so close to see, that we should do it, it would made things better and insecurity would fade away. Through conversantions, he started to change his narrative, and told me he thought something was wrong with him, that he felt lonely and sad all the time, that his life was miserable, that he did not love himself anymore, that he felt numb, apathic and could feel nothing for anything. He said it was not me, or our relationship, but him. I know his going through difficulties in his med course. Now, he is slowly driving me away, and asking for space, and being distant. When I asked, he said he did not know if he want to breakup. It is being really hard to give him space.He would go to the psychiatric friday, and we went three days without talking. He did not told me how was with the doc, which upseted me, but I tried to keep the space. Monday I send him a generic message, just saying i hoped he was ok, and he engaged conversation like everything was normal. The problem is that I was not good because of the distance too, so I had a horrible breakdown of depression and anxiety. I went to the doc, and im currently on meds, which are in the beginning and making me feel worst. So latter, I went to talk to him again, but asking stuff. It was much better conversation, it seems his already better, and he told me his doc said he needed this week to try to find himself again, the things he liked before, the things he likes alone, and he has some sort of homework to do alone, to discover something. I feel desperate about it, that he might be trying to see his life without me, that he will discouver its mine and the relationship fault, and that he must end everything and just forget me. I dont want to loose him, he is really important, and an amazing person, like ive never seen before.

Terry73 A big concern regarding my children
  • replies: 32

Hi, Some of you may know my situation so I am not going to repeat it right here again, but there is a further issue in slight relation to that same topic, and it is in relation to my kids. I love my kids dearly, I miss them so much, but I am also ver... View more

Hi, Some of you may know my situation so I am not going to repeat it right here again, but there is a further issue in slight relation to that same topic, and it is in relation to my kids. I love my kids dearly, I miss them so much, but I am also very aware of their own happiness and what is best for them above anything I might want. So my dilemma is this, should I just step out of my children's lives completely or not? Here are some facts which make me feel that it may be in the best interest of my children that I do. Around August 2010 was last time I saw my kids, my daughter was 2.5 years old and my son was 8 months old, and due to my (ex)wife not allowing me contact with her or our children, I havent had any opportunity to be in contact with them, because of this, she hasnt even allowed any movement towards a custody order/parental agreement in regards to our children, now, nearly 8 years on, I have serious doubt if our children will remember me, and I have to come to a reality that if they have been informed of me at all by my (ex)wife and her family, then it probably wouldnt be in a good way. The reality is our kids frame of mind, my (ex)wife, despite with-holding our children from me, still is a decent mother to the children (except sharing the parenting), and the few reports I have been able to get about them is that the children are happy and well. My concern is if I was to fight for my rights to see them, will that upset their lives? would it be better I let them live their lives in happiness or risk interrupting their lives? The other side of the coin is when the children grow up and are able to make choices themselves, will they consider me or will they think I had abandoned them despite what I have tried to do to prevent that? My kids health, both physical and mental, are always my number one priority and concern, so if I have to step out of their lives so they can lead as normal and happy a life as they can, then I would do so without a second though, even if it is of great pain to myself to do so. I ask this here as I dont wish to approach it in an official manner until I am fully aware of what would be best, and what others think would be better in regards to this, as mentioning it to the courts could sway them into that direction of no contact, but then not mentioning it could affect our children's lives, Regards Terry

Renee777 Dumped out of no where
  • replies: 5

I’m really reallt struggling I can’t eat or sleep or move for the past 5 days. My boyfriend of 2 years who is my absolute best friend and we loved each other so so much, he dumped me on Monday in the heat of the moment when we were having a fight, ov... View more

I’m really reallt struggling I can’t eat or sleep or move for the past 5 days. My boyfriend of 2 years who is my absolute best friend and we loved each other so so much, he dumped me on Monday in the heat of the moment when we were having a fight, over the phone. He deleted me off everything and blocked me and told me to leave him alone and not talk to him it’s just not going to work and our time lines don’t match up. I tried messaging and calling so much begging for him to stay wirh me and he just said no I have never seen him like this he’s like a robot he just keeps saying sorry Renee it’s over it hurts soo bad. Then to make matters worse last night I did some digging and found out he kissed a girl when he went out on Friday night and he was really drunk. He’s denying it and getting so angry about it and told me he doesn’t want to talk to me but I have proof of the girl saying she did. Now hes blocked me on everything and is out on a bender and I haven’t seen him for any of this. My heart is literally sinking in to my chest I’m so horrified I can’t believe this is my life it feels like such a bad nightmare I can’t srop crying and it’s been days. I don’t want to be single at all I hate it. Do you think that he dumped me out of guilt? And now just wants to shut me out and run away from his problems? I don’t understand but I put in soo much into the relationship and it feels really unfair the way he has gone about it I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this. I need to know that he is eventually going to come crawling back or at least apologise for how he has treated me to get me through, even though I know I can never take him back now which breaks my heart I just don’t think I could handle him never caring about losing me and just completely forgetting me and wiping me out of his life.

Tonielle Single parenting
  • replies: 3

Hi I’m Tonielle, i have been a single mum for the entire time I have been a mother my daughter is 4. My daughters father only has something to do with her when it suits him. I am just reaching out for some people to talk to that understand the diffic... View more

Hi I’m Tonielle, i have been a single mum for the entire time I have been a mother my daughter is 4. My daughters father only has something to do with her when it suits him. I am just reaching out for some people to talk to that understand the difficulties of being a single parent.

princess_peach1 Is it my depression / anxiety that is making me feel this way or something else?
  • replies: 3

Hi all, Just looking for some support and objective opinions. I've been living with my partner for almost 1 year now. we are a blended family with 5 children. I've have depression / anxiety and have been on meds and seeing a psych for more than 6 mth... View more

Hi all, Just looking for some support and objective opinions. I've been living with my partner for almost 1 year now. we are a blended family with 5 children. I've have depression / anxiety and have been on meds and seeing a psych for more than 6 mths. I'm really struggling with life (ft work, family responsibilities, T1D). sometimes I feel ok but then i'm really down again, like a rollercoaster. We argue about money. I support my 3 kids 100% (financially also). We split most bills 1/2 but it leaves me with no money left only days after i've been paid. My kids go to a catholic school so I pay fees but they are not excessively high and they were attending these schools before we met. I've been independent for over 5 years, when we moved in together my expenses increased and I lost all of my centrelink benefits, so i have less money than I did before. I feel like I can't spend any money without him questioning me or saying that i really cant afford it. I feel like its not fair as he has more money than me and we don't have a joint account. One argument he told me that he didnt think that he should have to support my children as it is not his fault that I dont receive and child support (he later took this back). I feel bad that I cant contribute as much as I wish I could, I'm always worried about money. I've been using alcohol to help deal with how i've been feeling. Sometimes when i've had a bad week I will drink too much on a Friday night and get emotional / defensive. I know that this is a problem and i'm trying very hard to avoid alcohol but I sometimes slip up. I dont really drink during the week and i've really cut back on alcohol consumption on the weekend. Yesterday he was questioning me about whether i had been drinking during the day because he saw a beer bottle in the recycling bin. It really upset me as I feel like he doesnt trust me. The bottle was actually from my sister who gave them to my son to claim the refunds. I feel like he doesnt trust me, he gets cranky at me by his tone of voice or body language and sometimes he asks me questions like "why did you leave the garage door open?" when clearly i just forgot to close it and then I feel like i'm getting in trouble. So I am regularly worrying about the things that i'm doing because i dont want to do the wrong thing. Do you think I'm being too sensitive? (I've been in DV relationship in past, wondering if this effects how i respond to things) Suggestions on solving the money issues?