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When does it get better? Feeling broken

Community Member
I worked for an employer who hired me into his clinic after I was a patient of his. During my tenure, my manager would ask me questions about my marriage with my husband, my sex life, and psychological health. I am sexual assault/harassment survivor and subsequently suffer mental illness, he is aware of this and my psychological history. After the meeting, he offered me a lift home. He asked me questions about penetration, how I have sex, if I wear outfits, how it feels when I have sex and he was “aroused”. I texted him when I got home and said I was feeling uncomfortable about what happened in the car, he wrote it was in a vault, assured me hurt any opportunity he was offering me and he continued to engage in sending sexual information about me. After I did this, I asked him if we would pay and help with my reimbursements but he ignored me. The next day, I was feeling powerless, I offered to provide more sexual information about me in the hope he would communicate to talk about the new work opportunity or organise to pay my wages but he ignored me. I felt ashamed and dirty.

I went to my husband for help and showed him the text messages who contacted the manager, but the manager texted my husband saying information I had given me was private, nothing to do with my husband and despite being curious about my personal life, he felt it was inappropriate after he asked me to send information to him. Eventually, he insinuated I was having an affair, it was something he didn’t want to know and he was an innocent victim. He’d write to me and said I made him feel uncomfortable, that I have issues in my marriage but he still wanted to be my friend and support me on a personal basis. He since made accusations that I sent him unwarranted texts, explicit photos and he wouldn’t show evidence of said explicit photos or texts and I didn't send anything like this.
1 Reply 1

Just Sara
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Brokenmama;

It sounds to me like you were being groomed by this man who used your personal info for his own gain. I'm sorry about your husband in all this too; as you say he's an innocent bystander.

As a victim of previous sexual assault, his actions may not have registered with you as predatory behaviour, so please don't be hard on yourself. For some, self protection needs to be learned after a life of sexual victimisation. You'd benefit by discussing this with your psych and also a legal professional; boundaries have been crossed.

Talk soon;