Is it normal to experience symptoms of depression in your first relationship?

[shinanna]

Hi there,

I've just entered my first relationship at 20, and I've found myself becoming sadder and sadder, particularly when I'm alone. I'm an adult child of alcoholics, and feel as if i've become increasingly more aware of how that's affected me and my relationships with people... particularly in an intimate relationship such as this. I'm finding it really difficult to adjust to being with someone... to not be so emotionally reactive to everything they do and say, and then become very critical of myself when I show any bit of emotion. I'm finding it so hard to be vulnerable, and then worry i'm becoming a burden on the other person. Due to these realisations, I just feel as if I won't break out of it no matter how hard I try, and that he would be better off if we weren't together 😞 I just wondered if perhaps anyone has had any similar experiences, or has any advice or tips for dealing with these feelings?

Thank you

[Guest_7403]

Sounds like fear of abandonment which is an attribute of depression.

It typically rears its head when you're in an emotional relationship and feel insecure

Try and Google it to understand what it is

[geoff]

Hello Shinanna, thanks for posting your comment.

Being a child coming from alcoholic parents means that you doubt any trust in people and what you have told by your boyfriend, this is only because of what your parents said to you never came true.

At the moment you are trying to find love but having trouble to identify or express your feelings because no one listened before and never believed what you said, the alcohol came first.

This could be the reason why you are feeling depressed, especially when you show some emotion or disappointment and being criticised by your b/friend, it reminds you of what your parents would do to you because you were never allowed to grow up with any parent giving you the opportunity to express yourself as any other child would have.

You mention the word 'burden', it's completely different from when you were growing up where all your parents wanted was alcohol, you came last, but now it's different, you are a person standing on your own, making decisions that allow you to mature, talking with your b/friend, discussing the pro's and con's of something you have thought of, that's the hard part, expand yourself, and can I suggest you see your doctor.

Other people you can talk to, who aren't dressed up in a suit but in casual clothes are Reachout, Headspace and/or Kids helpline who speak to people up to the age of 25.

I hope to hear back from you because we want to help you.

Geoff.