Desperate for freedom after DV relationship
I feel desperate for my freedom as a person, I am severely depressed and I can not make myself take medication for it because I know why I feel this way. I am usually a very comfortable, happy go lucky kind of person, I make the best of my situation usually. I left my abusive ex husband 3 years ago which caused further abuse over the years, just trying to communicate with him about the children he doesn't even see sends me into a panic and I want to shut down. 2 years ago I met a very wonderful man who welcomed me and my children into his home because we were struggling so much financially after not being able to find permanent employment these past few years, I still have not found employment so I spend every day at home and running errands. My family has very little to do with me, I rarely hear from them and when I do they try to guilt trip me into spending time with my sister and her abusive husband (he has been arrested and charged multiple times) but I cannot bring myself to go near this man after my relationship, it triggers me into a state of panic. I have 3 very lovely children but the stress has become unbearable. My stress has caused a huge flare with my IBS and eczema, I was placed on medication for the IBS but unfortunately the side effects landed me in hospital this week and I suffered a terrible panic attack out of no where.
I usually practice Yoga and meditate but my motivation is gone, and my health is deterring me. I have lost interest in most of my passions and hobbies. I feel like my current situation is destroying who I am.
I went for a holiday recently and I just felt at home where I was, I was at peace, I felt calm, I was amongst nature and like minded people, I didn't feel like I was suffocating. I'd really like to move interstate after this experience but my partner is very hesitant and I don't blame him because he has lived here his whole life, has a good job, friends and family but at the same time I feel I desperately need to do this for myself. I have nothing here for me but my partner and the suffering my current environment gives me. I love him dearly but I feel trapped and isolated, I struggle to find people I connect with where I am currently living, the house I am in has affected my allergies severely so I am constantly congested and struggling with ear problems. I feel so lost and helpless.
Welcome here to the Forum. You have had a pretty long wait for a reply and I'm sorry about that. Sometimes it happens and it makes people feel terrible, both those waiting who feel like they are alone, and those who would like to reply and help.
Being in an abusive relationship is a life-changing thing and like the things that have happened to me make for limits. One can no longer do all the things one expects without there being pretty heavy consequences. Learning what is bad for one and avoiding those situations is coping, and something it is vital we do. I'm glad you have resisted guilt trips and so kept a distance from your family. If that is what it takes so be it. If they were realy interested in your welfare they would not behave as the do.
You have discovered on that trip that there is peace. The fact peace is even possible is a very big thing - it has been for me too. Can I suggest if you felt less pressure in one situation you can feel it in another? While moving interstate might seem a quick answer it probably is not that straightforward - as you are finding.
I find peace by doing as you and avoiding stressful or triggering situations, plus by doing many things in ordinary life to calm, relax and take my mind out of the present. Something you may have found with Yoga -I use the app Smiling Mind, plus books, movies, pets exercise and other things. I also take meds, which I have for many years successful.
The physical problems add an extra layer of stress. If the house is an allergy trap would it be possible to move to another -without the interstate upheaval? My first wife suffered terribly from asthma, and we never did find anything to change inside a house that worked. With IBS I'm luckier than you , my doctor found a med that worked with no side effects.
Having a partner that understands and cares is a wonderful thing, as are kids to love and parent.
Hobbies, passions, and all of life will return, down periods do happen, we would help you all we can
Hi Lostinthoughts and welcome to Beyond Blue forums
Mark D has given you a lovely response and warm welcome, there is not much more I can add.
I guess, I do agree that moving interstate may not be a solution, while it seems peacefully attractive. Maybe if it's okay I'll share some of my story.
I've moved states 5 times in my life, always thinking life was going to be better. And it was for a little while. All the preparations for the moving, getting to know knew people, new job was all exciting. A first. But as the routine set in, I got to know people and the work, all my past anxieties, frustrations, concerns and depression would rear their head again.
My last move, which I didn't do for me, but for my brother (he was going blind and has no one. Hubby and I returned to home town after 30 years away) has been the best one because I've finally started receiving the care and support I need from a good doctor and psychologists.
At long last in my life, I can start to feel like I don't have to run away. Don't get me wrong, I still get triggered and still get anxious. But I am so much more able to manage these times and rather than run away, I'll talk with my hubby, talk on BB, talk with my psych. Hopefully I've stopped running.
From what you've written, it sounds like you might feel trapped - not being financially independent. I haven't had this, but I think I understand how that must feel.
What types of things do you have interest in - reading, writing, sports, gaming (non gambling) ?
Hope some of this helps Lostinthoughts. Keep reaching out when and if you want. No pressure.